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When their promotions for Border: Day One came to an end, while they were preparing hard for their upcoming fanmeet, talk about their first comeback began to arise around the members of Enhypen.
“I wonder what the title track will be like,” Sunghoon said one evening as half of them sprawled across the couches in their living room after a hard day of practice, the others getting ready for bed.
“I hope the whole album is good,” Heeseung agreed, settling down in front of the TV with Riki as they started up their usual round of evening games that would last well into the night. “Now that we’re more grounded as a team, I hope we get something that will show off even more sides of ourselves.”
“I can’t wait until we get to help in making our own songs,” Jake said with a wistful sigh, already ready for bed as he threw himself back against the back of the couch. Heeseung glanced back at him with a knowing smile, the two of them having both put in more effort in the last little while in trying to write lyrics.
“Well, I guess we know for sure that Jake-hyung will do the Intro and Outro again, right?” Riki spoke up as he flipped through the menus displayed on the TV.
“Oh, that’s true!” Sunghoon exclaimed from Jake’s side, sitting upright and glancing over at Jake. “You haven’t heard about anything yet?”
Jake quickly shook his head. “I’m sure I’ll hear about everything at the same time as all of you. Besides,” he added, picking at his pajama pants in embarrassment, “it’s not a given that it’ll just be me all the time. That wouldn’t be very interesting.”
“No way, it’ll be you,” Heeseung insisted, Jake’s gaze focusing on the back of the oldest group member’s head. His hair was still reddish-brown, but it was getting long now, the ends brushing low over the neck of the t-shirt he’d thrown on as soon as they’d gotten back to the dorm. “They’d be silly to try and have any of us live up to you.”
Jake felt a familiar flush cover his cheeks, his heartrate picking up speed at Heeseung’s simple words. “Aw, thanks,” he managed to get out in a nonchalant tone of voice, Heeseung’s shoulders acknowledging he’d heard as he was well into a match with Riki now and didn’t turn around.
He could feel Sunghoon smirking at him out of the corner of his eye and Jake let out a steadying breath to collect himself before turning to give his best friend a glare. Sunghoon merely wiggled his dark eyebrows in response, eyes dancing as Jake lunged as if to hit him, Sunghoon easily ducking out of the way as he quickly escaped from the living room and Jake’s reach.
Left alone now except for the oldest and the youngest, Jake let his eyes fall on Heeseung’s back, a now familiar longing filling him so intensely it made his heart ache. It wasn’t a bad pain, but it served to remind Jake of just how crazy his thoughts were, no matter how much he might secretly wish for them to come to fruition.
Jake let himself stare at his hyung’s back for only a few moments more before he moved to sit on the other side of Riki so that the youngest would have somewhere to throw himself when he inevitably lost.
Between the anxieties of travelling to Korea for the audition, joining Belift, beginning his training from scratch and getting put into a group with Sunoo and Youngbin, there really wasn’t much room in Jake’s head for anything outside of constant practice during the months leading up to I-Land.
Ever since Jake had decided on becoming an idol, his life had become a whirlwind of constant change and adjustment, and the only way he could maintain his sanity amidst the speed with which his life was changing was to adapt.
It had been so hard the first little while, before he’d gotten closer to Youngbin and then eventually Sunoo. Days filled with nothing but training, building up his skills from the ground up with various coaches that all told him that he had a lot to catch up on if he wanted to make it through the survival show.
Technically they were only allowed to speak with their unit members as they wanted them to be near enough to strangers as they could get for the sake of the show, but that didn’t stop Jake from casting constant glances at the other trainees that had been picked whenever he could.
He heard rumours of course. There were the three Japanese trainees who were said to be amazing dancers. Someone who had been training for five years already. Jake quickly realized that their trio consisted of trainees with the least amount of training time and the thought of it made him equal parts determined and terrified.
Then, of course, there were the trainees who came from BigHit that Jake couldn’t help but hear about.
The youngest and newest one was small and adorable, Jake able to get a glance here and there of deep dimples and pretty eyes during PT or during monthly reviews.
Then there were the two who were the same age as Jake. One was a nationally recognized figure skater, whose good looks perfectly matched his background. The other was a sharp-featured guy who had lived in America for a good chunk of his childhood and seemed to have the personality to prove it. These two were a duo for the opening test of I-Land and were often seen around the building together.
The last one was the one that caught Jake’s attention immediately though, and it turned out he wasn’t alone.
He heard about him before he personally saw him, Sunoo hopping up to him before practice to tell him about the ‘Ace’ trainee from BigHit that had trained with the members of TXT for a while. He’d apparently been training for over three years and could do literally anything.
Needless to say, both his and Sunoo’s curiosities were piqued but it was a while before they actually got a chance to see him.
When they did, it was through a screen in a compilation of trainees dancing that their instructor made them sit down and study after a particularly frustrating day.
Jake eagerly watched the different people dancing across the screen, wondering if any of them were boys headed to I-Land, while Sunoo’s head began to droop at his side, tired out from a long practice session.
They were both surprised when Youngbin suddenly exclaimed from beside them.
“Oh, that’s Lee Heeseung!”
“Who?” Jake asked, even though Sunoo himself was now wide awake, leaning closer to the iPad’s screen.
“It’s the Ace I told you about!” The younger said excitedly, bouncing in excitement as he finally got to see the rumoured person for the first time.
Jake’s eyebrows shot up and he leaned closer as well, taking in the boy shown on the screen.
A ballcap was pulled low over his eyes as he danced in a practice room Jake recognized, dressed in a loose-fitting plaid shirt and grey sweatpants. Jake could tell that he was tall and lanky, but even Jake’s inexperienced eyes could see how talented the other boy truly was and he couldn’t help but be filled with admiration.
“Wow, he’s so good,” Sunoo said in awe, echoing Jake’s own sentiments as he kept his gaze glued to the screen until the video moved on to the next person, a firm impression of Lee Heeseung already imprinted on his mind.
That impression only managed to increase the first time Jake saw Heeseung in person.
They were in the large room designated for physical training, a bunch of different trainees slotted for various timeslots, the rules stipulating that they weren’t allowed to speak to each other.
Jake and Sunoo were quietly stretching on mats in the corner, staring at their reflections in the mirror while others were lifting weights or running on the treadmills on the other side of the room.
A few minutes into the session, someone scurried in, breathing a little heavily as if they’d rushed to get there on time.
“Sorry I’m late,” the newcomer said, apologizing to the instructor in a gentle-sounding voice that had both Jake and Sunoo glancing up as the other boy put his stuff down and moved to a spot not too far from them to begin stretching.
“Isn’t that…” Sunoo began in a hushed voice but Jake cut him off with a sharp nod as he realized that the newcomer was none other than the famous Lee Heeseung himself.
Jake could see that he really was tall and lanky, even through the baggy clothes that he was once again wearing. His hair was on the longer side, his black bangs sticking to his forehead with sweat before he moved to push them away as he began to stretch, big doe eyes focused on his own reflection in the mirror, not once deviating to the right or left.
Jake couldn’t help but notice Sunoo sneaking glances at Heeseung, as if trying to start up a conversation with his eyes, but Heeseung remained laser focused on his stretching. Jake eventually poked Sunoo to get him to stop even though he knew he wasn’t being much better. If this guy was as talented as the rumours stated, as well as being this attractive, well… Jake didn’t have any doubt that Lee Heeseung would make the final lineup no matter what.
As Jake and Sunoo continued to stretch, Heeseung retrieved a skipping rope from a box and began to effortlessly jump, his eyes serious as he glanced over at the approach of the instructor through the mirror. He continued to jump for a few minutes, Jake’s focus far away from his own progress as he watched Heeseung finally come to a stop.
“You’re doing well, Heeseung,” the instructor said with a pleased smile. This made Heeseung himself break into a smile, his face completely morphing from the still, concentrated expression he’d had before as his eyes brightened and turned into crescents, his lips parting as he brightly smiled for a split second before regaining control over his facial expression.
But it was too late. Jake’s world had already frozen around him, and he was left floating in a space created by the brief happiness he’d seen on Lee Heeseung’s face and he couldn’t help but open his mouth.
“Wow, he’s so handsome.”
He’d meant to say it softly, so that maybe only Sunoo would hear, but sound travels differently in space and the next thing he knew, Heeseung was turning to look back at him, eyes wide in surprise.
Jake’s mouth snapped shut as he felt Sunoo’s incredulous stare on the side of his face even though he kept his gaze on Heeseung.
Jake awkwardly cleared his throat. “I mean… you are,” he mumbled before determinedly returning to his stretches, wishing the ground would come and swallow him whole.
He could feel Heeseung’s stare on him for a few moments more before he mercifully moved to the other side of the room and got on a treadmill, resuming his personal training time.
“I don’t think he likes me,” Sunoo despondently said from his side.
Jake, who was busy reconsidering all his life choices, was unable to answer.
Jake didn’t remember when the late-night snacks back at the dorm at the end of the day turned into usually just him and Heeseung eating the ramyeon that Jake had made.
It was probably not too long after their actual debut, Jay’s patience with his friend of five years waning thin from Heeseung’s nightly requests for someone to make snacks.
Jake still remembered their Vlive the day before their debut when Jay had insisted that Heeseung should start making his own ramyeon and Jake had spoken up, saying that he could make it for him forever.
As soon as the words left his mouth, the other members laughing as Heeseung’s eyes met his, his expression delighted and bright, Jake knew that he was telling the truth.
Seeing Heeseung eat the food that he’d made for him fulfilled the innate desire within him to care for those around him, and Jake treasured those quiet moments where it was just the two of them in the kitchen, quietly eating and talking about the day they’d had, the sound of the other members elsewhere in the dorm making it feel more like home.
“It’s Jake, right?”
Jake glanced up to see Lee Heeseung standing over him in the middle of I-Land’s living room, a hand coming up to rest casually on Jake’s shoulder.
Jake stood in surprise, his carefully rehearsed words spilling out of his mouth: “Nice to meet you, I’m Jake.”
When Heeseung smiled at him, the stress from their long first day temporarily faded into the background as Jake realized once more that the survival show had truly begun.
“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you around Belift before,” Heeseung continued, his smile becoming more like a smirk as Jake remembered his momentary lapse of judgment a few weeks earlier.
“Ah, yeah I think I have, too,” he said, opting to sidestep the elephant in the room, relaxing when Heeseung nodded, his eyes flickering around the other trainees spread out across the living room, his expression tense for a split second before he turned back to Jake.
“So, you’re from Australia?” Jake nodded. Heeseung’s eyes suddenly became bright and almost shy as he smiled again. “I know a little bit of English,” he continued in carefully practiced and pronounced English, Jake’s eyes widening in surprise, a big grin crossing his face.
“Woah, you’re so good!” Jake exclaimed, laughing as a proud smile crossed Heeseung’s face, similar to the one he’d seen back at their PT session before he managed to keep it under control. “No, really! Did you study it a lot?” He asked, switching back to Korean.
“In middle school,” Heeseung explained. “It was the one subject I tried really hard in.” That was as far as he got as Jake noticed the moment Heeseung’s eyes were caught by the approach of Park Sunghoon who smiled at Jake warmly before he pulled Heeseung away to look through the rooms once more, Heeseung parting with a smile and a wave that eased Jake’s fears about not being able to become his friend.
The fact that Heeseung loved being praised was one of the first things that Jake learned about him.
The way his eyes would start to sparkle as a shy smile spread across his face. Depending on the situation he’d either quickly school his expression after the small flicker of happiness, or he would allow himself to bask under the glow of the given praise.
It just so happened that telling someone how cool and talented they were came naturally to Jake, and it certainly helped that Heeseung deserved all the praise that he received.
Riki was like this as well, the oldest and the youngest working best under the encouragement given by their fellow groupmates, of which Jake played a big role.
It never really hit Jake just how often he must praise Heeseung until the moment they went for their trip right before debut as they all sat around the campfire reading their letters to each other as Heeseung thanked him for always telling him how cool he was and that he was someone to learn from.
Up until that point, it had rolled so naturally off of his tongue that he hadn’t even noticed how much he looked up to the oldest boy and that he never failed to express it. The fact that he’d done it so many times that Heeseung thanked him for it made Jake acknowledge that he really must mean everything he’d said, if he’d said it all so often that he’d barely noticed it.
Jake stared into the fire as it warmed his face, watching the flames lick at the logs as realization began to fill his heart.
I-Land was difficult; both mentally and physically. Jake was surrounded by people so incredibly talented with many more years of experience than him under their belts that he always felt as if he was playing catch-up – which wasn’t exactly far from the truth.
Getting sent to the Ground and having to work his way back up was the hardest part of the first half of the program. The tearful goodbyes he had to give to Sunghoon, who he had easily gotten close to thanks to their similar personalities and age, coupled with Heeseung’s genuine devastation when he wrapped Jake in a big hug telling him to come back quickly, all served to make him focus and work harder than ever to regain his spot in I-Land with Jay at his side.
While Jake helped Sunghoon practice for the unit battle, letting his friend drag him along to practice even though Jake knew there was no way he’d be chosen to represent the dance unit, Jake quietly admired the others who were working hard as their representatives.
At all hours of the day, Geonu and Heeseung’s voices could be heard ringing out across I-Land as they sang themselves hoarse, the pressure in the air palpable in the way they carried themselves and relentlessly practiced.
When Sunghoon was chosen to replace Jay as a dance representative, Jake was equal parts proud and sorry even though he knew Jay and Sunghoon were good friends and wouldn’t hold a grudge. The whole experience only served to cement in Jake the fact that constant practice was a vital component in being able to stay in I-Land, and he tirelessly worked to be able to remain there.
When he became a member of the final six at the halfway point, Jake allowed himself to take a chance to breathe, looking around at those who’d made it with him, while knowing that the hardest part was still to come.
-
It was near the beginning of January, as their promotions began to slow down, that Jake realized that Heeseung was having a hard time.
By now, Jake knew his personality. His moods could often be erratic; he would be the loudest in the room one moment, withdrawn and silent the next. If the members briefly woke up in the middle of the night, it was a common occurrence to see Heeseung lying in his bed, still scrolling through his phone or staring up at the bunk above him, completely lost in his thoughts.
This was just part of his personality though, and all the members were aware of it by now.
That didn’t stop Jake from noticing the way Heeseung had become even more quiet after their promotions ended, the way he didn’t play around with the maknaes as much as he used to. He also didn’t fail to notice Heeseung’s sharp cheekbones once more becoming more pronounced.
And so, Jake made an even more concerted effort to make his and Heeseung’s late-night ramyeon indulgences an almost nightly occurrence.
They began to be able to just glance at each other as the evenings came to a close, coming to an agreement as they would both head in the direction of the kitchen.
Sometimes Jungwon would join them but usually it was just the two of them, Jake quietly taking pleasure in watching Heeseung eat what he’d made for him, regardless of what had happened that day or what thoughts the older had had.
“You know,” Jake eventually brought up one evening, nerves coiling in his stomach but pushing through, “we all know that you don’t like to talk about all the things you think about on your own.” Heeseung glanced up from slurping his noodles, his big eyes wide at the sudden conversation topic. “And that’s okay,” Jake continued, leaning forward to maintain eye contact with Heeseung as the other tried to glance away. “But I just hope you know that… it hurts us to see you withdraw into yourself because of things we don’t know about or can’t help you with. And I also hope you know that…” Jake cleared his throat, his heart thumping in his chest, “that we all love you a lot, no matter what. And that you’re an amazing person.”
The corner of Heeseung’s mouth quirked up at that, his eyes flashing disbelievingly for the briefest of seconds, spurring Jake to keep going. “No really, hyung! You’re so incredible that – that…” Jake’s vocabulary failed him, leaving him able to only gesture wildly to get his point across.
Heeseung’s eyes softened, and his smile was gentle as he looked at Jake. “Thanks, Jaeyunie,” he said, Jake’s heart skipping a beat as it always did whenever Heeseung said his name like that. “I’ll… do my best. I promise.”
So, when, during their end-of-month wrap-up video, Heeseung said he was going to make an effort not to be so serious and to have more fun with the others, Jake couldn’t help but glance back at him with a proud smile that Heeseung shyly returned.
Jake realized that although he’d made it to the final twelve, this also meant that all of his mistakes would be able to be seen more clearly and the thought began to manifest itself in the middle of the BTS test as they were all faced with direct elimination for the first time.
There were many things he’d wished he’d done better in his I Need U performance, but he felt he couldn’t complain as he was still walking away from it with a badge.
He had to admit the Fake Love team deserved to win, and that Heeseung of course deserved first place. Jake had held his breath throughout the entire performance, in awe as to how someone with so much skill was also an amazing performer, and it pushed Jake to want a chance to prove himself.
When the next test was announced, Jake didn’t have any expectations. Most of the people Heeseung would pick to be on his team were obvious, like Sunghoon and Jungwon. Jake hoped, because of course he did, but he really thought he was dreaming when Heeseung said his name.
The smile that spread across his face was immediate as he happily stared at Heeseung’s back before exchanging an excited glance with Sunghoon across the room.
He didn’t know why Heeseung had chosen him over other people with more experience, but he wasn’t about to argue, and it made a small seed of hope bloom in his heart that Heeseung must obviously see potential in him too, regardless of his short training time.
Of course, just because the Flicker team was full of talented individuals, it came with its own set of problems.
Jake watched awkwardly as Heeseung gave way to K from the very beginning, his natural tendency to mediate preventing him from trying to stand firm. Jake, Jungwon and Sunghoon followed Heeseung’s lead but it eventually got to the point where they had to resort to confrontation, no matter how gently Heeseung and Jungwon tried to approach it.
But it worked out in the end. The performance went well and when Jake was chosen as the one to receive the special 24-hour voting benefit, he couldn’t help but be shocked as his friends congratulated him, patting his back happily as Jake stared at his picture on the screen in shock.
Jake’s eyes found Heeseung’s through the crowd, Heeseung smiling at him happily for a brief moment that instantly made Jake’s heart swell in pride.
That night, after the cameras were turned off and their mics taken away, Jake approached Heeseung as the older lay sprawled across his bed.
“Hyung,” Jake softly said, coming to sit gingerly at the edge of the bed, Heeseung glancing lazily over at him.
“What’s up?”
“I just…” Jake searched for the right words for a few moments before just deciding to forge on ahead. “Thank you for choosing me to be on the Flicker team with you. Because of that I was able to learn so much and also got to have a huge benefit so just… thanks for believing in me.”
Heeseung shook his head with a small laugh, reaching over to gently pat Jake’s knee. “I chose you because you were someone needed on the team. You have a style of performance that the others can’t express.” At Jake’s bashful expression, Heeseung continued. “I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with your sexy Australian guy aura.”
Jake’s head shot up to stare at Heeseung, whose eyes were bright, his mouth twisting mischievously.
“What are you saying,” Jake laughed, pushing at Heeseung’s arm as he lay down across the foot of the bed, the two of them settling down to talk long into the night as others joined them, the warm feeling in Jake’s heart grounding him.
The first time Enhypen heard the guide tracks of the songs for their new album, the ones they’d be singing for their first ever comeback, they’d all looked at each other sitting in the studio in excitement, the anticipation filling the air with almost tangible electricity.
Jake’s gaze automatically went to Heeseung – as it frequently did these past few weeks – and smiled when he saw how bright his eyes were even though his mouth was a thin line of concentration.
“Drunk-Dazed sounds amazing,” Sunghoon said, a broad grin on his face as the others nodded in agreement.
“Mixed Up is definitely going to be my favourite,” Jay spoke up, his fingers drumming across his knees in excitement.
Wonderkid smiled at their reactions before outlining their recording sessions over the next week or so, before dismissing them to individual practice as they prepared.
“Heeseung, Jake,” he called out as the members began to stand to leave the room, everyone pausing to look over at him. “Could you both stay back for a few minutes?”
Jake’s eyes immediately slid over to Heeseung who was sitting a few seats away from him on the crammed sofa, only to find him already looking back at him. The two exchanged a curious glance before nodding, the others exiting the room, leaving only the two group members and the producer.
Heeseung wordlessly slid over to sit beside Jake, his hand moving to drop heavily onto Jake’s knee as he gave it a reassuring squeeze, Jake pressing closer as Wonderkid stepped towards them.
“Jake, I know you did the narration for the Intro and the Outro in the first album,” he said, nodding at Jake. “And you did really, really well.”
“Thank you,” Jake managed to get out, ever polite, as he felt Heeseung squeeze his knee again, his touch hot through the fabric of his jeans.
“There’s going to be narration again this time,” the producer continued, his gaze flitting over to Heeseung, “and we think it would be nice to try and have Heeseung do it with you this time as well.”
Jake felt Heeseung’s body stiffen next to him and he looked over in surprise to see Heeseung staring up at Wonderkid with wide eyes.
A thrill of excitement washed over Jake and he grinned, leaning into Heeseung excitedly and grabbing his arm as Heeseung continued to stare up in shock.
“Really?” The older finally managed to get out, his voice filled with disbelief. “Are you sure? Jake can do it even better than I can.”
Jake frowned and hit Heeseung lightly on the arm even as Wonderkid shook his head with a smile. “Don’t worry, Jake’s still going to do it, but we thought it would add a lot if other members took part in helping to tell the story.”
Jake’s gaze was fixed on Heeseung’s profile, so he saw the way Heeseung’s eyes began to fill with excitement and nervousness as he warmed to the idea. “Do you think I’d be able to do a good job?” He asked, as much to the producer as to Jake as he turned his head to meet Jake’s unwavering gaze.
“Of course, you will, hyung,” Jake exclaimed, putting his own hand on top of Heeseung’s which was now holding his knee with a death grip. “I’ll help you! We’ll do amazing!”
Wonderkid nodded. “We’ll have Jake record a guide in a few days that you can use to practice,” he said, looking at Heeseung. “We have absolute faith that you can do this, otherwise we wouldn’t have asked.”
The two left the studio shortly afterwards after being handed the script, both of them with smiles on their faces, although Jake’s was purely elated, while Heeseung’s was more stunned.
As they began walking down the carpeted hallway, Heeseung suddenly leaned a hand against the wall, letting out a deep breath as he bent over, staring at the lines of English on the page he was holding.
Jake quickly moved to stand in front of him and grabbed his shoulders, lifting him back up so that he was looking at him instead.
“Believe me,” Jake insisted, squeezing Heeseung’s shoulders emphatically, “you do well at anything you try. You’re already amazing at speaking in English. And” he added as Heeseung bit his lips at the praise, the tips of his ears turning red, “you won’t be doing this on your own. I’ll help you the entire time, hyung. You have me.”
Heeseung’s smile grew steadier and softer as Jake spoke, his eyes holding Jake’s own as he raised a hand to squeeze Jake’s arm.
“At least I have you.”
Jake didn’t think he’d ever seen their reliable Heeseung-hyung as stressed for a performance as he was for Chamber 5, and honestly, Jake couldn’t blame him. The whole ordeal of learning how to make bright expressions onstage was difficult for him as well, but he could tell that Heeseung was having a difficult time with it.
But they pulled through under Sunoo’s guidance, all of them helping each other ease the embarrassment so that they could hopefully create a good performance at the end of it all.
For being the first performance of its kind on I-Land, Jake thought they did well, and he was overall satisfied with their performance, but as they lined up to take the producer’s feedback, Jake could tell that Jungwon and Heeseung weren’t doing so well.
Heeseung especially had that stiff expression on his face as if it wouldn’t take much to make him crumble into pieces, even as Bang PD praised his ability as a center.
As soon as they entered the Egg, Jake turned to wrap an arm around Heeseung’s waist as both he and Jungwon uttered their fears that they wouldn’t make it past this elimination.
“Hyung, please,” Jake pleaded, staring up at Heeseung’s unfocused eyes, trying his best to instill him with the same amount of confidence that Jake had in him.
He felt his heart break a little as they stepped from the Egg towards the other team, Heeseung managing to put on a plastered smile in front of the others as their team collected themselves from their mixed feedback.
A feeling of uselessness filled Jake as he was suddenly struck with the realization that he always wanted Heeseung to smile.
Sunghoon picked things up quickly. He was also Jake’s best friend. These two facts alone should have warned Jake about his budding feelings for their oldest member not remaining a well-guarded secret for very long.
One day while they were rehearsing Boy In Luv for their upcoming fanmeet, Heeseung called for a break as everyone was tired and breathing hard.
Jake gratefully slumped to the ground where he stood as Sunghoon came to flop down beside him.
Jake’s gaze unconsciously followed Heeseung in the mirror as he pulled his ballcap off his hair in order to brush away sweaty strands from his forehead. Sweat was making his shirt stick to his back as Heeseung walked towards the water cooler where Jungwon was waiting to hand him a cup of water which Heeseung gratefully accepted, tilting his head back as he downed it.
Jake was disrupted from his view by the feeling of a cool water bottle being pressed against his arm, making him jump and glare over at Sunghoon who was looking at him with raised eyebrows, a small smile on his face.
“So, when are you going to make a move on our Heeseung-hyung?” Sunghoon asked, Jake’s eyes widening in horror as he hurriedly glanced around to make sure the other members were still huddled by the water cooler, even though Sunghoon made sure to keep his voice down.
“What are you talking about?” Jake tried to deflect, looking back at Sunghoon with a pointed stare that had his friend rolling his eyes in exasperation.
“I’m not blind,” he quietly went on, slightly nudging his head in the direction of Heeseung who was now talking to Sunoo about a move he could add in to the choreo during his part. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, and I know you both well enough now to know that you have it bad for him. The way you look at him…” Sunghoon thinks about his wording for a few beats before shaking his head with a soft laugh. “Let’s just say it’s different from the way you look at the rest of us.”
Jake dropped his gaze to the floor of the practice room, his thoughts racing at the thought of him being seen through so easily.
“It’s not like he feels the same way,” Jake quietly said with a shrug. “I’m not planning on making a ‘move’ as you called it. There’s no way I would risk it, it’d be selfish of me.”
Sunghoon snorted. “Of course, it’s always the people directly involved that are the most blind in situations like this,” he said in amusement, Jake glancing at him with a frown that Sunghoon evenly returned, his expression becoming serious. “I’m saying that sometimes…” Once again Sunghoon searched for the words, but this time he seemed to be able to find them. “Sometimes, he looks at you as if, in that moment, you’re the only thing keeping him afloat.”
The day their fates were finally sealed as the members to debut as Enhypen was long and emotionally draining, but a day that Jake would never forget.
Jake remembered Heeseung being the first to be called, the overwhelming sense of pride that filled him as Heeseung made his way to the debut area, followed by Riki.
When Jake’s name was called, he almost couldn’t believe it, but the pats on his back as his friends engulfed him in a hug told him that this was real, that he had pulled through and succeeded against all odds.
And as Jake strode towards Heeseung and Riki, relieved tears beginning to cloud his vision as reality began to hit him, Heeseung’s smile was bright and the arms that embraced him were strong and warm, and Jake knew that he’d get to have them for the rest of his life.
The days leading up to their planned recording session for the Intro saw Heeseung practicing the narration over and over in between other recordings, photoshoots and dance practices, with Jake almost always hovering at his side.
At Wonderkid’s (and Heeseung’s) request, Jake recorded a guide version of the script ahead of time and Heeseung would obsessively listen to it whenever he had the opportunity, mouthing the words along with Jake as he tried to absorb as much of the pronunciation as he could.
“It’s more like an ‘uh’ sound when you’re saying blood, hyung,” Jake said one evening, placing the pot of ramyeon he’d made on the kitchen table in front of Heeseung who was reciting his passage for the hundredth time, eyes serious as he concentrated.
It was a thrilling feeling to be able to teach Heeseung about something. All the members, at some point or another, had been taught by Heeseung – whether during the numerous occasions he’d had to be a leader during I-Land or now that they debuted, in both singing techniques and during practices. Jake getting to help Heeseung now with something that he was good at made him extremely happy, especially since Heeseung was an attentive listener and a quick learner.
Right now, though, Heeseung heaved a sigh even as he nodded, slumping in his chair tiredly as he ran a heavy hand through his now longer, black hair that both of them now sported.
“Can you say it for me again?” Heeseung asked suddenly, catching Jake off guard in the middle of scooping noodles into his bowl.
“Don’t you have my guide on your phone?” Jake said with a laugh even as he put his chopsticks down.
“I like hearing you say it in front of me,” Heeseung countered, a light entering his eyes as Jake cleared his throat.
Jake went through the entire script by memory, making sure to go slow so that Heeseung would be able to pick up the nuances in his pronunciation. However, the way Heeseung’s gaze remained fixated on his face as he spoke made Jake’s cheeks begin to flush and he almost slipped up before the end, having to redirect his eyes on the steaming noodles in the pot between them.
When he finished, he casually resumed putting noodles into his bowl although he cast frequent glances at Heeseung who was still looking at him, his elbow on the table with his chin resting in his hand as he simply stared at Jake.
“What is it?” Jake finally asked as Heeseung showed no sign of moving.
Heeseung’s lips quirked up into a mischievous smile, his doe eyes bright. “Just… have I ever told you how much I love your accent?”
Jake had been about to take a bite of ramyeon as Heeseung spoke, his words causing his hand to pause on its way to his mouth as he glanced up, his heart skipping a beat. “I’m… I think you have?” He choked out, shoveling the noodles into his mouth so that he wouldn’t keep staring with his mouth agape.
“Well,” Heeseung continued, eyes flashing as Jake slurped up the noodles, “even though you’re already handsome, you somehow get even more attractive when you speak like that.”
The kitchen was filled with loud coughs and worried pats on the back as Jake tried – in vain – to recover.
Jake couldn’t say exactly what the moment was where he first felt something more for Heeseung than just friendship and admiration, but he knew that the moment he realized it was there was the day they went on Vlive together and made their duo name officially “Ramyeonz”.
Jake was in the middle of realizing that all of their late-night snacks may have led to some added fat on his cheeks and was debating on whether or not that was a good thing when Heeseung put a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re just handsome,” Heeseung said dismissively, continuing when Jake looked doubtful. “Seriously, no matter what you do…”
Jake couldn’t handle the directness of Heeseung’s praise and instead leaned towards the camera.
“I’ve never said this before,” he said, lowering his voice as if he was about to tell a secret, “but I’ve always thought that the most handsome member of our team is Heeseung-hyung.”
Jake grinned as Heeseung giggled in both delight and disbelief beside him as Jake nodded emphatically at the camera.
“I’m serious!” Jake glanced over at Heeseung who was looking at him with those bright eyes again, Jake feeling his ears grow warm as he pressed on. “When I was a trainee and practicing with Sunoo for our unit test, I always said how handsome you were whenever I crossed paths with you.”
Heeseung’s eyes widened slightly as Jake spoke, a small smile crossing his face as they both remembered how they first met, Jake both ecstatic and embarrassed that Heeseung remembered that incident from almost a year ago in the training room.
Heeseung responded by describing how he and Sunghoon would talk about the ‘handsome Australian trainee’, Jake now the one struck by disbelief at Heeseung’s words.
Later on, as Jake began to describe how proud he was, and how amazing it was to have Heeseung as a member of Enhypen, he began to think that perhaps he was divulging a bit too much. But that was the effect Heeseung had on him: he wanted to make sure that Heeseung knew how amazing he was at all times, and Jake wanted to be the one to make him happy if that meant that he’d have more of his smiles aimed in his direction.
When they finally said goodbye and turned the cameras off, Jake starting the process of regretting his life choices, Heeseung looked over at him with a small smile on his face, his big eyes impossibly warm under his fluffy reddish-brown hair.
“I didn’t get to say half of what you said about me about you,” Heeseung quietly said, Jake’s mouth going dry at his soft tone. “But I just want you to know that… everything you said about me, I feel about you. And” he added, reaching out to put a hand on Jake’s shoulder, Jake’s heart thudding in his chest, “I’m so happy we got to debut together.”
As the breath left Jake’s lungs, as his disparate emotions condensed into a singular overpowering feeling of love, all Jake could get out was: “Me too, hyung.”
The two of them nervously recorded what they hoped would be the final version of the Intro, both of them delivering the entire monologue although they weren’t sure which parts would be used from either of them in the end. Jake had hung around the extra two hours needed for Heeseung to work through the narration, providing emotional support as Heeseung repeated take after take.
Finally, Wonderkid held up a thumbs up.
“This one should be good,” he said, Heeseung’s expression becoming relieved as Jake peered through the glass into the recording booth. Heeseung walked out into the main studio area, coming to stand beside Jake as they faced the producer. “I’ll run it by Band PD in a few hours when he has time and I’ll call you guys later today when we know for sure. Good work!”
They both thank him in return before gladly heading back home.
The dorm was empty at that time of day, the other members off at other schedules, some recording, others at extra dance practices.
As they walked through the front door, they both let out a sigh in unison, making them turn and laugh at each other as they toed off their shoes and made their way towards the living room.
“You worked hard, Jaeyunie,” Heeseung said, putting an arm firmly around Jake’s shoulders, Jake leaning happily into his side. “You did amazing, even better than the first time.”
Jake allowed himself a moment to bask in the praise before he replied. “You did so well, too,” he said as he sat beside Heeseung who retrieved his Switch and turned on the TV. “I’m so proud of you.” Heeseung looked over at him with a grateful smile, even though Jake could still see the remaining nerves in his eyes that hadn’t yet entirely dissipated.
So, Jake just stuck close by him as Heeseung played games, keeping their knees pressed close together as a silent sign that he was nearby as he scrolled through his phone.
Both of them froze as, after an hour or so, Heeseung’s phone began to ring.
They exchanged a single, charged glance before Heeseung paused his game and nervously got to his feet as he answered the phone and put it on speaker for Jake to hear.
“Good work you two!” Wonderkid’s voice came through the phone’s speakers, Jake beginning to grin in excitement. “Bang PD said we’re all good to go!”
“Thank you!” The two said in unison as Heeseung hung up, dropping his phone on the couch as he looked down at Jake with a wide grin, relief in his eyes.
For a moment, they simply stared at each other with smiles on their faces before Jake leapt to his feet and threw his arms around Heeseung’s waist, Heeseung eagerly wrapping his arms around Jake’s shoulders as they began to spin around in a circle in elation.
Jake couldn’t help but hold Heeseung closer as he heard their happy giggles and whoops fill the living room as they hopped in excitement and relief, all their hard work finally paying off.
As their laughter became breathless, Jake realized that Heeseung was losing his balance as he began to tip towards the couch. Jake tried to keep hold of him, but his laughter prevented him from having the strength to do anything but follow Heeseung as he fell with him, pinning the taller to the couch as he landed on top of him, his hair brushing the edge of Heeseung’s jaw.
Jake let himself lie on top of the older for a few moments as they both caught their breath, a few errant giggles escaping their lips. He soon realized he could feel Heeseung’s heartbeat through the side of his face and his breath caught in his lungs as he slowly pushed himself up on his hands to hover over Heeseung.
Heeseung was staring up at him now, his black hair splayed across his forehead messily, his cheeks red and eyes shining, a smile still on his lips that Jake couldn’t help but glance at momentarily as he let himself want so strongly for but a second before he forced himself to look away as he began to push back up into a sitting position.
“Jaeyunie.” Jake’s muscles froze in place as Heeseung called up to him, his voice so soft and gentle that Jake had no choice but to look back down.
His eyes widened as he felt Heeseung’s hands come up to cup either side of his face as the older pulled him back down, Heeseung raising his head to meet him halfway as he pressed a tender kiss to Jake’s lips.
Jake’s eyes took in the way Heeseung’s pretty eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as his doe eyes closed, as he remained frozen in place, as if unsure that he was still living in reality.
Heeseung, feeling Jake’s unresponsiveness, slowly pulled back as his eyes opened, uncertainty beginning to cloud them.
“Is this…?”
Jake lunged forward and pressed him down into the couch as he kissed Heeseung back, a shiver running up his spine as he felt Heeseung’s hands trail up into his hair, Heeseung compliantly letting Jake kiss him as he wished.
Jake pulled back only when they were both running out of breath, pulling on Heeseung’s bottom lip a little as he did so, smiling at the quiet gasp that was elicited. He gazed down at the sight of Heeseung’s disheveled hair, rosy cheeks, and thoroughly kissed lips, slightly parted as he caught his breath while staring back up at him.
“Perfect,” Jake whispered, Heeseung’s Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he pulled Jake back down to him, Jake more than happy to follow.
They were all gathered in the studio a few weeks later as they prepared to listen to the album for the first time.
Jake and Heeseung sat next to each other on the couch, surrounded by their groupmates as the initial creepy music of the Intro began to play through the speakers.
Jake could tell that Heeseung was nervous as his feet kept rhythmically tapping against the ground and Jake reached over to put a steadying hand on Heeseung’s knee.
Soon, their carefully narrated lines played through the speakers, their friends all exclaiming at how well they did.
“Oh, Jake!” Sunghoon said with a proud smile as the opening lines began to play, Jake laughing and leaning into Heeseung with embarrassment as the older listened with a soft smile.
About halfway through, everyone recognized Heeseung’s voice filtering through the speakers as he took over, Jake looking up and shaking Heeseung’s arm excitedly as Jake’s favourite shyly proud and satisfied smile crossed across the eldest’s face.
“Wow, Heeseung-hyung,” Jungwon said as the track came to an end, leaning over to look at Heeseung. “You did really well!”
Jake looked proudly at his boyfriend as Heeseung grinned, glancing over to look at Jake. “Well, I couldn’t have done it without Jaeyunie,” he quipped, reaching over to hold Jake’s hand.
A chorus of tired groans came from around them as the other members directed their attention to the beginning beats of Drunk-Dazed.
And as Jake listened to the rest of the album with Heeseung’s hand in his, it truly began to feel like something he could do for the rest of his life.