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Mignyu slammed the door of this hotel room, slowly sinking down to the floor, tremors that had begun in the elevator suddenly shaking his whole body. He had been holding them at bay when Soonyoung and Shua were with him. He had been holding them back for hours now. But the sight of an empty dark room greeting him somehow made something inside of him snap. He felt sick and tired and just wrong. Everything was wrong. Mingyu sobbed, shaking, tears now rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t even think, the tightness in his chest spreading as he heaved uneven breaths, collapsing down to the floor, curling up in on himself. Everything is wrong everything is wrong is everything is wrong pounded in his head over and over.
He just wanted to be home. He was exhausted and terrified and sick to his stomach and he wanted to be home.
He wanted Wonwoo.
He lay on the ground, gasping for air, sobbing like he hadn’t in years, tears and snot wetting his face. It was like he couldn’t control it, hiccupping in short breaths only to let them out with a sob, like he couldn’t receive oxygen no matter how much he gasped.
His phone dinged, lighting up with a notification and he reached for it. Tears still streaming down his face, he ignored the messages and notifications and texts as he scooted himself between the wall and the bed, pulling down a pillow to hug. He knew should call Shua. Or Soon. Someone only a room away. Someone who could get to him. But he was on autopilot, hands shaking as his sobs turned to whimpers, tapping the first name that came up in his messages.
“Gyu? Gyu what is it?” Wonwoo’s groggy voice answered back, camera flaring and coming into focus as he turned on his bed side light.
Mingyu tried to respond but seeing Wonwoo’s tired expression, hair mussed from his pillow, lips chapped and dry, made something break in him and his sobbed again, burying his face in the pillow.
“Baby? Pup talk to me, are you okay? Where are you? Do you need help? Where’s Shua?” Wonwoo’s demeanor changed instantaneously, blinking awake as concern colored his face and voice. He sat up in bed, comforter pooling around his hips, Mingyu’s t-shirt wrinkled and worn from sleep. Mingyu took a shaky gasp, wanting to respond but he couldn’t find the words other than “wrong” and “feel bad” and that just wouldn’t be enough to warrant waking his Hyung up at three in the goddamn morning.
“Mingyu, baby, please, just take a deep breath, okay? Take a big deep breath for me pup,” Wonwoo said, voice deep and soothing despite the panic around the edges and Mignyu complied. “Oh look at that, you’re doing such a good job already,” Wonwoo mumbled and Mingyu couldn’t help but squirm at the compliment. “Okay, pup, lets take big deep breaths and then you can talk when you are ready.”
Mingyu nodded, and Wonwoo took a deep breath in through his nose, Mingyu copying him almost out of habit, focusing on the comforting murmurs from Wonwoo, the feeling of his ribs expanding with each breath, tears finally stopping and exhaustion overtaking the panic.
“There we go, pup, you can do it. Just take one more big deep breath for me, okay?” Wonwoo said quietly, intently watching the blurry out of focus screen, wanting so badly to see Gyu’s eyes, or face, or anything to let him know that he was helping.
“Gyu?” he asked quietly as the camera stilled, fluffy hair and a pillow his only view. “Pup, can you look at me?”
Mignyu glanced up at the camera, face red and blotchy with tears. “I-I’m sorry, Won I-I don’t know what happened I…” He sniffled wiping his face with his sleeve.
“It’s okay, Gyu, it’s fine,” Wonwoo said, voice soft but tense, the worry he felt clear.
“No, no I shouldn’t have bothered you,” Mingyu said, lip quivering.
“Hey, hey, wow, none of that now, alright?” Wonwoo forced himself to relax, watching the other man intently, “I never mind you calling me, okay? You were upset. You aren’t bothering me.”
Mingyu nodded, sniffling once again and Wonwoo held his breath, waiting for the other to burst into tears, but thankfully he just sat, staring off past the screen.
“Are you safe? Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked gently, watching Mignyu shake himself and return his attention to the screen.
“No, yeah, I’m fine, I’m at the hotel. I…we were out, and doing things, and we went on a tour of like a tower, and it was really high up but I was fine and then I got back and I just…I don’t know I started freaking out,” Mingyu said, brow furrowed and Wonwoo could tell he was just as confused as the other man. It wasn’t like Mingyu to respond like this very often, not when he was traveling with friends.
“Do you think it was a delayed response to being so high up? Like you pretended you were fine, so you pushed it back and back until it all bubbled up?” Wonwoo asked tenderly, searching Mignyu’s face.
“I…yeah maybe? Maybe. And I…when I got back I started panicking, even though nothing was wrong. But everything felt wrong you know? And I knew…I knew I should have gone to Soon or Shua but I…” tears gathered in the corner of Mingyu’s eyes and Wonwoo just wanted to reach through the screen and hold him.
“Oh pup,” Wonwoo said, brows furrowed as tears dropped down Mingyu’s cheeks.
“I just…I miss you,” Mingyu hiccupped pathetically, “I just…I usually like this sort of stuff you know? It never bothers me but the room is too big without you and the food doesn’t taste right and even though I-I’m with Hyungs I just…Nothing feels right and the tower was too t-tall and-“
“Hey, hey Gyu? It’s alright, it’s okay,” Wonwoo stopped him gently, sensing another spiral of panic and the younger took a deep breath in through his nose, letting a steady stream of air out through pursed lips.
“I don’t know I got overwhelmed and that never happens you know?” Mingyu asked nervously, relaxing as Wonwoo nodded in understanding. “And then I got mad that I was overwhelmed because I didn’t want to ruin their trip and then I freaked out and I just…” Mingyu shook his head, scratching at his scalp with his free hand, mussing up is already messy hair. “I just felt really bad, you know? I felt scared and had too much energy but no where to put it and then I got back to the hotel room and it was empty and I just got so lonely...” Mingyu trailed off with a sigh.
“It’s okay to feel that way Gyu,” Wonwoo murmured, sadness slowly replacing the adrenaline fueled focus and calm he had been experiencing moments before. “I know you usually like these spontaneous trips and planning vacations but if you were tired and a little home sick and you felt bad about how you were feeling, its understandable you would have this reaction.”
Mignyu nodded along with his assurances, although Wonwoo knew he wouldn’t easily be convinced. Different tactic then.
“You know, it’s also okay to miss someone. Even if you are with people you care about,” Wonwoo said softly, searching Mingyu’s face in the small screen.
Mingyu smiled at that, “I noticed my shirt,” He felt some mix of pride and possessiveness flood through him, knowing that even when he was gone, Wonwoo was sleeping in his clothing, in his bed, surrounding himself with the younger as much as he could.
Wonwoo snorted, “See? I’m reduced to wearing your stupid t-shirts I’m so lonely.”
Mingyu giggled for a moment, letting his head rest against the wall as he watched Wonwoo pull at the oversized t-shirt, “That’s it. I should have brought someone’s clothing with me, that would have solved everything.”
Wonwoo smiled, “Next time, I’ll send you a whole closet.”
“You don’t have a closet half the stuff you wear is mine to begin with,” Mingyu giggled at Wonwoos betrayed expression, the older gasping in mock horror.
“Not my fault your stuff is more comfortable,” Wonwoo said and ginned as Mingyu sniffed, smile bright and happy despite his tear-streaked face.
“True,” He said and Wonwoo huffed a laugh in response, watching as the other mans grin faded into a calm, content smile. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, simply basking in each other’s presence, despite being a time zone away.
Wonwoo took a breath after a few moments, “Are you still on the floor?” He asked and Mingyu nodded almost in surprise, like he just realized as well.
“Yeah, I should uh. I should probably get some sleep. Oh shit I should let you get some sleep too its like, four am isn’t it?” Mingyu said, apologies ready but Wonwoo waved him off.
“No, no I’m fine. But yes, go wash your face and drink some water,” Wonwoo said, and Mingyu pouted slightly.
“But if I do that you won’t be on the phone with me anymore,” he pouted and Wonwoo sighed.
“Then I will stay on. Just to make sure you are okay, okay?” He said, knowing fully well that Mingyu needed someone with him.
“Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t need to sleep? I mean I’m okay now I just. I think I overthought, and I freaked myself out,” Mingyu said, quickly trying to back track, to not inconvenience the other man more than he already had, but Wonwoo just giggled.
“Thinking? There’s a first,” He joked, snorting at Mingyu’s teasing glare.
“It not nice to make fun of your boyfriend when he’s just coming out of a crying fit,” He scolded, though the words had no bite now that his breath had steadied, and his heart no longer raced.
“I know, I know,” Wonwoo sighed before growing serious for a moment, “I am sorry, pup.”
Mingyu felt warmth bloom in his chest at the nickname, “You don’t have anything to apologize for silly.”
“I could have called you when I thought about you earlier. I could have sent something of mine with you. Or reminded the other two not to force you to go sight seeing in high places. And also, I know I shouldn’t make fun of you when you still have snot all over your face,” Wonwoo listed on his fingers.
“Hey, I’m a pretty crier,” Mingyu whined, wiping at his face with his sleeve once again.
“You are pretty,” Wonwoo agreed and smiled as Mingyu blushed. “Really pup. I’m not tired. I’ll stay on the phone as long as you want. You probably need some food and water too. Order something from room service, take a shower, whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
Mingyu sniffled, “Really?”
Wonwoo nodded sincerely, “Really.”
“B-but don’t you want me to go to Shua-Hyung? Or Soonie? I mean they are here,” Mingyu mumbled.
“Well do you want them right now?” Wonwoo asked calmly, and Mingyu shook his head.
“No. No I want you, honestly,” Mingyu said shyly and Wonwoo smiled gently.
“Then I will stay,” Wonwoo said like it was the easiest thing, like he wasn’t just woken up five minutes ago at three am by someone sobbing over a video call.
Mignyu smiled at him, finally standing with a groan, “Alright. I’ll go wash up. Tell me about your day,” He prompted Wonwoo, who sighed, shifting to a more upright position in his bed, moving to the bathroom to wash his face.
Mingyu loved listening to Wonwoo talk. He didn’t do it nearly enough, in the younger’s opinion. But maybe that’s what made it special to him, knowing he had heard Wownoo talk the most. Wonwoo let himself relax around Mingyu. Let himself drone on and on about a documentary he watched, or a particularly hard level in whatever game he had been tackling, mixing large pretentious words with the absolute stupidest puns Mingyu may have ever heard. He let down his walls and filters and covers when it was just Mingyu. His voice was deep and melodious over the phone and Mingyu let himself simply nod along to whatever Wonwoo was saying, only half listening. He needed that distraction, that comfort, right now. Wonwoo didn’t mind. He understood. Wonwoo always understood, somehow. Wonwoo’s droning only paused while Mingyu called room service, ordering whatever caught his eye first, before prompting Wonwoo to pick back up where he left off.
Finally, one much needed dinner, and a late-night snack for Wonwoo, later, both were snuggled back in their much too empty beds, phones resting on pillows where heads should be. Wonwoo’s voice was rough and Mingyu almost felt bad for making the older talk, but Wonwoo hadn’t complained, and he couldn’t bring himself to ask the other to stop.
“How many days are you gone for again?” Wonwoo asked sleepily, face smushed into his pillow, words coming out muffled and quiet and Mingyu had to remind himself to respond after a moment.
“Four more,” Mingyu sighed. Wonwoo nodded into his pillow.
“Till the fifteenth?” Mingyu nodded in confirmation. “Then I will make sure I’m free that day so I can be home when you get here.”
Mingyu chest tightened with overwhelming affection, “I mean I’ll probably just sleep. Jet lag and all.”
“Okay. I’ll stay with you while you sleep,” Wonwoo looked suddenly concerned, “That is, if you want me to.”
Mingyu found himself smiling softly at the other man’s worry. Only Wonwoo would talk someone down from a panic attack only to question if he was even wanted. Mingyu nodded, “Nothing would make me happier, really.”
A grin spread across Wonwoo’s exhausted features, “Me too.”
“So fucking cheesy,” Gyu giggled and Wonwoo let out a huff of laughter.
“Really. You know what else is cheesy?” Wonwoo whispered.
“Hm?” Mingyu responded.
“Me asking you to stay on the phone with me until we fall asleep,” he mumbled, and Mingyu could imagine Wonwoo cringing internally at the request, but as ridiculous as it was, it made Gyu’s heart skip a beat.
“Please,” He said, smiling at Wonwoo’s satisfied expression.
He wiggled himself down into his hotel bed, pulling a pillow to wedge against his back like Wonwoo was there, holding him. Mingyu forced himself to stay awake and watch as Wonwoo’s breaths become slower and steadier, snuggling down in his bed.
His thumb rubbed unconsciously back and forth along his sheets and he allowed himself to imagine it was Wonwoo’s wrist, that if he moved an inch or so down, he could interlock their fingers. If he bent his face down just so he could press kisses to his boyfriend’s forehead, breathing in the scent of shampoo from still damp hair. If he snuggled closer, he could bury his face in the crook of his neck and Wownoo would squirm and complain about his cold nose but still pull him closer and press gentle kisses to his forehead. He watched as Wonwoo curled into himself further, drowning in Mingyu’s shirt, and a weird mix of comfort and loneliness ebbed through his ribs.
“I love you,” he mumbled gently, watching Wonwoo’s chest rise up and down, hoping their heartbeats would somehow know to match up despite the distance between them. He fell asleep holding his own hand under his pillow, not realizing that Wonwoo had done the same.