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“…Geh. It’s you.”
“Oho? I seem to feel something small and slimy hit me… But I can’t see it…”
“Why the fuck are you squatting! Oi—! I’m not that small—!! Stop patting my shoe—!!!”
“…Ah, so it’s the violent chibi next door.”
“I can’t believe I have to bleach my eyes once again, urgh… It’s a weekend, why do I have to see your shitty face…”
“Mm, I don’t know why you’re complaining when you’re too short to even see my face from all the way down the ground?”
“Asshole, there’s not a lot of people shopping now, there won’t be any witnesses if I decide to bury you six feet under.”
“Hmm? No denials? So you really are too short to see my face, huh. I feel the utmost pity for you, being deprived of such a lovely sight.”
“I suggest you check your dictionary, your definition of ‘lovely’ could use a total overhaul. Better yet, just go and drop out, even young children know what’s the meaning of the word ‘lovely’ and yet, here you are, a Literature student and you don’t even know it?”
“So many words, and yet I notice that you still haven’t denied—”
“—I could see your goddamn face, damn it, stop harping about it already!”
“And? It’s nice, right? Super handsome? The type that would make people want to tie me down immediately with a wedding ring?”
“Only if said ring has quick-acting poison, probably.”
“I really pity you for being too small to have a good perspective on beauty, chibikko.”
“You can shove that pity—oi, why do you keep on following me! Go somewhere else!”
“Eh? Why should I follow a tiny chibi? I could be here in this aisle because I need to buy something here!”
“Pfft. You, the poor bastard who only ever eats canned crab?”
“…Ah. It’s so embarrassing… Uwaa… this chibikko even knows what I had for breakfast earlier… you really couldn’t contain your feelings for me, huh?”
“I have so many feelings! Murderous ones! Stop throwing the empty tins to my window, damn it!”
“Your window? It’s not my fault that you display your tacky hats beside your window, I keep on mistaking it as a trashbin…”
“Our rooms are literally side-by-side, you’re definitely deliberately throwing them inside, fucker.”
“Now, now, consider it community service for being such an airhead chibi, yeah? The least you can do is to help me throw those things.”
“The least I can do is kill you once and for all, urgh.”
“Such sweet promises are music to my ears.”
“Tch, you’re still following me…”
“I keep on telling you, I have things I have to buy from this aisle too, okay?”
“You probably don’t even know what a goddamn Nespresso is, and you’re telling me that you have things to buy from this aisle? For specialty coffee? For expensive, specialty coffee that are definitely out of your wallet’s reach?”
“So what I’m hearing is that you even know what my wallet looks like. Uwaaa… you’re really stalking me, huh?”
“It’s such a shame you’re a Literature student.”
“Mm?”
“You could be our country’s star athlete when it comes to mental gymnastics.”
“…Pfft, you could just say that you wish I’m a Phys Ed major so that we’d be classmates and we’d spend more time together, it’s alright, chibikko.”
“No fucking way do I want to breathe the same air as you!”
“Now, now, we even have our fans saying ‘Congratulations to your beautiful relationship!’ and you’re saying that still?”
“Ha? Fans? Me?! You?! What the fuck?!”
“Right? How dare they become your fans and then take candid photos of you without my knowledge or permission?”
“…I don’t even want to know what the hell’s going on with that line. More importantly, how could you have fans? When you’re… so… Dazai?”
“Mm, but I’m very admirable though?”
“PFFFFT. Good one. Congratulations for acing this tryout for mental gymnastics once again.”
“Fufufu, even if you say all that, it doesn’t erase the fact that our relationship even has a special code name in our fans’ eyes.”
“Is the code name something like ‘successful homicide’…? Actually, just why?!”
“Remember that time you climbed my seat and then bit me on the neck when you were too drunk during my birthday party?”
“First off, I thought we agreed to never speak of that foul incident ever again?!”
“You’re the one who wanted to know the backstory of our fanclub’s origins though?”
“Urghhhh. Secondly, you said that you were giving me grape juice, but it was wine!”
“Wine is grape juice after fifty years of storage, Chuuya.”
“Fuck you. Also, I didn’t climb your seat! You were the one who was clinging to my arm!”
“Details, details~”
“That’s a pretty big detail, oi.”
“But you bit me on the neck, didn’t you?”
“Because you dared me that I couldn’t reach it!”
“That’s the only reason?”
“Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had to do something so annoying, damn it.”
“Ehhhhh.”
“Stop pouting already!”
“Hmm, anyway, thanks to that lovely kissmark that you left on me, everyone now thinks that we’re together. Hence, the fanclub.”
“HAAAAAA?!”
“Gone deaf already when you’re still so young and short?”
“But—! Why would they—!! Is that why Tachihara always sends me condolences—!!! Also, isn’t that birthday party three years ago—!!!! It’s been going on for that long—!!!!!”
“Ne, why is Tachihara hanging out around you still?”
“That’s not the point! Focus, damn it! How could they be so blind for so long!”
“That’s a question I’m also asking myself.”
“I would gladly kill you anytime, anywhere! Even while shopping! How could they ever think that we’re in a relationship?!”
“Mm, every relationship has its ups and downs. Case in point, I’m the up, and you’re all the way down.”
“I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU ALL THE WAY UP THE CEILING, DAMN IT.”
“Such a violent brutish chibi, ow, ow—ah, Chuuya, go get some cheddar cheese for me.”
“GET ONE YOURSELF, WHAT AM I, YOUR WALLET?!”
“But my hands are busy.”
“Ha? What even—oi, unhand me, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
“…Ah, they’re gone.”
“You are so gone too, damn it! Stop! Uergh, hugging me! Stop it!”
“Fufufu, I was just trying to hide you from their view.”
“From whose?!”
“There was a staff member that walked by.”
“You’re fucking crazy, that’s what you are.”
“You’ve been cooped up inside your room for too long, so I should be the only one who gets to see you, okay?”
“Because I was busy studying! And you kept on trying to climb into my room and disturb me!”
“See? I had to settle for seeing you only in Genshin Impact.”
“…Seeing me…? I’m pretty sure I blocked all of your accounts?”
“Fufufu, it’s so cute that you think that can stop me?”
“Stop laughing so diabolically, oi!”
“But, as I was saying, I had to settle for only seeing you while playing that game, so can you imagine my distress?”
“I don’t have to imagine anything, you kept on spamming my phone and you kept on throwing things at the wall separating our rooms.”
“Though it’s pretty fun being chased around by you anyway.”
“Chased around…? Ha? So you’re that idiot rebel that I kept on catching at like, the final few seconds?”
“Fufufu, ‘idiot rebel’? I’m the three rebels that you were playing the game with, you know?”
“How the fuck—you know what, no, don’t answer me, I don’t even want to know how you rigged the game so that I’m cursed to be randomly matched to three of your accounts.”
“Mm, but more importantly, I don’t just get caught at the last few seconds!”
“…Stop fluttering your eyelashes at me, oi.”
“Ano ne, Chuuya, didn’t you notice the timing at which you kept on catching my character?”
“Why the hell would I keep track of such a trivial matter?”
“Fufufu, ah, you don’t pay attention to anything that’s not me, huh? So you didn’t pay attention to them because you thought they were random people, huh?”
“You really are doing great on your mental gymnastics, I’ll give you that.”
“And that’s alright! So I’ll just tell you!”
“Can I refuse to listen?”
“I keep on getting caught at the last 4, 3 and 1 second!”
“…And then…?”
“1, 4, 3—!”
“You really should just stick to words, Literature student.”
“I thought your English is supposed to be good, chibikko? Ah, how pitiful you are.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with this?!”
“143 is an English slang, you silly chibi.”
“I really couldn’t care less, damn it.”
“A phrase that has three words: one letter, four letters, three letters.”
“Congratulations, you know how to count?”
“Chuuuuuuuuuuya, can’t you think of a phrase that fits that description?”
“I kill you?”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…Is that it, then? Can you stop disturbing me on my shopping now?”
“…Ah. You really are such a silly chibi who will never, ever grow tall.”
“HA?! Stop cursing me, shitty Dazai—!!!”
-
(and they lived happily (lol) ever after)
143 = "I love you"