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The bedroom lights are set to a dim amber, giving off a very relaxing vibe.
…It’s supposed to be relaxing, at least. It’s hard to feel any sort of relaxation when he steps foot into his bedroom and is greeted by a beanpole splayed out on his bed.
That’s already bad on a normal day. Today, it’s made even worse, because the mackerel is wearing some sort of pajamas? Something foul? Whatever it is, it makes him look like a bunny, complete with cute ears, fluffy paws, fluffier tail.
With the air of long-suffering, he sighs. “What the fuck are you doing here, asshole?”
Sounding like he’s imparting wisdom upon unfortunate peasants, Dazai shakes his head and says, “…Chuuya, bunnies can die from loneliness.”
“That doesn’t answer my question as to why are you trespassing in my bedroom, damn it!” He itches to throw his shoes at the other man. He doesn’t do it, not because he’s suddenly feeling merciful. It’s because he knows that Dazai will just catch it, and do something nefarious with it.
Rapid blinking. “Eh? Shouldn’t be obvious? Is this really something that needs to be asked?”
“I really ought to punch you…” A full-body twitch. “Stop looking at me like I’m stupid for asking, damn it!”
Without any shame whatsoever, “I, a very cute bunny, am lying on your bed. Isn’t it obvious what I’m here for?”
“I could smell strawberries on you. Which means that you’re here because you mooched off stuff from my pantry.” A deep breath as he feels deep pity for the Agency’s salary package. “Once again.”
“Ah, as expected of a dog’s sense of smell.”
He rolls his eyes at the other’s snooty tone. “Someone who’s trespassing while wearing a full-body bunny costume is not qualified to put on airs, damn it.” He approaches his bed and kicks the mackerel away, but he hops away like the bunny he’s pretending to be.
“Mm, but I look good, right?” Dazai has the gall to flutter his eyelashes at him. “At least, I don’t walk around Yokohama looking silly, like a certain tacky someone.”
Through gritted teeth, “Oi. Who the fuck are you talking about, bastard?”
“Obviously, it’s you?” A shake of his head, as if he’s saddened by this hopelessness. “Chuuya walking around wearing his tacky hat reminds me of that Mario Pikachu card.” A shudder as he imagines it. “So small and so silly, I just want to step on him.”
Chuuya exhales, then kicks Dazai in the shins. “You are so fucking annoying, get the hell out of my apartment!”
“Ah, are you mad I talked badly about Pikachu? Is that your favorite character?” Dazai snickers. “Figures you’d idolize something small like you, huh?”
“Stop bringing my height into this, oi!”
Ah, he’s so tired. He’s just finished a long mission and what does he come home to? A vexing dumbass, that’s what.
Urgh. He collapses face-first to his bed. Urghhhh, he could smell strawberries, plus the scent of mackerel marinated in camellias. It should smell offensive, because of the mental image associated with Dazai bathing in flowers. Instead, he feels his eyelids falling shut, fatigue making him silly enough to ignore the other’s insidious presence.
“Ah, chibi, are you actually falling asleep?” Dazai’s voice is too chirpy, but it somehow sounds soft to his ears. It’s probably a side-effect of exhaustion. More probably, he’s going insane.
Thankfully for his sanity, Dazai quickly rouses him away from thoughts of thinking that there’s such a thing as a soft, gentle fish. “Fufufu, I knew it, you want to sleep together with me, huh.”
He rolls to his side, so that he’s facing Dazai who’s also shifted so that they’re face-to-face. He reaches out to grab one of the fake bunny ears, pinches it along with tufts of the other’s hair. With the most menacing tone he can muster when he’s feeling so sleepy, “I would like to remind you, that you’re the one who trespassed here!”
“Pfft, Chuuya, you’re so silly.”
“For believing in the concept of private residential spaces?!”
“Was I supposed to wait for an engraved written invitation from you, before I could visit?” Dazai’s voice drips with disdain, even as his eyes glitter at him, full of mischief. “Like you’re about to invite me to the prom?”
There are so many things wrong with this line of thought, but he focuses on a very important part. “There’s no such thing as proms here, idiot.”
“And that’s a good thing.” More snickering. “Otherwise, poor little chibikko would have to go to the school dance alone.”
He rolls his eyes. “Better that, than to be like you who’s a plague upon womenkind.”
“Mm, if you hate me inviting women out so much, I could be a good dog owner and dance with my dog instead.” With these words, Dazai reaches out to hold him, swaying them a bit. Seeing as they’re both in his bed, it’s a lot less like dancing and more like regular embracing.
He looks at this mackerel, who gladly wastes braincells in thinking of excuses to see him the moment he returns from a long mission. Really can’t be honest in admitting that he’s missed him.
…The fact that the same goes for him… well, there’s a reason they’re a pair, after all.
A bunny looks too cute on someone like Dazai. Plus, that bit about bunnies dying of loneliness—
“…I’d consider it if you wear a shiba inu costume instead.” Mostly because he’s sure that Dazai would rather eat vegetables than outright pretend to be a dog.
“…Sounds disgusting, it’d just be a pair of dogs dancing then.” Despite his words, Dazai leans down and nuzzles against him.
Chuuya sighs, and pats the fake bunny tail. Closes his eyes as he sinks deeper into the other’s embrace, feeling his body relax completely. “Shut up and let me sleep already, idiot.”
“Mm, go rest, Chuuya,” is murmured against his forehead.
They both pretend that the “I missed you” is simply just the whisper of their clothes rustling against each other. They both heard it anyway.
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end