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“Chuuya, do you know why it bothers me when you’re five minutes late?”
“I don’t really care, oi. More importantly, I’m not even late because I didn’t agree to meet up with you in the first place, damn it!”
“Oh? So you’re admitting that you’re not a good partner at all?”
“What the hell does that have to do with tardiness?! Also, I’m not late at all!”
“I gave you a look earlier. You didn’t understand that it means we’ll have to meet up, so it’s your fault for not reading me well.”
“Ha? Earlier? You mean when we were on opposite sides of a four-lane road full of traffic?”
“Oh good, your memory isn’t completely hopeless.”
“You think I’ve got nothing else to do with my time than to stare at you to see if you make ugly faces at me?!”
“Of course. Or are you saying that you have better things to do than pay attention to your master?”
“…Oi, did you get concussed or something?”
“Fufufu, worried about me?”
“Yeah, you usually say a lot of shit, but this one is worse than before.”
“It’s more likely for you to shrink than for my mind to become more senile than yours, I’m afraid.”
“I’m afraid that this might be a problem for the city’s safety if you’re going around delusionally thinking that I, a Port Mafia Executive and someone who hates you to death—would rather waste my time by paying attention to you, a shitty mackerel traitor.”
“So you say, but didn’t you see me perfectly even though we’re on opposite roads?”
“That’s only because you stink up the air so much with your fishiness!”
“Ano ne, Chuuya. I care a lot about you being late, because I want to make sure we get to spend as much time together as possible.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…Pfft, what are you doing, chibikko?”
“I’m checking if the apocalypse is about to happen!”
“By jumping to a streetlight above me? Are you trying to understand what it feels like to be tall?”
“Because I don’t want to be anywhere near you! Have you been abducted by aliens?! Are you being controlled by the enemy?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“Oho? So you do agree that there must be something incredibly wrong if someone wants to spend more time with you? That’s some level of self-awareness, slug.”
“Obviously, it’s because it’s you who said it! What kind of nasty thing are you planning!”
“Ohoho? So you do consider me to be special, huh? Aren’t you embarrassed to admit that, chibi?”
“Stop twisting my words!”
“Since I’m a good owner, I’ll be nice and spend time with you today.”
“Stop making it sound like I’m the one who asked to see you!”
“Hmm, but you did come rushing here after just one text from me, so isn’t that enough of an admission that you do want to see me?”
“Your text message threatened to blow up my wine cellar, oi.”
“Your wine cellar’s safety is at stake, but you’re five minutes late.”
“I already told you, I wasn’t late—! Unhand me—!!”
“We’re going to be late for the movie. Stop dawdling, Chuuya.”
“Movie?! What movie?! Do you even have money to buy tickets?!”
“Of course not, why do you think I’m bringing you along?”
“You poor bastard… you don’t even have funds for such a thing?”
“I reserve my salary for important things, like buying bandages and canned crab.”
“YOU POOR BASTARD… that’s such a pathetic life to live, oi.”
“Pathetic? It isn’t.”
“…Hmph. Yeah, whatever, you’re enjoying your life now as a poor detective. Stop smiling at me so brightly, it gives me hives.”
“Being a detective is nice, because it’s such an easygoing job.”
“…I think all of your clients should demand a refund, oi.”
“It doesn’t matter if our clients don’t pay me, because I have a shorty with lots of money!”
“Stop stealing my wallet! How did you even—?!”
“Amazed? A magician never reveals his tricks~ If you want to stop my hands from snatching so many things from your pockets, maybe you should hold my hand the entire time~?”
“…That would still leave one of your hands free to snatch things up, oi.”
“Oho?”
“So a better suggestion would be for me to just break both of your hands.”
“Mm, crude but effective. There are more creative ways though.”
“Unhand me—! Stop pinching my waist—!! Oi—!!!”
“With how much you’re yelling, I’m beginning to think that you want everyone to know that we’re going on a date.”
“What date! There is no date! Urghhhhhh.”
“See? Like this, with one arm around your waist and you holding my free hand, I can’t steal anything from you~”
“I feel like it’s my dignity that’s being stolen right now.”
“Fufufu, I did lie. I can still steal one more thing even without my hands.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Ah, you’re all red. Did I steal your first kiss?”
“YOU—!”
“—are such a good kisser that I make your heart thump so fast?”
“ARE—!!”
“—such a good catch that you’re swooning at the thought of me agreeing to spend time with you?”
“SO FUCKING DEAD—!!!”
“—ah, you even want to grant me my lifelong wish, I’m really so touched I could cry, Chuuya.”
“I’m going to make you cry so badly after I beat you up!”
“Eh, that sounds quite kinky.”
“HAAAA?!”
“You look so innocent about these things, but you have a surprisingly wild side, huh?”
“HAAAAAAAA?!”
“Oh, would you look at that? Because you’re so late, the only movie that’s available is a nature documentary about slugs. Are you narcissistic enough to want to watch it?”
“I’m not a goddamn slug!”
“Instead of watching the movies, let’s go straight to your home then? We can play games and I can defeat you and then make you do all sorts of things for me in return.”
“My apartment is located in prime Yokohama real estate. It’s not in hell nor is it underwater. It has no room for you, demon fish.”
“Oh, so you do want to insist on watching the movie? It’d just be the two of us in the entire cinema… Ah, you want to do naughty things in the dark, I understand.”
“I plan to do something downright illegal. I’m going to murder you, bastard.”
“Are you sure you should be declaring that out loud when there’s a police kiosk nearby?”
“Between the two of us, you’re the one who deserves arrest more.”
“Oh, so you admit to having a handcuff kink for me?”
“………Sometimes, I really wonder what kind of bad karma I’ve amassed to have the misfortune of knowing someone like you.”
“Mm, that should be my line. Knowing a chibi with a mind as slow as a slug’s is really an affront to my existence.”
“Who the hell are you calling slow?! I already told you I wasn’t late—!”
“See, you’re even so slow to realize that I want to take you out on a date.”
“You’re calling me slow? I’m still here even though I’ve wanted to shove you to incoming traffic at least a hundred times per minute. Shouldn’t that bring you to an obvious conclusion, shitty Dazai?”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Oh, so you do admit to being head over heels in love with me, I fully understand now.”
“HAAAA?! That’s not what I said, damn it!”
“Stupid slug who can’t even understand his own feelings.”
“Shitty mackerel who can’t even understand how annoying he is.”
“Doggy hatrack!”
“Insidious fish!”
“…….……Um, excuse me, but this cinema is already about to close.”
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