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Eddie had thought he’d known himself pretty well.
He loved his son, he knew he was kind and defensive, he was born to be a firefighter. He knew what he wanted, but what he wanted would always come in second to Christopher and he liked it that way. He loved his parents, despite their controlling nature and he loved Shannon, despite most of their marriage having been taken up by arguments.
He knew what it was like to get shot. He knew he was supposed to apply pressure, knew to stay awake, knew to clutch his St. Christopher necklace in his fist and pray to come home to his son. He knew most bullet wounds require surgery and there’s typically an eighty percent chance of survival for most GSWs.
But when he felt the bullet pierce his skin - for the second time in his life - and all he could see was Buck, unmoving with his face blank, everything Eddie thought he knew went out the window.
When he comes to in the hospital, he only remembers a few things.
He remembers Buck. Someone had tackled him - thank god - and he was on the other side of the firetruck from Eddie, just staring at him, reaching out.
He remembers thinking about Christopher - knowing in his damn bones that Buck would raise the hell out of him. That Christopher would grow up to be strong and kind and Buck would make sure he’d always remember who his father was, and how much he loved him. He thinks for a second that it’s not fair to make Buck go on, raise Eddie’s son for him, but then again, he thinks it’s more offensive to Buck to have anyone else do it. Buck’s perfect.
He remembers feeling himself pass out and being unable to stop it. His eyes are starting to close and he can’t move except to stretch his arm out a little in his best friend's direction, never breaking eye contact. That’s when he realizes. Oh .
As he passes out, he tries to scream, I love you. I love you. I should’ve said it earlier.
After that, it’s just flashes. Buck crawling over to him under the truck, ripping his shirt off, begging him to stay awake.
And then Eddie wakes up alone.
Not really alone - Ana’s there - but he’s ashamed to admit that doesn’t mean much to him because where the fuck is Buck?
When he asks that out loud, Ana tells him he’s with Christopher. Which - okay, Eddie’d rather Buck be with Christopher than anyone else but he also just realized that he’s fucking in love with him and he really really wants him here so he can finally say that.
He’s pretty cranky after that.
Eventually, Ana realizes that he’s not really up for company and takes it as her cue to leave, and Eddie knows he’ll feel bad about it later but he honestly can’t be bothered right now, especially when Bobby walks in and gives him that fatherly look that makes him crumble.
He sits down in the chair beside him and when Eddie blurts out, “How’s Buck?” he doesn’t seem surprised.
“No injuries.” Bobby says carefully and Eddie raises an eyebrow.
“Bobby, I need to know. Seriously, has he fallen off the wagon?” Eddie says, a little bit terrified. And yeah, he should probably be more worried about himself but he can’t get the look on his best friend’s face out of his head. After everything he’s been through, especially in the last year or so, Buck can’t handle this.
“He’s dealing.” Bobby says, before sighing and admitting. “I think he’s in shock. He just kept talking about getting to Christopher. None of us thought he was well enough, so Taylor drove him there and she’s been keeping an eye out, texting me updates on Buck while he takes care of Christopher.”
Bobby sighs again, rubbing a hand over his face. “When we got here… with the amount of blood on his shirt, we were sure you were dead. It was… splattered on his face and, I guess he just hasn’t processed yet. He’s walking around like a ghost.”
“That’s not like him.” Eddie whispers, surprised to hear it’s that bad. He’d expected him to be frantic about Christopher, but he’d also expected at least three different breakdowns by now and to hear he hasn’t even had one? Eddie has to see him.
As if reading his mind, Bobby says, “If you want, I can take Christopher so Buck can come see you.”
Eddie shakes his head - or tries to, at least. “No, you should be with Buck. He might need you. Maybe ask-”
“Carla.” Bobby smiles tightly. “Got it.”
--
“So, what do you know about snipers?” Eddie asks when Buck eventually shows up, after they’ve exchanged hugs and lingering glances and honestly? Eddie’s pretty sure that Buck must have heard his mind screaming I love you when he went down because there’s something so different about them now. They can both feel it.
“What?” Buck frowns, a breathy laugh coming out.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t done your thing yet.” Eddie smiles, playing with Buck’s fingers. “Everytime something bad happens like this, you go on a research spree.”
Buck snorts involuntarily. “I didn’t really have the time.”
“Ah, that’s okay.” Eddie grins, a little loopy. “Next week, you can tell me all about it.”
“Next week?” Buck’s face twists up as he jokes, “You have your first PT sesh, you're gonna be grumpy. What makes you think I’m gonna want to be around you?”
Eddie chuckles loudly, weakly swatting his arm. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Bobby leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest with that look on his face and Eddie finally gets it.
He was never talking about Ana. He was talking about Buck. Eddie had just took it and ran with it, too blind to see that him and Buck seems like the easiest decision in the world. An easy decision, that would mean everything.
--
When he’s finished his PT and officially has his full range of motion back, they all have a party at the Grant-Nash to celebrate.
Eddie honestly didn’t think it would happen because everyone and their abuela has noticed tension between Bobby and Athena lately, but when he walks through the front door with Christopher, Athena’s pressing a kiss to her husband’s cheek loudly and Bobby’s grinning like he usually does.
Later, when he’s in the kitchen grabbing Christopher another juice box and Bobby’s dishing out dessert, he asks about it. “Are you and Athena okay?”
“Yeah.” Bobby nods, smiling adoringly. “I’ve already got Buck worrying about us, I don’t need you breathing down my neck, too.”
“Sorry.” Eddie grins, not meaning it. “You know it’s just because we care, right? Also, you guys are the most stable out of all of us. If you can’t last, then the rest of us have no hope.”
Bobby chuckles loudly, patting his shoulder. “I was surprised to not see Ana today.”
“Oh, we broke up.” Eddie says casually, involuntarily letting his eyes wander over to Buck, who’s got Harry over his shoulder and Christopher hanging onto his legs, all of them laughing about something.
“I’m sorry, Eddie.” Bobby says, though he doesn’t sound that sorry.
“It’s okay.” Eddie simply laughs, mumbling, “Onto better things, I think.”
--
On his first day back at work, he walks in with Buck and tugs on his sleeve to stop him before they enter the locker rooms. Buck just smiles, raises an eyebrow and tilts his head to the side, gesturing for Eddie to say something.
He hadn’t really thought it through to be honest, but here, back at work with everything semi-normal again, he knows he doesn’t have an excuse not to anymore so he just asks, “Do you wanna go on a date?”
Buck grins widely at that, nodding. “Okay, one condition; you have to kiss me at the end of it.”
Buck’s eyes are so light and while it’s clear he’s a little surprised, he’s also so calm and ready. As if he knew at some point, Eddie would get his act together and confess his love. “I can do that.” Eddie nods, grinning just as wide.
Buck hums. “Are you sure? ‘Cause you know, you’re still kinda mangled…”
Eddie shoves his shoulder then, shaking his head fondly. “Shut up, idiot. I can still kiss you.”
Buck raises his hands in surrender, laughing loudly as they continue their trek into the firehouse. “Just making sure. Let me know if I need to do all the work.”
Eddie shakes his head, shoving open the door to the locker room. “I’m starting to regret this.”
Buck takes that as his opportunity and pulls his civvies shirt off, grinning like a little kid as he says, “No, you’re not.”
No, he’s not.