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“I feel that here in this world there’s no undisturbed place for our love, neither in the village nor anywhere else; and I dream of a grave, deep and narrow, where we could clasp each other in our arms as with clamps, and I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more.” - Kafka
Yui lied on her back, quietly snoring, when she felt movement at her side. She fought sleep to open her eyes. Gabimaru was awake again. He slid from his futon to hers, a hand shyly touching her shoulder. They were surrounded by gentle darkness, the curtains pulled over the windows, but she could tell he was frowning.
In a groggy daze she turned to her side and stretched her arms towards him, urging him closer. Gabimaru didn't need insistence. He gladly crawled in her arms, wrapping his around her and placing his head in the crook of her neck, beneath her head and undone hair, completely concealed. She could feel his lips and breath on her neck.
Yui did the same, cuddling to him and resting her cheek against his neck. She felt around for the edges of the blanket and pulled them high up, until they were wrapped up like a spring roll. Nice and cosy. She wondered if her husband was comfortable like that, and if he could stay like that for long, not to mention how hot it would soon get pressed up like that, but she was not about to complain. She sighed content once everything was arranged and rubbed a hand along his spine.
His chest was flat against hers. If she focused she could feel his heartbeat. The skin on his shoulder was heated, but his hands, holding her as if she would vanish any moment, were cold. She felt with her foot for his and sure enough, they were ice. Yui seized them and pulled them deeper under the blanket.
Gabimaru was breathing slowly in a deliberate way, controlling it to calm himself down. Yui didn't ask him what was wrong, as she could safely guess. With each deep inhale he was squeezing her closer. Yui ignored the shiver in his breath and what felt like tears soaking the fabric of her night shirt. She was the only one with whom Gabimaru would dare be so vulnerable, and she knew Gabimaru hated being seen crying by her. He didn't want to worry her, or heavens forbid, make her cry too. He accused her of being too emphatic, crying even when she accidentally stepped on a snail. First of all, it happened one time. Secondly, there was nothing wrong with being sensitive. Of course, Gabimaru still had a long way until he understood that, fully and truly. Lucky for him, Yui was willing to help him through as long as needed.
It was actually nice, sitting so close like that, even if it was numbing here and there. Their house was dark and the bed warm. She mimicked her husband and put her face in the crook of his neck. She planted a kiss against his pulse and he tensed up. She needn't look to know she was blushing. She smiled, heart aching with love, and let sleep take her back. She could sit like this forever, in Gabimaru's arms and him in hers. It was as if everything was right in the world, like nothing bad ever happened. His gentle hands on her back and in her hair. Heart against heart. Dark and silent as the night. She could sleep like this forever and ever.