Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hope breeds internal misery.
They say 'patience is key'.
But I disagree.
Waiting for you
has become a task that irks me.
Like the currents
you come and go,
leaving behind feelings untold.

Facing you is my biggest fear.
I cannot think clearly
when you are here.
I hate you,
but I love you
it hurts me so much,
why must you deprive me of your touch?

You say you love me,
but my doubts are growing.
Everyone is trying to turn me against you,
and I think it's showing.

I imagine us together at last.
Me and you,
running in a field of grass.
Our Handmade Heaven is so near,
yet so far,
for you decided to tear us apart.

Chapter Text

Love long lost
In the embers of time,
How did I ever think you were mine?
Maybe in another life.

The sun still rises every day.
it's like,
I'm the only one mourning your loss anyways.
Maybe in another life.

I wonder
when things went wrong?
Was it on my second birthday or eightieth?
We'll never know,
you left in a haze.
Maybe in another life.

You seem so happy without me now.
You say you're not,
but I know you are.
I'm not mad,
at least not anymore.
How can I ever forgive you?
Maybe in another life.

Chapter Text

The sky is green,
and the grass is blue.
The flowers are blooming,
birds are humming,
and April is here.
But,
where are you?

I met you on a sunny day.
The wind kissed my face,
and I almost missed you.
But,
there you were.
In the corner of my eye,
laughing like you haven't got a clue.

I envied you.
How could one person be so happy?
Smiles and laughter now.
They all remind me of you.

The sky was crying,
and so were you.
It's Fall now,
another season without you.
You jumped into the river,
and "That's it,"
I thought, "You are crazy,
aren't you?".
Now I look at that river
and see your smile shine through.

It's Winter now.
The snow is thick,
and it coats the ground.
It reminded me of how I last saw you.
The day you held me
and begged me to stay.
I saw your pain that day,
but you still smiled.
It's a miracle how you still manage to.

The snow melts,
and Spring is here.
It's a wonder how I've lived so long without knowing you.
The sky is green,
and the grass is blue.
One day we'll meet,
that's a promise,
from Me to You.

Chapter Text

It's a day where we all wear black.
The time for stoned faces and hidden emotions,
but the sadness still lingers in the air.

They call, "I'm sorry for your loss."
they say.
But, all I hear is,
"You never got the chance to know her."

I want to cry, scream, and rage.
But it's not my place to do so.
Its' gods will,
the circle of life.

We are born,
we live,
we pray,
and we die.

"She's in gods' arms now."
I know she is,
but the sadness still lingers.
And I feel like I'm gradually losing myself,
and hope is not there to guide me home.

It's the kind of sadness that takes a while to sink in,
the kind that kills you gently.
The worst kind.
I never got to know her.

I know her name,
I know her face,
I know her smile,
But that's never enough.

I don't know her favorite food,
her habits,
her humor.
And that's what hurts.

Halima.
Her name means gentle and generous,
but I will never know.

Chapter Text

"You'll beat this cruel world," She said
"I know you will."

But here I am.
Bitten, Bed-ridden, and slowly dying.

My dad is here,
crying his eyes out.
Besides him is Michonne,
looking just as miserable.

I don't know what to do.

I see my life.
I see Mom,
Judith,
Dad,
Michonne,
Enid.

I see them all,
and it hurts to know it'll be the last time.
"I couldn't beat this world," I tell her
"But you will."

When the walkers took over,
I thought I lost my Dad.
But then he showed up,
and all my fears disappeared.
When the walkers took over,
I lost my Mom.
But Judith came from that loss,
beautiful and blonde Jude.
When the walkers took over,
I lost my eye.
But my sight was sharper than ever before.
I met Enid,
and I finally understood love.

"You'll beat this cruel world," She said
"I know you will."

I didn't beat this cruel, world Mom.
But I lived and loved,
lost and mourned,
and nothing can ever beat that.
Not even this cruel, unforgiving world.

Chapter Text

I've never known love,
until I met you.
You are crass,
arrogant, and rude.

I can go on,
maybe write a list or two.
Having you for a friend,
was like having the flu.

You act before thinking.
You think you know everything,
and sometimes I think you're a pig too.
But you know me so well,
it hurts to admit so.

You are crass,
arrogant, and rude.
But underneath it all,
you see me,
and I see you too.

How hard you try to hide your smile when I joke,
the way you look at me when you think no one is watching.
At first,
I thought that's what friends do.
But you protect me
like no one ever bothered to.

You help me when I'm in need,
you hold me when I'm weak,
and you're always pushing me to succeed.

You are crass,
arrogant, and rude.
That face of yours is a curse.
A horrible reminder of how much I like you.

Chapter Text

Drama Queen,
living in a movie scene.

'The Girl Who Cried Wolf'
can't compare to me.
I seek attention
like I'm starved,
from affection.

You all watch and laugh.
As I bleed right past you,
behind the jokes and smiles.

Drama Queen,
living in a movie scene.
Never a day without an act,
That's the way I am.

You cry wolf once,
and that's all you'll ever be.
A liar.
They don't see what you see.

The world is your stage,
and you live to please.

Drama queen,
move on.
Not every day is a scene.

One day,
the movie will end.
Then what?
You'll see what they see.

Drama Queen,
live for yourself.
Not for the screams.
But what is an actor without an audience to please?

Drama Queen,
that's not all I am.
I can act,
but my cries for help are sincere.
Treat me like a kid,
and I'll act like one.
Don't think that all my problems are good fun.

Drama Queen,
not every act is for a scene.

Chapter Text

The memories of us live underneath the Oaktree.
We don't talk anymore,
but I will always remember.
My first friend,
my sister.

The times we fought,
and the times we cried.
The hard conversations,
the awkward silence.

I can't remember why we fell out.
But I will forever remember your extended hand.
The hope you gave me
lives underneath the Oaktree,
with our memories.

Under the Oaktree we met,
two strangers,
we leave the park hand-in-hand,
friends.

Chapter Text

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

Father with his books and vast knowledge.
Never a day without green tea,
he's old and sometimes mean.
But his words hold merit,
and his love hides behind rare smiles and hugs.
That's the way my father is,
why I love him so.

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

Mother and her dreams,
hopes and ambitions.
She paints, she draws, she has the world between her hands.
She cries,
and her sorrow shows.
But that's the way my mother is,
why I love her so.

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

Sister goes on and on, never stopping.
With her music and toons,
her beliefs and faiths.
She never stops for anyone who stands in her way.
That's the way my sister is,
why I love her so.

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

Brothers are one and two.
One holds a strong expression in front me,
thinking I believe him so.
Two is as rowdy as they come,
never caring for social ques,
not even the simplest ones.
That's the way my brothers are,
why I love them so.

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

You can ask me why I love them,
and my answer will change with each one.
They don't always please me,
and I don't always please them.
But family isn't all about love and fun.
The pain, the struggle, all the cracks on the wall,
that's what makes us one.

Father, Mother, Sister, and Brothers.
That's the way my family goes.

They are there when I need them,
and that's all I ask.
Not for gold,
riches or diamonds,
but pure unconditional love.

Chapter Text

Born to the moon,
Bound to it by fate.
I never complained,
looking onward for what's to come.

Help me rise again,
I want to see the joy and fun.
The cycle of birth,
a tale as old as time.

I'm exhausted by it.
Let me bask in the sun,
explore the oceans and sky above.

I want to live
as they do.
Born to the moon,
I'll never get what I want.

Chapter Text

Always jumping to conclusions,
hiding behind allusions.
I can't see you.

Turning your back on me,
only brings me agony.
Help me see you.

Your eyes fill up with tears.
I say,
"Don't worry. Because I'm here."
I'll see you.

Pain and suffering
it's a part of life,
no human ever goes on,
without a little strife.

I'm here for you.

When you can't see,
I'll guide you.
When you feel weak,
I'll hide you.

Don't listen to your demons,
who say "Do it,
you're not worth the fight."
Each one, of those words
is nothing,
if spite.

"Don't worry,
because I'm here."
I'll help you find your light.

"Help me,
I need you."

That's good,
it's alright.
I see you now.
You've been through enough fight.

Chapter Text

Lingering touches and broken promises,
another year without you.

The days we have with each other are limited,
at least that's what you always say...

You are eternally stuck on hope.
And it always fails you.

Hope chooses who to help,
and you and me?
we are not the lucky ones.

For one visit,
I wish you wouldn't cry.

For one visit,
I wish you wouldn't care so much.

For one visit,
I wish I could understand you.

Fantasies fill you,
and then they drown you.

We can't be what you want us to be.
Why can't you see?

This is what we have.

Chapter Text

Sadder than none,
our love that was overcome.

I loved you in silence,
but I still wasted my time.

Every single breath uttered your name,
but you're still not mine.
To hold, to love, to keep close by.

Protecting the sacred jewel,
a burden I must carry.

Loving you from afar,
a choice I must bury.

Sadder than none,
our love that was overcome.

Tell me,
when did we come undone?

Chapter Text

How can you learn to love after you've lost?
How can you endure what hurts most?

That night at the bridge,
I was drunk and blind.
High on emotions, but low on time.
It all happened so fast,
one minute you're there, then you're not.

Sometimes, I still can't believe you're gone.
I refuse to accept that you are dead and lost.

My friends ask if I'm fine,
but how can I be?
I lie and nod,
hoping the pain will pass by.

Summer is longer,
Jeremys' getting high,
and once again,
I'm hopeless and low on time.

Aunt Jenna tries her best,
but even she can't replace,
the love you had for us, now that's lost in space.

Summers over, schools' tomorrow, and I still want to cry.

But I get up, and I feel fine.
I'm still drowning.
The waters around me creep.
I can't breathe,
the river's too steep.

'How are you doing, Elena?'

I'm doing fine,
I can't be scared of cars for the rest of my life.