Chapter Text
Once upon a time, there was a bunch of sharks who somehow obtained a ship.
Some say that they ate the crew. Others claimed that they found the ship abandoned.
It's quite unlikely that anyone will ever know the truth, but people have seen, sailing the seas, a single ship with a shark for a figurehead. And, if you're ever unlucky enough to come face to face with it, rumour says that a mouthful of teeth is the last thing that you'll ever see.
However, true that may be, that's not quite how things work on the ship…
Tobirama: Anija! For gods sake handle that more carefully!
Hashirama: *cheerfully* I’ve got it, it’ll be fine!
Tōka: *sotto voice* That’s that you said the last time...
Tobirama: *long suffering* Mito, can you please supervise him?
Madara: *whacking the deck with his tail* How about some discipline, damnit! Use her proper name!
Tobirama: Fine. ‘First Matey Six Swords Swordfish’, can you please supervise 'Powder Monkey Bargain Bin Sea-monkey'?
Izuna: I can help!
Everyone else: NO!
Mito: Do not make me punish you! I will make you sing the song!
Izuna: *shuddering* Not the song!
Mito: I WILL!
Izuna: I’m not helping!!!!
Mito: Good.
Hashirama: oops.
Tobirama: Anija?!
*explosion blows a hole in the side of the ship*
Hashirama: *caught in the explosion, falling out of the ship* AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Tobirama: *rushing to the hole* ANIJA!
Hashirama: *bobbing to the surface* I'M OKAY!!!!
Tobirama: *covers his face with a fin* I need a drink.
Madara: *grimly* Me too.
Tobirama: Mito?
Tobirama: *glancing at Madara* I mean 'First Matey Six Swords Swordfish'? Will you take care of him?
Mito: *menacingly* Oh, I will. I will make him sing the song.
Tobirama: You do that. I'll be in my bunk.
Madara: I'm going to join you.
Tōka: *looking between them* I don't want to know, do I.
Izuna: *singing* lalalalalalala! I never want to know anything about this! Ever!
Later that night….
Madara: *drunkenly* Why is he my best friend!
Tobirama: *even more drunkenly* I have no idea.
Madara: I hate running a ship!
Tobirama: Yes. That's why you leave it to me.
Madara: I should go swimming!
Tobirama: The porthole is there. I invite you to make use of it.
Madara: You're right! I should!
Madara: *flings himself out of the porthole*
Izuna: *voice from above, on the deck* NII-SAN! NO SWIMMING WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK! HUMAN ALCOHOL IS BAD FOR YOU!!!
Izuna: *diving off the ship* Fuck. Why do I ever bother saying anything…
Izuna: *splashing into the water* Nii-san! Come back here!
Tobirama falls asleep to the deep tones of Hashirama singing "I am the very model of a modern IKEA shark, I've information sailing and navigation by landmark, I know the rigging and sail plan, and correct way to disembark, I am the very model of a modern IKEA shark..."