Chapter Text
Childe is drunk. Lumine is drunk. Aether is so drunk he’s passed out over the table of the bar booth they’re all in. Lumine has Childe’s phone, taking pictures of her twin brother sleep-drooling a tiny puddle onto the table, when Childe’s phone buzzes in her hand and she blinks at the incoming text and gasps.
“Childe!” She says, way too loudly.
“Guh,” Childe winces. “What? Volume please, my head is swimmy.”
“Why are so many of the men in my life absolute lightweights?”
“You take that back, I was practically nursed on spirits as a baby—”
“And you fought bears when you were five years old, blah blah blah,” Lumine rolls her eyes before shoving Childe’s phone in his face. It’s open on a text and, oh, ugh. “What’s this! Tenth anniversary of Snezhnaya High Batch of 2011, High School Reunion!”
“It’s a nightmare, that’s what.” He grumbles.
“It’s tomorrow,” Lumine reads the text again. “And you haven’t replied yet. What’s your damage?”
“My damage is that I’m not going, obviously.”
“Why not!” Lumine says, much too loudly again. On the table, Aether snuffles in dismay. “It’ll be fun.”
Childe scrunches his face. “No it won’t. Lumine, I’ve told you about how terrible high school was for me. I was a scaredy cat nerd and everybody picked on me. No way in hell do I want to go and see those motherfuckers again.”
“No but exactly,” She sounds very determined right now. “You hate them, so you can go and show them that the nerdy kid they all bullied is hot and successful now.”
“Right,” Childe raises an eyebrow. “Because being a marine biologist is something my old high school bullies will totally find cool.”
“It is...cool…”
“You can stop trying, it’s alright.”
“You know a lot about...the narwhal population that migrate to Snezhnayan coasts…”
“Please, Lumine, this is hurting both me and you.”
“And...you wear cargo pants way too often…even when you’re not in the field and don’t need that many pockets...”
“Okay, now you’re just dissing me.”
“You can still show them you got hot!” Lumine smacks her hands on the table. “You’re not a twiggy, goggle glasses dweeb anymore!”
“Yeah, but then they’ll probably just fixate on how I’m single and make fun of me for that,” Childe sighs, taking another swig from his beer. “The people I went to high school with are worse than sharks, Lumine. They were always out for my blood. They’ll find anything about me that’s subpar and tear me to shreds. I do not want to see them again.”
“Okay,” Lumine nods. “So the problem is that you don’t have a plus one.”
“You know, nodding usually means that you listened to what I said—”
“I will fix the problem,” She grabs her own phone from where it was trapped under Aether’s sleeping head. It gets dragged through the little puddle of drool. Ew. She reaches over the table, grabs Childe by the sleeve of his windbreaker, and wipes her phone on him.
“Eugh, hey!”
“You are going to this high school reunion,” Lumine says, texting furiously on her now clean phone. “You are going to show all those demons who were terrible to you that you’re an amazing person who’s better than all of them. And you are going to enjoy giving them this huge middle finger because…” Lumine looks up Childe with her puppy eyes. “...because I want you to be happy.”
Childe is very drunk and feels a little bit like crying at the sincerity.
In this moment of weakness, he doesn’t notice Lumine grab his phone again and text very, very quickly.
“Alrighty!” Lumine grins. “Just replied that you’re going and that you’re going with a date!”
“What! Lumine!” Childe squawks, snatching his phone from her evil little raccoon hands and looking at the blasted reply with his own eyes. “A date? Me and what fucking boyfriend?”
“Already on it,” She sing-songs, back on her own phone. “Your problem is that you’re single? Well what if you weren’t? Hm?” Lumine waggles her finger, conspiratorial.
“I’m too drunk to understand what you’re saying.”
“What I’m saying is that I’m going to get you some sexy, sexy arm candy to show off at your high school reunion as a huge fuck you to everybody who was ever mean to you. And there we go! Done and done!”
“Done?” Childe says, voice going high. “Done what!?”
“My friend is game to fake date you!” Lumine says, an evil smile on her face. “His name is Kaeya Alberich, here, lookie.” She shows Childe her phone and on the screen is—Oh.
Oh damn.
On the screen is a blurry selfie of Lumine and another man. This other man has flowing blue hair, a sly and beautiful smile, and a piercing, icey gaze from his uncovered eye. Childe gulps. The dude is drop dead gorgeous, and if he can manage to be that in an unfocused picture, Childe can only assume the real thing will knock him onto the floor.
“You’re aaaall blushy,” Aether says, sleepily blinking up at Childe. “Kaeya’s totaaaally your tyyyype, isn’t he?”
“Hrgh,” Childe says intelligently before thunking his head onto the table.
“You’re welcome, by the way,” Lumine pets his head.
Childe lifts his head an inch just to thunk it down on the table once more.