Chapter Text
It’s been a few months now since they all woke up.
Everything went well, every one of them woke up without much difficulty. None of them remembered their time as Ultimate Despair, except the survivors.
But this wasn’t much of a problem anymore.
Things were going great.
The island was doing great. Parties were being held on a weekly basis, blackeneds and victims were getting along, everyone was sleeping and eating well and most importantly, people were starting to live a normal life. They were even starting to form relationships with each other.
Peko and Fuyuhiko had been going out for two months now, Mikan and Ibuki were seen cuddling and walking together more than often, Mahiru and Hiyoko had also been dating for around two months and Sonia and Gundham were constantly together recently, much to Souda’s displeasure.
And of course, Hajime and Nagito had also started dating, just a few weeks back now.
Or maybe we should say; the Hajime system and Nagito had been dating for a few weeks.
“Hajime?”
The brown haired male lifted his head up from his computer to look at Nagito, who had just entered their cottage. He gave him a weak smile, his eyebags heavy. Nagito was giving him a bright smile, the same bright smile he’d fallen in love with.
“Hey. How was your day?”
Hajime saw his face drop just the slightest, his eyebrows flattening and his smile fading. It was almost unnoticeable, but as observant as he was, Hajime noticed it. He felt his heart breaking a little.
“Great.”
The tone was almost flat, bored. Hajime felt his throat tighten.
“I’m glad. Do you want to come to the restaurant with me? I haven’t eaten yet and we could get some tea if you want.”
Nagito removed his coat and hung it on the wall. He gave Hajime a small smile.
“Sorry Hajime. I feel a little exhausted tonight. I’m probably going to lay down for a bit if you don’t mind.”
Hajime couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He nodded regardless, closed his laptop, which he had been sitting in front of all day to write long reports to the Future Foundation, and stood up. Nagito was now sitting on their bed, a book pulled out on his lap and his gaze fixated on the words.
“It’s fine. Do you want me to bring you something back?”
“No, I’ll be good.”
Hajime nodded again. He approached Nagito and gave him a kiss on the forehead, passing a hand through his fluffy white hair. The other male didn’t react and instead, kept his eyes on his book, unmoving. He pulled away and waved pointlessly at the other, before heading out of the cottage.
As he started walking to the restaurant, Hajime took a deep breath. He felt the tears trickling the corners of his eyes.
Hajime had understood the message, loud and clear.
Your thoughts are wrong
Hajime felt himself frown, hearing the familiar voice inside his head.
Shut up.
You think he doesn’t love you.
Hajime took another deep breath. Hearing it from someone else just added to his misery.
Of course he doesn’t. You see the way he acts when I’m fronting. He ignores me, he doesn’t kiss me anymore and barely even looks at me and when he does, he’s either disgusted or bored.
You’re wrong. He loves you just as much as he loves my existence. You’re overreacting.
No I’m not, Izuru. Stop fucking with me, I’m not blind and I’m not an idiot.
I am not “fucking” with you. He is just merely tired. If I was fronting, he would be acting the same.
No he wouldn’t. Yesterday morning when he woke up next to me, he didn’t even hug or kiss me like he used to. But when he woke up with you this morning, he kissed and cuddled with you until it was almost the afternoon.
...
You’re quiet now, huh.
You’re being foolish.
I’m done talking to you.
Hajime angrily stomped into the kitchen. Izuru was messing with him, as usual. Hajime thought the other was done with this behaviour, but obviously, he clearly wasn’t. Hajime was foolish to think that someone like Izuru would ever change for good.
He took a deep breath as he walked up the stairs. When he got to the top, he found someone else in the restaurant.
“Oh! Hey bro, Hajime!”
Hajime felt his mood lighten upon seeing his pink haired best friend.
“Hey Kazuichi. What’s up?”
The mechanic was shuffling around the refrigerator, multiple tools laid out around him.
“I kind of need help to fix the refrigerator. Could you get Izuru for me?”
Hajime felt his breath hitch. He stared blankly at Kazuichi, who looked at him with an impatient, yet excited look. Hajime sighed and nodded. A few seconds later, he felt himself getting pushed back in his brain. He lost control of the body and sighed once again as he curled on himself in the brain. He saw Izuru take control of the body and starting to help Kazuichi, who explained and talked with Izuru cheerfully.
Recently, Izuru had gained a lot of respect from the islanders, notably from his talents. Izuru helped everyone around the island and, encouraged by Hajime, he talked a lot with everyone. This led to him making a few... “friends”, if you’d call them that.
And so, more than often, when Hajime was the one fronting, the others would call out to Izuru for help with other things that required Izuru’s talents.
It didn’t really bother Hajime at first. If they needed help, then he couldn’t just refuse.
But when they started calling out Izuru just to discuss with him, he started feeling a little... pushed aside.
But when Kazuichi started talking to Izuru about his multiple projects, completely forgetting about the fridge, Hajime felt something break inside him.
He felt... rejected.
It was an awful feeling. He didn’t want to feel like that.
But he couldn’t help it.
His friends had told him inside the game and ever since they came to this island how his lack of talent didn’t matter, how they saw him as equal and how they thought he was a super cool guy to hang out and talk with. But these words felt empty now.
Nagito had told him how much he loved him when they started dating. He’d kissed, hugged and hung out with Hajime all the time when he was fronting. Hajime had never felt this loved and accepted before.
But now, he just felt like he went back to square one.
Maybe...
Maybe he should just disappear.
After all, this was what was supposed to happen, right? He was supposed to disappear, replaced by the much more competent individual that was Izuru.
He wondered if people would even notice he was gone.
Probably not, Hajime thought.
This was a wonderful plan to Hajime.
Nobody would ever have to ask for Izuru again, since he would constantly be fronting.
Nagito wouldn’t have to put up with Hajime anymore. He would be constantly happy with Izuru and wouldn’t be frowning anymore when he noticed Hajime was fronting instead of Izuru.
Hajime felt his vision blur as he smiled weakly to himself. The exhaustion was also getting to his head and it just added onto his pathetic mood.
‘Well... I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.’
And so, the next time Izuru went to switch with Hajime, Hajime refused. Izuru didn’t say anything, as it was a common occurrence between the both of them. Sometimes Izuru didn’t want to front and sometimes, Hajime refused as well.
And then it happened again, and again.
And again, and again, and again, and again.
At this point, Izuru was getting worried.
It had been a week ever since Hajime had fronted and the other barely even responded to him. Everytime they talked, Hajime would answer in simple short sentences and shut himself from Izuru. Izuru had enough and decided to talk to him. While the body was sleeping, he walked at the back of his mind. There, he saw Hajime, curled up in a corner of the big empty room that was their mind space.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
The brunette looked up to the long, black haired male.
“Nothing.”
“Lies.”
“Shut up. Why do you even care.”
Izuru rolled his eyes and squinted them.
“We went over this. I care about you. I thought I mentionned that before.”
“Whatever. Go back to Nagito now, he’s going to panic when he sees the body all empty like this, y’know.”
“He can manage. Besides, we need to talk.”
“Talk? There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Stop acting childish. Why do you stay here? Is this because of what we discussed?”
“Just leave me alone, please.”
“Why do you do this?”
“Because it’s better this way.”
“No it is not.”
Hajime stood up, gritting his teeth. He face Izuru, standing at eye level to the other. Izuru barely even reacted.
“Yes it is!” he snapped. “Nagito’s been the happiest he’s ever been this week, the barn was completely repaired, things are being built much quicker and others enjoy talking to you. Everything is much better without me.”
“You are wrong, once again.”
“No I’m not!”
Hajime turned away from Izuru, facing the wall, arms crossed.
“Just leave me alone. For good.”
“You cannot live for the rest of your life here.”
“What if that’s what I want?”
Izuru’s eyes widened, just the slightest.
“...what?”
“It’ll be much better if I just... disappear.” Hajime’s voice cracked towards the end. He scoffed. “Gone and forgotten, that sounds pretty good.”
Izuru was speechless and quite frankly, he never expected this situation.
He simply thought Hajime was tired and wanted to take a little break for a while, to gather his thoughts and be able to confront others. Izuru wasn’t dumb, he knew how the others treated Hajime. He thought it was unfair to Hajime, but this wasn’t his own place to talk about this with them, it was Hajime’s. Hajime had always been quite level-headed, always remaining as neutral as possible, so that’s why Izuru thought he was simply taking time off. But hearing this from him now completely shocked him.
“You... want to die?”
“What? No! I just...”
Hajime opened his mouth to argue, but his face fell and nothing came out.
“It’s just the better outcome. For me and everyone.”
“It is not!”
Hajime’s eyes widened and he flinched at Izuru’s sudden outburst. Izuru had never showed emotions like this before.
“Everyone cares deeply about you. I can see it in their eyes.”
“Shut up! Get out!”
Izuru was pushed violently back in control of the body. He stood up in the bed, gasping. He was breathing heavily, as if he just had a nightmare. And quite frankly, it felt like one to him.
“Izuru? What’s wrong?”
Nagito looked up at Izuru from his sleeping position, eyes half closed and voice strained with exhaustion.
Izuru shook his head.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
Nagito nodded as Izuru laid back. Nagito buried his face in Izuru’s hair and wrapped his arms around Izuru’s shoulders.
This night, Izuru didn’t sleep very well.
[...]
Answer me.
Answer me Hajime, please.
Hajime?
Please answer me if you’re there.
Izuru took a shaky deep breath as he closed his eyes for a few seconds, before reopening them. He passed a hand through his overgrown hair.
Hajime hadn’t fronted in three weeks now. He also didn’t answer to Izuru anymore. At night, everytime Izuru tried to speak to Hajime inside their brain, Hajime was either sitting in a corner, unresponsive, or just completely not there.
Izuru was imagining the worst now.
That maybe Hajime’s goal had been accomplished.
“Izuru?”
Izuru looked up at Nagito from his laying position, who was sitting on the bed with him, reading a book.
“Yes?”
“Do... do you know what’s happening with Hajime?”
Izuru felt his eyes widen just slightly, before he closed them. He took a long deep breath.
“Yes, I’m aware.”
Nagito looked away, eyes frowned in worry and eyes filled with sadness.
“It’s just... I haven’t heard from him in weeks now. I know that sometimes, you guys can go a few days without switching, but this long... this has never happened before. I’m worried about him.”
Izuru didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to tell Nagito that there were high chances that Hajime was completely gone. Izuru noticed for the past two weeks how worried Nagito had been. Everytime they woke up in the morning, he could tell Nagito was wondering about Hajime’s whereabouts. These feelings went from curiosity to worry very quickly.
But he couldn’t lie to Nagito.
“I’ve been trying to reach him for the past 10 to 12 days, but he has been unresponsive.”
He saw Nagito’s stir uncomfortably.
“You said you knew what was going on. It’s probably not my business to ask of course, but may I ask what it’s about?”
“It is not my place to tell, unfortunately. I think Hajime would want to tell you by himself.”
“Oh.” There was a silence for a few minutes. He saw Nagito stare in front of him, deep in thoughts. And then, his face dropped and he looked at Izuru. “Is it something I did?”
Izuru blinked. Nagito smiled sadly.
“Ah, so it is. Of course I did something.”
Izuru didn’t say anything again. Instead, he sighed. He felt like the other had to know the truth. Besides, he could also help him retrieve Hajime.
“Hajime wishes to disappear.”
Izuru watched as Nagito’s eyes widened in horror.
“...what?”
“Hajime wishes to disappear from this body, hence why he hasn’t fronted nor responded in a while.”
He could almost hear Nagito’s brain computing the information as he stared blankly at Izuru, mouth open in shock. Then, he let out a single chuckle.
“Ha. Haha. You’re messing with me, aren’t you, Izuru? Even if you have the Ultimate Comedian talent, your jokes aren’t very entertaining, to say the least.” Nagito’s voice was trembling.
“I am not joking.”
The white haired male’s breath hitched. From the corner of his eyes, the smaller male watched as the other’s hands started to tremble.
“Hajime... why? Why does he want this?”
“As I said, it is not my place to tell.”
Nagito slowly started to cry, fat tears escaping his eyes and landing on his jeans. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers, trying to calm down. Izuru knew the other didn’t like crying.
He moved to sit beside Nagito, rubbing gentle circles on his back and hugging him. Nagito was clutching Izuru’s shirt as he stopped sobbing.
“Please tell me you can get him back. He can’t disappear. I don’t want him to disappear.”
“I will continue trying.”
Nagito pulled away and nodded. He took a sharp deep breath to try to calm himself down.
[...]
The same night, during dinner, coincidentally, Kazuichi and a few others came up to Izuru and asked him about Hajime. Not wanting to cause a ruckus, Izuru simply explained that Hajime had been tired recently and only switched during nighttime, to which Nagito also lied along with Izuru. The others seemed suspicious, but didn’t press the matter any further.
“Goodnight, Nagito.”
“Goodnight Izuru...”
Izuru closed the lights and grabbed Nagito in his arms. The other buried his head in Izuru’s chest, wrapping him in a tight hug. Izuru could sense how tense Nagito was, probably from the earlier news.
Determined, Izuru closed his eyes.
He entered the mind space and immediately, in the corner, he saw Hajime, curled up in a ball. He hadn’t seen him in a while. He could also swear he saw his silhouette flickering, like a broken television image.
“Hajime.”
The other didn’t move, as expected.
Izuru took a deep breath and then did something he never did.
He walked towards Hajime and grabbed him. He grabbed his arms and pulled him up. He twisted him around to meet his face. His gut twisted upon seeing it.
His green eyes were dull, staring into nothing. Izuru shook him.
“Hajime.”
“Leave me alone...”
The voice was barely a whisper, but it resonated through the entire space.
“No. You need to get back. Nagito is worried sick.”
“No... nobody cares.”
“Hajime. Please listen to me.”
“Leave... please...”
“Hajime.”
“Go away...”
“Hajime.”
“Let me disappear in pe-”
“Hajime!”
Hajime was cut short by a sharp slap to the face. The brunette instantly gasped, bringing a hand to his cheek as he looked at Izuru.
The black haired male was frowning, teeth gritting and eyebrows knitted together. Hajime had never seen Izuru angry before.
“Stop acting foolish.”
“Huh?”
“Everyone is worried about you. Nagito asked about you and when I told him, he cried Hajime. You know he never cries. The other fools also asked about you. The pink haired moron had a sad look on his face, the dancer was asking about her “big bro”, Mahiru was wondering when you would join her on her next photoshoot and the small chihuahua asked me and I quote “Where’s the bastard? He owes me a lot of free time for ignoring me for so long!””
Hajime’s breath stuck in his throat.
“...what?”
“Now stop your petty games and go back. You cannot disappear Hajime. Everyone needs you.”
Hajime didn’t say anything as he stared in Izuru’s eyes. Then, he scoffed.
“Damn... I really acted like a baby, didn’t I.”
“I wouldn’t word it this way, but you worried a lot of us, including me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
[...]
Nagito woke up the next morning to a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him. This was strange to him, because usually, Izuru would eventually turn away from Nagito and sleep curled up on himself on the edge of the bed. This type of behavior was only typic of...
Nagito’s eyes widened as he shifted slightly, trying to move away from the warm body to look at its face.
Slowly, the body grumbled and its eyes blinked.
Bright green hazel eyes stared back into Nagito’s.
Tears filled Nagito’s eyes as he held Hajime tighter. The other let out a small gasp from the harsh action of affection, but slowly returned the hug.
Nagito moved from Hajime’s chest to reach his face. He kissed him on the forehead, before leaning down and kissing his lips.
Nagito’s hands trailed up Hajime’s body to reach his face. He grabbed said face and pulled him even closer.
They stayed like this until both were too breathlessly to continue.
“Hajime...”
The other smiled at Nagito.
“Hey... it’s been a while.”
Nagito felt the tears build up in his eyes again. Hajime panicked slightly.
“No no please don’t cry, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t ever do that again, please. I know this is selfish of me to ask, since this was my fault, but I...”
Nagito’s breath got stuck in his throat as he held back a sob.
“I love you Hajime. I can’t live without you. I can’t live without both you and Izuru. You’re both very special to me.”
Hajime nodded. He kissed Nagito on the forehead.
“I’m sorry too. This wasn’t your fault. I was just being a big baby.”
Nagito stared into Hajime’s eyes.
“Can you tell me whah happened?”
Hajime took a deep breath.
“I just thought you and the others would be better off without me. I’m not really useful around the island and people really seemed to like Izuru better than me. You seemed a lot happied with Izuru. I wanted you to be happy... so I thought I was doing the right thing. After all, I was supposed to disappear anyway but out of pure luck, I ended up sharing a body with Izuru, so I didn’t think it mattered that much. But I was wrong. I’m sorry I hurt you Nagito. I truly am.”
When Hajime was done, he looked into Nagito’s eyes. They were filled with tears. He looked angry, sad, confused and terrified at the same time.
“I’m sorry, Hajime. It’s my fault. If only I didn’t treat you like... trash, during that week. I only realize now how badly I treated you. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault, I was just overreacting. You were tired and bored, it’s normal.”
“No, it’s not normal. I should have spoken about it with you, yet I decided to ignore you.”
“Hey Nagito, look at me.”
Hajime grabbed Nagito’s face. The other also grabbed Hajime’s face.
“We both did something wrong. So let’s just work towards getting better, alright?”
Nagito seemed to analyze the question, before he nodded.
“Yeah... let’s do that.”
Hajime smiled.
They may have had a hard past, but they would work together to become a better couple and better people, with the help of Izuru. It is part of their recovery, after all.