Chapter Text
Tuesday, 5:48 PM
venti created a groupchat named "minecraft with the hoes".
venti added 25 members.
venti: minecraft.
kaeya: hell yea
hu tao: can i commit arson
venti: yes arson
jean: Venti, why did you add everyone in the grade to the group chat?
diluc: what the fuck
venti: its for minecraft with the hoes its literally in the name
venti: also no one add that one white mf to the gc
xiao: venti you are literally white
venti: hiii xiaooo how are u :>
xiao: stop
xiao is now offline
beidou: wouldn't it be funny if i added childe or tortilla or whatever his name is
venti: BEIDOU NOOOOooo
venti: I CANT JUST GIVE A XMAS PRESENT TO SOMEONE AND THEN ROAST THE SHIT BEHIND THEIR BACK
ningguang added 'snezhnaya's greatest love machine' to the groupchat
ningguang: :)
venti: they work together. i can't believe this.
snezhnaya's greatest love machine: what is this
venti: ur mom
snezhnaya's greatest love machine: no u
snezhnaya's greatest love machine: can u change my nickname pleas
hu tao changed 'snezhnaya's greatest love machine' to 'tortilla'
hu tao: there u go bestie !
tortilla: ok FUCK YOU my name isnt tortilla
venti: it is now lol
venti: anyway last night i dreamt i grew a dick
kaeya: lol just how i dreamt of having boobs
kaeya: also how long?
tortilla: VENTI I THOUGHT U ALREADY HAD A DICK???
venti: idk but it was big and i named it frankie
venti: also im trans u gross cissy
venti: u can depressingly suck a dick cissy
lisa: wouldn't that just be pity sex lol
kaeya: me on the daily
jean: Okay, I understand Venti being horny but Lisa? You as well?
diluc: lisa is always fucking horny
venti: HELP JEAN AND DILUC SAID HORNY HJSKAJSHJADJ
venti: @beidou LOOK FJSDFHKJH
beidou: why is it that whenever i try to work, some stupid bitch pings me
ningguang: pls work bb
hu tao: AHAH GO WORK AND GO ON DND
beidou: I WOULD IF YALL STOPPED PINGING ME
venti: u guys what if i typed like i was in an rp
kaeya: lets rp
venti: *whispers in beidou's ear* g-go do ur work
kaeya: *stomps on childe's dick*
tortilla: WHAT THE FUCK
lisa: one time on insta i posted a thirst trap and 20 people sent me dick pics
jean: Why would people do that knowing you are taken?
lisa: all of them were small lmao
venti: dicks look like hairless rats
beidou: i dont like dicks
beidou: vajayjay's tho mmm
tortilla: they also look weird they're like fleshy clams
ningguang: no one asked
venti: no one asked
kaeya: no one asked
aether: no one asked
beidou: no one asked
lisa: no one asked
lumine: jesus christ do they all share a braincell
xiao is now online
xiao: i thought we already came to that conclusion
venti: XIAO!! how r u <3
xiao: im tired
venti: then sleep <33
xiao: but there's chaos and im thriving
venti: then don't sleep bb <33
xiao: but im tired
venti: xiao i love you so much
aether: this is disgustingly gay to watch
lumine: aether ur literally a raging bisexual
amber is now online
amber: good morning
lumine: its literally 6pm
amber: i know
lumine: amber please eat sumnth <3
amber: u
aether: am i seeing amber volunteer to have sex with lumine right after she woke up rn
lumine: yup u homophobic or sumn?
diluc: i'm homophobic i hate all of you
kaeya: so u hate everyone except childe? bcus hes straight as fuck
tortilla: IM NOT STRAIGHT
kaeya: lol suffer cissy
tortilla: i
Zhongli is now online
Zhongli: Hello, what is this group chat?
tortilla: HI ZHONGLI !! HOW R U TODAY ???? THE WEATHER SURE IS NICE AINT IT??
Zhongli: Childe, it's raining right now. But, I suppose as someone who hails from somewhere like Snezhnaya, a little rain doesn't bother you, right?
tortilla: nothing bothers me when ur here zhongli
Zhongli: I am glad, but I have not gotten a response to my original question.
venti: minecraft with the fucking hoes
Zhongli: Ah, Venti. I should've known you were the mischievous soul to name the chat that.
Zhongli is now offline
kaeya: ok so childe isnt straight
kaeya: but he obviously has a thing for dilfs
tortilla: childe slander
venti: i support
beidou: i support
xiao: i support
diluc: i support
ningguang: i support
keqing: i support
ningguang: wait keqing is here too
keqing: i've been here the whole time watching all of you dumbasses
venti: anyway dicks are weird ass flesh sticks why does wattpad make them sound sexy
beidou: i downloaded wattpad when i was 11
lisa: not me reading wattpad in the back of the library in third grade
ningguang: IVE READ WATTPAD IN THE CAR
lisa: i wrote jean x reader smut for myself once
kaeya: thats so gay
jean: Lisa, what's smut?
venti: HELP
lumine: uh oh
xiao: oh archons
aether: oop
hu tao: SO whos gonna tell her
jean: ?
venti: not ME LMAOOO
lisa: she asked me dumbasses
lisa: also its sex but in words
jean: Lisa! Why would you write that?
lisa: lmfao idk gotta feed the hormones