Work Text:
Abigael had finished her session with Macy over a half hour ago; yet here she was attempting to make small talk with another witch who despised her, all because she’s a stupid girl with a ridiculous crush. She should feel more embarrassed for herself, but after the truth serum confession about having feelings for Mel Vera, she really doesn’t have anything left to lose at this point. Her dignity left her ages ago and she’s mostly okay with that by now.
“I think she’s planning on seeing Ruby today.”
Macy’s voice dragged her out of her thoughts. “What?”
“Mel. She said she’d be late tonight.” Macy explained.
“I don’t know why you feel the need to tell me that. I’m not…”
Macy stared at her harshly. “You’re not what, Abigael? We finished my training a while ago and you’re still here trying to talk to me about the weather.”
“I merely pointed out that this should be Seattle’s rainy season and yet, the weather is truly delightful today.”
“Wow. You really like her.” Macy taunted and Abby attempted to argue only to be silenced by a shake of Macy’s head. “Is that why you’re helping me? For her?”
Abigael sighed. “I restored your demon powers and am showing you how to use them properly because no one deserves to hate a part of themselves that other people don’t understand. Believe me, learning to accept this part of you will make you stronger. It will only serve to help you and your sisters. It’s pragmatic on my part, really. Self preservation and all that.”
Macy’s face softened. “You’re really trying to make amends, aren’t you? First with helping Jordan with his PTSD. I know you helped him and convinced him to come back home. Maggie is so excited about their first date.”
Abigael shrugged. “It was purely selfish. I missed Jordy and it was my fault he went through all that extra trauma.”
“It was.”
Abigael swallowed thickly and couldn’t meet Macy’s gaze.
“But not in the way you think.” Macy added and Abby looked at her with confusion. “He was trying to help you. You were willing to give up your magical side to stop your demon side from killing you...or us. And...I never understood. I never saw you. Not the way Harry did. Or the way Mel does.”
Abigael smiled softly at the mention of Mel before she internally cursed herself and schooled her features back into the look of indifference that she had long ago perfected.
“You’re not as awful as you seem to think you are. We both know you’ve done some pretty awful things. But you’ve saved us countless times, I can admit that now. And you are helping me. You’re right, not being scared of who I am...and embracing it, it will only make me stronger. Better. I no longer hate that part of myself, and I don’t think you should hate that part of yourself either. Our demon powers aren't what makes us evil...it’s our choices that do that. So just...choose to be good.”
Abigael laughed out loud. She raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Just like that? Choose to be good?”
“You’re already well on your way. Restoring my powers. Looking into helping Harry be mortal. And you did promise us you’d help us find a way to end our curse. Slowly, the scales are tilting in your favor.”
Abigael studied her and sighed. “You know that none of those are altruistic, right? Surely one can’t simply be good if there are ulterior motives.”
Macy rolled her eyes. “Name one human that has ever done something out of purely unselfish reasons. Even those trying to make the world a better place have their place in that world at stake. We make the world better because we want a better world for ourselves.”
“So you can do good selfishly and it’s seen as noble but if you do bad selfishly…”
Macy shook her head and exhaled loudly. “Yeah, it’s a bit messed up and maybe I’ve become jaded over the years. But what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to be perfect to be good, Abigael. No one expects that of you.”
Abby bit her lip and closed her eyes. “Why are you being nice to me?” She opened her eyes and studied her again. “What’s your ulterior motive?”
“Maybe I’m making amends of my own. I didn’t accept that people could change and I admit that I may have been jealous about your presumed interest in Harry.”
Abby laughed at that. “You were right. That ship has sailed.”
“I can’t believe I felt threatened by you...especially after seeing the way you look at Mel.”
“I…”
What could she say to defend herself against that accusation? Apparently, she needed to work on her poker face.
“Look, I respect that you haven’t tried to interfere with her relationship with Ruby. And I can appreciate how it must feel to have someone believe in you after everything you’ve been through.” Macy replied when Abby had remained silent.
“But?”
“Isn’t it harder being around her knowing you can’t be with her?”
Abby knew that Macy was referencing the curse. She and Harry were struggling with not being able to be physically close when they wanted to be. Abby knew that Ruby and Mel struggled with the same issue sometimes.
She shrugged and averted her gaze. “That’s the thing. For me, I know I don’t have a chance with her. I’m not delusional. I know she deserves better than me.” She sighed loudly and glanced at Macy. “On trial, remember when I admitted why I helped save Harry?”
Macy nodded.
“Knowing that people like that exist. Good people. Harry. Mel. Maggie. You.” She squared her shoulders and met Macy’s gaze. “Knowing she exists is enough. Getting to be around her, even if at a distance...it’s enough. She makes me want to be better. Not just for her...but for me, too. I like being around her… because I like how I feel when I’m around her. I like that sometimes, I see myself through her eyes...and I can see that I’m not a monster. Not completely. I don’t need her to love me back. Or a relationship. Or sex or intimacy. I just…” She looked at the floor and released a heavy breath. “I don’t want anything from her that she doesn’t willingly give me. And if it’s just some of her time...I’ll take it.”
She doesn’t look at Macy again. She can’t. But she does continue. “No one in my entire life has ever loved me. I didn’t think I was capable of being loved. I always felt unlovable. Still do, if I’m being honest. But...what I learned is that even if I am incapable of being loved...that I do know how to love. And what I learned about love. From all of you. From seeing the way you love each other. It’s that love shouldn’t be conditional. I don’t love her because I want her to love me back. I love her because I can love. I am capable of it. And if I can love another person so deeply...it gives me hope that I will be able to love myself someday. And maybe then...someone else will be able to love me back.”
“Abby…”
But it wasn’t Macy’s voice that whispered her name. She turned around and felt her face aflame with embarrassment.
“Mel…” She breathed out. “You weren’t...you weren’t supposed to hear that.”
She didn’t dare ask how much of that she heard.
“I’m glad I did.” Mel told her as she held her gaze briefly before she glanced toward Macy. “How’d today’s session go?”
“Good. I can control my demon powers better each day. I didn’t even accidentally set anything on fire today.” Macy tried to catch Abby’s eye, but Abby steadfastly kept her gaze on the wall beyond her. “I thought you had a date with Ruby tonight.”
“It wasn’t a date so much as…” Mel sighed. “You know what, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I had a rough day at work continuously fighting to keep my job with the new Dean in charge always keeping an eye on me. I don’t know what to expect from her and it keeps me stressed out.”
“I’ll take that as my cue to leave.” Abby latched on to the chance to escape before things turned even more awkward for her after another unintended confession.
“You don’t have to go. Share a drink with us. I know I could use it.” Mel suggested.
“I’m actually meeting Harry for dinner. Rain check?” Macy answered. Her question was directed at Abby.
“You can’t be serious. You want a rain check...to spend time with me...willingly?” Abby asked.
“I do. How about you join us for our movie night next week?” Macy offered and she seemed genuine so Abby nodded her head in acceptance.
And then Macy was gone and she was left alone with Mel. She slowly turned toward her.
“So...how much of that did you hear?”
She doesn’t want to know the answer--yet she felt like she needed it.
“Enough.”
And it’s awkward between them again. Like every other time Abby had been vulnerable around Mel, either by choice or not. And just like all the other times, she had to go against her very nature; the instinct to lash out like cornered prey terrified of its predator, or the urge to cut her losses and flee. Runaway forever. But she was sincere when she told Macy why she stuck around. Because her world was brighter with Mel in it; no matter the pretense or reason. And the fact that Mel didn’t run away either--the fact that she kept coming back. That she didn’t give up on Abby--that she kept trying. If Mel could keep trying, then so could she.
“Did I agree to attend a movie night with the Charmed Ones?” Abigael asked with a smirk to lighten the situation.
“You did. I’ll have to warn you though, it will likely turn into a date night thing now that Jordan is back and he and Maggie are official.” Mel told her as she grabbed two wine glasses and opened a bottle of something far cheaper than Abigael would usually deign to drink. “And Harry and Macy can be so annoyingly perfect that you may want to rethink your attendance.”
Abigael swallowed thickly. “And you and Ruby?”
Mel seemed to ignore her on purpose and Abby wasn’t about to repeat her question. She happily accepted the offered wine and guzzled half of it.
“Wow. Someone else had a rough day, it seems.” Mel commented as she sipped from her own glass. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not at all.”
Mel hummed and sat beside her, content with the silence.
“I’m closer to finding a way to make Harry human...but perhaps I should share the results of that after our movie night. If they are impossibly insufferable already.” Abby spoke into the quiet of the room.
“Or...you turn him human before next week and then they cancel on us and none of us have to put up with the sexual tension. Because it will no longer be unresolved.”
Abigael laughed at that. “It sounds urgent. Lives may be at stake if we let it go on any longer.”
“Exactly.”
“I’ll fix it. Fix them. I promise.” She raises her glass to her lips and sips from it to buy herself some time before turning toward Mel. “And then I’ll cure your curse. I’ve helped everyone else get what they want. Let me do this. Let me find a way to fix things for you and Ruby as well.”
Mel sighed. “I appreciate that you want to help, we all do. But our curse...that isn’t something you have to atone for. You didn’t do this to us, we did it to ourselves. I don’t want you thinking that part of your penance should include making my relationship with Ruby easier. I told you that you are capable of redemption Abby, and you are. But don’t punish yourself because you think you have to.”
Abby understood what she was saying. Mel knew about Abby’s feelings and she was trying to protect her from unnecessary pain.
“I meant what I told Macy. Your friendship is enough for me, Mel. Your faith in me means everything. Being around you and knowing that you aren’t interested, it’s okay. Okay? I get it. I accept it.”
Some unnameable emotion crossed through Mel’s eyes for just a moment and Abigael would have given anything to know what it meant. But she wasn’t brave enough to ask. She was stubborn and strong and a full on coward. She could only put herself out there so many times and apparently she had reached her quota.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while longer. Abby could have sat beside her forever. She enjoyed the calm as it washed over her.
“Hey, what’s up?” Maggie asked as she walked in the room.
Abigael jumped a bit as she came out of her daze. She glanced out the window and saw how dark it was outside.
“Oh, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I’m going to head home now.” She said standing up.
“Macy mentioned you’re going to watch His Dark Materials with us next week. I didn’t realize you were a fan.” Maggie said, ignoring Abby’s attempt at fleeing.
Abigael frowned. “His what?” She looked at Mel with wide eyes. “What is that? What are we watching?”
Mel smiled softly at her. “Relax. I have the book series you can borrow. And we’re only four episodes in, so you can stream them online if you want to catch up. Or we can always pick something different to watch this time.”
“Oh, no. That sounds good. I’ll read them.” She would do anything to keep that smile directed at her.
“Okay, well, I’m going to go grab them for you then. I’ll be right back.”
Mel disappeared and Abby slowly blinked herself back into the present.
“It’s her favorite series. You’ll be scoring some serious points with her by reading them.” Maggie commented wryly as she poured herself a glass of wine and studied Abby closely. “I like Ruby, a lot. She’s a good person.”
Abby closed her eyes and sighed. “I know.”
“But Mel isn’t happy. She hasn’t been. And I don’t know if it’s just the curse getting to her or if they’re growing apart. They fight often. I think Ruby is intimidated by you and Mel defends your friendship which only makes things worse.”
Abby swallows thickly. “Is this your way of telling me to back off? Because I swear I am not trying to come between them. I wouldn’t do that to Mel--make her a cheater. I may be a demon asshole but I’m not a homewrecker.”
Maggie smiled widely at her and refilled her glass as she continued to watch her in silence. And damn it, it only made Abby ramble more.
“I don’t want to cause problems between them. I care too much about Mel to do that. Maybe I should back off? Or talk to Ruby myself, let her know she has nothing to worry about from me.”
“Yeah...somehow, I don’t think that will help.”
“Then what should I do?” Abby stood up straighter. “I’m cancelling on movie night.”
“Please don’t. I want to hang out with you. And I’m sure Jordan will as well.” Maggie gestured to refill Abby’s glass but she dismissed the offer. “You know, Jordan speaks very highly of you. Even after everything.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not to be believed. He’s been compromised.”
Maggie laughed. “You want people to think you’re worse than you are. I can’t believe I missed that for so long. But Mel saw it. Before any of us.”
“Okay you need to stop. You can’t tell me how much Mel cares while simultaneously reminding me that I don’t stand a chance. That’s cruel, Maggie. And it’s beneath you.”
Maggie softened and her smile fell from her face. “That wasn’t...I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“Well, sorry to inform you but you failed miserably regardless.” She downed the rest of her drink in one large gulp and slammed it down on the table with enough force to nearly shatter it.
She planned the perfect storm out when Mel re-entered the room with a pleasant smile and an arm full of books. And immediately, all the fight within Abby left her. She couldn’t help returning the smile.
“Here you go! If you do enjoy the series, I have more to go with it. There’s a prequel series and a couple companion books. I really hope you like it.”
She unceremoniously dropped the books into Abby’s arms and stood as close as they could safely get without activating the curse.
When the books were properly secured in her grasp, Abby left the Vera home without a word.
Xxxxxx
Abby spent most of the next week reading Mel’s books and working on finding a solution to the ‘Harry wanting to be human’ problem. When she needed a break from potions, she gave Mel a call to come over and talk about the books with her. They were surprisingly good. Not her usual preference, but she found depth in them. And some answers actually. Which is why she called Mel and asked her to come over. Well, a reason she called her over.
She got comfortable on her sofa and curled up in a blanket she may have stolen from Mel. It was soft and it was warm and it smelled like Mel. And yes, she can admit she has a problem. And that she’s a thief. But in the moment, it felt like she was wrapped up in Mel’s embrace as she held her favorite books and she can’t really chastise herself too much when it felt so good. She knew she wasn't perfect. But thanks to her conversation with Macy, she was fine with not needing to be perfect.
The ding of the elevator brought her back to the current moment, but not soon enough to hide the evidence of her thievery.
“Did you...steal my favorite blanket?” Mel asked with a raised eyebrow as she strode into the room.
“That is neither here nor there.” Abby said as haughtily as possible. “We need to discuss Marisa Coulter.”
Mel’s face lit up and she sat beside Abby excitedly. “I knew you’d like her. She’s complex. Morally gray. And fascinating.” Mel smiles softly as she makes herself comfortable. “She reminds me of you, a little bit.”
Abby raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You think I’m fascinating.”
“I think you’re complicated and messy. And emotionally stunted.”
“Oh how you flatter me, Mel.” Abby drolled out with an eye roll. “Please, do say more.”
Mel shook her head. “No, you tell me what you think about the books.”
And so she did. They discussed everything for hours and the domesticity of it made Abby’s heart ache.
“So, the blanket? You know, I’ve been looking for this for ages. Last time I remember seeing it was when…”
“When I slept over at your house and my demon form tried to kill me?” Abby finished for her.
“Yeah.”
An awkward silence washed over them.
“So ah...do you want to watch the first few episodes together so you’re caught up before Friday?” Mel asked into the silence.
“Yes.” She tried not to sound as excited as she felt because this wasn’t a date. She wouldn’t let her mind go there.
But then Mel settled beside her, a few feet between them and tugged the blanket across both of their laps and Abby couldn’t help letting her mind go there. The ‘What ifs?” of it all. What if she was a better person? One who deserved someone like Mel? What if she was just an ordinary human girl? Then they could be cuddling right now.
“Marisa was capable of many awful things, but she was capable of love, too.” Mel said softly as her words swirled around in Abby’s mind. “Redemption. Everyone deserves a chance to be better.”
“To heal. And not feel broken all the time?” Abby ventured quietly, terrified of further exposing herself to Mel’s knowing gaze.
“You’re not broken, Abby. Not the way you seem to think you are.” Mel turned toward her and scooted as close as she could get safely. “We all have our...demons.”
Abby rolled her eyes and let a smirk settle on her face as she listened.
“We have things we’re going through that no one can understand. That people don’t see. You seem to have me up on this pedestal. Like I’m this perfect...potion princess.” Mel smiled at her genuinely and then sighed. “I’m not perfect. You’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people. Yes, you had a shitty life. And you did shitty things. So did I. I messed with my ex’s mind, Niko. I made her forget me to keep her safe...but in doing so I took away her choice. And I almost vanquished you for no reason.”
“You had plenty of reasons.”
“No, don’t do that. I was wrong. I know I already apologized, but it’s true. I so easily jumped to the worst conclusion about you and it wasn’t fair to you. Up until that point, you had continuously proven yourself as our ally and I had no reason to doubt you.”
Abby swallowed. “Then why did you?”
Mel averted eye contact and slowly moved away from her on the couch. “I thought I had been played. I started to trust you. To enjoy having your around. And I thought my objectivity had been compromised. I started to doubt my own judgment and thought I let you get too close. It was about me and not you. I felt...guilty.”
Abby studied her closely, but Mel still couldn’t look at her.
“You thought that believing in me meant you had gotten too close.” She looked away as well and fiddled with Mel’s blanket between her fingers nervously. “You felt guilty because...because I’m not alone in this...these feelings. And you have Ruby.”
The last few words were whispered and settled uneasily between them. She chanced a glance at Mel who only nodded as she swallowed thickly.
To save them both, Abby pressed play and they let the show wash over them. Steady them. Abby could scarcely have explained what happened for the first episode or the one after that. Her mind was reeling. Her feelings weren’t one-sided. And that knowledge hurt more than it helped, because even if they liked each other, they still couldn’t be together. But somehow, the knowledge of her being someone Mel thought about in such a way at all...it made her feel much better about herself. Because it allowed her to believe that she was worth it. She mattered to someone. She mattered to Mel.
Xxxxx
Movie night arrived a few days later, and she was pleased with herself for not arriving empty handed. Maggie was the one who greeted her at the door.
“Hey, Abs. Glad you made it.” She said and stepped aside to let her in. “Mel said you liked the books and that you’re all caught up with the show.”
At the mention of Mel, Abby found her eyes wandering in search of her.
“She’s not back yet. One of her students wanted to talk to her after her last class, and she still had to run to the store to pick up snacks for tonight.”
Abigael nodded and didn’t bother commenting on the fact that the empath could apparently read her like an open book.
“Well, I did come bearing a gift of my own.” She replied instead, holding up the container holding the potion. “Should work in turning Harry human.” Abby explained as she walked into the living room and saw Macy, Jordan and Harry sitting on the couch. All appropriately spaced apart. She wiggled the formula slightly. “Are you absolutely sure about this? I know you’re coming from a pure place...but...well, you all know how I feel about resenting parts of yourself.”
Harry stood up and approached her. He hugged her gently. “It’s not about hating a part of myself. It’s about loving Macy enough to give up a part of myself that no longer defines me. I know what I’m giving up for this. I know the cost.” He looked at Macy and smiled. “And it doesn’t feel like losing. It feels like I’ve finally won. I found what I’ve been looking for. I've found someone I’m excited to share my life with. Not an eternal life, a very real, human one.”
“I’m happy for you then. I suppose.” And she was. Because she understood finding something worth living for. Worth dying for. Because that was the crux of it actually, wasn’t it? What’s the point of living forever if you’re alone? “I...I considered taking it myself actually. The solution to all of my problems. Getting rid of both sides of me and just...being Abby for a bit.”
Maggie’s gaze softened as she looked at her. “Abby…”
Abigael shook her head. “I thought better of it, obviously. It isn’t the quick fix it seemed to be if I still hate myself as a human. I need to learn to love all parts of myself before I can think about giving any of them up.” She shrugged. “Or, at least, that’s what I told myself before doing something I would have regretted. Honestly, working with Macy, I’ve learned to appreciate my demon side for its practicality rather than fear or despise it for what it’s taken from me.”
“And...your witch side?” Jordan asked casually. “Still pretending that part doesn’t exist?”
She rolled her eyes. “I made a potion using my witch side...so it has its benefits as well.” She smirked. “Besides, I’ve come to realize that not all witches are evil, child abusing monsters.”
Her self-deprecation didn’t have the humor she intended and her joke fell flat in the room. “Anyway, where’s Ruby? I did 7th wheel date night, did I not?”
“Oh...um, they broke up last week.” Macy explained. “That night she came home earlier than expected and didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh…” Abby let the word linger. Because it didn’t mean anything. Because it had been a week and Mel never told her. Because it didn’t change anything. “I...I hope I didn’t ruin things for them. Make things worse.”
“No. I think it was the curse...and well, Ruby is moving. To New Mexico.” Maggie explained. “So it wasn’t you. Isn’t that great?”
“Great?” Abby frowned. “Mel is heartbroken. How is any of that great?”
Maggie’s gaze softened further and Macy looked at her with pity. Jordan leaned into her and rested his hand on her forearm. The touch made her calm instantly. She adored Jordy. She truly did. And she’s glad he was back.
“I can fix it. I will find the cure and they can work things out.” Abby stated with far more certainty than she felt.
“You’d do that? After...everything.” Macy replied and studied her carefully as if seeing her for the first time. “You would. Because you were being sincere. You just want her happy, even if it isn’t with you.” She stepped closer. “And you think you’re going against your demon nature by doing this. Caring like this...but Abby...this is you. At your core. This is who you would have been if your parents hadn’t broken you. If they let you find yourself...love yourself.”
“I’m not broken.” Abby whispered defiantly. “Mel said...she said that I’m not broken.”
“You’re not.” Jordan reaffirmed. “Life tried to break you...but you didn’t let it.”
“You wake up every day trying to be better than the day before and you’ve done it. You won. You didn’t let your mom or anyone take that part of you. The good part. The part you thought you had to keep hidden with the rest of you. The part you thought made you weak. Because it’s the opposite, Abby. Choosing to be kind and decent and good despite all evidence in the world proving to you that you shouldn’t be, that you can’t be... that isn’t weak. It’s strong. And brave. Letting people in is the bravest thing you can do.” Maggie told her passionately.
“And before you dismiss our words as pity or guilt or whatever you may try to tell yourself...we’ve seen you, Abby. All of you. The good. The bad. The human. You don’t have to choose between your sides, Abby. There’s a third option.” Macy added.
“What is it?”
“Our powers don’t make us good or bad. What we choose to do or not do with them does. Using them. Giving them up. They aren’t parts of you to discard or hold tight to. No one gets to tell you who you are. No one but you, Abby.” Harry said. “I explained it wrong before. It isn’t about giving up a piece of myself. It’s about letting go of labels that no longer serve me. I can still be their white lighter without my powers. I am still and will forever be their protector. No one can take that away from me. I’m not giving up anything. I’m getting everything in return. I’m getting my life back.”
Before Abby could reply, Mel walked into the room. “I feel like I missed something. Again.”
Harry holds up the potion in his hand. “Abby did it. She found a way to make me human.”
And the look that Mel gives her. The admiration and respect that shone in her eyes as she gave Abby a broad smile made Abigael momentarily forget what they had been talking about to begin with.
“You did it.” Mel breathed out. “I knew you could do it.”
“And I will find the cure for the rest of you next. I promise.”
“I believe you.” Mel answered and then added. “I believe in you.”
“So do I.” Maggie confirmed.
“Me too.” Macy agreed.
They separated shortly after to get ready for movie night. Macy went upstairs to grab blankets and pillows. Maggie and Jordan started arranging the snacks on the coffee table. Harry got the show queued up. And Abby followed Mel in the kitchen to help with the drinks.
“We’re going to be a blanket short, you know.” Mel commented teasingly as she gathered the glasses and Abby opened the wine.
“She makes jokes now.”
“I’ve always been the funny one.” Mel pouted.
Abby laughed at that. “Aren’t you the delusional one?” She smiled at her. “I have to admit, I have missed angry spice.”
Mel rolled her eyes. “What’s with all the nicknames? Was that…” Mel’s eyes widened. “You flirt like a 6th grade boy picking on a girl he has a crush on.”
Abby knew her cheeks reddened at the taunt. But it was true. She didn’t know any better at the time.
“I didn’t have a mother telling me that behavior like that was unacceptable and that it shouldn’t be tolerated as a way to express that you care about someone. Treating girls cruely and then telling them that that is what love is really should have been my villain origin story.”
She felt Mel’s hand on her shoulder a split second before the curse forced them apart and on their asses.
“Shit. Sorry. Impulse.” Mel said as she stood up and shook her head.
“It’s okay. I...it was worth it. It’s the thought that counts, as they say.” Abby replied as she stood up and dusted herself off as a way to avoid eye contact. “I really am trying. The teasing...it was never meant to be...I might have loathed you at the beginning but the teasing wasn’t meant to hurt you. It...it was fun to watch you get riled up at first, but it was never done with actual malice. If that...if it means anything.”
“I know. And it does.”
Abby nodded. “Maggie mentioned...why didn’t you tell me about Ruby? Above all, I want us to be friends, Mel. I want to be someone you talk to about things that are bothering you. I can do that. For you, I can listen.”
Mel watched her for a long time, as if she searched for the truth in Abby’s words. Abby let her find it. Eventually, Mel’s gaze fell away and Abby missed the warmth of it.
“She’s moving and asked me to go with her.”
Abby’s eyes widened. “Oh.”
“Everything in my life is here. My sisters. My work. I...we’re basically in a long distance relationship as it is. With the lack of physical intimacy and our social distancing. So I assumed...I thought we could stay together even if she moved. But...apparently, that isn’t what she wanted.” Mel explained. “And I don’t blame her. She deserves someone who can give her everything she wants. Everything she needs. It just isn’t me right now.”
“I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”
“I know you are.”
“I can fix it then. Finding the cure. Then you can give her everything she wants.” Abby states emphatically.
Mel shook her head. “I think it helped me realize...that it might not be what I want any more.” She sighed. “We recently shared ‘I love yous’. And I was happy. Briefly. But...I thought it would feel different. Taking that step, I thought it would bring us closer but it only reminded me how far apart we really were. I don’t know if we can cure this or not. But I realized that I need to be with someone that is okay with that possibility. I always felt guilty about everything I couldn’t give her. I felt like I was always letting her down and then I would get jealous when she shared some things with other people that I wasn’t able to give her. Like a hug. The small stuff, you know.”
Abby nodded.
“I can’t live like that. In the unknown. In the what ifs. I can’t be with her and feel like no matter what I do it will never be enough.” Her eyes widened and she stared at Abby sadly. “That’s...that’s how I make you feel. Isn’t it? Like this...thing to strive for--that you will never reach. That no matter how hard you try...you’re constantly being judged for the things you didn’t do rather than all the good things you did do.”
Abby shook her head. “Not at all. Yes, I want to be better...to be worthy of you. But I don’t see that as something that I resent about you. I...when...when I let myself think about what I could have with you...do I imagine all that stuff? Kissing. Sex. Of course. But it’s the other little things. Sitting in silence with you and knowing that you exist in the world and that you care enough about me to share a piece of that world with you. Talking about books. Drinking and bearing my soul in a way that only you seem to get out of me. Because you see me. I treasure every smile you give me. And our banter. Everything, Mel. I don’t want anything from you but your time. Your presence. I really am content with your friendship. Because...and this sounds awful, but I don’t really have any of those. And it’s...nice. I like it.”
Mel stared at her with wide eyes and her mouth ajar.
“I mean, I have Jordy and I very nearly ruined his life. I’m lucky he still tolerates me.”
Mel licked her lips and closed her eyes as she shook her head. Abby figured she was shaking her thoughts free. Clearing her mind. And she gave her the space to do it.
“Come on. We have a show to binge and the others are probably waiting for us.” Abby finally broke the silence before it grew intolerable.
They walked into the living room and only Jordan and Maggie were there.
“Harry decided to take the potion and he and Macy went to see if it...worked.” Maggie said, clearly uncomfortable with the images in her head. “They said we can watch without them. If you’re still up for it.”
“Yes, of course. I didn’t read the books and catch up with the series for nothing.” Abby said as she settled beside Jordan and smiled when he wrapped an arm around her and tugged her into him.
“For nothing. Right.” Maggie commented as she settled on the other side of Jordan and Mel sat in the chair closest to Abby.
It was perfect. She allowed herself to enjoy it for what it was. A night with friends. With people who genuinely seemed to enjoy her company. They watched the rest of the season before they had to call it a night because Mel and Maggie seemed to be fighting sleep. The four of them said their goodnights, and then Jordan walked with Abby out the door.
“I’m really glad you’re back.” She told him sincerely.
“So am I.”
“I’m sorry for what you had to endure just for trying to help me.”
“For what it’s worth. You never belonged in that tomb either, Abby.” He said as they got to his car. “You and Mel...you were gone for a while.”
“Just talking. She told me about the break-up.”
He nodded. “Maggie’s rooting for you.”
“Maggie should focus on her own love life.” She eyed him dangerously. “Why’d the two of you stay? You’re not cursed so you have no magic left in you. You could have been celebrating the same way, I presume, Macy and Harry are.”
“We’re taking things slow. I know it seems like our whole relationship has been slow but...we’re finally going in the right direction and I have no intention of messing things up. I care about her too much to rush into things just because I want them so badly.”
She nodded at him. “I get that. More than you know.”
“Just so you know, I’m rooting for you, too.”
She laughed humorlessly. “What ever did I do to earn your faith in me?”
“That’s the thing, Abs. You aren’t the one who gets to decide how others feel about you. Not just the negative things, but the positive things, too. Forgiveness and love and trust...all of that is less about you than you think. You don’t get to decide if you earned our forgiveness or trust or if you deserve our love. That’s for us to decide. I forgive you, Abby. And I trust you. And those sisters in there...so do they. And I’m pretty sure one of them also loves you. Even if she doesn’t fully realize it yet.”
Abby stared at him.
“Mel. I was talking about Mel.”
Abby rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. “I am well aware, asshole.”
He laughed even as he rubbed his arm. “Stop questioning the how and the why of things, Abby. Just accept that you have people who care about you now. Okay? Promise me you’ll just...please tell me you believe us.”
She sighed and closed her eyes. “I don’t know if I dare let myself have that kind of hope.”
She opened her eyes when she felt his warm, strong hand on her shoulder. She looked him straight in the eyes. She could see his determination.
“Then maybe this time...it’s up to us to prove ourselves to you.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“We need to prove to you that you can trust us. That we’re sticking around. That you haven’t scared us away. Let us show you that you’re worth that much, Abby. Please?”
She hated herself for the tears that formed in her eyes and closed them to try to stop the tears from falling. But it was to know avail.
“I hate you Jordan.”
“I love you too, Abigael.”
She let out a wet sob that was supposed to be a laugh and he held her tightly in his arms and kissed the top of her head.
“You are loved, Abby. So much.” He whispered reverently into her ear and she let herself break in his arms, knowing that when she finally stepped away she would have been rebuilt. The healing had finally begun. And she wasn’t sure she was ready for it, but she was more than ready for what came after. Or, at least, she hoped she was.
Xxxxx
Mel and Abby worked closely together over the next few weeks working on trying to come up with a cure to the curse. The conversations tended to stay pretty superficial. At least they avoided discussions about the weather, but only barely. It was like they both were too scared to bring up what had changed between them. The unspoken mutual attraction. Well, mostly unspoken on Mel’s part because Abby had said more than enough for both of them. Not that she could ever really regret it. Because Jordan was right, she was still here. She was proving that Abby was worth it.
“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we cure this curse of yours?” Abby asked conversationally. “Assumedly, there will be group hugs and sister sleepovers or whatever it is you charmed ones do that is typically gag inducing and too pollyanna for my taste.”
Mel chuckled. “Yes, hugging my sisters is top of my list.”
“Is...visiting Ruby high on that list as well?” Abby ventured cautiously.
Mel shook her head. “No. We’re really over.”
“Honestly, if hugging your insipid sisters is the only thing on your agenda, what are we even doing here, Mel? You need to get more creative. Live a little.”
Mel playfully rolled her eyes. “I did have one other thing on my list…”
“Well, now, color me intrigued.” Abby asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
“I was thinking…” Mel cleared her throat and brushed a stay piece of hair behind her ear.
Abby watched her entranced. She longed to brush her fingers over Mel’s and rest her fingertips against the soft skin of Mel’s temple. Behind her ear.
She was thrust back to reality as a shock of pain erupted within her and tossed her to the other side of the room.
Shit. She actually did touch Mel like that. She closed her eyes in absolute horror.
“I am so sorry Mel…” She said as she stood up and rushed to the other woman.
Mel shook her head and pushed herself up off the floor.
“I…” She caught Abby’s gaze. “Guess our minds were in the same place. I was going to say that the other thing on my list was going to be to kiss you.”
Abby’s mouth dropped open in shock.
“After I asked you on a proper date first, obviously.” Mel continued. “And you gave me your consent, of course.”
“Fuck the whole date first thing. I’ve been counting all of the time we’ve been spending together as dates already.” Her eyes widened at her confession. “I mean…”
“It’s okay, so have I. Well, the last few. Starting with movie night that day at my house.” Mel admitted.
“You...you really want to...us...I mean.” Abby swallowed thickly. “You want to try...us?”
Mel nodded. “I do. If you still were interested. Which by the shock you just gave both of us is a yes, I assume…”
“Yes. Absolutely yes.” Abby groaned. “I know that I said I was fine just with your friendship and being in your company, and believe me that is true. But...never in a million years did I think this would be a possibility and now…”
“Now you are allowing yourself to want more?”
Abby nodded. “Let’s find this cure. And then I am going to kiss you so hard you forget everyone who came before me.”
Mel grinned and rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t work like that.” She stepped closer but was careful to keep a proper distance. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of Abby. Everyone who came before...they led me to you.”
Abby swallowed audibly.
“So let’s find this cure, huh?” Mel smirked at her. “I can’t wait to kiss you, then cuddle with you on your couch with my blanket.”
“ Our blanket.” Abby corrected. “And that sounds perfect. More than perfect. It sounds...real.”
This time when they talked about nonsense, it felt...right. Like this was her real life. Their life.
It took two more days for them to solve their problem.
“I dare say...I think we did it.” Abby breathed out unsteadily. “Ready to try?”
Their last several attempts were not ideal. Mel had consumed a few different batches and they stepped closer to each other only to be blasted apart the moment they touched.
But this time...as the distance closed between them, Abby anxiously held her breath.
“I’m scared because I want this to work so much.” Abby said shakily.
“And you think I don’t?”
Abby smiled at her. She slowly brought her hand up toward Mel’s cheek and let it settle there as the realization of being able to touch her turned into awe. She had thought that she’d be unable to hold herself back when the time came--now that she knew she had a chance with her. But the anticipation, it was nothing compared to the real thing. She stroked Mel’s jaw with her thumb, softly but surely, and watched mesmerized as Mel’s eyes fluttered closed.
“It worked.” Mel whimpered and it nearly made Abby come undone.
But she wanted to savor this so she slowly stepped closer. She dusted her hand down along Mel’s jaw, traced her collarbone and then tugged Mel into her for a tight embrace. She held her. Hugged her against her with all the love she had and swallowed back a relieved sob. Then she reverently whispered in Mel’s ear.
“We did it.”
She felt Mel’s arms tighten around her. “We did.” Mel stepped away barely leaving any distance between them. “So kiss me already.”
And who was Abby to deny Mel anything? She closed the distance between them and her entire body was engulfed with desire when their lips finally touched. Mel’s lips were soft. Warm. Perfect. And they melded with hers in a way that Abby knew she would never get enough of. They took their time, as if it was an unspoken agreement between them.
They slowly and thoroughly explored each other. With hands. And tongues. With lips and teeth. Hot, heavy breaths on cool, exposed skin. And yet, they never took their clothes off. They never actually did much more than kiss. And it was enough. And too much. And it was...it was a promise. A promise of more. A promise of everything Abby had been nearly too afraid to hope for.
“Wow.” Mel breathed out unevenly as she rested her forehead on Abby’s shoulder to catch her breath. She needed to recover and Abby found that adorable and extremely hot. She truly did love this girl with everything she had.
“Yeah, wow.” Abby repeated. “I know you want to see your sisters and share this potion with them...but, can you give me like half an hour?”
Mel raised an eyebrow and smirked at her.
Abby laughed and rolled her eyes as she kissed the top of Mel’s head. “That is surely going to take more than half an hour. I plan to ravish you. Worship your body thoroughly.”
Her heart swelled when she felt Mel shiver against her in arousal.
“But, I just...I want to do this right. I want to...just enjoy you. I thought...could you hold me. Like, cuddle on the couch under our blanket and just let me enjoy being close to you. And maybe we could resume kissing.” She added hopefully.
Mel smiled at her fondly. “That sounds perfect.”
And it was. It was everything she never knew she wanted. It was more than she thought she deserved. And it was real. Which was the best part. It was hers. This moment. This life. She planned to make the very best of it with the very best girl. Her girl.