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Punz would like to say a weight felt lifted from his shoulders. He saved the day! He won! He should be happy. And yet, his body still felt on edge, tension radiating through his back and shoulders.
He knew, deep down, that everyone else was still worried, that he wasn’t the only one, but that didn’t stop himself from hating himself over it. Everyone else was enjoying the sunny afternoon, free from fear, for once.
Punz took the long way home, spending as much time outside as he could in hopes it would improve his mood, but all it did was reveal how tired he really was. As he made his way down the path, he spotted Sapnap kneeling by a pond.
“Hey, Sap.”
Sapnap whired his head around, and relaxed when he saw it was Punz.
“Hey, Punz. How’re you holding up?”
“I’m doing alright.”
“Of course, you saved the day! You should be happy.” Sapnap smiled at him, and Punz swore he could feel the tension in his body turning to anger.
“Haha, yeah.”
Punz watched as Sapnap rubbed his eyes, clearly wiping away tears. “How about you, Sap?”
“It was overwhelming. I can’t believe-”
“I know.” Punz paused, thinking. “Do you want to come over?” He wasn’t quite ready to… feel yet, but he didn’t want to be alone.
Sapnap stood up. “Absolutely.”
***
Sapnap walked back into the living room, carefully carrying a mug of coffee.
“If you-” He paused. “You can cry, you know. I won’t tell anyone. I did-”
“I’m not gonna fucking cry about it!” Punz cut Sapnap off, standing up from the sofa in a huff. “It’s my fucking job, I can cope!” What kind of mercenary would he be if he couldn’t?
“But it was Dream.”
“Dream’s no different than any of the other slimy conniving freaks I’ve turned on for a better offer. He didn’t fucking get to me.” Punz’ fingers itched for his axe. He felt naked without it.
“I think maybe he-”
“You don’t think anything. You don’t fucking know what happened.”
“Well if you bothered to fucking tell me anything, maybe I would!” Sapnap snapped.
“I tried! And you don’t goddamn listen-” Punz shouted back, their voices rising.
“I do fucking listen! You just lie-”
“Oh, is that what you think?! That I’m a fucking liar?” Punz knew he was egging Sapnap on, but he couldn’t help it.
“I think you’re fucking lying to yourself about-”
“Oh, so you think I can’t take care of myself-”
“No, I just-”
“And now look who’s lying. Shut the fuck up.”
“You’re fucking impossible. I just wanted to be a nice person, to be there for my brother, and you ruined it.”
“No, you ruined it!”
“You-”
Punz cut Sapnap off with a raised hand. He couldn’t- he didn’t want to do this now. He didn’t want to think about any of it. “I don’t care. I’m going to my room and you’re gonna fucking leave me alone.”
Punz stormed off, leaving Sapnap alone in the living room, still holding the mug.
***
Punz slammed the door of his room behind him and his eyes caught on a training axe lying on the floor. He grabbed it without thinking, throwing it as hard as he could. It hit the opposite wall with a smack and clattered to the floor. He stood still, panting, feeling the tension seep out of his muscles.
Why couldn’t Sap understand he didn’t want to talk? Hadn't he made it clear he was only in it for the money? He couldn’t afford to be attached, to have feelings, in his line of work. And yet everyone always seemed surprised.
As Punz made his way towards his bed, he realized just how exhausted he was. His body ached, pain radiating from his back and shoulders, and everything felt heavy as he collapsed down onto the bed. He lay there for a moment, soaking in the relief of being supported by something else.
Slowly, he kicked off his shoes, shimmied his body the rest of the way onto the bed, and tugged the blanket around himself. A nap couldn’t hurt.
Punz didn’t usually dream. But here he was, standing in Dream’s vault once again. The blackstone walls loomed high above him, and he felt insignificant as he looked around. Dream was at the far end of the room, with small figures Punz was sure were Tommy and Tubbo next to him.
He ran toward Dream, but the room was ever-increasing. Punz kept waiting for the feeling of someone else behind him, for the rest of the server to come through the portal, but he couldn’t look back. He had to reach Dream.
Punz was kneeling on the floor, holding Tubbo's limp body. Dream loomed over them, and the room felt far too small. Dream’s laugh echoed through the cramped space, and he leaned down so his masked face was right in front of Punz’ own. Punz tried to get away, dragging Tubbo’s body with him, but he was trapped by the walls. He could barely move a few feet in each direction.
A thought planted itself in Punz’s head, overpowering everything else. You know what we do to traitors. And suddenly, Dream’s echoing laugh was drowned out by a loud boom. Punz saw colorful sparks in his peripheral vision, and he screamed. He covered Tubbo’s body with his own and covered his head with his arms, still streaming, feeling the hot bursts of fireworks in the air around him, still screaming.
Punz’ eyes flashed open as he awoke, gasping for air. He peeled off his sweaty sheet, letting the cool air of his room wash over him. That was… Punz shook his head, trying to chase away the last remnants of the nightmare. So maybe betraying Dream affected him a little more than he let on.
That didn’t mean anyone else needed to know, Punz finally decided, after lying in bed for a few minutes thinking it over. He knew, he acknowledged his own struggles, and that's what mattered. Besides, it was just a nightmare. Satisfied with this decision, Punz swung his legs over the side of his bed and sat up.
Lying on the floor of his room was the practice axe. He should probably pick that up, Punz thought. He took a deep breath and pushed himself off his bed, walked over, and grabbed the axe. But when he turned around to go put it on the weapons rack by his door, there was a figure standing on the far side of the room.
Punz took a step closer, gripping the axe closely, and the figure did the same, stepping out of the shadows.
“Dream?” Punz asked in disbelief.
“Hello, Punz,” Dream said, “It’s good to see you.”
“But... how are you here? You’re in prison. I watched them lock you up.”
“In prison? What are you talking about?” Dream laughed. “I’m not the one in prison this time. Did you forget our plan already?”
“Our… our plan?” A feeling of dread washed over Punz. Something was very, very wrong.
“Of course,” Dream stepped forward, and Punz stumbled back, a hand over his mouth as he saw the splatters of blood covering Dream’s clothes. “And it went perfectly. I wish you could have been there.”
“I- no. No! You couldn’t! I was-” Punz could barely get his words out as his head swirled. This couldn’t be real. Punz already saved the boys. Dream lost.
“What’s wrong, Punz?” Dream said, stepping closer to Punz.
“Get away from me! This isn’t real,” Punz held up the axe, the handle slipping in his sweaty hands. “This isn’t real,” he repeated to himself.
“What do you mean? This is real. Can’t you smell the blood?” Dream reached out his hand and grabbed Punz's shoulder. Punz didn’t move, he just stared at Dream. “It’s Tubbo’s. I killed him.” Dream laughed, “I took his final life.”
“No!” Punz gasped out, almost involuntarily. Now that he had noticed the smell of blood, it was the only thing he could sense. Tubbo… Punz couldn’t… couldn’t… he wanted to scream, to burst into hysterical sobs, to rip Dream apart with his bare hands, but he just stood there.
“No?” Dream tilted his head questioningly, “why aren’t you excited? This victory is for both of us.” Dream grabbed Punz’ other shoulder, pulling him closer so the mask was only a few inches from Punz’ face. Punz just shook his head, not trusting himself to open his mouth.
“I trusted you Punz, I wanted to rule with you by my side. I let you know me.” Dream said, anger clear in his voice.
Punz mumbled out a “no, please, no” as his head rushed with white noise, drowning out everything else. Someone was screaming, the shrill noise making his head throb. He struggled to get away from Dream, everything suddenly dark and loud. Through the overwhelming sensations, Punz managed to make out someone calling his name.
***
“Punz, Punz, Punz wake up.”
Punz’ eyes blinked open. Before he could register what was going on, he felt hands grabbing his arms and he squirmed, trying to get away. The hands let go, and Punz realized Sapnap was sitting on the bed next to him.
“Dude, it's just me.” Sapnap said, “Are you good? Because you were screaming loud enough for me to hear downstairs.”
“I-” Punz started to speak, looking around the room. It felt real, like he was really awake, in his room with his real brother and not a dream, but that was how the last dream felt.
“Is this real?” he finally asked, figuring the direct approach would be best.
“What?” Sapnap gave Punz a quizzical look. “Did you hit your head? Should I call someone?”
“Just answer the question. Please.” Punz hoped the uncharacteristic politeness would get Sapnap’s attention, and by the look on his face, it did.
“Of course this is real. I’m real, see,” —Sapnap grabbed Punz’s hand— “you can touch me.” Punz felt a little better, but, in the dream… His thoughts were cut off by an exclamation from Sapnap.
“Ow, you’re hurting me! I said you could touch me, not crush me with your insane grip strength!”
“Sorry, sorry,” Punz mumbled, letting go. He hadn’t even noticed. Sapnap took back his hand, rubbing it.
“My hand is literally numb! What the heck, dude?!”
“Sorry,” Punz said again. He sat up and looked around the room slowly, taking in all the details. The time on the clock, the droopy petals on the flower by the window, all the small imperfect things his brain wouldn’t create in a dream.
“Dream is locked up, right?” Punz asked, looking back at Sapnap.
“Uh, yeah. The prison is… I don’t think you’ll need to worry about him getting out, ever.”
“Good.” And Punz collapsed over onto Sapnap.
Punz could feel Sapnap tense in surprise as Punz hugged him. It was very unusual of him, to be fair. But considering everything, he could let himself have this.
“Oh, ok, umm…” Sapnap awkwardly rubbed Punz’ back. “So… are you ok?”
Punz pulled his face away from Sapnap's shoulder to look at him.
“I’m scared.” His eyes went wide, and he immediately pressed his face back into Sapnap.
“I think I’m going to call Bad,” Sapnap said.
“Good idea,” Punz mumbled into Sapnap’s shirt.
“You have to get off me so I can get my comm.”
Punz flopped back onto his bed. He felt exhausted and sweaty and ready to go back to sleep, if it wasn’t for the threat of another nightmare. He opened his eyes to see Sapnap inspecting his shirt carefully.
“Did you cry on me?!”
“No, I just got some dirt in my eyes. You should wash your clothes sometime.”
“Fuck you dude, these are literally clean.”
“Maybe you should invest in a lint roller or something.”
Sapnap lightly punched him in the arm and got up from the bed. “I’m going to call Bad now.”
“Oh, so you’re deflecting?”
Sapnap flipped him the bird and Punz smiled.