Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jarett had escorted Vox Machina back to the castle, but as soon as the drinking began, he chose to exit. Much ado was being made of their new companion--the one who looked like an armored bear with a beard. Jarett couldn’t really see why, but this was clearly a private employers-only affair, and he was more than happy to see his way out.  In any case, drinking at dawn never ended well in his experience. 

He returned to the garrison, which was always his first obligation these days. They had been gone for less than a day, but it felt like years. Jarett realized how short a time it had been when he found the recruits eating breakfast. He checked on the pup, who’d barely noticed his absence. 

“Back early?” Kynan asked, shoveling porridge into his face without really looking. 

“Early? We have slain the dragon! How long did you think it would take?” 

The teen shrugged. “Iunno. So it was easy?” 

“Fuck no, it was not easy!” Jarett said. “We all nearly died!”

“Oh.” Kynan glanced up and looked at him more closely. “You got burned, huh?” 

“Burned, he asks. More like engulfed in the flames of hell! Drink your juice, Understatement Boy.” Jarett shoved the glass toward him. 

Kynan dutifully took a swig of his apple cider. “Hey, when are those weird blue kids coming back? They said they wanted to spar. I bet I could whack ‘em around the yard some, put ‘em in their place.” 

Jarett stared at Kynan in silence for a moment. “Men of honor do not beat down untrained children to prove their strength.” 

Kynan’s neck slowly disappeared into his shoulders, and he went very quiet. 

Just then, the quartermaster happened to walk through the mess and see Jarett. “What the fuck happened to you?” she asked. 

“I killed a dragon last night.” Jarett tried to offer a rakish smile, but his face hurt too much to really manage it. 

“You’re going to see a medic, right now,” she said. 

Jarett shrugged, which also hurt. “I have received some healing already. Do not worry.” 

“Now.” Her eyes were very frightening when she gave orders. Jarett decided it was better to do what she said than get into an argument with her. So he patted Kynan on the shoulder and went off to the healers’ unit.

The cleric on duty was surprised Jarett was still alive. He forced him to lie down and made Jarett put on all sorts of tinctures, salves and poultices. Then came the healing. Jarett couldn’t believe how much of a fuss the healer made, especially when he called in others to help. 

In the end, Jarett was stuck in the healing unit all day. When the night medic went to make coffee, he slipped out unseen. That was quite enough of that. Jarett had meant to go home to his private quarters in His Highness’ mansion hours ago. Well, perhaps this would work better. As it was night, the boys would be going to bed soon, and then he would have the Gilt D’amour to himself. 

But the mansion was dark when Jarett arrived. He could understand Zaahir Kadin being gone--he might have gone to the castle to check on Vox Machina or Lady de Rolo. But the boys were gone, too. And Jarett couldn’t think where they might be. He checked all the rooms. There was no sign of anyone--though clearly they had been in the house somewhat recently. Even the dragonet was gone. 

Jarett looked for any kind of note to say where they might have gone, but there was none. Perhaps they’d only gone out for a short time. The Gilt D’amour might have taken his adopted sons to the tavern to get something to eat. Jarett talked himself down and lit a fire in the hearth in the library to wait for them. 

After a few hours with no change, it seemed they were not coming back. Jarett wandered up toward the castle and asked the guards at the midway post if they had seen His Highness come that way. They hadn’t, though the shift had just changed. The guards did share that Vox Machina and some of their friends had left to kill another dragon. 

Zaahir Kadin must have gone with them. That made sense to Jarett, but he still didn’t know where the boys had gone. His Highness surely would not have taken them along on such a dangerous mission. 

He had questions, but Jarett did not want to trouble the prince consort by calling him through the ring he’d given Jarett. Surely tomorrow it would become clear where Zaahir Kadin and the boys had gone. Most likely, they would all be back home soon.

Resigned to being alone for the night, Jarett returned to the mansion and crawled into Zaahir Kadin’s recently repaired bed. Jarett just wanted the smell of him nearby while he slept. Last night had been such an ordeal, Jarett just wanted something comforting again. Maybe he would even be able to sleep; the healers had alleviated some of the pain, at least. They’d said burns like those he had sustained were often fatal. Jarett felt lucky to be alive. 

*

He awoke the next morning a few hours after dawn, which was late for Jarett. He’d slept fairly well. Still, the house felt sad and empty without Zaahir Kadin. Hoping against hope, Jarett went downstairs to check the kitchen, but still no one was there, and he could tell no one had been. 

Feeling gloomy, Jarett returned to the garrison, hoping some exercise would help him feel better. But as soon as he arrived, the healers spotted him, and dragged him back to the healing ward for more treatment. Jarett did not want to waste any more of his time in the healers’ unit, and they had to drug him to keep him there this time. Very unreasonable of them. 

When Jarett came to, it was late afternoon. The only way the healers could get him to stay longer was to promise Jarett they would tell him if anyone spotted “Shaun Gilmore” in town. Then Jarett fell back into a semi-medicated sleep. 

“Patel and Johnson said they saw him rushing toward the castle with the archer--which one is she again? Vax?” 

“No, that’s the boy. Vex is the ranger.” 

“Oh. Well who the hell can tell with half elves anyway?” 

“You’re not wrong.” 

Jarett opened his eyes to see who the speakers were. One of the clerics and a field medic. “It is easier if you know them,” he said. “There is a world of difference beyond anatomy between Vex and Vax.”

The medic looked at the cleric. “Should I tell him?” 

“What?” Jarett sat up, wincing as the poultices pulled against his damaged skin. 

“The checkpoint guard saw your friend headed toward the castle a bit ago.” 

“Then I must go as well,” Jarett said, jumping out of bed and rushing for the door.

“General!”

“General.” The medic stepped in his way. “You may want to put some clothes on.” 

Jarett looked down. He hadn’t realized they’d stripped him to do intensive skin treatments today. “Yes,” he said, embarrassed. “We must not get ahead of ourselves.” 

By the time Jarett got to the castle, Zaahir Kadin was gone. “We took him and Lady Vex’ahlia to the ziggurat. He came back out alone…” One guard looked to the other. “Half hour ago?” 

“No, more like an hour.” They looked at Jarett, who swore with frustration. What rotten luck to miss His Highness by so little. 

“Thank you,” Jarett told them at last. “As you were.” If His Highness had come back out of the castle, he must have been headed home. Jarett jogged down the hill, impatient to see him. 

But when he entered the mansion, it was still empty. Jarett could feel that someone had been there recently, but they were no longer there. When he checked the house, Zaahir Kadin’s magician’s workroom had been disturbed, and many items still lay around as if abandoned haphazardly or in a hurry. 

Frustrated, Jarett went to see if His Highness might have left any notice of where he’d gone this time. In Jarett’s rooms, left on his pillow, he spied a small slip of paper. He ran to the bed to see what it was. Jarett smoothed it in his fingers. The piece of paper was so small, it might not even have qualified as a note. It was large enough, however, to contain a single sentence:

I did love you.  

Jarett’s knees buckled, and he collapsed onto the bed, devastated. There was only one thing this could mean. Jarett knew a goodbye note when he saw one. He rested his head in his hands, still clutching the paper.

Chapter Text

The ritual had been successful, and between Grog, Pike, and Kaylie, they’d managed to revive Scanlan. 

So why didn’t Vax feel victorious? Perhaps it was the influence of his patroness. She didn’t like for things that were dead to come back to life. Keyleth had suggested that Vax could have a talk with the Raven Queen and convince her to bring back Scanlan, but she didn’t understand how the Raven Queen operated. This was a no-no. 

Maybe that was it; maybe Vax was waiting for the consequence to come down, now he’d broken the rules. Well, he didn’t care. He’d break the rules 100 times if it meant Scanlan was back with them. 

After he got the ring of invisibility back from Kerr, Vax went back into the temple to pray and do some soul-searching-- or deity-searching. He wasn’t really sure which one it was, but he did know he wanted to be alone. For Vax, this was no time to celebrate; especially as Scanlan was alive once more, but not conscious. That didn’t feel like a real win. 

Kiki would want to have more one-on-one talks with Kerrek, and that was fine. Though he had no problem with it, Vax didn’t need to watch that happen again. And with Vex’ahlia gone, and Scanlan unconscious, there was really no one else Vax wanted to spend the evening with. 

Well. Maybe there was one person. 

For the first couple of hours, Vax put Gilmore out of his mind. It must have been odd for Gilmore, though, when his husband had appeared in the middle of the battle with Raishan. It hadn’t exactly been a situation that spoke of heartfelt reunions. Gilmore had been uncharacteristically quiet after J’mon had left. Even after they’d come home. 

Vax tried to remember if Gilmore had come back to the castle to drink with them yesterday morning. He couldn’t remember Gilmore being there. It seemed strange that Vax hadn’t noticed. But he’d been so focused on Kiki and her burnt hair. That had been some needful quality time for both of them. No real surprise that Vax hadn’t thought of Gilmore. 

But now...now Vax wanted to check in. If nothing else, to make sure Gilmore was alright after the Thordak battle. Vax was pretty sure Gilmore had fallen unconscious at least once fighting the two dragons. That kind of thing could mess with your mind--Vax knew. 

So once he judged that he had done enough praying, Vax left his armor behind (for easier access) and walked to Gilmore’s in the pitch dark--there were no lamps on Vex’ahlia’s land, which was something to consider for later. Worshipers should be expected to come to the temple after dark. 

Finding the door unlocked, again, Vax let himself in and checked the first floor for Gilmore. The lamps were lit, but he was nowhere to be found. Upstairs, then. That worked just fine for Vax. He took the stairs two at a time in his eagerness to see Gilmore again. 

As he approached Gilmore’s bedroom, memories of two nights ago--or was it three now?--drifted back to him. Vax had never done anything like that before. He wanted to do it again, but maybe not tonight. 

When he opened Gilmore’s bedroom door, however, Vax found the room empty. He checked around for signs it had been occupied recently, but though the bed had never been made, it seemed to have been left that way for at least a full day, which was unlike Gilmore. 

But that didn’t make sense. Vax was sure he’d seen lights on upstairs. He wandered out of the room and down the hall. Gilmore’s workroom was lit, but he wasn’t inside it, though there was a scattering of magical items on the floor. 

Vex had gone to ask Gilmore’s help getting to Kymal. Perhaps Gilmore had gone with her. That made sense. If Gilmore had had to Teleport her himself, he wouldn’t be here. Well, that sucked. Two of his favourite people were out of town for the foreseeable future. 

Vax kicked a thimble across the room and walked out. But before he got to the stairs, he thought he heard something. Stealthily, he crept down the hall toward the sound, and found it had come from a room Vax had never been in. A light showed through the crack in the door. Who else could it be?

“Shaun?” Vax said, opening the door and stepping inside, uninvited. But it wasn’t Gilmore, it was Jarett. Vax had a completely new set of feelings about Jarett these days, and he wasn’t sure what to do with them yet. 

Hearing Vax speak, Jarett looked up and turned toward the door. He didn’t look happy. He didn’t look great over all--apparently his hair had fared even worse than Kiki’s, and it was a look that was going to take some getting used to. But it looked to Vax as though his cheeks were wet. In his hand, Jarett clutched a slip of paper. 

In a moment, Jarett’s mood shifted from grief to surprise to anger. “This is your fault! You did this!” he said, shaking his fist where he still clutched the paper.

Vax took a  step back. That was a lot of anger and blame aimed at him. Normally, he would have used uncanny dodge, but this was so out of character for Jarett, Vax was curious. “Did what?” Vax asked him. “Where’s Gilmore?” 

“Yes!” Jarett shouted passionately. “Exactly!” 

Now Vax was just confused “Huh?”   

“He’s gone!” Jarett said, rising from the bed. “He’s left us--or you. And me by extension. What did you do?” Jarett began walking toward him, slowly. “What did you say to him this time? By god, you are the worst! The absolute worst!” 

“I beg your pardon,” Vax said, taken aback. It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with Jarett on the whole being the worst bit, but the guardsman was speaking out of turn. Not to mention Vax still couldn’t follow what Jarett was talking about. “I haven’t spoken to Gilmore since the night we killed Thordak.”

“Then what did you do?” Jarett insisted. “You must have done something. He wouldn’t just leave.” And he shook the note in his hand again. Jarett was overtaken by his grief once more, and clutched his forehead with the same hand that held the paper. “Not like this.” 

“What do you mean leave?” Vax asked, trying to catch up. “Vex’ahlia just went to find him to Teleport her to Kymal. I know she made it, because Kaylie came back to help her father.”

“You think he’s in Kymal?” Jarett asked, glaring in a way that told Vax he was not convinced. 

“Sure.” Vax shrugged. “He must be, if Vex’ahlia made it.” 

“He’s not in Kymal!” Jarett spat. “He’s gone back to Ank’Harel.” 

“Wot? No he hasn’t.” It didn’t make sense that Gilmore would have. Vex’ahlia had just gone to find him. And she obviously had. Thus, Gilmore had not returned to Marquet. But just the mention of the possibility made Vax uneasy. He felt his stomach drop into his boots. The words “my husband” echoed in his mind. 

Jarett groaned. “He was afraid the emperor would call him back. But he wouldn’t have gone. For you, he would have stayed. He was so smitten with you,” Jarett growled. “Not that you deserved an ounce of it.”

“Now hold on a minute.” Vax was getting angry now. “You have no right--first of all, I am your employer, and you will not speak to me like that.” Jarett rolled his eyes, which didn’t fill Vax with confidence he was being heard. “And second, you don’t know anything about my relationship with Gilmore. Clearly you think you do, but you weren’t there. At least--not until that last time.” 

“Don’t remind me,” Jarett glowered. “That’s what you’ll never understand. I would do anything for him. Even something as distasteful as...that. Because it made him happy. I would lie down in front of a stampede of umber hulk just to see him smile. But you...he gave you everything without you even having to ask. And half the time, you just spit in his face!” 

Vax was shocked. This was so unlike Jarett. “That’s not true!” Was it? Not literally, for certain. Had he ever thrown Gilmore’s feelings back at him? Oh. Maybe he had. But only a few times... 

“You see?” Jarett pointed at him, sneering. “You know it’s true. You know in your heart, you treated him poorly.” 

“No I didn’t,” Vax said, feeling worse by the moment. “I didn’t mean to, anyway.” He squared his jaw. “I did my best!”

Jarett looked at him in disgust. “Did you?” 

Vax took another step back, prepared to flee such an intensely emotional confrontation. “No. You’re wrong. It’s not true.” He put his hand on the doorknob. “Just wait. Gilmore will be back tomorrow, and you’ll be sorry. I’ll tell him what you said!”

Jarett squinted his eyes in disbelief. “And what do you imagine that will accomplish?” 

“He’ll see for himself the sort of man you are!” 

Jarett crossed his arms over his chest. “And what sort of man is that?” 

“A lying...nosy...uppity...ex-con!” It was hard finding insults when he was taken off-guard like this. Besides, Vax fought with blades, not with words. 

“And this is what you think of me,” Jarett concluded. 

Well, as long as everything was on the table… “Yes,” Vax said, standing up straight. “You never had a chance with Vex, you know. Someone like you, with your background, from your low station. Frankly, I can’t imagine what the emperor’s husband would see in you, either. But maybe that’s how you do things down there in Marquet. I don’t know.” 

Jarett just stared at him. “You are a horrible person.” He took a step toward Vax. “Leave.” 

Somehow, Vax knew he’d gone too far insulting an entire continent of people just because he was feeling attacked. Still, though he’d been just about to leave, now he dug in. He was not about to leave, if that’s what Jarett wanted. “I’ll leave when I’m ready.” 

“You have no right to be here!” Jarett growled. “Leave!” And with that, he dove at Vax. Of course, Vax was much faster. He had Whisper at Jarett’s throat before he could lay a hand on Vax. 

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Vax told him, his voice soft, but threatening. 

“And I said leave,” Jarett repeated. That’s when Vax realized Jarett had a curved blade like the one Hotis had used, pressed against his ribs, just below his heart. Suddenly it all made sense.

“I knew you would come back,” Vax said. They had waited too long to track down the rakshasa. Well, now things made more sense. Vax spoke into his earring. “Jenga. Jenga!” But he wasn’t sure if the others were close enough to hear. 

Jarett’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t put any pressure on the blade. Maybe it was some kind of trick, but Vax wasn’t going to lose this chance. He thrust upward with Whisper, intending to shove the blade through the demon’s skull. 

But Jarett dodged, smacking his hand away. “What are you doing?” he asked, accusingly. 

“Fool me once,” Vax said, and lunged at Jarett again. 

“You’ve gone mad!” Jarett cried, dodging out of the way again. 

“Hold still so I can send you back to hell!” Vax shouted. Seeing that he was in for it this time, the demon--in Jarett’s form, of course--ran for the nearest window and dove out, much as Vax had done the night he’d met the Briarwoods. Seeing no irony in it, Vax dove after him, popping his wings on the way out--or trying to. A moment too late, Vax remembered he’d used up his wings for today. 

Below him, Jarett tumbled across the hedge as he fell, and kept running. Not having his wings threw Vax off, and he landed poorly, twisting his ankle. “Sure, now you’re scared!” Vax shouted after him. He did wonder why Hotis kept running, though, instead of coming back to attempt to kill him again. The demon had been much more determined last time.  

Vax sat down, catching his breath. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept. The rakshasa didn’t seem to be coming back. At least Vax knew he could ignore everything it had said about Gilmore. He was clearly just in Kymal with Vex’ahlia. Gilmore would be back tomorrow, and everything would be right as rain. Just as soon as Scanlan woke up. 

He hobbled back to the temple of the Raven Queen, and spent the rest of the night in quiet contemplation, but prepared for Hotis to attack again at any time. Vax doubted a temple to the Raven Queen counted as hallowed ground to a rakshasa. Then he remembered Pike had only been able to kill the demon because she’d been naked. 

Just to be safe, Vax took off his armor again, along with the clothes underneath. Now he was ready for anything.