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Shuichi tries his best to live by logic. It’s what is expected of him as a detective, and for good reason; logical thinking is important to his job. It helps that he does mostly see the world logically, instead of so emotionally like people like Momota do. He loves Momota, really, he does- but Shuichi has to admit, the astronaut can be a bit exhausting. Loud people are usually like that for him. Usually .
Ouma Kokichi is perhaps the most eccentric person he’s ever met- scratch that, the shorter boy absolutely takes that title. By all accounts, Shuichi should be zapped of all energy after talking to the supreme leader for any amount of time beyond five seconds, but for some reason he has sort of the opposite effect. As emotional as Ouma appears to be, he’s more like a jigsaw puzzle than an inconvenience. He is like an exercise for Shuichi to solve. Being in his presence is always exciting- there’s always going to be a new mystery to solve, a new lie to uncover.
That’s not to say that the shorter boy can’t be annoying - he most certainly can be. But Shuichi often finds it difficult to care. There’s something about mischievous eyes poking out above a hand of playing cards that just hypnotizes him. So assured of victory on the surface, yet hiding something deeper. Shuichi swears he could look into Ouma’s deceptive eyes for hours and never get bored.
Because it’s a mystery, of course. No other reason.
Well, to be honest, there might be one other reason. But he can never tell anyone about it, especially not Momota or Harukawa. They’d kill Ouma, everybody in the school, and then themselves. The way Shuichi feels towards the prankster isn’t something they’d welcome, given how he acts.
But Ouma is… pretty. So pretty. Pretty enough to be absolutely mesmerizing, with the way his hair curls and bounces with every step, with the faint freckles splattered across the bridge of his nose, with the twinkle in his eyes at every word he speaks, whether it be the truth or a lie. His voice always shoots a shot of happiness through Shuichi’s heart. He’s so small, so cute- Shuichi can’t help but picture the two of them laying sleepily in bed, Ouma fitting perfectly within his arms. He imagines cold days, holding the supreme leader within his coat, chin rested on the other boy’s head.
Shuichi is the type to constantly seek out the truth, and Ouma is the type to keep hiding it away from him. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. When he’s with him, Shuichi feels more at home than he ever has.
Everything about Ouma sparkles and shines, especially compared to dark and dim Shuichi. And that’s just the problem.
Ouma is a star. He has the energy of a king, a god, and a celebrity all wrapped into one. Even if the attention is often negative, no one can take their eyes off him when he speaks. He’s impossible to ignore. He shines so brightly that it’s blinding.
And Shuichi? He’s… well, he’s not that.
Shuichi is easily forgettable. To peers, to teachers, to strangers, and worst of all, to parents. Admittedly, part of that is his fault; he hates eye contact, due to trauma and something else he can’t explain. It’s excruciating to hold for long periods of time. To other people, it’s probably hard to hold their attention on someone who won’t look them in the eyes. Shuichi is quiet, somber, and shy. He wears all dark clothing and blends into the background of every scene. Recently, he took up more of an authoritative role, what with his leadership in trials, but there are still times when his classmates forget he’s in the room. Hell, even Tsumugi gets noticed more than him at times. He tells himself it’s safer and better to stay forgotten, but it still hurts when he is overlooked every day.
He never feels that way with Ouma.
With Ouma, Shuichi feels like the center of the universe. The shorter boy always keeps his eyes on him, but doesn’t mind when the detective can’t meet his eyes in return. He can stare into the bottom of his teacup as much as he wants, and all of Ouma’s attention will still be on him. It’s something he’s never experienced before.
All the evidence points to the idea that maybe, just maybe, Ouma is as mesmerized by Shuichi as Shuichi is by him. There’s a not insignificant chance that if he just lived life how Momota did, if he had courage and just told the other boy how he felt, then they could be together, all sappy and lovesick. But in moments where he wishes he could do that instead of being petrified by nerves, a familiar, mischievous voice in the back of his mind reminds him that no, Ouma wants Shuichi, not Momota.
It’s nice to feel wanted. He’d never really felt that before Akamatsu, Momota, Harukawa, and Ouma. Shuichi really thinks he could get used to that- if the remaining three survive, that is.
The life-threatening situation they’re all stuck in is another piece of evidence Shuichi uses to convince himself not to confess to Ouma. What if he tells him and Ouma accepts the confession, but dies the next day? What if he kills someone? Shuichi can’t go through that again. He’s learned his lesson already with Akamatsu.
There’s so many unknowns- his least favorite thing. Shuichi wants to know what’s happening, and it’s just impossible here. He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know why Iruma is acting so suspicious, doesn’t know what Kiibo’s “inner voice” is, doesn’t know how to stand up for himself and stop being a sidekick. He doesn’t know what Ouma is planning, but he knows the plan is there , just out of his grasp.
Despite how he acts, Ouma is just as smart as Shuichi. And he isn’t held back by doubt or anxiety, or at least it doesn’t seem like it. Shuichi can’t picture the supreme leader experiencing regret; it just doesn’t fit him. But then again, knowledge of what goes on in Ouma’s head is beyond the detective.
That’s another thing; Shuichi doesn’t know what happens in Ouma’s head. Him being a mystery is simultaneously one of the best and worst things about the boy. One moment he’ll say he’s stolen Shuichi’s heart (which is absolutely true), and then the next he’ll be running off, faking nonchalant. It swings between confusing and exhilarating. The way Ouma denies every romantic moment between them leads Shuichi to one conclusion: he’s scared. For someone who seems so above it all, it’s almost endearing to know that he feels fear just like anyone else.
Then again, everything about Ouma is endearing to Shuichi. Not that he’d let anyone know. For the other’s sake.
Ouma scares him, and captivates him, and makes him feel dizzy with love. With all the contradictions that make up the Ultimate Supreme Leader, being around him is a whirlwind. But not an exhausting one. Shuichi lives for the moments where he’ll get a clue as to what Ouma really wants, instead of the countless fake personas he puts on.
Shuichi wants to solve his puzzle. Shuichi wants to be impressive enough to hold his hand. Shuichi wants to kiss him as a victory prize for figuring out his plan.
There’s too much holding him back: anxiety, Ouma’s fear, the danger they’re in. But at the same time, the reasons to confess keep building up more and more with every passing day. They may not have much time left. If at any point Shuichi fails to solve a trial, he and Ouma both will die, along with everyone else.
As long as neither of them are the killer.
He doesn’t know what’s worse- to have happiness ripped away from him by death, or to die without knowing what it feels like to hold Ouma in his arms.
It’s a dilemma, a mystery. And just like Ouma, it’s not one Shuichi knows how to solve.