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It felt weird for Goro Akechi to walk through the streets of Tokyo again. Even after being away for a few years, his body, clothed in casual jeans rather than slacks and a short-sleeved hoodie instead of his iconic uniform blazer, navigated him by muscle memory through the crowds from the train station to the subway. It felt like he was haunting the city with his presence. The second coming of the detective prince back from the dead after five years, only there was no fanfare, no paparazzi, no one coming up to him questioning his sudden disappearance. Thank god. Now he just blended in with any other tired young adult.
--
When Goro woke up in the hospital all those years ago, he couldn’t help but laugh at the whole absurd situation. One minute he was squished against the floor of a cat-helicopter, while his friend Akira had a fistfight with his insane therapist, fully expecting to be dead soon after, the next minute, he was very much still alive. He must have been quite a sight when the nurse came in and found him unable to stop his laughter or his tears. Once they had the boy suitably calmed down, the doctor explained that he was taking care of the hospital expenses even while under trial.
To say that Goro had no idea what to do would be a vast understatement. On one hand, the man he had been willing to throw his life away to destroy was paying for his treatment out of a sudden and forced sense of guilt. He didn’t want to be a part of that man’s self-serving attempt at redemption. On the other hand, Goro needed to lie low meaning his junior detective job was out of the question and therefore he’d run out of his own money soon enough due to relocation by itself.
Ultimately he called the one person he knew was level-headed and trustworthy enough to advise him on his situation. He just didn’t expect Sae Niijima to burst into his hospital room. Exhaustion and relief showed on her face in equal measure before she schooled it to a more casual smile.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” She said simply.
“Well, that makes one of us at least…” The bedridden boy muttered. If Sae heard, she made no indication aside from a slight twitch in her smile. Goro gestured towards the bedside chair and proceeded to fill in Sae on his situation, from the beginning. Neither of them acknowledged the occasional long pause for gasping breaths and drying eyes. He ended confidently with, “I don’t know what I am to do with my life afterward, but I want to help with the trial.”
“No.”
“No?” He repeated indignantly. When he only received a resolute expression in return he continued. “Niijima-san, what do you mean ‘no’? I would be a perfect key witness to this case. I- augh if I couldn’t… I just need to make sure that man gets locked up by my own hands.” Sae crossed her arms and leveled a firm look at him.
“Tell me then Akechi, how would you explain to the court and general populace about the various jobs you undertook in the metaverse using your persona powers.” The boy in question opened and shut his mouth before looking away and balling his fists into the hospital bed sheets. Sae let out a concerned sigh. “This is not a professional opinion, this is a firm recommendation from someone who cares about you. Get some professional help, leave Tokyo, and distance yourself from this whole ordeal.”
“I’m not just going to run away from the mess I’ve made!” He nearly yelled.
“This isn’t solely your mess Akechi, and I know you’ll hate to hear this but you’re a victim in this as well.”
“But-” Sae cut him off.
“You still want your revenge on him, right? Then move on. Go live the life you were planning on throwing away. Go to therapy. Go to university. If you can do it on his dime, which you should be able to legally, even better. You can donate all his money to charities he’d hate if you want nothing to do with it. But right now, the best way to get your revenge, to avenge your mother, is to live a life that is all your own.”
--
That was how he found himself months later at Tokyo’s train station, ticket in hand and therapist referral in his bag with the rest of his few worldly possessions. Sae had helped him find a small town with a good university and an appropriate therapist. The cost of both being taken care of by Shido (Whose trial Goro was not allowed to follow aside from information given to him by Sae herself. He did manage to catch the news about a certain phantom thief being released from prison. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he managed to befriend so many influential people in the city). Any other cost he planned to take care of himself through part-time jobs and his savings. Distracted by his own thoughts, he accidentally bumped into someone, likely just as distracted.
“Ah, sorry…” He tried to keep walking hoping not to get recognized. He’d taken a page out of Akira’s book, putting on glasses and a face mask as well as tying up his hair in a short ponytail.
“Akechi-san, is that you?” It didn’t work too well this time around. Shit. He turned around readying a polite wave and excuse when he finally saw who it was.
“Yoshizawa-san?” He looked around and, satisfied that no one else seemed to notice him, brought a finger to his lips. He then motioned for her to follow him to a less crowded area of the station. Once they stopped, hushed questions rushed from the younger red head’s mouth.
“Where have you been, Akechi-san? Are you okay? Were you here to see Kurusu-kun? You should hurry if you are, his train’s probably leaving any minute now. I can lead you to him-”
“I can’t see him.” He interrupted.
“But Akechi-san, he's been worried about you.” He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He knew that wasn’t the right reaction but it was instinct at this point. Sumire glared at him. “I mean it. He isn’t moping around and he's still hanging out with me and his other friends but… he spaces out sometimes. He almost spilled coffee on himself the other day at the cafe staring at your usual spot.” Goro balled his gloved hands into fists.
“I’m sorry… believe me Yoshizawa-san, I would really enjoy snapping him out of his idiotic daze but… I need time away from everything.” He took a deep breath to repeat the words he finally admitted to himself and Sae a mere few days ago. “I am not well and I’m seeking help… I just need to figure myself out separate from all that’s happened and the personas I’ve created here." Goro let a small weary smile form. "Yoshizawa-san, I must ask you to not let anyone know I'm still... around."
"But what about-" Sumire stopped when Goro solemnly shook his head.
"I have reason to believe he'd seek me out in one form or another if he knew I was alive, and I don't think I can afford to maintain contact with him, at least not as I am now while working through my feelings about our strange relationship." Just thinking about Akira brought up many feelings and memories both good and bad. Eventually though, he would like to see him again, at the very least to carry out their rematch. A small spark of resolve settled in him. "Please keep an eye on him for me. I wouldn't want him falling behind once I do return."
"Of course! I'll make sure senpai stays on his toes!" She smiled at him with determination before having a small realization. Sumire scrambled through her bag for a pen and paper, scribbling something down before handing the folded slip to Goro. "I have a train of my own to catch, but if you ever want someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me. It's the least I can do after you and senpai helped me come to my senses." The auburn-haired boy hesitated before accepting the paper and slipping it into his pocket.
"Thanks…" Sumire smiled and waved goodbye before fast walking towards her platform.
Goro made his way to his respective platform with a few minutes to spare before departure. What an interesting coincidence that he, Yoshizawa, and Kurusu happened to be at the station at the same time. He thinks about his conversation with Kurusu in the laundromat, about their roles in the gods’ cosmic game. An involuntary shiver comes over him despite the warm weather. Well, that’s what he’s here to do, right? Remove himself from the playing field. Find a new game to play on his own terms. With that in mind, the boy crossed the threshold of the train doors into the start of a new life.
It certainly wasn’t easy. While Goro was about as busy as he was previously in Tokyo, he didn’t have that singular goal to focus on. Didn’t have the same reason to compartmentalize, to push through the exhaustion and shitty feelings. But he did it anyway because that’s what he was used to. In those months he thought his therapist was useless. He relayed all the information he could about himself, aside from the metaverse of course, and all she did was jot things down in her notebook and ask those cliche how do you feel about that? therapist questions. He felt like shit obviously. He hated it. Hated the people he surrounded himself with for two goddamned years. All he could remember feeling at the time was hatred and anger. Was there anything else you felt at the time? Surely there were some good things, even something as little as a nice cup of coffee.
Speaking of coffee, he ended up working part-time as a barista for a popular cafe on campus. He really took for granted how easy Kurusu made it look. He was still working in the back washing dishes and clearing tables until he was able to make a halfway decent cup.
That’s how it went for a few months: classes, therapy, studying, and work. His free time was another issue. Goro’s typical go-tos were exercise and reading but he always felt too tired for exercise, and his attempts at reading were met with a haze that prevented him from getting into his chosen book. With no other options, he spent much of his spare time sleeping or, more accurately, laying in bed trying to sleep.
Everything came crashing down during one of his therapy sessions. Lately, their sessions had devolved into long silences between Goro’s terse responses to useless questions. The one that ultimately set him off was so mundane looking back on it.
“Have you been getting enough sleep Akechi?” She had asked. He had to laugh at that.
“All I fucking do is sleep! And I’m still so goddamn tired every day. What’s wrong with me? I used to be able to do so much more when I was fucked up in Tokyo. What was the point of coming out here and doing all this if I’m just doing worse!” Goro didn’t know when his laughter turned to sobs but he didn’t fucking care at this point. He was so done with it all.
“Let me reassure you that you are not doing worse.” She sounded calm but firm.
“Oh really? How would you know? All you’ve done is ask me about my day and how I’m feeling. Really enlightening stuff.” His harsh words were softened by the mucus coating his throat.
“I want anything you end up telling me to be completely voluntary.” She offered a tissue box to Goro who accepted it quietly. “Yes, it’s my job to figure out the best methods to help you, but I’m not here to force answers out of you. With what you’ve told me so far, it seems like having a sense of control over yourself is very important to you.” The boy looked at the used tissues scrunched in his hands before glancing at his therapist, giving her a slight nod. “I don’t want to infringe on that. Akechi,” She said his name firmly, making eye contact with the boy. “There’s no one here to tell you what to do. You are the one in control of these sessions. Sure, I can guide you towards certain directions, but I won’t push anywhere you don’t want to go.”
Sessions went a bit easier after that. Over time, with a bit of daily journaling to supplement their meetings, Goro was diagnosed with depression. Apparently, his fight or flight response had kept him functioning for much of his two years working with… Shido. His therapist taught him a handful of helpful tricks to get out of some of his worse thought cycles, and after some trial runs and awful side effects, she found antidepressants that helped him maintain a more consistent mood throughout his day.
And honestly, he was starting to feel better. Goro had told Sae and Sumire as much when he checked in with them occasionally. He still had shitty days, his most noticeable dip was when Sae told him about Shido’s guilty verdict. He’d spent a few days in a haze just going through the motions of his life. He had some complicated emotions about it that he couldn’t really work through with his therapist. After a good deal of pestering on Sumire’s front, Goro agreed to meet up with her in person to talk it over. It really helped that she could understand his view on change of hearts in relation to the sudden guilt Shido felt about him and his mother. On one hand, Goro was glad the man felt like shit about it all. On the other hand, his part in making that happen was minimal and he had his doubts on the validity of the forced guilt.
In the end, they weren’t any closer to untangling his feelings, but he did feel a lot better after venting. Upon Sumire’s suggestion, they went and grabbed dinner together and discussed lighter topics like her new routine for the coming competition season, Goro’s bouldering, his new foray into the school newspaper, and the people he’s met through it.
The younger one smiled. “I’m glad, Akechi-senpai. You seem to be doing a lot better.”
“It’s hardly an achievement to be doing better than rock bottom.” He scoffed. After a beat, his features softened slightly, “Thank you...”
“Do you think you’re able to see Kurusu-senpai…?” She asked carefully. Goro thought it over. He had discussed his relationship with Kurusu a bit with his therapist. There was still quite a bit to unpack there but he certainly would rather have him in his life than not.
“Not yet. I want to be at my best, or at least close to it when I do finally see him.” Sumi gave a knowing nod. “How is he doing?”
“Better in some ways. He’s so bored now that he’s back in his hometown. He and Mona keep complaining about having nothing to do.” She giggled causing Goro to smile and lean in conspiratorially.
“Hmm, perhaps you could pass a suggestion for me?”
“Sure!”
“Tell him to pick up bouldering, that should keep his mind and body sharp.”
--
“... Transfer to… line serving… and Yongen-Jaya…”
It took a surprising amount of effort to remind his body that, no, he was not going to LeBlanc tonight. He did however make a mental note to compare coffee-making abilities when he saw Kurusu. He’d improved greatly over his years at the cafe, enough that his co-workers mourned his last day there. But no, tonight was just for him.
“Now arriving at Kichijoji Station”
The young man stepped off the subway and exited the station to arrive at a familiar nightlife scene. Goro took a leisurely route towards his destination, taking in the sights and sounds of his old stomping grounds. As he walked through the crowds, he recognized a few stores and cafes and noticed a handful of new places that must have opened since he left. He was happy to see Penguin Sniper was still around. He’ll have to stop by... but at a later time. Eventually, he arrived at the brick doorway and stairs leading to the place he missed the most in his years away from the city.
JazzJin lounge hadn’t changed a bit. Well maybe some of the chairs and tables had been replaced, but the atmosphere surrounded him like a comforting blanket. The performers for the evening were still setting up on stage, so Goro helped himself to a secluded table and took off his hoodie. He removed his glasses (real prescription ones this time), hung them on the collar of his v-neck, and checked his reflection with his phone, making sure no stray locks had escaped his ponytail. He was just looking over the evening specials when a familiar face approached his table.
“Did you think I wouldn’t recognize my favorite customer? It’s been quite a few years kiddo, what have you been up to?” The lounge owner was dressed in his usual get-up, hat and shades included. The only difference was the few silver hairs in his beard. Akechi smiled and laughed.
“Muhen, I shouldn’t have underestimated you. I’ve been dealing with some personal things away from the city… but that’s been resolved for the most part.” The look Muhen gave him told Goro that he had some notion of how difficult the past years were. He opted to change the subject. “I actually just finished school as well, so I decided to treat myself to a visit to my favorite place in Tokyo” The older man clapped a hand on his shoulder.
“You were always such a flatterer. Congratulations!” Muhen gave him a once over. “Look at you, you’re an actual adult now. You’re looking healthier too.” Goro wasn’t sure but he thought there was a bit of relief in the other’s tone of voice. “Anyway, what can I get you? I can actually serve you the real stuff now.” The brown-haired man chuckled at that.
“I actually don’t drink, but I’ll take the mocktail version of whatever you suggest.”
“Coming right up! The set should be starting soon so just relax and enjoy.” And relax he did. He leaned into the back of his chair and closed his eyes letting the sound of the band filter in. There had been a small live music scene by his campus and the music was actually pretty great especially considering most groups were composed of students just starting out, but the venues just didn’t have the same feel as JazzJin. Not to mention the drinks were overpriced and not nearly as good (his friends just thought he was being a snob about it). Being here, however, was like coming home. There was just one thing missing.
Goro opened his eyes at the sound of something being placed on the table and sure enough, Muhen was back with a delightfully teal drink. His eyes widened fractionally when he saw a plate with a slice of cake on it and a small card sticking out of it.
“It’s on the house. Happy birthday, kid.” Before Goro could object, the other man walked away to chat with another patron. He just sighed into a smile, pulling the card out of the cake and opening it. He nearly dropped the thing when he read its contents.
Glad to have you back, birthday boy
Give me a call when you’re ready for that rematch xoxo
A smirk formed on his lips as he took a sip of his drink. He’ll have to talk to Sumire about keeping her promises.