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“And it’s three scoops of formula, not six. One counts for two. Then just put the water from the gallon bottle up to the six mark and shake it until it dissipates.”
Levi turned his head and handed the empty bottle into Farlan’s unsuspecting hand, catching the man by surprise. He narrowed his eyes at his friend and asked, “Got it?”
Pausing, Farlan looked from the bottle to Levi. “---You’ve got to write that down for my sake.”
“There’s a chart on the formula container if you need a cheat-sheet.” Levi tapped the gallon container of water on the counter then turned, scanning the rest of the kitchen to see if he was forgetting something. “She’s usually fine during the night. Just after she ‘falls asleep’ hold her for an extra ten to fifteen minutes. Then put her down. Remember, nothing in the crib.”
Farlan nodded. “Yeah, I know that. Because SIDs.”
“If you kill my kid, you’re dead. Don’t care that I’ve known you from Adam, got it?” Again, Levi’s eyes narrowed.
Farlan, however, was entirely unfazed. “She’s my niece, Levi,” he reminded the other man. “Only thing I’m going to do is probably check on her a million times to make sure she’s okay.”
“Reminds me. The monitor is in our room. It’s charged. Just keep it by you in case. Shows BPM, if she wakes up. All that.”
Levi watched his friend shake his head incredulously. “Who’s idea was it to get that? Erwin’s?”
“We just bought whatever the hell was available. We didn’t exactly have all the time in the world to plan with Mikasa.” Levi tapped the counter again thoughtfully. “If you spill any of the formula, clean it.”
“Levi—.” Farlan’s arm extended so he could touch his friend’s shoulder. “I love you like a brother enough to tell you that you need to relax. I’ve got it. Plus, I’ve got Isabel. She knows you just as well as me. You’d kill us if either something happened to Mikasa or if we got your house too dirty. You taught us well.” He winked. “Relax. This is supposed to be a fun night for you and Erwin.”
The darker-haired man folded his arms in response. It was true. Tonight was the first night he and Erwin were leaving Mikasa alone. Well, at least part of the night. They were going out to dinner and then to a bar if everything turned out fine at home. Hence why he suggested Furlan and Isabel watch Mikasa when Hanji wasn’t available. He hadn’t seen the two of them in about a month and they’d been nagging him to see their niece. Isabel especially was insistent on watching Mikasa for a few hours. She had even brought over a little stuffed animal bird for her and was thrilled to hold her for the first time. Currently, she was with Erwin in the nursery getting the bedtime rundown that Farlan had also just received.
Levi scoffed. “We’ll be checking in on you.”
“That’s why I planned on sending you guys a picture every thirty to forty minutes.” Farlan winked. “Figured you’d want to know the little one is alright and get photographic proof.”
“That’s ideal,” came Erwin’s voice.
Both men turned to see Erwin entering. He was dressed in a simple black suit with a white dress shirt underneath the waistcoat. He looked rather good. It was a change from the casual dress shirts he wore to work and to the informal way he had been dressing at home since Mikasa had come into their lives. The quick turnaround of becoming fathers had certainly shifted how they both dressed. There simply wasn’t as much time to select a suit or a dress shirt to wear. Not that either of them had that much money to constantly spend on dry-cleaning, either. Their clothes often had marks of drool or spit up. Worst case, even the result of a too-full diaper. Seeing Erwin like this was certainly a sight for sore eyes.
Levi, too, wore a simple black suit jacket over a grey collared shirt with the top button left undone. It was certainly something to get dressed up like this again. They’d planned the date night as soon as Farlan and Isabel had agreed to being available and there was no going back. If anything, Levi had been looking forward to it. While he enjoyed his newfound fatherhood, despite its daily difficulties, a part of him had longed for that ability to go out to dinner with Erwin or to a bar.
Levi nodded at his husband. “Where’s the kids?”
As if summoned, Isabel came walking up to Erwin’s side. In her arms was Mikasa, who had her eyes trained on the woman holding her. Her tiny fists waved upward then into herself and small grunts left her lips. At least she seemed comfortable with Isabel. That was good. Levi had a minor concern that Mikasa wouldn’t like other people who weren’t himself and Erwin, but he’d been thankfully proved wrong with Hanji, Farlan, and Isabel.
Meanwhile, Isabel scrunched her nose in annoyance. “I’m not a kid anymore, Levi. You know that.”
“You’re always going to be younger than me. Hence, kid.” Levi walked over and put his hand in her hair to ruffle it, much to the woman’s annoyance. He peeked down at Mikasa and put his hand on her head next, though he caressed her head then her cheek. “She seems good with you.”
“Oh yeah. We had a minor crisis in the nursery but then she got used to me. We’re best friends now.” Isabel beamed and cooed at Mikasa, “Best buddies, huh? Me and you, the two girls.”
Erwin fondly smiled. “You’re good with her. She’s in good hands. Literally.”
Levi’s eyes rolled. “Just because you’re a father doesn’t mean you can make those jokes. Then again, you already told horrible jokes beforehand.”
He was met with Erwin’s dashing smile. The blonde’s hands smoothed the front of his suit. “We’re all set, then?”
Levi wracked his brain. He couldn’t think of anything else he or Erwin hadn’t covered. They’d been explicitly clear about their routine as well as how they’d been sleep-training Mikasa. Though hopefully tonight was a night where she slept through without fully waking. He looked at Erwin and shrugged. “I guess so. All set.”
Now came the moment of truth; well the first of many for the night. Both men turned to look at their daughter, who had her eyes trained on Isabel. It was Erwin who first took her into his arms, shushing her quietly and kissing her head. Levi didn’t think he’d ever stop marveling over how Erwin interacted with Mikasa; as if she was the gentlest, most delicate being in the world. How he regarded her with such love and care in the simplest gestures or touches.
“Be good for your aunt and uncle, alright? Don’t give them too much trouble.” Erwin’s larger fingers brushed against Mikasa’s cheek. He smiled as the baby blinked and reached her smaller hand up at him. She was stretching, of course, but a father could dream that his child was reaching for him. “We’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Be good.”
Erwin’s eyes met Levi’s and he stepped forward to place their daughter into his arms. Levi, too, leaned down and kissed Mikasa’s temple. “What your dad said,” he told the baby, briefly acknowledging Erwin before returning his attention to the little girl. “But don’t be afraid to give Isabel a run for her money.”
“Uh, we’re going to be best friends,” came Isabel’s haughty response. “She’s fine, big bro.”
Levi’s finger stroked Mikasa’s cheek. He leaned in again and, in a stage-whisper, said, “Maybe spit up over her shirt. Or on her. Both would be fine.”
Erwin made an amused sound and Farlan put his hands on his hips whilst smirking. Isabel looked indignant. She scrunched her nose at Levi when he handed Mikasa back to her, holding the baby to her chest almost protectively. “Nice. So nice of you.” She lifted her foot and shook it toward Levi. “Get out of here. We’re going to do fun things like throw a party and watch—.” She frowned and looked at Farlan. “What do babies watch?”
“Knowing these two, she’s never seen a TV.” Farlan waved his hand at Erwin and Levi. “We’ll send you a picture in an hour. Alright, go have fun. You’ll miss your reservation.”
Levi went to Erwin’s side and nodded. “See you three later.”
Erwin, too, nodded and lifted a hand in farewell as they turned to leave, heading to the garage and to their car. Erwin settled in the driver’s seat while Levi got in the passenger’s side with his arms folded. The garage door opened and Erwin backed out, avoiding Farlan’s car expertly and then pulling out into the street.
Levi watched Erwin turn on the radio then lower the volume so the music was dull, yet still audible. He looked over at his husband with a hum then out his window to watch the dimming sky.
“When was the last time we went out to dinner?” He questioned, still watching the sky.
Erwin answered, “Probably two months ago? Or was it a month?”
Levi couldn’t remember quite well, either. “Let’s split the difference and say a month-and-a-half.” He looked at the radio and frowned, turning the dial to change to a classical music station. He preferred that to the shit on regular radio. He heard it enough when he worked as a mentor to the kids, letting them listen to their music when spending time either working on homework or just hanging out and letting them relax.
Erwin didn’t seem to care. He tapped his fingers on the wheel and came to a slow stop at a red light. “How do you think they’re going to do?”
Levi’s shoulders shrugged. “Don’t know. Teenagers are one thing. Babies are another entirely.”
“Has Farlan ever held a baby before Mikasa?”
“—You know; I don’t think he has.”
A thoughtful noise came from Erwin’s throat. He looked in the mirror and fixed the part in his hair. “Wonder how he’s going to be under pressure.”
“This is Farlan we’re talking about,” Levi pointed out. “He’s good under pressure.” Then a pause. A smirk crossed Levi’s face. “But he’s probably going to shit his pants if Mikasa freaks and he can’t figure it out after thirty minutes.”
“Thirty? I feel like that’s generous,” Erwin commented, sharing Levi’s expression. “Isabel seems good with her.”
“Seeing her with a baby in her arms freaks me the fuck out.” Levi tapped his fingers on his arm. “She’s so young. Like a baby herself.”
“Isn’t she twenty-two?” Erwin considered his words. “Yeah, that’s young. Especially compared to you.”
Levi’s arm came out to smack Erwin’s arm, earning a faux-grunt of pain. “Look who’s talking, Old Man. Practically off to the nursing home tomorrow.”
“Thirty-three isn’t that old, despite what you clam. And by your logic, thirty-one means you’re also old.” Erwin watched the light turn green and drove forward, turning on his blinker so he could make a left turn coming up.
Levi’s eyes rolled and he turned up the volume on the radio, hearing a familiar sonata. “Appassionata,” he commented.
“It’s a good one,” Erwin agreed. He slowly and smoothly made his left turn, heading into the main part of town.
Levi’s fingers tapped to the tinkling of the piano, occasionally humming to certain parts he remembered. Out of the corner of his eyes he caught sight of Erwin’s smile. In turn, it made Levi briefly smile. He brought a hand up to scratch his head then leaned his head against his palm as he regarded Erwin. This was the first time in weeks he’d seen Erwin cleaned up like this. Sure, he dressed up for work but not like this; despite how he knew Erwin liked to make impressions. He looked very much like how he did when they’d started dating and gone to nice restaurants much like the one they were going to now.
As Erwin stopped behind other cars at another red light, he looked at Levi. “What is it?”
Levi’s slender shoulders shrugged. His fingers massaged his scalp. “It’s nice to see you out of a T-shirt and sweats for once. Not looking unhygienic as shit. Also not smelling like shit, either.” A smell reached his nose, causing it to wrinkle for a moment. “Are you wearing cologne?”
“A bit. The one you got me for my birthday.” Erwin kept an eye on the light but also took the time to reach over and touch Levi’s free hand. Levi turned his hand over and allowed their fingers to entwine. Erwin could drive with one hand, after all.
Levi applied a squeeze to his husband’s hand. “Good. I like when you smell the opposite of a shitty diaper.”
“Hell would freeze over if you ever did.” Erwin returned the squeeze and slowly moved forward as all the other cars did. He kept his hand with Levi’s, enjoying the weight of it. “Another couple of blocks and then we’ll be there.”
“S’fine.” Levi’s thumb moved across the ridges of Erwin’s knuckles as he moved his gaze out the front window, observing the streets of the town filled with people walking into restaurants, bars, or even shops. He absently brought Erwin’s hand to his mouth then set it down again as he kept gazing forward as the car moved along the road toward the restaurant.
When they pulled into the parking lot, Erwin removed his hand to unbuckle his seatbelt. He took a quick glance at his phone then pocketed it before getting out. Levi followed suit, fixing the front of his suit as he exited and making sure it was all smoothed down. He quickly took out his phone to see if Farlan had texted him yet. Nothing. Then again, it had only been about fifteen minutes since they’d left. There was nothing to worry about.
Sliding his phone into his pocket, Levi walked by Erwin’s side into the restaurant. It was a nice one where they had gone on occasion with friends and colleagues. It was decently priced, at least, and the food was rather good. Levi didn’t particularly care for their selection of wine but their hard liquor was rather good, too. Even still, there was a bar down the street that they would go to after their meal. That is, if everything was fine at home.
Erwin held the door open for Levi and then the two walked in together. Erwin asked for the reservation under their name and they were led to their table. A waiter came with menus, a small basket of bread, as well as two plates with grated parmesan cheese and a bottle of olive oil. Erwin put in an order for two whiskeys and thanked the waiter. Levi flipped open the menu and perused it, eyes scanning for something. They hadn’t had much of an opportunity to cook real meals. Usually it was something simple like rotisserie chicken from the store and rice or pasta that could be thrown together with some jarred sauce; nothing like the time-consuming meals they used to cook together. In effect, tonight was a real treat.
“The Pappardelle ai Funghi looks good,” Erwin said, pronouncing the dish almost flawlessly. It caused Levi to squint at him.
“Does it?” He asked in a monotone.
Erwin didn’t seem to notice. Or, if he did, his reflex was to ignore Levi’s tone. “That or the Orecchiette con Cime di Rapa.”
Levi’s mouth pressed together in a line. “You sound pretentious.”
Erwin lifted his eyes from the menu. “It’s the name of the dish, Levi.”
“Regardless, you sound pretentious as hell. What, did you go to prep school?”
The two men shared a look of irritation though it held very little substance. Levi often poked at Erwin’s rather privileged background. He had, in fact, gone to a nice private school thanks to the hard work of his father and the inheritance from his mother after she’d passed. Erwin had been quite fortunate in life but he’d never taken it for granted, especially after both of his parents had died when he’d been relatively young. Erwin had worked hard and he’d gotten quite far. Levi was proud of him, certainly. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t make fun. Where was the enjoyment in that?
It was beneficial that Erwin was a good sport, despite the cross expression he now gave to Levi which, to any outsider, would look genuine. But Erwin, though he might vehemently disagree with Levi on occasion, hardly found a reason to take Levi’s jesting to heart.
Levi, too, looked at his menu. After a few turns of the page, scanning each and every menu item that seemed the least bit appetizing, he closed it. “The Ragu Alla Bolognese,” he decided, pronouncing the name as authentically yet mockingly as possible. He was satisfied to see Erwin’s attempt at biting back his amusement. “Do we want anything else?”
“I think these are fine for now.” Erwin took a piece of bread and set it on a small appetizer plate they’d been left. He poured a small amount of oil on the plate beside it and used a spoon to serve some of the shredded parmesan beside it. His deft fingers tore the bread in half and dipped the bread into the oil, first, then the cheese. After letting the oil and cheese soak together, Erwin took a bite and nodded. It was quite good.
Levi drank from the water glass and pulled out his phone once more. Sure enough, a message from Farlan had been sent two minutes ago. He unlocked his phone and went to open the message. It was a picture of Farlan and Isabel sitting on the couch with Mikasa leaning against Farlan’s chest with her eyes opened and staring off. One of Farlan’s hands was clearly holding the camera while the other was loosely pressed against Mikasa’s back. His pinky and thumb were extended in a sort of ‘hang loose’ gesture. A wide grin was spread across the man’s face. Isabel, too, was smiling and holding a bottle. She was sticking her tongue out at the camera and throwing up a peace sign. The accompanying text under the photo said:
Wild times at the Ackerman-Smith house.
A ‘tch’ came from Levi’s mouth and he shook his head, a smile small yet warm on his face.
“What?” Asked Erwin, who was cleaning his fingers on a napkin.
Levi handed over his phone to his husband. Erwin scanned the photo and smiled. He, took, shook his head. “They’re something.”
“At least they haven’t set the house on fire, yet.” Levi took back his phone and sent a quick text:
Make sure you lift the bottle so she doesn’t suck on air. Thanks for the update.
He set his phone facing up so he’d be able to see when Farlan responded. “So she’ll eat now and then get her bath. You told Isabel how to give her a bath, yes?”
“I ended up just doing it while we were upstairs. It seemed a little too much to expect her to do on the first time watching Mikasa,” Erwin justified.
Levi nodded. “Right. So then she’ll have an hour or so left awake then she’ll go to bed. Think she’ll be asleep by the time we get home?”
“I think so.” Erwin ate another bit of bread and cleaned the oil from his hands once more. “Oh, tomorrow. Are we taking her to that park?”
Levi drank more of his water and confirmed, “Yeah, I thought we decided that. Park and then to that museum. Why are we even taking her to the museum? She can’t understand or really see any of the pictures.”
“You mentioned wanting to go to the museum,” reminded Erwin. “I figured it would be a nice place to take her after her nap and after lunch. That way she should be quiet enough.”
Both men looked at their waiter as he returned with their drinks. They put in their dinner orders with Erwin deciding on the Pappardelle ai Funghi. Levi had stared him down as he ordered then put in his own order, handing over the menus to the waiter.
Erwin returned to the conversation. “It’s just something to do. Better than being stuck in the house.”
That was true. Levi had to give Erwin that. But he didn’t understand bringing a baby who was barely older than four months to a museum. She wouldn’t appreciate it at all. Hell, if tomorrow was a bad day then she might scream the entire time and that was worse than anything.
“We’ll see how she does at the park,” Levi decided. “You don’t think it’s too many new things at once?”
“Maybe. You’re right. We’ll see how she does at the park. If she’s too tired or overwhelmed then we’ll go right back home,” Erwin confirmed. He took his whiskey glass and held it up and toward Levi. “First night without her.”
“You sentimental bastard, it’s only a couple of hours.” Even still, Levi picked up his glass and clinked the rims together. “Here’s to no meltdowns, yet.”
“Us or her?” Erwin’s eyes sparkled when he drank, never leaving Levi’s face. The glass remained in his hand.
“Tch, surprised you’re not crying that you miss her,” mocked Levi after taking his first sip of whiskey. It tingled on his lips and tongue and he rather liked it. He hadn’t had a good drink in quite some time; probably for a little over a month or so at this point.
“The same could be said for you.” Erwin picked at his bread again. He gestured with it as he spoke. “You were dreading this, weren’t you?”
“What would give you that idea?” Asked Levi in his terribly bored tone, although he was anything but bored.
Erwin put down the bread on his plate. Those strong, yet careful fingers cleaned themselves on the napkin once more, ridding themselves of the oil and crumbs of bread. “You were holding her a lot, today,” he commented.
One of Levi’s brows raised. “I can’t hold my daughter? And this is really rich coming from the guy who’ll fall asleep holding her in the first five minutes of watching a movie.”
The blonde’s lips pulled upward. There was that damned smile Levi had fallen in love with. Even when he was upset with Erwin, the hint of that smile and the goading on like Erwin was doing now could change his perspective. His husband had always been the persuasive type, even when his words and ideas sounded absolutely ludicrous to Levi’s too rational mind. In response, Levi’s eyes narrowed and he picked up his glass. He gestured toward Erwin and said, “You’re really fulfilling the old man role. Next you’ll be looking up nursing homes. Good thing, too. I’m not going to be the one changing your shitty diapers. Already doing that for one person in the house. I’m not wiping your ass.”
“Well, that’s good to know. Glad to know our vows have an expiration date.” Erwin mirrored Levi, taking his own glass of whiskey and drinking from it. He set it down. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s…well, it’s something I’ve noticed. Even before you had to go back to work, you spent a bit more time with her. Holding her, taking more time to feed her and lay with her when she’s on her stomach.”
Levi swallowed his drink and tapped his finger on the rim of the glass. His shoulders moved up and down in dismissal. “Got to make sure she has a strong neck, right? That’s what the doctor said.”
“Levi.” Erwin leaned forward, his elbows on the edge of the table. “It’s okay to not want to be away from Mikasa.” He turned his head a bit to the bridge of his nose and look off, seemingly for their waiter. His blue eyes lowered in the way they often did when he lost himself in thought. “I feel bad.”
“For what?” Levi questioned. Though, the question was more out of curiosity to see if Erwin’s response matched his own musings.
Erwin’s attention returned to his husband. There was a sign of embarrassment but also the need to be honest. With Levi, Erwin always felt he could be honest. He had no real reason to be embarrassed. He knew the other man well enough to understand there was no judgement, especially in this regard.
Levi’s lips parted. “You feel bad for leaving her at home,” he confirmed.
“Intuitive as ever.” Erwin scratched the area under his jaw. “And you do, as well.”
There was no denying it. Even still, Levi stared Erwin down until the need to respond built up to a necessary evil. “—I do.”
There was no smile of victory; only a nod of understanding. Erwin questioned, “Does it feel selfish to go out without her?”
“Are you complaining?” Then Levi considered his feelings. “I feel like we forgot something important.”
“Exactly, exactly.” The relief seemed to melt over Erwin. Levi hadn’t realized how held and tense Erwin’s shoulders and upper body had been until he’d confirmed seemingly what his husband had been feeling. “I feel as if we forgot something. I know Farlan and Isabel are watching her, but still.”
“I swear, I can hear her crying in the back of my head,” Levi offered. That was ridiculous. But, apparently, Erwin seemed to agree.
The blonde’s response was immediate. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.”
“Christ, we’re pathetic.” Levi finished his glass and made a face, though not at the taste of the whiskey. “Used to go out all the time and now look at us. Can’t even get through the first half of dinner without hearing things. Think we’re going insane.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m also a bit sleep deprived. So that must explain it.” Erwin, too, finished his glass of whiskey. He nodded at the taste. “It’s also strange doing something for ourselves, don’t you think?”
“A little, yeah.” Though Levi wasn’t one for regular sleep, he had to admit that the unpredictable routine and stress he put on himself to have Mikasa adjust to her new life had affected his ability to rest. Two hours felt like five minutes when there was a crying baby who needed him and a husband who actually needed at least five hours of solid rest to function at work. Levi commented, “A little. I understand we need to get out of that house, but it feels…odd.” He shook his head. Work was easy enough due to Levi being able to concentrate fully on the tasks at hand. But he’d begun to associate his time with Erwin also being spent with Mikasa. They’d become a trio, a packaged deal in a sense. So without one, time spent with Erwin felt incomplete. The more Levi thought about it, the guiltier he felt.
Guilty? For spending time with Erwin? Levi’s confusion was etched across his face. What the hell sense does that make?
He didn’t feel irresponsible, no. They’d left Mikasa with Isabel and Farlan; two of the most responsible people Levi knew in his personal circle. A circle which, in truth, was quite small and tight. Even still, he trusted his friends to take care of his daughter. There was no reason he should be feeling guilty and incomplete.
Their waiter returned with their food, setting the plates before them and taking the small appetizer plates away. Levi looked down at his food then put his napkin in his lap. Erwin did the same and took up his utensils, starting to lightly cut at the mushrooms. He took a few bites and nodded in approval after chewing and swallowing. He lightly dabbed at his mouth then continued to eat. Levi did the same, minding his own dish. It was rather good. The sauce was fine; not too heavy and not too light. He ate slowly, savoring each bite. It wouldn’t take long for his stomach to fill so Levi enjoyed the taste. He made sure to keep every aspect of it clean; from how he gathered the pasta and sauce on his fork then brought it to his mouth to how he swiftly dabbed at his lips and made sure not to spill anything on the table or himself. Every part of the meal operated like a well-planned, well-oiled machine.
Erwin, thankfully, was also a neat eater. If he hadn’t been, Levi likely thought he wouldn’t have married him. Cleanliness was something he often found undervalued nowadays.
“Good?” Asked Erwin, wiping at his mouth and putting his napkin back in his lap.
Levi nodded, finishing his water. “Very. Not bad at all.”
When Levi was on his last bite, his phone screen lit up. He wiped his hands, set his plate aside, and picked up his phone. Another text from Farlan. It was a picture of Isabel frowning and looking rather disgusted while holding Mikasa, whose eyes were unfixed and had a milky white substance on her lips.
First casualty. Remember her well.
Levi shook his head with an utterly amused smile. A thoughtful ‘Huh’ came from his mouth.
“How’s she doing?” Erwin asked. He put his fork down in anticipation of getting the phone.
In kind, Levi handed it over. “Take a look.”
Erwin laughed at the image and shook his head. “Well, I hope you told her to bring a change of shirt.”
“No I did not,” responded Levi. He smirked. “Didn’t tell Farlan, either.”
“I’d be pissed if I were them,” Erwin commented, still amused at Isabel’s situation.
“I told them she could spit up if they didn’t burp her properly. Or even despite that. That’s on them.” Levi received his phone back from Erwin and looked at the image once more. “At least Mikasa looks happy. Well, circumstances being what they are.”
“At least she does,” Erwin confirmed. He leaned his elbows on the table and rested chin on his knuckles. “How’s your food?”
“I said it was good. Not going to finish it all here. I’ll bring it home for tomorrow.” Levi moved the fork an inch to the right. It slid down the rim a bit. “Yours?”
“Excellent,” confirmed Erwin. He, too, moved his fork to rest on his plate. “I might have another bite or two.”
“No rush.”
Erwin’s head tilted marginally. “Do you think I’m rushing?”
Brown eyes squinted. “A bit.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been eating dinner with you for years, now. I can tell when you’re in a rush, even when you don’t think you are.” Levi’s finger flicked toward the plate. “You’re rushing. Not obviously, but just enough. Want to go home?”
Erwin thought it incredible how Levi could read people. He gave a dismissive gesture with his fingers then scratched at his temple. “No. Do you?”
“No.”
The blond stared at his husband, matching his squinting eyes in a challenge. “Really?”
Oh how Levi absolutely hated when Erwin goaded him like this into sharing how he really felt. In a public place, too, of all things. Not that there was anyone eavesdropping or caring about how two fathers were doing on their first night away from their daughter.
“Do not,” Levi warned. But Erwin kept his gaze steady. A dark brow raised and he pointed a finger toward the blond. “Don’t.”
“Levi,” Erwin reminded him, “just tell me. Do you want to go home and see Mikasa?”
“—Not right this second.” Levi loathed this. “But I don’t want to be out for too much longer.”
At that, Erwin leaned back in his seat. He gave up the challenge. “Why don’t we go to the bar and then go home,” he suggested. “Just another hour, at most.”
Another hour, at most. Levi could do that. “Is that okay with you?”
Now it was Erwin’s time to consider his feelings. “Only sixty-minutes,” he reasoned. “That’s all. And we can go home as early or as late as we’d like.”
Levi finished his water and nodded. He fished his credit card out of his wallet and looked for their waiter. “Right. Let’s get these wrapped up and bring them with us.”
They paid for their meal and put the takeaway containers in the car before they made their way down the street. There were plenty of people out for nights of their own. They went from restaurant to bar, shop to street. Some were laughing, talking loudly. There were even families with children in cars or getting out of them. Children being held by their parent or dragging them along by hand. Couples, too, of varying ages.
Erwin and Levi walked side-by-side. They weren’t the sort of couple to show much public affection. Neither of them preferred to be as hands-on as some couples were. Usually younger ones. It had never been much of an issue with them at all. Levi didn’t particularly like to show his feelings in such a public manner. Erwin, too, preferred to be casual rather than force a display of affection. He didn’t have anything to prove and neither did Levi.
The bar they went to had a small outdoor patio and they decided to find a table there once they had their drinks. Erwin got himself a fine beer while Levi had another whiskey. It was better to continue on than introduce a new drink into the mix. They kept their tab open, just in case, and went to find a table which was unoccupied. Erwin pulled his chair beside Levi’s and sat down. There was music filling the silence. It played from speakers which were placed around the space.
“At least it’s a warm night,” Erwin commented, bringing his beer to his mouth and taking a drink. “Good thing the patio was open.”
Levi agreed. He drank from his glass and watched the people moving about on the street and toward the tables around them. “It is nice,” he agreed.
“Maybe we can bring Mikasa out to dinner, one night. Not until she’s older, of course.”
Levi leaned his head to the side, looking at his glass and the contents of it. “Of course. When she’s older.”
Erwin regarded his beer and took another sip. He set it down and moved his arm around Levi’s shoulder. It was a natural, comfortable position. Levi didn’t move to lean into it but he looked at Erwin from the corner of his eye. He crossed one leg over the other and folded his arms, his whiskey glass dangling though safe in his unconventional grip.
“We don’t have to bring her to the museum tomorrow,” Erwin suddenly said. “I agree. I think she is too young, at the moment. We’ll do the park and then go home. I’m sure she’ll be exhausted regardless.”
“Is this really our lives now?” Levi looked at Erwin with an indiscernible expression. It surprised Erwin.
“Is what our lives are now?” He questioned.
Levi put his glass on the table beside Erwin’s. “Talking about our kid all the time and nothing else? Wondering how she’s doing when we’re ‘off-duty’, per se?”
The arm around Levi’s shoulder visibly tensed. Erwin pondered what his husband had said. His fingers rubbed together, dragging nail over skin thoughtfully. “It’s not abnormal we’re talking about her. She’s the main focus of our lives, now.”
“I understand that.” Levi’s body angled toward Erwin’s. “I feel as if we had more exciting things to talk about before. Work, where we were going on the weekend. Now we’re feeling bad about leaving our kid home and taking the night for ourselves. Talking about bringing her to the park, how she’s sleeping, how she’s spitting up over my friends’ shirts.” His forehead creased. “Maybe I’m thinking about it too much, reading too much into it.”
Erwin went quiet. “Do you not want to talk about her?”
“No, of course I want to talk about our kid.” Levi’s arms uncrossed. “I don’t know. I’m overthinking it, probably. It’s not like our lives before were the epitome of excitement. All we’d talk about was work and seeing our friends.”
“But this is very different,” Erwin finished. “Our lives are small, at the moment. More restricted.”
“And I knew it would be. We’re not idiots,” Levi continued. “We talked about this plenty before. The first time.”
He felt how Erwin’s fingers lightly curled into his palm. They stroked across the spot. “We did.”
Levi watched his husband’s expression shift. This time, he leaned against Erwin’s shoulder. He even leaned his head against his collarbone to give support. He understood how broaching this topic was still something sensitive to Erwin. It was sensitive to Levi, too, but Erwin was more forthcoming with his emotions than Levi ever would be. It was marginal but substantial enough. Erwin’s eyes landed on Levi’s face. He was rather thankful and leaned in to kiss his temple. Levi’s eyes closed for a moment and opened when he felt his husband’s lips leave his skin.
Simply, Erwin said, “I apologize for our lives no longer being exciting, in the normal sense.”
Though Levi knew Erwin’s apology wasn’t genuine. This was something they’d both chosen to pursue. But no matter how prepared they’d been, Levi supposed nothing could prepare them for the feelings they’d have trying to balance their personal lives with their new roles as fathers. Being a father meant they could no longer be selfish; they couldn’t plan for weekends away or veer off schedule because something had come up at work. They had Mikasa depending on them with her own needs, her own schedule. It was a shift one couldn’t fully understand until they experienced it for themselves.
“Hey,” Levi said, drawing Erwin’s attention. He lifted his hand to touch the underside of Erwin’s chin with his fingertips. “I think the most exciting thing I’ve seen in a while is you trying to grade papers and feed Mikasa a bottle without messing anything up. It’s impressive. Not a stain on those pages.”
That brought back the smile Levi loved so much. “And you not swearing up a storm when you get drooled on,” Erwin responded. “That’s the most impressive change I’ve seen so far.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s disgusting. Kid’s going to have to buy me new clothes when she’s old enough. I’ve got a lot of dirt to hold over her.”
“You’re not that cruel.” Erwin laughed.
It was a relief to hear. Levi smiled. “Yeah, I’m not.”
He tilted his head up and Erwin met him in the middle for a kiss. Levi could taste and smell the beer on Erwin’s breath but he didn’t particularly mind it. They pulled back from one another and went back to their drinks.
“Plus,” Erwin said, his lips against the rim of his drink, “you hate when I talk about my lectures.”
“The amount of times I’ve heard you talk about the same factors leading to the same conflicts and how those changed the respective governments—.” Levi’s eyes widened in annoyance. “Really, Erwin, I find no excitement in that. You’ve got to change it up.”
“I do. It’s more exciting in class when the students start to debate. Sometimes it’s really great. Other times it gets too passionate and I have to shut it down. Don’t want to get too many complaints.” Even still, there was no missing the grin on Erwin’s face.
“You take such a gamble with those political discussions. But you get some sort of weird kick out of it which I’ll never understand.” Levi didn’t consider himself stupid. He knew a fair amount about politics and even some history that Erwin had passionately discussed with him from their earliest dates. Still, he wasn’t as into it as Erwin was and his brain tended to shut down when Erwin discussed his lesson and lecture plans.
Erwin shrugged and drank down his beer in a single go. There’d been a fair amount but he’d committed. Impressive. The man still had it. He exhaled quietly and put the empty bottle down. “I could try to explain. But you’d rather walk home, I think.”
“You guessed right.” Levi’s brows raised and he attended to his drink. He, too, made the decision to drink it down without so much as a wince. Moving his lips together, he lifted his chin. “Another round?”
“One more,” Erwin agreed. “I’ve still got to drive home.”
“One more beer won’t kill us. Plus, we can walk around till it wears off,” Levi reasoned. Finally, he’d started to feel comfortable. It had only taken about an hour and a half. Certainly, the alcohol helped.
“I’ll grab it. Tab’s still open.” Erwin’s arm pulled away from Levi’s shoulders. He eased himself to his feet.
Levi’s knuckles tapped against his husband’s chest. “Hey, wait.”
Erwin looked down. He’d begun to remove his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. “Yes?”
Levi’s hand grabbed the front of Erwin’s shirt and sharply tugged. Erwin leaned down, bracing a hand on the back of his husband’s chair. Immediately, he closed his eyes and leaned in as Levi kissed him. Levi could feel Erwin’s mouth moving into a smile as they kissed, letting it deepen just because. Both men lingered in the moment, enjoying this stolen moment. There was still passion between them; not that there had been any doubt at all there was still passion between them. They might be sleep-deprived and more bound to their domestic life than ever before, but there was still love and desire between them. Levi sensed that by how Erwin leaned against him and returned the kiss. It sent a pleasant shock to his heart and a warmth in his body.
When Erwin pulled back, he saw how Levi’s pupils dilated. It pleased him greatly. “Whiskey and a beer,” he reminded his husband.
Levi’s eyes were searching Erwin’s, trying to figure out that glint in his eye. “Don’t take too long.”
“Never.” There came another sly smirk as the taller man pulled away and went inside to the bar.
Leaning back into his seat, Levi let out a long exhale and dared to slump in his seat. He pulled out his phone and checked for any new texts from Farlan. Nothing, yet. Even still, Levi had an idea.
Mind if we’re a little later? Maybe another forty-minutes?
He was about to send the text then looked over his shoulder to where Erwin had gone. He couldn’t quite see where he was, from this vantage point. Even still, Erwin wasn’t quite walking back yet. Levi looked at his phone and hit the backspace, clearing the last two words. His fingers texted something new:
Mind if we’re a little later? Maybe another hour?
He quickly hit send and waited for a response, seeing the ellipses bubble come up almost immediately.
Yeah, should be fine. Isabel’s going to put Mikasa to bed. Everything’s good here. You guys?
Levi’s teeth dragged along his lip. Again, he looked over his shoulder. This time, he did see Erwin coming back with drinks in hands. Swiftly, he texted back:
Perfect. See you guys in an hour.
He pocketed his phone and scratched the back of his ear when Erwin set the drinks down. Levi nodded in thanks at his husband and took his whiskey, going to drink already before Erwin even had his own. It surprised the blond for a moment but he sat back down and put his arm around Levi again. “Thirsty?”
“Quite,” Levi muttered against the glass rim. His brows raised and he swallowed down the whiskey, feeling it linger on his tongue.
Erwin slowly drank his own beer and cleared his throat. “How’re things at home?”
“Perfect. They’re putting Mikasa to bed. Nothing’s burned down so that’s ideal.”
“Good. I’m glad it’s going well.” Erwin swirled the beer inside the bottle before taking a long drink. “You feel better?”
“Yeah,” Levi admitted. He truly did. Mikasa was going to sleep and all seemed well. He did miss her and, upon closer introspection, felt bad he wasn’t putting her to bed. But Farlan and Isabel were capable and taking good care of her. Everything was okay. “You?”
“I do. And we’ll be the first ones she sees in the morning,” Erwin justified. It seemed to put him at ease.
Levi nodded and took another drink. It was, at this point, three-quarters of the way finished. Again, Erwin regarded Levi with surprise but said nothing edgewise. But Levi wouldn’t let it go. “What?”
“Nothing,” Erwin said.
“What?” Asked Levi again.
Erwin made a sound as he drank from his beer bottle. His hand lifted as if shrugging. When he’d swallowed his beer, he could speak again. “Nothing, Levi.”
But Levi wanted to take control of the conversation. He goaded, “No, tell me. Why’re you looking at me like that.”
Shaking his head, Erwin explained, “Seems like you’re in a rush. I thought we talked about not having to rush home.”
“I’m in a rush,” Levi responded coolly, “but not to go home.”
This confused Erwin for the briefest of seconds. Then it was as if Levi could see the realization forming in the taller man’s eyes. “—Oh?”
That brought a smile to Levi’s face. “Oh,” he confirmed.
He felt Erwin’s arm bending to hook around his neck, drawing him nearer. Levi acquiesced gladly. “Oh,” repeated Erwin, slowly bringing the rim of the bottle to his lips and tilting it into his mouth. He didn’t look away from Levi the entire time.
Farlan’s eyes narrowed as he turned his head to the sound of approaching footsteps. He nudged Isabel’s head with a shrugged shoulder, rousing her from her sleep. She groaned and turned her face into Farlan’s shoulder in protest. Again, Farlan shrugged his shoulder to wake her up and craned his head to see Levi and Erwin coming into the living room. “One hour my ass,” he scolded.
“We had to sober up,” Levi explained. He carried the bag of leftovers and, for the moment, put them on the coffee table. “Would have texted you.”
“Yeah, of course you would have.” Farlan picked up the baby monitor and held it toward the couple. “She’s all good. Moving around a bit but not getting up.”
“She tends to do that.” Levi took the monitor and looked at the image of Mikasa sleeping in her crib. She was certainly moving about but seemed at least to have her eyes closed. Maybe she was dreaming. Levi couldn’t remember if babies dreamed but it was a reasonable enough explanation for him.
Isabel rubbed her eyes and picked up her head. “How was dinner, Big Bro?” She asked through a yawn.
Levi nodded, sliding his hands into his trouser pockets. “It was good. It was that Italian place in town. Really good.”
“Very good. You two should go sometime,” Erwin added.
Farlan’s eyes squinted as he scanned Levi and Erwin. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Again, sorry we didn’t tell you we were going to be late,” Levi excused.
“That’s okay!” Isabel chimed in. She stood and stretched her arms over her head. “Your couch is really comfortable. Want me to put that in the fridge?” She gestured to the bag of leftovers.
“I’ve got it, thank you,” Erwin responded. “Thank you for watching Mikasa. Should I pay you two in cash or over that app--?”
“Just send it to me over the cash app,” Farlan explained. He was still scanning Levi and Erwin. Having known Levi for more than half his life, Farlan had gotten used to noticing when something was off with Levi. The shorter man was always one for being clean, neat, and tidy in every aspect of his life. Everything about his attire was always perfectly pressed, cleaned, and put together.
So it was easy for Farlan to know Levi was lying about why they were late. He could see the way Levi’s collar wasn’t entirely folded, how his shirt had small creases in it and how loosely it currently hung on his body, despite how it was tucked into his trousers. In fact, Farlan dared to glance at Levi’s trousers. His fly was clearly undone.
Erwin’s shirt, too, seemed looser than how it had been when they’d left. His shirtsleeves were rolled up, too, and he was holding his jacket over an arm.
Levi had told Farlan they’d be an hour late. They were, in fact, nearly two hours late.
Erwin picked up the bag of leftovers and went to the kitchen. As soon as he was out of sight, Farlan squinted at Levi. He whispered, “You so owe us.”
Levi smirked and mouthed, “Thank you.” He held up one finger then, after a brief beat, formed his fingers into a zero. He repeated a second zero. Then, he brought his finger to his lips.
Farlan rolled his eyes and got up as well. “Alright, guess we’ll go. Send me a text about Monday, alright?”
“Will do,” Levi confirmed. “Thanks, again.”
Farlan went over and threw an arm around Levi in a casual embrace. Levi hooked his arm around his best friend’s torso and squeezed him into the embrace. The two men leaned back to look at each other. “I mean it,” Farlan said, shaking his head and biting back a smirk, “you really owe me for that.”
Levi rolled his eyes upward. “I’m aware. Night, Farlan.”
“Night.” Farlan stepped back and let Isabel go in to hug Levi.
Isabel squeezed Levi into a harder embrace. “Bye! Thanks for calling us.”
Levi nodded, returning the hug. “You’re welcome anytime. Just bring a second shirt, next time. Okay?”
“Yeah, lesson learned.” Isabel scrunched her nose. “I smell like vomit.”
“Welcome to parenthood,” Levi offered. “Well, to being an aunt.”
“She’s so lucky she’s cute. Coulda held her all night.” Isabel beamed. “Call me anytime. Really.”
“We’ll be sure to take advantage of that,” Erwin said as he came back in. He went to Farlan and shook his hand. “Thank you.”
“No problem. Really.” Farlan nodded, returning the firm shake.
Levi watched as Isabel embraced Erwin. “Bye. Thank you!”
“No, thank you. Let me know if you need another letter of recommendation for your internship. I know some good people in the counseling field and they’d be lucky to have you learning from them,” Erwin offered. He patted Isabel’s back as they parted.
“Yeah, thank you!” Isabel smiled. Farlan grasped her hand and began leading her out. “See you guys! Tell Mikasa we said bye!”
Levi waved his hand and went to close the door behind his friends. He looked out the window as they got in Farlan’s car and backed out, driving down the street and out of view. He returned to Erwin and folded his arms. “I’d say that was a success. In more ways than one.”
Erwin had taken a seat on the couch with the baby monitor in hand. He followed Levi’s movements as he came over to sit beside him. “I would as well,” he confirmed. Erwin put an arm around Levi’s shoulders. “She’s settled down.”
“Good.” Levi swallowed down a yawn and leaned his head against Erwin’s shoulder, eyes cast down upon the screen. His arms folded across his chest and he got himself rather comfortable in this position. “Remember to pay them before we go to bed.”
“Right.” Erwin set the monitor down to pull out his phone. With a few movements of his thumb, he sent Farlan and Isabel the payments for watching Mikasa. As he put it down, he caught sight of Levi on his own phone. The device was angled in such an awkward manner, as if Levi was preventing him from seeing the screen. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” Levi responded coolly. His eyes were captured by the screen.
Erwin raised a brow. “Nothing, huh?”
“Who the fuck are you, my uncle?” With a few more strokes, Levi was finished. He put his phone on the couch and looked up at Erwin. There was a delayed sound of a cash register coming from Levi’s phone. Levi’s eyes dilated just slightly.
Erwin tilted his head to the side. “---Farlan?”
Levi nodded. “Farlan,” he confirmed.
Another mirrored nod from Erwin. “Right. Should I--?”
Levi’s head shook. “No. No you should not.” A pause. “I do know what you should do.”
Erwin’s eyes went to the monitor. He weighed the options. “She is asleep…”
“And her room is upstairs,” Levi reminded him. "If we stay here, noise won't travel."
Both men looked at the monitor then at one another. Erwin moved the monitor to the other end of the coffee table and returned his attention to Levi. “Right. You’re feeling up to it?”
“This is the most exciting thing we’ve done in over a month,” Levi reasoned. “Why not?”
“Good point.” Erwin leaned in and caught Levi’s mouth with his own. “Reminded me of when we first started dating,” he muttered in-between kisses. “Funny, though. Getting that room. I didn’t give a damn this time if they cared we left early.”
“I’m sure they’re used to it,” Levi assured. His hands dragged down Erwin’s arms then moved to untuck his shirt. Palms moved up skin while his nails dragged, pressing only just into the skin to garner the desire shudder. His lips pulled upward in response. “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”
“Certainly,” agreed Erwin. He moved his mouth to Levi’s neck. Levi’s head leaned to give his husband space to work, to please him as well as himself. “We’re still just as exciting as we were then.”
Normally, Levi would have goaded Erwin with a joke. This time, however, he pressed his hand to the back of Erwin’s head. His fingers tangled in the man’s short blond hair, encouraging him on.
“Yes we are,” Levi said through a hitched breath.
Erwin’s nose moved along an invisible path on Levi’s skin. “Say that again,” he insisted, mind on other things. He wanted agreement but in a different context. A more selfish, carnal context. “Again,” Erwin said. “Say that again. Yes?”
“Yes,” Levi repeated. He felt his body warm at Erwin’s teeth on his neck. Any concern that their lives were irrevocably changed went out the proverbial window. Just because they had taken on new roles in life certainly did not mean there was no longer any excitement. They could balance their identities. They didn’t have to lose themselves at all. In fact, maybe this was a new phase in who they were. Maybe these new roles could permit their love to evolve in ways unknown to them previously.
Erwin’s mouth was a wonder. It was able to find the places that set Levi’s nerves and body on fire. “Yes?”
Out of Levi’s mouth came the affirmation. His arms loosely wrapped around Erwin’s neck, keeping his husband as near as possible. With Erwin, Levi could do anything. He could face the world and himself without fear. In Erwin, Levi found his strength, his pleasure, and his home. They had come this far; they could go even further.
“--Yes.”