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The bills were paid, checking account balanced, and the humans’ meal plans and shopping lists for the next two weeks had been synced. KITT-9000's urgent tasks for the morning were completed.
He approached the living room. Solar noon was 1800 seconds away.
DETECT HIGHEST WATTS-PER-METER SOURCE OF SUNLIGHT. RECHARGE FOR 3600 SECONDS BEFORE RESUMING LOWER-PRIORITY TASKS.
As he neared the sunbeam, KITT-9000's sensors registered an impediment to his directive. it was the household’s tortoiseshell cat, Mittens, stretched out in front of the largest window, the length of her body nearly exactly matching the length of the sunbeam. There was only a small corner of that sunbeam left.
KITT-9000 took a few cautious steps towards Mittens, his ears forward, his eyes blinking slowly, and his tail upright. “Mrr ” he trilled.
Mittens rolled over, flattened her ears, and hissed at him.
IMPERATIVE: AVOID CONFRONTATIONS WITH ORGANIC CATS.
He retreated into a sunbeam on the other side of the room, and recharged.
***
Although KITT-9000 fully recharged within 2900 seconds, it appeared to be a failure on his part. The process would be 73 percent faster if he had access to the larger sunbeam.
He kept returning to the interaction with Mittens. He’d followed the recommended cat vocalizations and body language cues perfectly. A quick check of the internet confirmed that those body language and vocalizations were generally accepted by humans as correct. Why, then, had Mittens repudiated his overtures?
Was there perhaps a benefit of sunshine that could be supplied by some other means? While organic cats like Mittens did not require sunlight to recharge, a cursory internet search revealed that cats found heat enjoyable.
He added a suggestion of a heated cat bed to his weekly status report to the humans.
***
For 3.7 days, nothing changed. KITT-9000 resigned himself to inefficient charging due to Mittens' monopolization of the optimal sunbeams.
Then one morning, Julia, the smallest human, took notice of the suggestion. “Can we get a bed for Mittens? It can be her birthday present!”
Kelly (one of the larger humans) glanced at the report. "It was her birthday last month."
Julia's eyes squinched together in thought. "Can we get it for Cat Day?"
Dylan (the other large human) said, "There's no such thing as Cat Day." At exactly the same time, Kelly said, "Every day is Cat Day."
"Every day should be Cat Day! Can we get for her, please?" Julia opened her eyes five percent wider than necessary for optimal vision.
“We’ll see,” Kelly said.
"We’ll see,” was one of those enigmatic human phrases that meant very little in the literal sense. But it almost always meant, “Yes” when it was directed at Julia.
Two days later, the heated cat bed arrived. It was a marvel of design, temperature controls activated by a weight sensor (so it would only turn on when Mittens was in the bed), and high walls to retain that heat within the bed. KITT-9000 observed Mittens approach it warily, her tail swishing back and forth.
After giving the cat bed a thorough sniff, Mittens turned away with low grumbling noise. She stalked away, and within seconds she had stretched out in the sunbeam under the largest window again.
“Aw, she didn’t even try it!” Julia’s face crumpled up.
SMALL HUMAN DISTRESS ALERT. DEPLOY CONSOLATION PROTOCOLS.
KITT-9000 jumped from the floor to the cat bed and folded his legs underneath, in an attempt to mimic one of Mittens’ favorite poses.
Julia patted him on the head, “See, Mittens! Kitt’s not scared of it.”
Mittens rolled onto her back, exposing her belly to the sunshine, apparently unimpressed by his gesture.
***
The next 17 days were perplexing indeed. Mittens eventually utilized the cat bed, but only at night. KITT-9000 scoured the internet for an explanation but could not find any that fit his observations of Mittens. It was as if humans’ understanding of organic cats was imperfect, or that organic cats were such complex beings that they defied explanation.
He continued his observations of Mittens from a safe distance, between non-urgent tasks. It was part of his essential function to understand all the beings in the house.
On the eighteenth day, while he was reconciling the humans’ bank statements, an 80-decibel alarm emanated from the living room.
POTENTIAL DEVICE MALFUNCTION. INVESTIGATE. MAKE NECESSARY ADJUSTMENTS.
In the living room, he discovered the source of the alarm: Julia had forgotten her phone; at present she was attending her dance lessons, and thus the alarm served no purpose.
As the phone vibrated under the force of the alarm, Mittens yowled. She crouched down in the far corner.
He brushed a paw against Julia’s phone.
SYSTEM SOFTWARE UPGRADE REQUIRED FOR KITT-9000 INTEROPERABILITY.
There was no time to upgrade the phone; Mittens’ tail was in what the humans called “bottlebrush” mode, which was a sign that she was frightened.
He connected to the phone over Wi-Fi. INITIATE PARENTAL OVERRIDE.
It felt like three full seconds passed, then with the message, PARENTAL OVERRIDE ENGAGED, the phone turned off. Mittens still huddled in the corner, close to the ground. She eyed the now-silent phone with suspicion.
He picked up the phone in his mouth and carried to Julia’s room.
When he returned to the living room, Mittens was basking in the biggest sunbeam once again. She tilted her head in his direction. “Prtt.”
He joined her at the edge of the sunbeam and lay down.
She grabbed him with her paw and pulled him up to her. She buried her head against his side, and the purrs vibrated across his chassis.
WARNING: SOLAR PANEL IMPEDIMENT. DISENGAGE FROM BLOCKING ELEMENT TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM ABSORPTION RATE.
KITT-9000 stayed right where he was.