Chapter Text
Killua thinks This is wrong, as the pure white face looks at him. I shouldn't be doing this, as he clenches his hands into fists, and utters a sentence that rips him apart with guilt, but he goes through with it anyway, because desperation is a terrible thing.
"Make Gon fall in love with me."
The black, empty smile of Nanika opens slightly wider as Killua starts regretting his decision.
"'Kay."
Nothing changes. No elation of feelings, no sakura blossoms appearing out of nowhere, no Gon bursting through the door shouting, "Killua! I have to tell you something!". Just Killua and Alluka sitting alone in her bedroom, surrounded by ridiculously colourful decor.
Alluka's face flashes back to normal, blinking for a few seconds and then smiling softly.
"Did you get what you wished for, brother?"
Killua hesitated before answering.
"I don't know."
Killua slowly stood up. He quickly shoved his shaking hands into his pockets as he smiled gratefully at Alluka. Looking at her innocent face almost calmed him down.
"I'm really glad that you're around, you know that? Both of you."
God, that smile, it could be matched by only one other.
"Well, good luck! Will I see you again soon?" Alluka's eyes were brimmed with hope, knowing that Killua could never stay away from his favourite siblings for long.
"Definitely."
--
Killuas hands didn't stop shaking the entire time he walked back to town in search of Gon. It was around twelve, so Killua would be surprised if the other boy wasn't getting lunch somewhere.
Killuas heart jumped painfully everytime he thought of him. He didn't like to admit it, but this was probably scaring him more than any life-or-death situation he's ever been in. He didn't know how dating worked! Where did you go for first dates? When was the right time to kiss? Do you tell everybody that you're dating straight away, or do you keep it a secret?
And not to mention Gon's side. Sure, even if he was in love, maybe the gender barrier was just too high. What if the wish failed, and Gon didn't like him at all? Or even worse, what if it turned out Killua didn't actually love Gon and... he just left Gon in the dust, with a love that would never be requited?
Killua stopped in his tracks in the middle of the street, getting annoyed stares by the people who had to swerve their way around him. But his panic mattered more right now. Oh god, they weren't even adults yet. Killua didn't know if he was going to love Gon forever. What if they broke up? Killua suddenly realised that going to Nanika as Plan A was incredibly, completely stupi-
"Killuaaaaaaaaaaa!" Killua turned around on his heel and tensed his entire body as he saw Gon smiling and waving while he ran towards him.
Gon reached him, and stopped, his trademark smile on his face.
"Killua, where were you? I was looking all over for you, you know."
Killua smiled, trying to keep it natural. "I was just...going for a walk. It's a nice day." God, I sound like my Grandpa.
However, Gon seemed to accept the excuse without question. "Well, anyway, I've got something to tell you."
Killua completely froze. This is it this is it this is it "Yeah, what is it?" He was scared, really scared, he wished he could go back in time and stop himself from his stupid mistake with Nanika, but god, he wanted Gon to return his feelings so much it hurt.
"I got another date with Palm last night!"
The world around him briefly turned completely white as Killua tried to process what Gon just said. Did the wish not work? Did I say something wrong? Did Nanika just decide to fuck me over?
"Killua? Killua, are you alright?"
Killua blinked as he came back to his senses. His heart feeling like it shriveled up and died in his chest, he answered in the least-wobbly voice he could muster.
"S-so... Palm? As in, Chimera Ant Palm?"
"Yeah! I don't know how she covered up the huge rock on her head, but she's a real whiz with makeup, you know?"
Killua was still numb. All emotion was purged as he listend to Gon's excitement. "Y-yeah, she sure is."
Gon cocked his head in confusion. "Oi, Killua, are you sure you're alright? You seem kind of out of it."
"I'm fine!" Killua snapped, then was taken aback by himself. He looked away from Gons slightly hurt expression from being shouted at for no reason, and tried to cover himself. "Let's just... go and get lunch, ok."
Gon's smile quickly returned. Typical, any mention of food was going to cheer him up.
--
Killua was completely silent when they ate. He didn't know whether Gon thought that it was better to leave Killua alone, or he was just too excited to care, but either way Gon carried the entire conversation by himself. Fortunately, he kept away from the subject of his second date with Palm, but Killua couldn't get it out of his head.
Why Palm? Didn't Gon tell her he wasn't interested? Not to mention that she's twice his age, so it was clearly wrong in more ways than one. And how did they get a date, anyway? Did she ask Gon? Did Gon ask her? Gon didn't seem to be the type to care enough to initiate something, but Killua thought Palm had more pressing matters to attend to than dates.
"-lua. Killua! Turn off your Hatsu, you're electrifying your food!"
"Shit!" Killua immediately dulled his Nen only to find a pile of black ash that looked vaguely like bread on his plate. Christ, I'm thinking about Palm so much I'm becoming her.
He expected Gon to laugh at Killua iniolating his food, but instead he just looked worried.
"Killua, seriously, what's bothering you? Did I do something wrong?"
Killua's heart jumped as he remembered why he was completely smitten for the other boy. If Killua was upset, most of his family would just tell him to shut up, stop being weak and focus on his next assassination assignment. But Gon... Gon cared.
"You didn't do anything." Killua paused before deciding to continue. "Actually, Gon, did you, uh... feel anything weird lately?"
Gon looked confused at the strange question, but answered it anyway. "Weird? I don't think so. Was there an earthquake or something?"
Killua shook his head. "No, I mean emotions."
"Oh, um..." Gon moved his hand to his face as he thought. "Not really. Oh! But when I woke up, I had a feeling it was going to be a really good day today. And I was right, I found 300 Jenny on the ground earlier!"
"That's not all that much to be happy about..." He let Gon keep on talking about various small things that had apparently made today great, while Killua stared at his burnt sandwich, trying to figure out why the wish hadn't worked. Although, granted, he was partly relieved. Now he could figure out that this was just a stupid infatuation, that Gon would never love him, and then they both go marry the girls of their dreams with loads of children and-
Fuck, even the idea of Gon with anybody else but him sent an icy wave of jealousy through his body. A loathing for a faceless woman that they hadn't even met, taking Gon for herself while Killua just stood in the background of their wedding photo and that made Killua disgustingly mad because
Gon is mine .
Killua stood up abruptly. He gained a few concerned glances from the other patrons in the restaurant, but most of all from Gon.
"K-killua-"
"I'm leaving. I'll see you later." Killua didn't leave any room for argument before he rushed out of the building.
--
Killua had his Zetsu activated all afternoon. He stayed in the forest to avoid people while trying to sort out his own emotions.
What sort of shit was he thinking? What kind of weirdo would call the person they liked mine ? God, he was so fucked up.
Milluki had told him once, A Zoldyck should always take what he desires! It's the sign of a true man!
Then Killua started noticing girls with tear streaked faces sneaking out of Milluki's bedroom.
Killua took his time getting back to the city. Night was falling, and he knew he couldn't avoid going back to the hotel. But the hotel meant Gon, and Gon meant guilt.
"At least I don't have to worry about the wish anymore," Killua muttered to himself.
By the time he reached the hotel, it was evening. He stared at the sky, damning time for going so slowly , before making his way inside.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he found Gon to be nowhere in the hotel room. He almost ran to the bedroom, so that he wouldn't have to face Gon when he came back.
He couldn't get to sleep.
Almost an hour later, he heard the front door open.
"I'll see you later, Palm."
Killua gripped his sheets tightly. Palm, why was that bitch here? He could feel her aura from his bed, and it sent Killua into a silent rage. Why did Gon bring her here, why did she come, and why why why did the wish not work?
The door closed, and he heard Gons footsteps coming towards him. Killua gritted his teeth and tried to control his angry breathing while Gon opened the bedroom door and walked in.
"Killua? I know you're awake."
Killua didn't answer. He knew Gon was frowning at his lack of reaction.
"I know something's been bothering you all day, you can't hide anything from me."
"I'm fine," Killua said automatically. Damnit, wasn't I supposed to be asleep?
He heard Gon sigh loudly. "I haven't seen you like this before, Killua! We tell each other everything!"
"Not this time."
A few quick, hurried footsteps were made before Killua felt his blanket being ripped off of him.
"Tell me what's wrong! I want to help you!"
Killua clenched his fists and snarled before standing up to face Gon. "Fine! I'll tell you what the fucks going on! I went to Nanika this morning and I asked her to make you fall in love with me, but it didn't work and nothing's changed and now you're going to go marry Palm and leave me behind to die alone!" Killua finished, stunned at himself. Drama queen much? It felt slightly better to have finally spilled his feelings to Gon, but the resulting fear that started settling in wasn't worth it.
His fear was increasing by every second that Gon stayed silent, wide eyed, slightly open mouth. Both of them just standing there, Killuas words hanging in the air.
Finally, after a 15 second gap that felt like 30 years, Gon answered him.
"I'm not going to marry Palm."
Killua almost started laughing, but he was too frozen to do so. Gon had only denied Palm, not anything else. Killua could almost hear the next sentence; I'm sorry Killua, but I don't like you like that. In fact, I don't like you at all, and now I think you're creepy and I don't want to hang out with you anym-
"And I'm not going to leave you behind. Ever." The sincerity in Gon's voice made Killuas heart jump again. But, well, that was typical Gon. It would be hard to believe that he would leave any friend behind.
"I'm sorry. For doubting you. I should... I should go." Killua made a move to leave, but Gon promptly blocked him.
"I'm not finished." Gon sounded stern, almost like his father. He's been spending too much time with that geezer. "The wish didn't work because it didn't have to."
Killua looked up at him, confused. "Huh?"
Gon quickly changed his expression into his wide smile. "Nothing changed, because there was nothing to change! I've always been in love with you!"
Killua felt like time had stopped. He felt like a stone statue, one that had just had the boy of his dreams and his best friend for years tell him he returned his feelings. His romantic feelings. Killua confessed to Gon and Gon had said I've always been in love with you. Gon had said he liked Killua. He didn't like Palm. He didn't love anybody but Killua. I've always been in love with you.
"You know, you're really cute when you blush like that."
Killua realised that his entire face was heated up. He quickly covered his face with his hands and turned his head towards the ground before stuttering out his reply.
"Y-y-y-y-you.... y-you, really l-like me?" If he could turn redder, he would. He'd never stuttered like this before! In all the confession situations with Gon he'd dreamed up before, Killua would always be the suave one, sidling up to him and smoothly flirting before leaning in. But now he was just blushing like an anime schoolgirl.
"I love you, Killua. We're too close just for 'like'." Damnit, how could Gon say it so easily? Killua chanced a look up and saw that Gon's cheeks were red as well. Well, at least he's blushing... it's cute...
"Then... Palm?"
Gon giggled nervously. "Ah, she kind of... the date was her win from a bet. We were playing darts, but then she pulled out a kitchen knife which she was way better at aiming with, and since there's technically nothing in the rules about throwing foreign objects at the board..." Gon smiled apologetically. "I didn't want to be rude, so we just went out dancing."
Killua felt a wave of relief wash through him. So Gon didn't like her after all.
"So... if you, if you've... loved me, for a while, why haven't you told me before?"
"Well..." Gon thought for a bit. "Why didn't you ?"
Killua finally looked up properly, feeling the blood slowly receding from his face. Gon was still smiling, and somehow it was even more beautiful than before.
"I was scared," Killua admitted truthfully. "I didn't want to lose you. As a friend."
"Me too! You have no idea how happy I was when you confessed to me, I felt like-" Gon suddenly stopped himself in the middle of his sentence, then shyly averted his gaze.
"Felt like what? Gon, what is it?" D-damnit, why was he so cute?
"I felt like..." The rest of the sentence ended in a mumble while Gon looked down at the ground and started fumbling with his hands.
" Goooooon , tell me!"
"Kissing you!" Gon suddenly blurted out, and both boys faces instantly lit up scarlet again. "I felt like... kissing you..."
It was silent again, now Gon's sentence the one ringing in their heads.
Killua took a cautious step closer. Gon stayed still as their noses almost touched. He didn't move away as Killua tilted his head, on the contrary, he took hold of Killuas hands. Then they both softly closed their eyes and moved closer.
The first kiss was short, nervous, and didn't make it past just softly touching lips. The second was more bold, Gon putting his hand on the back of Killua's head to bring him closer. The third was abruptly interrupted by Bisky slamming the door open.
"Hello, boys! Have you been practicing your- what happened here?" She looked confusedly at the scene in front of her. Both Gon and Killua were on the floor, Gon lying on his back, face still red, while Killua had grabbed a pillow and hid his face in it.
"Bisky!" Killua's shouts were muffled through his pillow. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"
Realisation dawned on Biskys face as her mouth turned into a wide grin.
" Weeeeeeell~ I guess you boys are busy, huh?"
Killua threw his face pillow at her, which was easily knocked aside. "Oh my god, leave! "
Bisky looked like she could hardly contain her laughter. "Of course, Killua. You two have... things to do, right?"
" Bisky-"
"I'm going, I'm going! I'm really glad for you two." She closed the door, and both boys could hear her laughing all the way down the hall.
"Oh my gooooooooooooooooooood ," Killua collapsed onto the bed, burying his face in the blankets. "She's going to tell everyone. "
Gon propped himself up on his hands, laughing. "I don't think I mind that much."
Killua glared at him. Okay, sure, Gon was the biggest hurdle in this 'journey of acceptance' or whatever, but that didn't mean everybody else was going to be okay with it. Truthfully, he couldn't see people like Kurapika and Melody being bothered, but what about Leorio? Ging? Knuckle? Then Killua felt cold. Illumi?
Wait, no , he thought. His best friend is Hisoka.
Gon walked towards the bed, and sat down next to him. "Hmmm, I think, if they don't accept it, they weren't really good friends anyway."
"They're good friends," Killua mumbled.
"Yeah, so I'm sure we'll be fine! Look, even if they don't," Gon reached out and took Killua's hand again. And damnit, both of them were doing an awful lot of blushing today. "The only person I really need is you."