Work Text:
“Martyn, my hand.” Ren’s voice is somber and serious. “The Kingdom of Dogwarts is in danger. We’ve been betrayed, not once, but twice.” Ren growls, and clenches his fist. “Those filthy traitors!”
Martyn nods, feeling Ren’s rage rattling in his bones. “It is horrible, my king. Revenge must be taken!”
Ren’s crown glints in the sunlight. He paces back and forth on Blackstone Alter, faint splatters of dried blood still visible on the stone blocks. “So I hope ye will be pleased that I’ve recruited a Red Banner… one that will never betray us. Come forth!”
Ren dramatically swishes his bloodstained black cloak, and a figure seemingly materialises from thin air, their hair flying in the wind. They step forward, yellow name flashing above their head. Martyn’s green eyes widen slightly. He knows this person. He’s met them exactly once (in Ireland, to be oddly specific).
Ren’s voice rumbles, and he prepares himself for an epic introduction. “My loyal hand, I present to you, the Queen of Heads, Hearts, and Body Parts…. FALSESYMMETRY!” he bellows in glee.
False blinks. “Hey.”
Somewhere behind them, a chicken clucks.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Martyn says gruffly. “So, uh, False, why did you join us? Are you scared that Ren’s going to do something like fall into a one block hole and die un-dramatically?”
“Exsqueeze me?” Ren’s voice has returned to his usual accent.
“Uh, yeah!” False replies a bit too cheerfully. “And also, last MCC, Scott knocked me off TGTTOS and I said I hated him, so Ren gave me a Red Banner and welcomed me to…” False squinted at the sign, “The Kingdom of Dogwarts where we hate Scott together. So I’m here!”
“One question. Why are you on your second life already?”
Ren clears his throat. “Alas, in order to bring in an ally from a different world, sacrifices must be needed… blood sacrifices…” he laughs chillingly.
“Oh, Grian made me start with two lives to be fair to everyone else!” False brightly replies. “I’m not sacrificing anything— except for maybe my braincells.”
Ren breaks character. “Aww geez, that would’ve made for interesting lore, Falsie,” he snips at False.
False stares at Ren, mildly bewildered. “What lore? Like the lore that your MCC crown turned you into some guy with a weird Scottish accent? Well,” she draws out a crown from under her green cloak with a flourish, “I have a MCC crown too! In fact, I have two!”
Martyn gasps loudly to hide his pain of having not won a canon MCC yet. “My queen!”
Ren slips into that damned Scottish accent again. “DOGWARTS HAS A QUEEN!” he declares. “The Queen of Heads, Hearts, and Body Parts—”
“Sorry Ren, I can’t do a Scottish accent.”
“YER MUST TRY FOR DOGWARTS’ SAKE!”
“OUR POWER LIES IN THE ACCENT!” Martyn joins in.
“All hail Dogwarts!” False tries nervously, but it doesn’t sound quite right. Martyn sighs and rubs his forehead, but something catches his attention. “EYES!”
“Eyes!” Ren echoes, and he and Martyn immediately pillar up using whatever blocks they have on hand to peek beyond the wall. To their relief, it’s just Skizz, who’s casually walking home. The Renchanting duo jump down from their perches, only to find False staring at them with her arms crossed.
“... Who made that wall?”
Ren swallows nervously. “Err, me?” he says, tone sheepish.
“What’s the point of having a wall if you’re just going to climb over it every time you want to see something?” False exclaims. “Judging from the random blocks in the walls, I guess people break in the walls anyway, and you can’t see people approaching, not to mention it costs you a few precious seconds to pillar up! What are you doing, Ren?”
Martyn gasps, offended on Ren’s behalf. “How dare you say that?”
Ren places a hand on Martyn’s arm. “Calm down, me hand. Yer king understands the difference between criticism and condemnation.” Ren’s accent is in five dimensions at once just like his various personas (Renbob is apparently travelling between Hermitcraft 6 and Hermitcraft 7, but he’s lost in space like everyone in MCC 14 Ace Race).
“Do you guys not have resources to build a watchtower?” False asks. “Like, just…” she vaguely gestures at the main Renchanting building. “Just make something in the middle. Something that’s taller than the walls.”
Ren lifts his chin. “We have much of our stone stored safely in the basement, me thinks.”
“Along with the villagers,” Martyn pipes up. If False finds it weird they keep people locked up in the basement, she doesn’t comment on it.
So that day, Martyn gains a second boss. Dogwarts now has the Red King and the Queen of Heads, Hearts, and Body Parts (except they’re not related or married or anything). False’s title is a mouthful to say, so they shorten it to Queen of Hearts. Pretty fitting as lives in this world are symbolized by hearts. Ren passes False a red banner, but in addition to the normal design, there’s a blood red heart painted on it.
The trio quickly build the tower. Martyn collects resources like the good Red Knight he is, Ren works on the base, False works on the roof. False pauses, and stares at the tower.
“It doesn’t look red enough, but we don’t have a lot of resources now, so I guess this is okay. Unless we steal some resources.”
Ren says “nice” just as Martyn says “I planned a heist, but it didn’t work out”.
Five minutes later, their communicators vibrate. Bdubs has spotted the new watchtower and instantly recognized False’s style, and announces to everyone that Hermitcraft’s best PvPer has joined Dogwarts.
“They’re the Crastle people,” Ren explains, “Him and Cleo.”
False tilts her head. “You said we have allies and enemies? Who are our enemies?”
Sweat drips down Ren’s back. “Err, literally everyone except Etho, Skizz, and maybe Big B?”
“How many people are on this server? Fifteen? And it’s nine against six? Ren, what’s going on?!”
Ren shrinks. “Don’t ask me!” he protests. “I was nice to everyone, then that… villainous Scar came by and said he would buy our enchanting table! And take the Enchanting out of Renchanting! Of course, I refused, and suddenly the entire server’s after us!”
Martyn swallows. “... To be fair, the Crastle people liked us before we went against them ‘cause they killed Joel. And Joel betrayed us, so…”
“You’re nice. Too nice,” False declares. “Well, bye Joel! Guess I won’t be using my Orange Ocelots crown. Traitor.”
Ren chuckles ominously. “That’s the spirit, lassie.” His voice returns to normal. “And Blue Bats forever, dude!”
“Of course!”
… Martyn’s starting to feel out of place. Damn, these Hermitcraft people are really reminiscing about their (admittedly iconic) win from nine months ago. Their flashy matching MCC crowns blind Martyn a little, and he turns away.
Martyn, as Ren’s loyal follower from Day One, co-founding of the Renchanting enterprise/ Dogwarts Kingdom, can say with full confidence that he has no idea how Dogwarts politics currently work.
Ren’s the leader, but he seems to be relying on False a lot, and False seems to be relying on Ren as well, so in the end they just kind of stare at each other until an iron golem casually swats them out of the way and Martyn returns from his mining trip and asks what’s the plan.
After a while Ren seems to get used to it and asserts himself as the leader again, while False polishes her diamond sword and spends her days stabbing Scar dummies. Skizz and Etho pay them a visit and they pay their respects to the Queen of Hearts. Life is tense, but quiet. War is approaching and they must all get ready.
“HI FALSIE!”
Bdubs peers out of his Crastle to stare at the three figures below them. The Dogwarts trio is just walking around, trying to notice if anything’s changed. Martyn’s a green name and he can’t attack people, but he still grabs his bow tighter.
Cleo appears next to Bdubs. “Oh hi False! Come join us! We have tea, cookies, and none of that cringey roleplay!”
“How dare you insinuate the queen will betray Dogwarts?!” Ren sneers.
“False does have a history of being bribed,” Cleo reminds Ren. “Didn’t you bribe her at one point?”
False laughs. “Yeah, you’re right, but no thanks. I’m with the “cringey roleplay boys”.”
Bdubs looks dismayed. “Why?”
“Blue Bats,” False says convincingly.
“Blue Bats,” Ren echoes.
Martyn furiously mutters something under his breath but no one catches it.
“And ravine buddies.”
“Yup. Fantasy base neighbours.”
Cleo facepalms. “You two, that was three years ago. Still not over it, huh.”
Bdubs stares at them. “That’s just sad.” There’s no trace of mockery in his tone, just brutal honesty.
Martyn wants to laugh, and he does. Ren huffs and walks away. False hurries after him. Bdubs and Cleo cackle at their retreat.
Martyn knows the king and queen have been friends for a long time but hey, he can’t help but feel slightly annoyed. False is cool and all, and she’s been helping them out and roasting Ren (which is admittedly funny), but Martyn’s the one who’s always been with Ren! They’re brothers! The king and his hand! They’re as thick as thieves!
Something’s itching in his heart, and it’s driving his mind crazy. His green eyes follow Ren and False as they chatter something about fruit and berries. And the realisation comes crashing on Martyn the way the Red Winter axe crashed on Ren’s unprotected neck.
… He’s jealous, isn’t he?
Martyn finally understands the meaning of “green-eyed monster”. He supposes he’s literally one.
To be fair, the other two don’t really try to exclude Martyn. It’s just that sometimes, he can just feel they’re closer, hear them laugh about some inside joke. Martyn can’t blame them because people in their world tend to group with people they know (like the Hermitcraft duos of Grian and Scar, and Bdubs and Cleo, and the flower husbands of Jimmy and Scott).
Martyn and Ren are practically deviants. Martyn stumbled into Ren’s territory on day one, he offered to be a walking advertisement, and suddenly they’re going to battle. They didn’t really talk before this world, but they got on well immediately.
Martyn huffs. He’s happy False is here, happy that Ren has someone he trusts, and he really is happy— it’s just that sometimes he feels slightly replaced.
“Eyes!” False yells from their watchtower (she’s swiftly adopted Dogwarts lingo the way Martyn adopted the nickname “Falsie”). “It’s Grian and Scar!”
Martyn and Ren move immediately. Ren, as the only red name, has the right to attack, but the problem is— will they win? What do the sand people want?
They never know, because when False jumps down from the walls, Scar shrieks and leaps in the air.
“F-False?” Scar stutters out, comically clinging onto Grian like a koala. “W-what are you doing here—”
False casually leans on her sword. “Hey Scar. Hi Scar.”
Scar squeaks and starts running away, too scared to even offer reputation points. Grian stares after him and scowls. “Scar—”
“Grian let’s go we don’t want to anger False—”
The Dogwarts trio watch as Grian rushes after Scar, screaming, “She’s a yellow name! She can’t hurt you, Scar!”
“That was amazing!” Martyn laughs, clapping False on the back. “They just retreated with their tails between their legs!”
“I didn’t even do anything,” False replies, baffled.
Ren yells something in a Scottish accent, and they all laugh.
… Okay, False is great. Martyn knows that. Maybe he’s just being irrational.
Martyn and Ren are trading with the villagers in the basement while False is tending to the crops. Ren runs a thumb over the spines of the slightly shimmering books. “We can get level five enchantments for everyone now!” he proudly declares.
Martyn grins. “That’s wonderful, my lord!”
They spend the rest of the afternoon carefully storing books and crafting enchanted weapons. Martyn doesn’t realize how long he hasn’t spent time alone with Ren until now. It’s… nice. Warm. Just like the olden days when they were just an enchanting shop, without alliances, without betrayals, and without mercenaries brought from different worlds.
Martyn’s almost afraid someone’s going to invade Dogwarts and False is going to burst through the basement door, but when the evening comes, it’s still peaceful and quiet. Almost too quiet.
Martyn waits for Ren to ask about False, but when he doesn’t, Martyn takes the matter in his hands. “False’s been awfully quiet, hasn’t she?”
So they emerge from the basement and to their surprise, False is nowhere to be found. The chests are full of carrots and bread, and the chickens are well fed, the iron golems are looking less shattered, but False is gone.
Martyn’s internally screaming and Ren’s about to have his third trust crisis when False returns, looking like she just went grocery shopping.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” A panicked Ren demands. “YER KING IS ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!”
False has the decency to look upset. “I was mob hunting. You guys didn’t catch my note?”
They did not.
“What are you doing out there alone?” Martyn cries out. “It’s dangerous! You should’ve taken at least one of us!”
“I’m sorry!” False exclaims. “But hey, I got gunpowder and sand! We can make TNT now! And I’m wearing the Blast Protection gear you just enchanted!”
Apparently False had gone to the basement, taken the gear, left a note, and went off. Ren and Martyn at that point were dramatically talking in the nether wart cave and did not catch False. They both somehow missed the rather big note plastered on the wall.
“Don’t do that again!” Ren looks sad. “I was so scared!”
False grins and ruffles Ren’s hair. “Alright, you big puppy.”
Somehow the dynamics shift from Martyn following False and Ren to Martyn and False roasting Ren. Martyn likes it.
One day, Skizz emerges from the tunnel with Ren clinging onto his arm. “What have you done to Ren?” Skizz demands. “Aren’t you two blondies supposed to protect him?!”
“Skizz,” Ren says, sniffling. “They’re mean to me!”
“Whaaat?” False laughs. Martyn grins and looks elsewhere.
(“False, you’re the worst rescuer ever,” Ren declares when False comes in late to a mob fight to save Ren. False tilts her head. “What? I was just trying to save myself!”)
Ren stands in a corner of the basement, his head lowered. “I’m sad...”
False approaches Ren’s corner, and stretches out a hand. She quickly places stone blocks and traps Ren. “There we go! You’re exactly where you should be!” she says brightly.
“Noooooo!” Ren wails. “Stop doing this to me, Falsie! I’ll never talk to you again.”
“Don’t you have a pickaxe, my lord?” Martyn asks. He’s supposed to protect the Red King (even if it’s from the Queen of Hearts), but he just stands there and watches the drama unfold.
“No! I don’t!”
False groans, and uses her pick to dig away the stone. Ren’s eyes peep over the edge of the stone blocks. “Ren, I’ve used the same trick on you at least five times already in three different worlds. And you still don’t have a pickaxe?”
Ren’s eyes droop. “... Why are you still doing this to me?!”
Now Martyn starts to feel slightly bad. False just looks smug.
“It’s alright, my king!” Skizz hugs Ren. “Never mind these two.” He glares at Martyn and False.
“What happened to being king daddy of the server?” Martyn teases Ren.
(But later they reassure him that it’s okay, they tousle his hair and everything is right in the world.)
The Red Army is out again, with Martyn leading the way. They see Scott, who doesn’t attack, but jeers, “Some kind of king daddy you are, Ren.”
“HEY!” Martyn cries out, offended. At the same time, False raises her bow. “You’re going down, Scott!”
“… That’s literally what you said to Ren,” Skizz says, a dumbfounded look on his face.
“Exactly!” Martyn thunders. “We’re the only ones allowed to be mean to him!”
(“You guys are the best,” Ren says as arrows pepper Scott and send him fleeing.)
Martyn loses his first life, Ren is miraculously still alive, False is still a yellow name. They’re out on the prowl when they suddenly see Scar standing alone. Martyn instinctively grabs his sword. Scar’s not to be trusted.
Scar looks at the trio, his gaze mournful. “My friends have all abandoned me… Grian ditched me because I don’t wear clothes… all my pets are dead…”
Ren pauses. “Scar, you are my greatest enemy but the offer from last time still stands. If you like to join the Red King, we’ll welcome you with open arms.”
Scar’s eyes are watery. “Really?” He peeps.
“The Red King is merciful,” Ren declares. He takes a step closer to Scar—
And False moves.
“GET BACK!” She screams and Martyn has never heard her scream. She grabs Ren and flings him behind her and he crashes onto Martyn. An explosion goes off and the ground shakes and people are screaming but Martyn only hears Scar’s maniacal evil cackling. Of course he tricked them.
“FALSIE!” Ren hollers through the dust. “False!”
Martyn stumbles forward. “You bastard!” He screams at Scar, but he’s running away gleefully.
“Oh no,” comes Ren’s voice behind him. “False. No.”
Martyn turns to see a bloodied False in Ren’s arms, and his heart sinks. False is a seasoned warrior, she took two lives from their enemies and hasn’t died once. Now she’s dying for a friend. She’s dying because she chose to.
Night is falling. Ren picks up False and they hurry back to Dogwarts. Mobs start popping up and Martyn slays them all. He can’t think, he can’t feel, all he knows is death and blood and sacrifice and—
“Falsie, stay with us,” Ren commands, but his voice wavers. “We’re almost there. Please.”
False smiles weakly. “… You’ve always been too nice, Ren.”
Her body vanishes, leaving behind nothing but warm blood spattered on Ren’s arms. Even though she respawns just a few meters away, Ren kneels and weeps.
So now Dogwarts has a Red King and a Red Queen.
Dogwarts is silent. False, now with red eyes, quietly gears up. Ren is lying on his bed, inconsolable. Martyn speaks up.
“Ren, you can’t keep on being nice to people who’ll hurt you.”
“I know,” Ren utters, voice empty. “And I’m sorry.”
Martyn thinks about how Ren asked to have his second life taken just so he could be a red name and protect his friends. Ren isn’t violent or bloodthirsty until people push him to the limits or threaten his friends.
False is right. Ren is too nice. And now, his niceness is becoming a weakness.
(Still, Martyn hopes he never changes.)
False places arrows in her quiver. “At least I can attack without provocation now,” she simply states.
“THE RED KING DIES TONIGHT!” Joel roars, his wolves following him as he madly dashes towards Ren. It’s quite the sight, and the Dogwarts trio have to admit they’re intimidated.
False brandishes her sword. “Bring it on!” She yells hotly.
“Oooh, it’s the Red Queen,” Joel mocks. “Good thing you’re both dying tonight.”
False takes off her Blue Bats crown, throws it at Ren, and swaps it for another one. “Oh? Say that again, Joel?”
Joel’s eyes widen. “The Orange Ocelots crown,” he mumbles. “TRAITOR!”
“YOU’RE the traitor!”
Joel splutters. “Why did you bring your MCC crowns here? I keep mine in a safe in another world.”
“Because someone told me I would have a Scottish accent if I put mine on, but that someone is wrong! I can’t do a Scottish accent!”
Joel cackles. “And that’s your downfall, False!”
(“Run, my lord!” Martyn hollers as he guides Ren away from the battlefield. False rejoins then twenty minutes later, still alive. Ren passes her the Blue Bats crown, she smiles and puts it on.)
They valiantly fight, but Skizz succumbs to his bloodlust and dies. Another member of the Red Army gone.
It’s all confusion and battle, and Ren and Martyn lose track of False at one point. And suddenly it’s the two of them again (just like how it’s always been), and Martyn smiles and declares “it’s you and me against the world”.
Hand in hand, the duo wander the plains in search of their allies. Just the king and his hand.
… Alas, Scar gets them both in the final Battle of Dogwarts.
Ren goes down first, and Martyn is in despair. Scar’s arrow points towards him, and Martyn gulps, but refuses to back down.
(Neither of them know where False is, Etho has seen her, but Etho’s dead now—)
Even as he falls backward, blood sprouting from his chest, Martyn declares, “ALL HAIL THE RED QUEEN!”
“All hail!” Ren weakly echoes. “You got the Red King, but the Red Queen shall get her revenge!”
“All hail! All hail!”
Their blood seeps into the soil of Dogwarts, and the king and the knight die hand in hand. But their queen, the Queen of Hearts, still lives on. And they believe in her.
Dogwarts is too quiet. False is too late.
The death messages flashes across her screen, and False runs and runs after her legs don’t feel alive anymore. She sees the half-torn down walls and bursts through them, only to find Ren and Martyn on the ground, their bodies cold and lifeless.
They died permanently. There’s no respawning.
False kneels, and weeps.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come.”
She stares at them, then at the splatters of blood on Ren’s MCC crown. She tries to wipe it off, but it smears all over her hand. She then touches her own matching MCC crown.
Skizz is dead. Etho is dead. Martyn is dead. Ren is dead. They’re all dead, dead, the dead Red Banners.
It’s just the queen and Big B.
False slowly rises, and feels the weight of the golden crown on her head.
The king has fallen. And she shall carry on his legacy.
… She’s too late to save Big B, too.
Scar and Grian happily watch as Bdubs attacks Big B savagely. False rushes to the scene and manages to get a few blows at the smaller B before Big B falls.
(“Red Winter is coming!” Ren roars, and so many voices echo his words, so many voices that are dead now—)
“It’s just the queen left!” Grian exclaims, delighted. “GET HER!”
False can’t even bear to look at Big B. She raises her weary arms, and tries not to think about her dead friends.
The three chase False to the edge of a cliff. False knows she can’t win this fight, and blood’s seeping from her wounds, and she’s getting a little dizzy…
Is this how it ends?! She cries to the skies. Is this how we fall?
She’s the Queen of Hearts, the queen of Dogwarts. Everyone’s gone except for her. What good is Dogwarts without everyone else?
“Any last words?” Scar says coolly, the tip of his sword under False’s chin.
False glares at him, venom in her cold red eyes. Then she laughs, but it’s an empty laugh. “Yes. Ren trusted you.”
And then because she refuses to die to an enemy, she tips and lets herself fall down the cliff.
… Sometimes, they talk about the Afterlife. Where everyone will live peacefully like they did before the factions and the war.
Scott and Jimmy in their hobbit hole. Bdubs and Cleo at the Crastle. Ren and Martyn doing their Rechanting business before the kingdom era. Everyone in their cozy little homes.
… And there’s no place for False.
She didn’t start out peacefully. She’s a mercenary who came to help her friends win the war. Her sole purpose is fighting, and shedding blood, and protecting allies, and violence, and—
There’s no place for False in the Afterlife. There’s no place for the Queen of Hearts in a peaceful world, since she never belonged to one in the first place.
Ren had a life before becoming the Red King. So did everyone else in the Red Army. Everyone except for False.
So, False thinks, she might just fade away. She would vanish with the war and everyone would be happy.
… The first thing she sees are red banners flying in the wind.
The second thing she sees is the watchtower, now painted a glorious red.
The third thing she notices is that the watchtower is built in her style.
“Falsie!”
She feels arms wrapped around her, and she looks up in astonishment to see Martyn and Ren hugging her. Next to them are Big B, Etho, Skizz, and even the traitors Joel and Impulse.
“What… am I doing here?” False mumbles. Dogwarts is restored to its former glory, but the walls are torn down, and replaced by fields and fields of red poppies. “You guys don’t need a queen anymore.”
She’s right. Ren would’ve never become a king without war. And she would’ve never become queen of Dogwarts if Ren wasn’t king. She was brought here in the middle of war.
“I never knew what peace looked like in this world,” she admits.
“That’s why you get to experience it now!” Ren’s smile is warm.
...Oh.
Martyn grins at her. “We don’t need a queen now, but we’re always up for making more friends!”
Even though the king and queen lost their red crowns, it’s alright. They tried their best to win, and now they forget their crowns and all the deaths and live happily together.