Chapter Text
<<TRIGGER WARNING>>
SELF HARM / BLOOD
"Techno, what are you still doing up?" Phil noticed the young boar peeking out behind the doorway instead of sleeping.
"Still can't sleep?"
Techno nodded feeling a bit shy and embarrassed, "I heard the voices again..."
Techno kept his eyes looking at the wheels on Phil's desk chair, refusing to make eye contact. He didn't want Phil to see him so vulnerable even at such a young age.
Phil looked at Techno softly and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "I promise you it's nothing to worry about, just try to get some sleep, I'll be with you in a sec, okay?"
Techno looked at Phil feeling unsatisfied with the advice he was given and turned to leave for his room. As soon as he stepped foot on the dark empty staircase he felt a sharp loud ringing in his ear. It made his ears sting and eyes water. He covers his ears and ran up the steps trying to distract himself. He's managed to get into his room when the ringing just vanished.
Techno took a deep shaky breath trying to calm himself down when a low whisper flew over his shoulder. The whispers always demanded one thing and would start screaming if they didn't get what they want.
Blood
Techno shook his head and knocked his fist against the wall to try and drown out the voices and hear literally anything else.
Blood
"...no..." Techno murmured shaking his head and cover his ears. He began to kick and throw things just for noise.
Techno didn't want blood. Once he was given the taste he felt uncontrolled of himself and he was scared.
BLOOD
Techno's eyes found a small glass vase that sat upon a nightstand that the moonlight cast down on.
"Noise," Techno whispered to himself, "Noise."
sharp edges to cut
Techno was starting to grow desperate and scared. He held his arms out and reached for the vase slowly.
BLOOD
He felt like he was falling, slipping, and before he could place his hands on the cold glass his mind fell. He only saw red.
BLOOD
The vase made no sound but still exploded into tiny millions of pieces. His hands didn't hurt, but shards of glass stuck out of his palms and knuckles awkwardly. He felt numb to everything.
The voices stopped screaming and the room fell completely silent. Techno fell onto his knees and grabbed a handful of the broken glass into his hands and squeezed.
Streams of dark red ran down his hands and arms and Techno watched them drop to the floor. This is what they wanted, Techno thought smiling bitterly. He let go of the glass and dragged his bloodied hands down his face.
"Techno?"
A voice.
This is a voice you know. This isn't a bad one, Techno told himself.
Techno looked up from his mess at Phil and Wilbur who seemed to be standing in front of him. They both wore the same expression.
"The voices..." Techno raised his blood-filled hands at them. "They want blood."
Phil instinctively put a protective hand on Wilbur's shoulder who looked up at Phil terrified, "What's wrong with Techno?" Wilbur asked with a terrified look in his eyes.
Philza looked down at Wilbur then back at Techno. For once he didn't know what to say or do. He was at a loss.
"Go check on Tommy for me, okay?" Phil asked bending down and putting both hands on Wilbur's shoulders. "Make sure the little goblin is asleep." Phil threw Wilbur a reassuring smile.
Wilbur still looked frightened and stopped with his hand on the doorway with one last look. "Techno and I are gonna go get some fresh air."
Phil turned back to Techno who was dead staring at the puddle of blood and glass on the floorboard in front of him. Phil slowly walked over to Technoblade and kneeled next to him, making sure not to sit in any glass.
"Technoblade?"
Techno took his eyes from the mess before him and slowly lifted them to look at Phil. He was just a kid. A terrified kid afraid of himself. Phil gently took Techno's cut-up hands and gently picked the glass out of them.
"Let's get you cleaned up first." Phil smiled and picked up Techno in his arms. He was cold but his blood was warm. Phil took him to the bathroom and cleaned his cuts and wrapped them up in bandages.
Techno let out a big huff before he started to uncontrollably sob. He was shaking and his breaths were so uneven that Phil was afraid he was gonna pass out from lack of oxygen.
"Hey, hey, hey." Phil cupped his face gently in his hands and wiped his tears and the stained blood off of his face. "Big slow breaths, it's okay, in," Phil sucked in to demonstrate.
Techno hiccuped and calmed himself down and followed Phil's instructions. "Out." Phil smiled proudly and ruffled Techno's hair.
"...I'm sorry..." Techno looked back down to the floor and wiped his eyes upset.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Phil put a hand on Techno's chin to lift it up to his face.
"C'mon, let's go outside." Phil grabbed his hand and stood up.
They walked outside into the warm windy summer night. "What's your name?" Phil asked as they stepped off the porch and into the soft grass.
Technoblade looked up at Phil confused by the question. Phil knew exactly what his name was.
"What's your name, mate?" Techno looked down and into the dark woods unamused.
"Technoblade." He answered more like a question than an answer.
"How old are you?"
"10."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Red."
"What do you have control over?"
Technoblade didn't like that question. He never felt in control. He never felt like he was completely there or like he could answer anything his genuine self. There were so many voices constantly feeding things into his ear.
"I-... I don't know." Techno answered sadly and stopped in his tracks. Phil turned to face him, "What am I?" Techno asked desperately.
"I can't tell you what you are, no one but you can. Some people in life will try to tell you who you are and what you can control but only you really know." The two began walking again until they made it to the back yard where Phil led him to the edge of the dock of the lake that was behind their house.
The numb feeling that Techno had moments ago started to fade and he could start to feel the sting of his wounds again. They hurt but it was nice to know he could still feel.
Techno looked into the dark water that reflected the night sky, specks of stars, and the moon. Techno saw himself in the reflection and stared at the kid in the water. That was him. He waved at the boy who waved back.
He was controlling him.
Not the voices, he was.
"I'm Technoblade, I'm 10 years old, my favorite color is red, and I'm in control of myself." He said finally realizing.
Phil smiled, "I'm proud of you Techno, I'm so proud. You're stronger than you think and should give yourself more credit."
Technoblade smiled, he smiled for the first time in a while. He wasn't sure the voices were gone but he knew one thing.
He was in control.