Work Text:
CASE-FILE OF M.E.S., INVESTIGATOR,. REF VTS/600/005.
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT DATE X.X.015X 14.35 - 4 UNITS
Hello. We’re with the Bernadelli Insurance Company and I wondered if you might answer a few questions .
A few questions from the Bernadelli Insurance Company? Sure, I’ve got time to answer them. Bernadelli’ve always been good to this town, and besides, who wouldn’t answer questions for two pretty young ladies?
Could you state your name and job for the record, please?
Sure. I’m [REDACTED]. My job? I sit and listen, I polish plates until they gleam and glisten. No-one dreams of being a dishwasher when they grow up, but it’s work, and there’s always restaurants looking for someone to help out because, heaven knows, the sand on this planet don’t make it easy to keep things clean.
‘Sides, you’d be amazed at what you can overhear when sitting quietly and keeping yourself to yourself. Folks just… forget, it’s like I melt into the wallpaper. Oh, you’d be amazed at the things I’ve seen, the whole gamut of human nature runs its way through this restaurant. Kids on their birthdays, old folks still deeply in love and celebrating their golden anniversaries, drunks trying desperately to sober up. Helps when you’re the only one in town, everyone passes through here at some point.
Oh, sorry ma’am. I’m missing the point, aren’t I? Don’t really get too much of a chance to talk, usually. Too busy listenin’ to whatever’s going on. Lemme know what you want me to answer.
Thank you! We appreciate your help—
and we’ll buy you pudding for answering too!
—[REDACTED]! Thoughts on the job, not on pudding!
Now, have you seen this man?
To tell you the truth, ma’am, I’m… not sure. It’s not a great likeness, is it? Could be any one of a thousand men with that face. Is that mark a mole or just a blob in the ink? And that description - tch. “Blonde, tall, with earring and long coat”? That could be any one of a number of customers we’ve had in here - it’s not very distinguishing, is it?
Well, you see—
Yeah yeah, I know, you’re looking for [REDACTED], ain’t you? But you don’t wanna tell people that straight up, I bet you’ve had all kinds of people pretend they’ve seen him and try and claim the reward, ‘specially since he’s not been seen for months. Sixty billion double dollars! Man… that would be somethin’ alright. I can understand why some people would get desperate.
Anyway, ladies, I’m sorry. Not seen him. Not so far as I know, anyway, and I doubt this restaurant would still be standing if I had. Or the town! He’s nicknamed the Humanoid Typhoon for a reason, ain’t he?
I heard about what he did to Augusta. Hell, I’ve seen what he did to the moon. I had family over that way. Thankfully no-one died, but it’s been tough for ‘em. They lost their entire livelihoods. House flattened in the blink of an eye. Rumour has it that no-one even knows what kinda weapon could cause that much damage in that short a time. I think I’d rather face down a natural disaster - and I grew up in New Oregon so I know what I’m talking about when I say that.
Lucky they’d got an insurance policy to cover them against that madman! They’re on the mend now. Like I say, I’ve got a lot of time for Bernadelli. He must be costing you millions. No wonder you two want to track him down, dead or alive. Not sure it’s a job for ladies - I’m sure you can handle yourselves, but we’re miles from December here, and who knows what kind of gang that madman has to back him up? He may have disappeared for now, but I’ve heard his gang is still terrorising Kasted City. Damn outlaws. Waste of oxygen if’n you ask me. Sheriffs aren’t much better, mind.
Sorry - I got off track again didn’t I? You heard them rumours about Kasted too, I guess - who hasn't - but you know how the news is out here. Someone sees a fluttering bit of cloth behind a rock while they’re six sheets to the wind, pisses themselves in fear at the legendary gunman that’s definitely lurking and waiting to shoot them and rather than admit they just had a bit too much drink and jumped at a shadow, invents a story that explains why they’re washing their sodden pants. Drunks, huh? Too much tongue and not enough brain. Seen enough of them around here.
As I said, sorry I couldn’t be any more help. All I’ve got is second hand rumours and smoke.
We understand. We weren’t expecting anyone to know exactly where he was—
Ma’am says that would make our job too easy!
[REDACTED]! This is my interview!
Anyway, thank you for answering our questions. We just have one more - is there anything out of the ordinary you’ve seen recently? No matter how small - it might be helpful for our investigations.
Well, ma’am, there might be one thing that’s useful for you. We had a priest come through here the other day. Well, he said he was a priest. Tried to run off without paying! Not very honest for a man of the cloth, if you ask me. If he really was a man of god, that is. Things may have changed since I grew up, but Father James back home didn’t smoke like a chimney and he certainly didn’t use language like that man did.
Mind, Father James thought his faith would defend himself against typhoon Jacqueline and look how well that worked out for him…
That wasn’t the strange thing, though. We get priests travelling through here all the time. It was what he’d got with him - this huge cross. Looked like it weighed a double ton, but he walked in here with that thing slung across one shoulder like it held nothing. Thought it was a prop but he dropped it by the counter and I had to squeeze past it to get out and - lord. I couldn’t pick it up! It must’ve been full of rocks, or something, but heaven only knows why.
I heard one of the boys asking him later - he said it was full of mercy. Ha! Good one! I don’t know what mercy looks like, but I don’t want any if it involves skipping out on bills.
He did apologise for running off, though. Said he was chasing after his dining partner before he got into trouble up to his neck again. Reminded me of me and my husband when he said that.
I keep wondering what that damn cross was really full of, you know.
You mentioned a dining partner. Who was he with?
He’d got another man with him. They were looking to hitch a lift together. Think they were off to New Oregon. The other man was taller than him. Kept his coat on for most of the meal, and only took it off when he ran off. I could understand why when I saw - covered in scars, that man. Wonder if he was injured in Augusta, but they looked older than that. July, maybe, but he looked too young. I don’t know, but it was bad.
Really?! It could be —
Ahem! [REDACTED]! I am conducting this interview!
Did you catch any names, at all?
I didn’t catch a name for either of ‘em, sorry. All’s I know is that they eventually paid in cash and left. Molly - she was waiting on that day - she might’ve caught a name, but she’s off this week and not due back until Friday next. Gone over to Promontory to visit her folks, and that’s a long journey even when the buses are running smoothly.
Thank you. That will be all from the Bernadelli Insurance Company. You’ve been very helpful answering our questions. Again. Thank you. I hope you never have need to use our services, but should you need to get in touch please take my card.
No problem ma’am. Hope it helps, and good luck.
---
LATER ADDENDUM - SAME DATE, 17.05
You think he’s seen them, ma’am?
I don’t know, [REDACTED]. I don’t want to get up hope, it’s been six months of getting nowhere… but it’s the best lead we’ve had in months, so I think we should keep following it! It would be good to see the preacher again. Even if he doesn’t know where [REDACTED] is, he might be able to give us more to go on.
Next time, though, [REDACTED], don’t give the game away. We can’t let on that the preacher is connected. We’re probably not the only ones looking for him and I'd rather find him alive and mostly-whole…
Right, ma’am! Still, another adventure. And this time we can travel as passengers on the sand steamer - no dish washing for us!