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Mafuyu Asahina has made a grave mistake.
She does not like admitting such things to herself; the reminder that she does have her own feelings that are rarely accessible is something that feels foreign. It’s not familiar to her in the slightest and puts her on edge.
Yet, as she stands in this small bakery, close to her prep school, she feels like she should run.
Flee to the Sekai, seek out Miku’s company; even if Miku cannot say anything, Miku holds all of Mafuyu’s thoughts in the palms of her hands. It’s easier for her to be immediately understood rather than for her to voice out her thoughts.
If only she could just-
“-- Asahina?”
She snaps out of her thoughts, and turned to the reason she is in such a crisis-
“...Ah, sorry, Kamishiro. I was zoning out.”
The boy next to her- Rui Kamishiro, as he introduced himself- nods his head, continuing to browse around the bakery with his eyes, remaining at Mafuyu’s side.
Mafuyu did not plan to really talk to many people in the bakery; however he came up to her asking about her school, based on her uniform. Upon giving him an answer, she learns that they both have a familiar acquaintance; Emu Ootori. The underclassmen that seems… afraid of Mafuyu, to say the least. Mafuyu doesn’t understand why, she’s mastered her art of putting on a smile.
But regardless of whether Rui knows or doesn’t know of the fear that Mafuyu strikes into Emu’s heart, he doesn’t voice it. He practically sings praises of his dear friend; along with two other unfamiliar names (Tsukasa… Nene…), however it’s Emu who he speaks most passionately about. Mafuyu can’t say she could blame him, considering how Emu is quite the character; but she does question whether the two were more than just friends.
That would be too invasive to ask, however. She keeps that thought to herself.
The duo remain in silence, as more people drift in and out of the bakery. Mafuyu tries to focus on the pastries; she just has to buy one thing and then run to prep school. It’s the same schedule everyday; there should be no exceptions, even if she meets someone new.
Her eyes are drawn to the table covered with baskets filled with smaller pastries, and her feet work faster than her mind processes. Rui follows behind her, and she notices that he already has… a handful of some sweets in a bag already.
He notices where her eyes are looking and he smiles.
“These are for my friends,” he tells her, as he stands next to her to look at the sweets offered in front of them, “I’m supposed to be in charge of bringing snacks for our practice today.”
Practice? That answer does pique some form of interest in Mafuyu, but she doesn’t voice it. Of course she doesn’t, she can’t ever voice some things that are different from what her mother wants-
“What about you, Asahina? What brings you to this bakery today?”
“Hm… Well, I just stopped by here to grab a snack before attending to after school activities,” she answers him honestly, all thoughts in her head breaking into a halt, reaching for a small bag of donut holes.
“Mafuyu, you should not be having a lot of junk food, you know.” A discomforting motherly voice cuts through her thoughts, as she flinches her hand back away from the sweet pastry bag. She opts to grab a random muffin from the basket next to the donut holes instead; a sugar-free blueberry muffin. The voice from a past memory hums its approval until it fades completely and leaves emptiness in its tracks.
It's for the best, she reasons with herself. She disguises a sigh as a yawn, turning to her tall… companion? That would fit for this specific situation.
He keeps track of her actions, she notices how his eyes drift from her face to the muffin back to the baskets of pastries in the quaint bakery they are in. Rui reaches his hand to the basket of donut holes, humming as he takes a bag.
“After school activities?” He asks, as he looks at the other pastries that are offered. “What do you usually tend to do?” He reaches his hand to… a container that had a frankly scary looking cake slice; the batter seemed to be dyed pink, with bright yellow frosting and rainbow sprinkles. It was very bright; almost nauseating.
“Ah, it’s usually just prep school work,” she answers him honestly, because it's an answer that she is supposed to be proud of. “I’m planning on becoming a doctor, so I need to be at my very best.”
It’s an answer that pleases people; it makes adults applaud her smarts and dedication and makes her peers admire her all the more. The perfect student; a stellar example of a child.
She looks to Rui, bracing herself for his answer; she expects him to be loud, drawing attention to them both-
He lets out a hum. But it does not feel like a hum of approval to her; it's almost like he doubts her answer. As he reaches for a bag of donut holes again (the same ones that she wanted ), his eyes dart to the side to look at her.
It was not a gaze of just noticing her. He was looking through her.
The hum, the look; he saw right through her own facade and into the vacant plane that was her own feelings.
She felt sick.
“Ah, it seems I got everything I needed,” Rui says to himself, before making his way to the cashier, “hopefully we can meet again, Asahina.”
Mafuyu doesn’t give him an answer. She remains still until she knows for sure that Rui left the store. She brings herself to the cash register and forces a smile, as she tells them what she’s buying and gives them the exact change for her muffin.
She doesn’t want it; not at all. She expects it to taste bland and like nothing, like everything has been lately. Yet she still tells the cashier that she’s excited to try it, that blueberries are probably her favorite fruit and how sure she is that she would buy it again.
She hates this song and dance. At least that can be clear in her head.
She exits the bakery and prepares to make the sharp turn toward her prep school-
And she nearly gets hit with a bag full of donut holes.
She flinches and takes a step back, taking a look at the person who would nearly hit her in and the face-
It’s Kamishiro again. He appeared to have been waiting for her.
He gives her a smile and hands her the bag of donut holes.
“...I didn’t want these,” she says, confused. Confused of her own feelings, confused by his own actions, just-
“It just appears I got another bag by accident,” he replies casually, ready to drop the bag at any moment. Mafuyu offers her hands out and he drops it into her palms. “I have to take care of friends close to my friends, you know?”
He gives her one final wave before running off; if Mafuyu didn’t know any better, she would have thought he was running into the direction of the amusement park, she sees the roller coasters and ferris wheel in the distance beyond the scramble crossing.
She’s left with an extra sweet, and a name to her current confusion-
- its conflict.
She spends most of Niigo’s meeting deep in her own thoughts. Albeit a bad habit to snack after midnight, she slowly picks at the muffin she bought earlier. Her expectations were right. It tastes like nothing.
She did end up eating the donut holes before attending prep school; they were the same as the muffin. There was no taste to them; the only vague hint of taste she got was from the sugar coating the confection.
...But, she supposes they tasted fine.
“...Yuki? Are you there?”
Ah. Right. She has her own duties to attend to.
“...I’m here.” She answers K- Kanade- slowly, grimacing another bite of the muffin.
“You know you kinda seem… more out of it than usual,” Ena speaks up, and Mafuyu could almost sense her silent frustration. “Something on your mind?”
“...It’s not a big deal.” Not that her own feelings matter that much.
“Oh! Ohhh!” Mizuki pipes up out of nowhere. “I heard that Rui met you today!”
Everything freezes.
“Rui? Who’s Rui?” Ena’s voice takes on a jealous tone.
“Hehe~ Could it be that Enanan’s jealous?” Mizuki teases them, as Ena lets out an angry huff as a response.
“I think… Rui is their friend… right, Mizuki?” Kanade plays the mediator again; as she always does. Mafuyu almost envies how she is able to do so much while she remains so monotonic.
...But, Mafuyu reasons that may just be why she has so much faith in Kanade; even if she doesn’t know if she entirely believes in her yet.
“Ah, yeah, yeah! I’ve known him for a few years now! I ran into him while he was leaving his part-time job and was telling me about how he met a girl named Mafuyu! And wouldn’t you know it, his description of her fit Yuki to a T!”
“...Is that so.” Mafuyu raises an eyebrow at the document of lyrics, before taking a deep breath.
“What did he say.”
“Oh- Huh?” Mizuki sounds confused.
“...What did he say. About me.” Mafuyu bites her lip, the feeling of what seems to be regret washes over her immediately and the voice call goes quiet with silent tension.
“Well, he said that you were the same like him and I.” Mizuki answers, and their voice is suddenly a lot softer; genuine.
“...What’s that supposed to mean?” Mafuyu asks quickly and she winces at how demanding she sounds; it’s like she snapped at them. People wouldn’t like that. People don’t want this terrible side of her-
“-Well, I took it the same way as… when we all accessed the Sekai, I guess. How we were all connected by one thought; that was how I was able to meet Rui.” Mizuki answers slowly, and the call goes silent again.
He really did see through her, huh.
“I’m logging off.” Mafuyu declares without a second thought, logging off before Ena would voice her complaints about her actions. She looks at the half-eaten muffin, before opting to just throw it out completely.
She has someone to confront.
“You want to vanish.”
Rui pauses in his tracks, as he turns around to stare at the person who made such a bold accusation toward him.
And Mafuyu stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk, in plain casual clothing of a sweater and a long skirt, and her true self is unveiled right before Rui’s eyes; her face is devoid of all emotion, everything she must be feeling is locked behind abyssal eyes.
“Hmm,” Rui hums, staring right back at her, “would you mind joining me so you can elaborate?”
Mafuyu looks around at the other people walking the sidewalk next to them. It was like she was keeping an eye out in case someone would recognize her, Rui reasons to himself. She starts to approach him before walking right next to his side; a silent declaration of her decision.
They start their trek.
“...Mizuki told me that you spoke about me.” Mafuyu starts, straight to the point. She has no idea where Rui plans on going- if he goes anywhere. They both may end up walking aimlessly until they have no other words to say to each other.
Rui hums.
“What about it?”
“You thought that I was similar to you and Mizuki.”
“And that made you think I want to vanish?”
Mafuyu stares at him with another vacant gaze; but he recognizes the look in her eyes as the same glimmer in Emu’s, in Nene’s, in Tsukasa’s-
It’s determination. Whether she was aware of it or not, she’s determined to figure out why he finds her so similar to him.
“...Yeah. It’s the reason why Mizuki and I are connected.” She says calmly, and Rui lets out a hum.
“Well, I won’t pry into those details,” he turns to her with a small smile, “but that isn’t why I thought we were similar.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“Asahina… you’re lonely, aren’t you?”
She stops in her tracks and he stops right next to her. She finally shows a new emotion; vague confusion.
“You feel like everyone- well, most people don't understand you, right?” He continues on.
“...What makes you think that?”
“Well, for starters,” He starts walking again and she immediately catches up, ready to hang on to every word of his, “I spoke of my friends the other day in the bakery. And then right after that, you were reaching for sweets before stopping and flinching.”
She remained quiet.
“And just now, when I asked if you wanted to walk, you were looking around as if you thought someone would be able to find you and recognize you.”
...
“...Asahina,” his voice becomes much more gentle, “who were you thinking of?”
“...It doesn’t matter.” Her voice becomes emotionless and cold; he can see her eyes become lifeless as she dives deep into her own inner feelings.
“You shouldn’t have many sweets, Mafuyu. You need to keep an eye on your health, Mafuyu. Just keep studying, Mafuyu. I know you can succeed, Mafuyu.”
That same motherly voice.
“Ah, Mafuyu, I got you a new book today! I think it would really help you with your studies.”
Just stop.
“Mafuyu, just continue doing your best-”
Please-
“Mafuyu, you don’t need to make friends. You need to keep aiming for the top and knocking your rivals down.”
Mother…!
“You know, I was kind of a lonely student back in middle school.”
Rui’s voice chimes through the isolating world. Mafuyu takes a deep breath to realize she’s still walking and looks up to her companion next to her. Rui looks like he’s lost in thought, hand poised to his chin as he reminiscences on his past. He didn’t look like his typical form; he didn’t seem happy, he didn’t seem off in his own world.
He seemed… melancholic.
Melancholic and robotic.
…
All too familiar.
“Of course, I did have good grades; I think I was usually at the top of class,” he tries to give himself less credit than he should, as if he’s trying to lure Mafuyu into feeling more secure with his- no, both of their experiences. “But, I was off in my own world; setting myself to create different stages and inventions… I was the only one who could understand what my own mind was thinking.”
He lets out an almost… bitter laugh. Mafuyu recognizes that sort of thing all too well.
“My peers would never understand me; deeming my thoughts too dangerous or too out there… And yet; I couldn’t understand them, their worries, their doubts. When I was able to get people, I would just end up scaring them away with how extreme my ideas could be. No matter what happened, I found myself finding solace in loneliness.”
They both remain silent, until Rui continues.
“But then; I was finally able to meet people. We have our differences for sure, but… They’re able to accept me and at least try to understand where I’m coming from with ideas; we even sometimes try to negotiate ideas if they’re “too” extreme so that they can be safer but still fun.” Rui looks like he’s about to ramble more, before he pauses to meet Mafuyu’s eyes.
“Asahina, are you able to at least talk to Mizuki like that? Or any others?”
Mafuyu hums.
“...I don’t know. I think I’ve been trying. But…”
She looks down to force a smile.
“I can’t say I’ve really come far with that sort of thing,” she meets Rui’s gaze, but his eyebrows furrowed, and his smile turned into a bit of a frown.
He saw right through her again, huh.
“...Do your classmates make you feel like an outsider?”
She shouldn’t be talking with someone like this; she barely knows him, and yet-
“Hmm. I wouldn’t say outsider. I think… they view me as a higher being.” She states bluntly. “They always praise me for every little thing I do, even if I don’t really deem it as that important.”
“...Do you tell them that?”
“Of course not,” Mafuyu hisses; she feels frustration creep over her and it’s suffocating, it hurts, it hurts -
“I hate it… so, so much!”
People turn their heads to Mafuyu raising her voice, both her and Rui shifting uncomfortably from the attention before they decide to pick up their pace.
They’re walking aimlessly for sure, at this point; but it fits for those who cannot be understood. Those who keep their true feelings bottled, wanting to avoid conflict and just accept their own negative inevitables-
Inevitable. Right.
Returning to her mother again was inevitable too, wasn’t it?
“...I don’t want to talk anymore, Kamishiro.” She states quietly, and she hates how her voice wavers.
So many words she wants to say; feelings she can’t figure out to save her life. They continue to pile up at a rapid pace in her head, the more the silence lasts, the more thoughts become crammed in her head and force her to become a hollow shell.
The stellar student; the perfect example of a student. Everything people think of her ends up in those two categories and it’s tiring . Does she truly want to be relied on by everyone? Does she even want to be a doctor?
She lost track of those feelings. Yet here they are, coming back full force as what-ifs come into her mind-
And he’s all to blame.
“Kamishiro,” she speaks up again, staring into bright yellow eyes. She can see warmth behind them.
But whether it was genuine or not, she can’t figure it out.
“I don’t want to continue this conversation.” She states calmly, and Rui nods his head in response. She pauses, takes a deep breath, and decides to leave off with one final statement:
“I don’t think I like you that much.”
She watches his eyes widen and he starts to laugh at such a cruel declaration, before his laughter dies down for him to form a calm smile.
“That’s fine; it’s not like I’m not used to having that effect on people.” He calmly says, before pulling out a small notepad and pen from his jacket pocket. He writes something down, rips out the paper, and offers it to Mafuyu.
She looks at him in confusion.
“It’s my phone number. It’s up to you whether or not you want to remain in contact, but… If you have anything you want to talk about, but can’t bring yourself to say the words you can… always text me.”
The smile on his face is bittersweet; like he knows he can’t do much for her but is still… seemingly offering to listen, even if it’s not a lot.
...She feels conflicted again, but takes the number and makes her way back home for the night.
The rest of Mafuyu’s night ended up quiet, for the most part. Her mother was talking to her about school and her future again, and like always, Mafuyu simply nodded her head until no more had to be discussed. Dinner was bland, like always; she wasn’t expecting anything more or less from it.
The Niigo meeting was the same as always too; everyone shared their work so far, offered critiques, and continued to diligently work. Mizuki tried to pry in on how Rui and Mafuyu’s conversation went today ( He sure likes to chat with Mizuki at times, huh. She thinks to herself, but probably realizes that it was Mizuki trying to pry in on what the two spoke about.) and Mafuyu successfully sidestepped the whole topic entirely.
The meeting adjourned, and it was now 2:30 a.m.
Yet, Mafuyu stewed in her thoughts. Thinking too much of today’s meeting, all the thoughts that came through her head, the conflicting feelings, the inevitable feeling of just sinking again-
She thinks back to her conversation with her mother when she got home and just groans into a pillow.
She reaches over to the phone on her nightstand. She could run to the Sekai; remain there for a few hours until she felt empty again. Miku was quiet company; Miku could understand without Mafuyu voicing anything.
Yet, her thumb wavers over the song that can lead her into the Sekai and instead opts to switch to her texting app.
She opens the drawer and picks up the small piece of paper she was given, slowly putting in the numbers-
...Would he even be awake now? She wonders.
Mafuyu [ 2:33 a.m ]: This is Asahina. I’m sorry if I wake you up. I want to talk whenever you get back to me.
She doubts she’ll get a response at this hour-
And yet, her phone immediately pings and she scrambles to turn down her volume.
Kamishiro [ 2:34 a.m ]: It’s not a problem at all! Would you prefer for me to give you advice, or do you just want to air out anything you’re thinking right now?
She blinks at his answer.
Mafuyu [ 2:36 a.m ]: Maybe just listen for now. I can’t guarantee if I can take any of your advice to heart at the moment.
She probably should add a “sorry” at the end of that message; but she can’t entirely feel guilty of telling him the truth as is.
Kamishiro [ 2:38 a.m ]: Understandable. I’m sorry if I end up falling asleep if you’re in the middle of talking, I promise I’ll read everything after I wake up should that happen!
Mafuyu [ 2:40 a.m ]: It’s fine. Again, I’d just prefer for you to just listen anyways, so… Listen whenever you can, I suppose.
Kamishiro [ 2:41 a.m ]: Oh, Asahina?
Mafuyu [ 2:41 a.m ]: What is it?
Kamishiro [ 2:42 a.m ]: You can call me Rui, if you want.
First name basis so soon, huh.
…Is this what it’s like to have a friend?
Mafuyu [ 2:43 a.m ]: Alright then, Rui. Is it okay if I can start typing?
Kamishiro [ 2:44 a.m. ]: The floor is yours, Mafuyu.
Whether it was a mistake or not to refer to her so familiarly, Mafuyu doesn’t correct him.