Chapter Text
As an Asgardian, Loki has had a different understanding of time than, say, a Midgardian. They have lived centuries but only a handful since they came of age. Their magic allowed them to adjust when they were on the other realms. But here? In the TVA without their magic, they are left adrift. Loki doesn’t know when to sleep when to wake so they do not sleep at all. They only sleep when their body shuts down of their own will (exhaustion, their mind whispers.) Besides, the little room allotted to them has a bed that fit more for someone Mobius’ size. Not Loki’s.
Days and nights mean nothing in the TVA. Even the apparent visible sky that they used to find respite in, they learned was a gigantic hologram projector after a while. Casey was the one who told him that the real atmosphere of the TVA is visible only from a very few departments- none of which they have access to.
‘A while’ is the best description of the time that has passed since Loki became ‘the Variant.’
“Did you listen to any word I said?” Hunter B15 asks, annoyed. Loki sighs and looks at her but they both know that the former sorcerer has not. She makes a disgusted noise and gets up from the chair. “Your Supervisor has been getting lousy. You need to be disciplined.” Loki raises an eyebrow. B15 repeats this spiel each time, she decided to take over the mission briefing. “If you botch up any of our plans-”
“If you hate this so much, why do you bother to do this to yourself?” He smirks as she scoffs and walks away.
This is very standard for the both of them.
They will be leaving in fifteen minutes to Ljosalfgard. A mermaid needs to be ‘pruned.’ Loki stirs the salad in their bowl listlessly. They don’t want to be pruned. They also don’t want to prune. Loki doesn’t want to be here. But as Mobius had very patiently explained it is either forfeiting their own life or accepting the position of a ‘TVA Analyst aspirant.’ Loki had laughed at Mobius’ ‘solution.’ Study, pass the exams and steadily climb ranks in the TVA is, apparently, the only option Loki has right now. So they assist B15 in her mission as she is their On Field Supervisor and come back to the Library and study. Loki doesn’t mind it. This way they are both abiding time and learning about the TVA. They were serious when they had said they would burn the TVA.
Loki will burn the TVA to the ground so that neither they nor any other variant in another universe has to be ‘reset.’
“Why is that face all scrunched up?” The now very-familiar voice asks. Loki turns to look at Mobius who is in his standard TVA uniform, hair ruffled and face haggard but with that infuriating smile. “May I sit?” Loki gives a short nod and Mobius is sitting down in the chair opposite to him. “I would say it’s the food but you haven’t touched it.”
Loki looks down at his bowl.
“Is it that bad?” Mobius asks gently. Gently. Always that. Gently.
The Asgardian roughly pushes the bowl to the man. “If you like it so much you can have it.” The disgustingly bland salad is Mobius’ favourite food. Loki had once made fun of it and said ‘You only say that because you’ve never had real food. You don’t know what’s available in the real world.’ Mobius had given a blank stare and had shut down the conversation immediately.
“It’s better if you start accepting this is the only world for you.”
It had been very unlike Mobius.
“When is your next exam?” Loki sneers. Mobius grins. “Do you have to retake it again? How difficult can it be? It is just the introductory course on administration.” The Asgardian glares at him.
“I don’t see why I need that!”
“To even be an employee with your friend Casey’s-”
“He’s not my friend!”
“- level of access or clearance, you need all the basic courses. And to reach any ranking close to mine, you have to know administration tasks and management.”
“How difficult can that be?” Loki imitates him.
Mobius laughs genially. “Then you should be able to pass your exams.”
Loki mutters under his breath. For a person who accuses Loki of being manipulative, he does it more often. But then again, the grey-haired man always spoke of Loki’s manipulation tactics with fondness.
“L30!” B15 shouts from the other side of the hall. There is no need for that. They have a timer on him and they remember that they have to go on a mission but she likes to shout at Loki.
Loki stands up, suddenly wishing there was few more minutes.
“Alfheim?” Mobius asks.
“Yes.” So he keeps track.
“All the best.”
Loki gives a curt nod and walks rapidly towards the Exit where B15 and her team have gathered.
For someone who had called himself a fan and had shown Loki kindness, Mobius had been very quick to wash his hands off them. Once their Loki Variants case was solved and the analyst had convinced the TVA court to let Loki remain, he had transferred his responsibility to B15 and another analyst whose name Loki doesn’t bother to remember.
Loki had been offended at first but now only confusion remains.
B15 glances somewhere behind Loki - the god knows she’s looking in Mobius’ direction - and smiles at him.
It’s an evil smile, Loki thinks. “No time for this here, Pretty boy.”
They know it is mocking but they don’t understand why.
*
Of course the only reason Loki is allowed to go on these missions is
“Because why else are you here and not Reset if you do not help with your skill sets?”, Judge Renslayer had said with barely concealed contempt.
Loki, Variant L1130 had outrun their purpose so their continued presence causes discomfort. Not like Loki wants to be here. They are almost a hostage here. Not that these brainwashed TVA workers would understand that.
*
Sometimes when Loki is bored, they wander over to where Casey is. If Loki isn’t allowed to think of the other realms and their food, they can make someone else think about it. So, Loki often leaves his table at the Library and saunters over to Casey’s floor and teaches the shorter man about the different foods all the nine realms has to offer. Sometimes they veer off the topic and Loki remembers Thor and his friends smashing chalices and mugs on the floor demanding for more mead and meat and their mother’s laughter-
Loki stops mid-lecture and leaves a puzzled Casey behind.
The Asgardian doesn’t like to recall the life they can no longer lead.
*
Casey, of course, sometimes isn’t at his desk. In that case, Loki loiters around the long endless winding corridors till they are forced back to the Library.
Times like these, Loki runs into Mobius.
Mobius never comes looking for them but he also never avoids Loki. The analyst never gave any explanation why they stopped taking Loki’s responsibility and the sorcerer is too proud to ask.
*
Without magic to rely on, Loki is often left on an uneven footing. It is like there is a gaping hole in their chest sometimes. It aches. It hurts physically but Loki has to endure it till they can earn their freedom. Missions are the only time when they feel complete.
(But if they weren’t lying to themselves, they’d know it wasn’t the whole truth. In fact, they would never be whole again without their family.)
*
So Loki reads their own files again and again and brochures and booklets and books that TVA will allow them during this training period. Sometimes, Casey gives him company in the Canteen and sometimes the little cat they had met on their first day at the TVA. The Librarian of the wing they sit at knows them too well and greets Loki. Sometimes if she forgets, she’ll smile too. Most of the times, Loki is with B15 and her team on missions and when they’re filing paperwork. They always shove all the paperwork to Loki.
In days, or, maybe weeks, Loki runs into Mobius who will smile at them. Loki always looks away. This was bound to happen anyway.
Loki had been a fool to assume that accepting a place here in TVA meant also being with Mobius.
*
Loki sits up abruptly. They had nodded off to sleep while studying. They push their hair back and-
“How’s my favourite trainee doing?”
Loki blinks their eyes rapidly trying to get rid of the cobwebs of sleep and focuses on the man opposite to him.
“Tired?”
Loki registers the previous question. “Are you even allowed to have a favourite trainee?”
Mobius’ patent amused smile is back. “Doesn’t apply to us.”
“Why not?” Loki sits up, back resting against the chair.
“You’re no longer my responsibility.” He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Loki doesn’t ask.
“Which module are you on now?” Mobius asks.
“Same.” Loki says, irritated.
“Are you repeating the same courses?” Mobius starts ruffling through the piles of books in front of Loki. He looks surprised. “How many times have you written these exams?”
“Not enough, apparently,” Loki hisses, leaning forward. “They will not let me take anything else till I pass these silly examinations conducted by imbeciles who have not even one tenth of the knowledge that I possess and yet, have the audacity to subject me to -”
“Okay, okay,” Mobius puts his hand forward, almost as if he is going to place it on Loki’s but then he plops it next to the god’s hand. “Maybe it has become repetitive so it doesn’t interest you.”
“It is tedious and worthless.”
“Loki,” Mobius says in that tone- it’s not patronising, it never is, “I know you’re doing this just to find a way out of here so you don’t have a real motivation to work on this but this is a farce that you need to keep. This is how all the clowns here play their parts.” His smile almost feels self-deprecating. “If you want to pretend to be one of us, this is what you have to do.”
They stare at each other for a moment.
Loki sighs, their sudden temper falling.
“It is what it is,” Loki repeats Mobius’ words from long before.
“It is what it is,” the analyst echoes. “So…”
“So?”
“How can I help?”
“With what?”
Mobius finally moves his hand and pats Loki’s. “I’ll help you so that next time you can take the Advanced modules.”
Loki rolls their eyes. Mobius laughs. Someone shushes at them and the analyst draws his hand back.
They sit at the farthest corner to not disturb the others and talk in whispers. Mobius keeps laughing when Loki tells annoyed how Casey fails to remember anything they had taught him or, how Hunter X87 messed up on their first day of field task or, how Volstagg fell into the traps each time Loki had laid them.
The Librarian orders them to be quiet or to leave. To Loki’s surprise, Mobius asks him to join him at the canteen to take a break from studies.
They just have coffee- Loki having developed an acquired taste for it and walk back to the Library. This time Mobius explains what sort of answers TVA examiners like reading and reminds them to not deliberately write answers that will piss them off.
Loki retorts that they do no such thing.
Mobius shakes his head.
*
It is late in the ‘night’ Loki thinks. They’ll assume so. They’re dozing off at the table when they feel Mobius’s hand near their face. Loki instantly grabs it.
“What are you doing?” Loki asks, voice sharp. Mobius looks chagrined, caught.
“Nothing, just- allow me to show?” Loki loosens their grip on the hand. Mobius tucks a loose strand of hair behind their ear and Loki freezes. “That’s all,” he whispers. Mobius sits back. “Was that wrong of me to do?”
Loki shakes his head. No.
The touch was so gentle. Loki doesn’t understand and looks at him confused. Mobius smiles with a fondness that is so reminiscent of his mother when she used to hug him, Thor when they were young and were yet to disappoint each other and Odin when things hadn’t gone so wrong. The smile is so fond, it spreads a warmth in Loki’s chest and tugs at their heart.
For a moment, their chest feels full. There is no emptiness, there’s no ache.
Then their chest pangs- it hurts because as much Loki likes to pretend that being here has separated them from everything that they deserve, the truth is that not even in the ‘Sacred Timeline’ they will have what they have always wanted. Craved for. Their mother’s love, Thor’s trust and Odin’s acceptance and validation.
This is a punishment not even Odin could have thought of.
Maybe being reset is for the best.
Maybe.
Maybe.
“What’s wrong, Loki?” Mobius looks and sounds concerned. Loki’s eyes smarts from the tears they refuse to shed.
They stand up, the seat crashing into the table behind it. “Can I leave?”
“I am not holding you here?” Mobius says, confused.
Loki turns away before they can convince the TVA agent to Reset them.
No, no Loki will not be reset.
Loki sprints down the aisle and out of the Library, panic this close to the surface. No. Reset means death. They cannot go back. They cannot convince themselves that death is the better option.
They will live. They will live till they find a solution.
*
Loki passes the examination and then they avoid Mobius. No lingering in canteen, no stalling for time, no losing their way in the corridors if they can help it. They constantly change their location in the Library. If Mobius really wanted to find the sorcerer, it isn’t difficult but the analyst wouldn’t make that effort, surely.
No getting complacent.
Loki needs to leave.
*
Of course, when Loki hides in the Library, a TVA Librarian from one of the higher floors starts to follow them around. He is awfully like Mobius in the way that he pays Loki compliments nonchalantly, smiles kindly and shows a lot of interest in Loki.
He says he is fascinated by the concept of magic- something he has never experienced and has only ever heard of. So, he follows Loki around and harries the god with questions after questions about magic, Asgard, their missions.
His name is Roosevelt.
Loki wants to inform Mobius that this Librarian is behaving suspiciously but, of course, Loki doesn’t.
*
Loki truly understands now that ‘time passes here differently’ because by the time they next come across Mobius, they have passed all their examinations and have been offered a clerical job, a few ranks lower than Casey. Offer being that either they accept it or they’re pruned.
Huh.
Loki is sat at the staff cafeteria- ones meant for the senior officers. Roosevelt says he is allowed here so he can bring Loki along. The god doesn’t care for it as long as there is better salad than what is offered in the open-to-all canteen.
There’s freshly baked bread on his plate with some fruits. Roosevelt left to talk to some senior officer.
“Loki.” The Asgardian looks over and sees Mobius with B15 and other TVA employees at the next table.
“Hello.”
For some reason, their heart beats faster as Mobius walks over.
“Here with Casey?” He points at the other plate.
“No.”
“New friend?”
Loki grits their teeth. “Maybe.”
Mobius is taken aback but recovers instantaneously and says, “Aww… look at you. Little Loki finally making friends.” B15 and the others laugh.
Loki wonders why they had thought they were immune now to comments such as these. They hurt. They still do.
Maybe because they hadn’t expected it from Mobius of all people.
“Excuse me,” Loki says and hurries out of the cafeteria. They have lived through this once in their childhood.
“Loki- Loki, wait.”
Loki doesn’t look back. The TVA staff can hate them as much as they like but Loki doesn’t have to tolerate it.
*
Loki is leaning on the parapet, watching the constantly moving gondolas, shifting structures and the hum enveloping them.
“It was uncalled for, what I said.” A voice says by a way of announcing.
Loki closes their eyes for a moment. “Not even my brother talked to me that way.”
“I am sorry.”
“...”
“Can I … be here?” Mobius asks as he approaches closer.
Loki scoffs. “Like you need my permission.”
“Still.”
“Illusion of free will.”
Mobius stands next to them.
Loki tries to loose themself again in the endless, haunting view of the TVA but they cannot anymore. They continue to stand in silence, Loki refusing to break it first.
Mobius gives in.
“Why’d you run away?”
“Why do you care?”
“Loki.”
“You believe in all this.”
“Yes.”
“I do not. I will burn this place down if I have to. Whatever gets in my way to my freedom, I will burn it.”
“Okay.”
“You will only get in my way.”
“...”
Mobius moves closer. The shorter man is looking up at him. Loki asks, their jaws clenched,
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you stop making me your responsibility? Did you think you have tamed me enough?”
“No.”
“No?” Loki repeats, bristled. “What do you mean by no?”
“I was getting too close to my charge.”
Loki looks at Mobius in surprise. Mobius turns to look straight ahead instead.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know what it does.”
“No.”
“Loki,” Mobius sighs. He shifts on his feet with his hands in his pockets.
“No, I do not know what you mean.”
“You’ll make me say it aloud, huh?”
“...”
“There’s no room for emotions here. TVA discourages any kind of emotions. No fraternisation within employees. Much less with a variant or you.”
Loki is shocked is an understatement. They splutter for a few seconds and then frown.
“But-I have never-I - Where’s my say in this?”
Mobius’ eyes crinkle with amusement. “What say you want in this?” Loki huffs. Then they turn around to stare at the shorter man with a calculative gaze. “Why are you staring?” Mobius’ cheeks are dusted in pink.
This is unexpected but not … unpleasant.
“I am not in your charge now.” Loki says, contemplative.
“No, you’re not.”
“So, hypothetically speaking, you wouldn’t be reprimanded now if …. your emotions were to get in between.”
Mobius glances at Loki. “What are you getting at?”
“Yes or no?”
“The punishment wouldn’t be … as severe.”
“I have a long life. I’m an Asgardian.”
“And?”
“You are … ?” Not a Midgardian. Just look like one.
Mobius laughs. “I live long enough too.”
“Why so secretive?” Mobius does his signature shrug. “Whatever, I’ll find out one day.”
“You will.”
“I will also burn this place down.”
“So you have said.”
“You can come with,” Loki says.
“I thought you’d start the fire from my desk.”
“Your life can be spared.”
“Why?”
“Do you want to be here all your life?”
“What do we do after you burn this place?” Mobius asks instead.
“There is all of Yggdrasill to explore. Have you seen all of it?”
“In theory.”
Loki scowls. “We will have to correct that.”
“But you have seen all if it.”
“Now there is the multiverse to consider.”
“So is that what we will do next? Exploring the world together?”
Mobius’ arm brushes against theirs.
“If you’re amenable.” Loki swallows.
Promises. Promises.
“I could be,” Mobius answers jovially. “Which realm would you like to visit first? Asgard?”
“Valhalla.”
Mobius glances at Loki, curious but doesn’t ask.
“What do we do till then?”
“Abide our time.”
Standing next to this person, Loki feels maybe they could really live through this. Find their way back to their family. Back to Frigga and Thor.