Chapter Text
One thing Patroclus learned over the past six years is that Penelope likes to have control over everything she does. She's a textbook perfectionist. Unfortunately for everyone including herself, she's also an over-thinker.
So it didn't take long after her engagement to Odysseus until she had her first nervous breakdown. Luckily Patroclus was there to calm her down, inevitably resulting in him becoming her right hand man as wedding planner.
"Stop laughing at me Achilles!" Patroclus whines. "I have no idea how to plan a wedding. I'm totally out of my element! I won't be useful, but she will drag me everywhere anyway!"
He knows that he probably sounds like a stubborn child, but he's already bored to death and at the same time stressed like crazy just thinking about the possibility of planning such a huge event together with an overthinking perfectionist that has a hard time making decisions.
He's still trying to recover from the time they helped them moving into their house. Penelope is the owner of the heaviest furniture on this planet and she just couldn't decide where everything would look better. By the time they carried her ridiculously large couch to another place in the house for a fifth time he was about ready to jump through a window to escape her instructions.
Planning a wedding is going to be so much worse. She already called to inform him that they should probably start to write some to-do lists. In Patroclus' ears this sounded like spending at least three days trying to decide what decisions they will have to make during the following months.
"This isn't fair!" He continues, trying to get at least a little bit of sympathy from his boyfriend. "You brought her into my life but for some reason I'm the one who's always getting caught up in her crazy plans."
It's not even an exaggeration. It started with her surprise party for Achilles and him being stuck in an elevator - the least dramatic event if he's looking back at it now. Right after he started dating Achilles, Penelope wanted to get to know him better and planned a day trip for them. They went hiking and actually managed to get lost. And while taking a short cut through the woods, she tripped over something and broke her wrist. It was a small disaster, but brought them closer anyway.
Just like the time when she begged him to go on a Ferris wheel with her while Achilles and Odysseus were busy with some ballon shooter game. They ended up being stuck on the Ferris wheel for over an hour and their boyfriends didn't even notice their absence. But they each got about 8 stuffed animals when they finally came back - together with a lot of jokes about how they can't go anywhere without causing trouble.
After that there were only minor incidents until their couple vacation on this ranch last summer. He doesn't even remember where Achilles and Odysseus had gone this time, all he knows is that he was forced to ride a horse, fell off, hit his head and had a concussion.
No one should blame him for thinking about every worst-case scenario that could happen during this whole wedding thing. What will it be? Allergic reaction to flowers? Chocking on cake? Getting attacked by doves? Squashed by a tulle dress? Who knows.
"Let's be honest." Achilles interrupts his thoughts. "Her plans are not really crazy, but for some reason you two attract chaos.""Exactly!" Patroclus exclaims while looking for his laptop. If he's doing this he might as well be prepared and start a google research about weddings. He's sure he's forgetting a million important things Penelope probably already worried about.
He ends up on Pinterest and what he finds is already too much for him; Wedding countdown lists, a bride's checklist, ceremony questions, reception ideas and an overwhelming amount of other stuff.
"God I hate weddings." Patroclus mutters under his breath, still scrolling through the endless number of pastel colored lists.
The words are barley out of his mouth when there's a loud clash in the kitchen, followed by the sound of shattering glass. Patroclus jumps up and runs toward the noise, asking Achilles if he's okay. His boyfriend is kneeling on the tiles, frantically picking up pieces of glass, mumbling that he's fine and that it just slipped through his fingers.
"Are you sure?" Patroclus asks worried. "You seem a bit off."
Achilles just laughs softly, still not looking up at him, "Yes. Don't worry sweetheart."
If he wants to keep up his facade he should probably log out of Pinterest. Again. He already did before Achilles left to meet Diomedes at some sports bar, but logged in not even 15 minutes later. He accidentally clicked on the wedding suit hashtag and hasn't looked at anything else ever since.
He keeps coming back to the picture of a beautiful light beige three piece linen suit with a bowtie and pocket handkerchief that are both colored in a matching flower pattern. It's not necessarily his style, but he can't help but imagining Achilles wearing it. He would look gorgeous without question. If someone asked him, he'd deny it, but he might have saved the picture.
This goddamn website is way too addicting and practically forcing you to imagine your own wedding. He really has to hide the fact that he not just created a Penelope-Wedding-pin-board, but also one with a conspicuous lack of things for a bride.
"Honey? Hey wake up."
Patroclus feels like was hit by a car. The first reaction to getting woken up like this is hiding is head in his pillow. It only then that he notices that he's not lying in his bed and that his cheek is uncomfortably pressed into the dinner table.
"And you are calling Penelope a workaholic." Achilles quietly laughs. "Go to bed."
Patroclus stands up and walks toward the bedroom like a zombie. Once there he looks down on himself. Damn of course he's still wearing his clothes. He's stripping down to his boxers and falls face first into his bed.
He's almost asleep again when Achilles comes in and covers him with a blanket and lies down next to him.
"You know," He suddenly whispers. "I'm not sure the suits you saved on Pinterest are Penelope's style."
Of course Achilles would turn off his laptop and find his stupid little list in the process. At least he doesn't sound weirded out and teases him instead.
"Yeah," Patroclus slurs half asleep. "But you'd look sooo handsome in them."
"I thought you don't like weddings." It's not really a question, but also not quite a statement. For a second, Patroclus is confused, but then he remembers what he said a few hours ago.
He turns around, giving Achilles a quick kiss. His eyes are still closed but he can practically feel his boyfriend's confusion.
"Only when I have to plan them and won't be getting rewarded with a day that's only about me." He quietly explains.
Achilles following exhale sounds a bit trembling, but before Patroclus get's the opportunity to ask him about it, he feels a kiss on top of his nose.
"Good to know."