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For as long as he could remember, Eric hadn’t been scared of anything. If there was ever a bug in a classroom in school, Eric would be the one called to catch it. He was always the first to climb the rope in gym class and then come down and tell his classmates that it isn’t that bad up there.
And then one night he was kept up by a thunderstorm. He wasn’t scared of it, no, it was just so loud that he couldn’t fall asleep. Just as he was about to drift off the loudest crash he had ever heard sounded outside. His alarm clock turned off and the fan he slept with slowly came to a halt. It was suddenly pitch black and he didn’t know what to do. He was starting to work himself into a panic when his mother rushed into the room with a flashlight and all Eric could think was light. She told him that everything was fine, that the storm had just knocked over a tree which dominoed into one of the power lines. They would be without electricity until the city could get some people out to fix it but otherwise everything would be fine. They would be fine, and yet Eric couldn’t stop thinking about it. Not about the electricity being out, that he could live with, but about the utter helplessness he felt during the time in between the crash and his mom coming in. He never wanted to feel like that again.
After that, whenever a thunderstorm rolled around, all that would go through his mind was crash. Strangely enough, he did fine in the dark. It was only the thunder that did that to him. His mother and father found out about this fear of his soon enough, and they did their best to help. Since then, whenever the weather wasn’t looking too good, his parents would try their hardest to distract him, whether it be by watching movies or having a game night. They even got him a good pair of noise cancelling headphones.
When he moved back to Korea and started living in a dorm with the other members, he stubbornly refused to take the headphones with him no matter how much his parents insisted. If the headphones went with, the chances of his hyungs finding out that he was scared of thunderstorms went up.
Somehow, by some force, the group managed to avoid being in a city when a thunderstorm rolled around for the next few years. Eric would check his weather app and get nervous because a storm was coming, and then Sangyeon would come in and tell him that there had been a change of plans and they were leaving early. But Eric knew that one day that good luck would have to come to an end. He just hadn’t counted on it being today.
He was watching another group’s comeback show when his phone beeped very loudly, signaling a thunderstorm warning. His stomach tightened and twisted. As far as he knew, they had no other plans today. There would be no way out of this one. And as much as he had been preparing himself for the inevitability of facing a storm in the dorm, he wasn’t actually all that ready for it. The minutes passed, the comeback show playing but forgotten. No one came in to tell him that they just happened to have a surprise schedule. It was just after 9 p.m., so Eric knew that realistically his hopes were pretty unlikely to come true.
Then came a knock on the door. Jacob peeked his head in. Eric held his breath, thinking that just maybe his prayers had been answered.
“Hey, Eric. The rest of us are gathered in the living room. We’re gonna watch a movie together to wait out the storm. Wanna join us?”
Oh, how badly Eric did. He would’ve loved to go down and watch a movie with all of the others, to be able to ignore all of the bad things outside. But he knew that even if he did go join them, he wouldn’t be able to just ignore it. And then the members would know, and that would make them think he was pathetic. Twenty years old and he couldn’t even handle a little rain. Pathetic.
He smiled tightly, more of a grimace, though Jacob wouldn’t be able to tell in the dark room. “Nah, I think I’ll pass on this one. Really want to watch sunbaenim’s performance, y’know?” He forced a small chuckle, cursing internally when it didn’t come out as believable as he wanted.
Jacob frowned, slightly concerned. “If you’re sure, Eric. You can come out any time if you change your mind.”
Eric heard the door close and felt the tension leave his body. It was immediately sucked back in with the first boom of thunder that followed. He forced himself to not freak out. He put his head under the blanket, turning his airpods as loud as they could go. He could get through this. He had to.
It wasn’t as easy as Eric thought it would be, which wasn’t that easy to begin with. The first twenty minutes went okay. The thunder wasn’t too bad, just making Eric jump every few minutes. He was able to mostly distract himself. But then his airpods died. And he didn’t have a cord to charge them with.
Damnit, Kevin-hyung.
He knew from experience that trying to sleep through it would make everything worse, so that was off the table. Why hadn’t he just listened to his parents and brought the headphones with him? After a few minutes came the first boom without the airpods. Eric put his pillows over his ears. A few minutes later came another. And then another. Another. The tears started building up. Another. Another. Anotheranotheranother. There they went, falling down his face. He could feel his pillowcase getting wet. In the back of his mind he could recognize that the sticky feeling was uncomfortable against the skin of his face. For several moments he stayed in that kind of stasis. The world was too loud but it was quieter than before because the thunder stopped for a minute. A beautiful, beautiful minute. But then it started again, except this time it was worse because it wasn’t just boom, it was crash .
Jacob came back from Eric’s room. He walked into the room where everyone was waiting for him, fully expecting Eric to be with him. Jacob could see the confusion on their faces when the maknae was nowhere to be found. He shrugged.
“He said he didn’t want to.”
This seemed to pacify the crowd, but it didn’t stop them from sending concerned and half-expecting glances to Eric’s door throughout the start of the movie.
The movie itself was good enough. It kept them entertained, and they could make fun of the bad CGI together. There was a brief break from the thunder and they unanimously voted for Chanhee to be the one to have to get up and check if the storm had almost passed or not. He sighed, used to the teasing. Right as he got to the window the thunder started back up again. He sat back down with the rest and the movie resumed. The next few minutes passed without incident, the flashes of lightning almost invisible behind the curtains.
There was a break in the noise outside, and that’s when they heard it. Haknyeon was the first to notice it. His brows furrowed.
“Hyung, pause the movie real quick,” he said. Hyunjae did as he was told.
“Hak? What’s up?”
Hakyeon motioned for everyone to shush. They all did. Barely audible sobs came from Eric’s room. Most straightened right up in their seats while Kevin and Younghoon literally jumped up. No one made a move toward the door, though.
“Guys…” said Hyunjae, glancing between them all and the door. “What do you think is the matter?”
Just then, the loudest boom of the night sounded, startling everyone. And then the sobs from Eric’s room were louder.
“Poor thing…”
“Do you think he’s scared of the thunder?” asked Juyeon. Sunwoo glared at him.
“No, I think he might be scared of cats. Yes, he’s scared of thunder!”
Sangyeon stepped between the two. “Sunwoo, cool it. He was just asking a question. We have bigger problems right now.”
Sunwoo grumbled and apologized. Juyeon nodded.
“Now, who’s going to go in and get Eric?”
Juyeon, Kevin, Younghoon, and Sangyeon himself raised their hands. The rest stayed out in the living room and tried to make things neater for when Eric came back.
The four volunteers walked right into Eric’s room, figuring that even if they tried knocking first he wouldn’t be able to hear it over both the thunder and his cries. On the bed was a shaking lump covered in blankets. Kevin walked over and sat on the bed, carefully setting a hand on Eric’s back. He either didn’t care about or didn’t register Kevin’s presence.
Juyeon walked over as well, helping Kevin slowly lift the blanket. They threw it to the side. Underneath was Eric’s shaking form, positioned like they would have you during the tornado drills at school. He was curled up with his hands on the top of his head and arms pressed tightly over his ears, though that didn’t seem to be doing much by the way he flinched at every boom of thunder. His eyes were squeezed shut. The tears leaked out from under the eyelids and down his face. His pillowcase was soaked. And as if that wasn’t already bad enough, in between the sobs small, squeaky whimpers spilled from his mouth. Those tiny sounds were what really dug the picks into the hearts of his hyungs.
“Oh, Eric,” Sangyeon sighed. “Can you hear me, baby?”
The leader’s voice seemed to cut through everything else. Eric nodded shakily.
Sanyeon smiled. “Good job. Do you think you can tell me what’s wrong?”
Eric opened his mouth. Thunder sounded. Eric flinched, curling up a bit more. He closed his mouth again and shook his head.
Younghoon came and sat down with them too. It was a hard squeeze, and the four oldest had to sit right on the edges.
“Would it make you feel better to be with the rest of the members?” Younghoon asked.
A nod.
“Sangyeon-hyung is going to pick you up and carry you out there now, okay?” They waited for another nod before Sangyeon picked him up. The other three encased them protectively.
Six heads whipped in their direction. All became even more concerned when they took in the scene of Eric being carried bridal style, his face hidden in the leader’s neck.
Changmin walked over and tried to ask what the matter was. Kevin shook his head and Changmin stilled. Eric was carried over to the couch where room had been made for him. Sangyeon tried to set him down but found that Eric refused to let go. He had no choice but to sit down with Eric curled up in his lap, though he didn’t really mind. Sunwoo rushed over, stealing one of the seats next to the two. He wanted to be as close to his friend as possible. Hyunjae scrambled to reach the other cushion before anyone else took it. His efforts paid off. The others groaned, all having wanted a seat by the maknae. They quickly found their own places.
Eric had calmed down quite a bit once he was with everyone else but he was still sniffling. Everyone listened for any signs of him becoming more distressed. Chanhee turned off the movie when it became apparent that no one was going to watch it anymore. They sat like this for who knows how long before the storm finally stopped.
Hyunjae took a break from stroking Eric’s hair to whisper to him:
“The storm’s over. You can go to sleep now.”
Even though Eric’s eyes had remained closed throughout the entire situation, the members could tell he wasn’t asleep. His body was too tense, breathing too labored. Once the outside world had quieted he had relaxed. The evening must’ve been tiring for him, and the reassurance from Hyunjae was all that he needed to slip off to meet the Sandman.
The others waited a bit after his breathing evened out to make sure he was completely out. When he didn’t wake up after five minutes of waiting they took that as their cue to talk.
“That was awful,” Changmin whispered. They gave their nods of agreement.
“I never want to see him like that again,” Sunwoo said, visibly shaken. Jacob put his arm around Sunwoo’s shoulder.
The rest of the night was passed in silence, each member falling asleep at separate times.
When Eric woke up he felt warmth and pressure coming from all directions. He opened his eyes and immediately closed them again. It’s a lot brighter than normal, he thought.
He felt breathing on his neck. That also wasn’t normal. He finally opened his eyes and saw that the reason it was brighter was that he wasn’t in his room at all. He was in the living room, surrounded by all of his hyungs and Sunwoo. And he had no idea why.
He went to rub his eyes and noticed that the area around them felt slightly moist. He also felt that the collar of his shirt was damp. The logical conclusion here was that last night he had been crying. But why?
He thought hard for a minute before it all came flooding back to his memory. The comeback show. The warning. The storm. The booms. The crash. The hyungs coming in and carrying him out to join them. Which means they saw him crying. They all saw him crying. Eric knew that they were all smart enough to connect the dots, even if some of them didn’t act like it sometimes. He knew that they most likely had at least some idea of what caused his little freak out the night before. He knew it and he didn’t like it one bit.
In his haste to avoid confrontation by sneaking away before any of them woke up, he failed to consider that all of them were very closely packed together and that he was at the center of it all as a plus. By trying to stand up, he bumped into Sangyeon, Hyunjae, and Sunwoo. He thought that he might be able to survive that as long as he got away quickly, but then he tripped on Haknyeon, who was sleeping stretched out on the floor in front of the couch. This started a chain reaction of members waking up, complaining about being woken up, and then seeing Eric standing in the middle, frozen, his eyes still red.
“Hey there, bud,” greeted Juyeon. “I hope you weren’t trying to sneak away.”
Eric laughed nervously. “Of course not, hyung. Why would I want to do that?”
Juyeon stared at him intently. “No reason, I’m sure.”
“Stop scaring the poor kid, Juyeon,” scolded Chanhee. Juyeon smiled innocently at him.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Sangyeon interrupted them. “He does have a good point, though. What were you doing, Eric?”
Eric looked anywhere except at the leader's eyes. There was no way he would be able to lie while making eye contact. Apparently he wouldn’t be able to lie either way, because he couldn’t stop himself from mumbling, “I was trying to sneak away.”
Juyeon smirked, raising a hand to cup his ear. “I couldn’t hear you. What was that?”
Younghoon glared at him. “That’s enough, Juyeon. He feels bad enough as is.”
Juyeon sighed. “Sorry, Eric,” he said honestly.
“Anyways, Eric, why don’t you come sit down?” asked Hyunjae, patting the space between him and Sangyeon.
Eric reluctantly walked over and squeezed himself between the two. “What did you want to talk to me about, hyungs?” He addressed all of them.
Younghoon looked at him. “You know what, Eric.”
“No, I really don’t.”
Haknyeon got frustrated the fastest. “Are you scared of thunder or not, Eric?”
Eric froze. His eyes dropped to the floor. Haknyeon ducked out of the way of Chanhee swiping at him. “I… yes. Yes, I am scared of thunder.”
They all looked at him, not having expected an actual answer. Kevin recovered the fastest. “Why didn’t you tell us, baby?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was pathetic. I didn’t want you to pity me.”
Changmin sat up. “Why would that make us think you’re pathetic?”
“Because! I’m an adult. I am a fully grown adult who is scared of thunderstorms. How stupid is that?”
“You’re not stupid, Eric,” said Jacob, “and your fear isn’t either. It’s perfectly normal to be scared of thunderstorms. And even if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t care. We love you like you are, baby, scared of thunder or not.”
A chorus of agreement rang out.
“He’s right, baby.”
“We all love you a lot.”
Eric could feel himself tearing up. All this time he was refraining from letting his members know because he was scared they would think he was stupid. And it turned out he had nothing to be scared of anyway. Man, he hated his brain sometimes.
Juyeon grabbed his chin and tilted it up. “Aw, please don’t cry. What’s wrong? Hyung is sorry he was being mean earlier.”
Eric shook his head. “No, it’s not that, hyung. I’m just really happy that you guys don’t care. For some reason this never even crossed my mind as a possibility.”
Sunwoo laughed. “Well, we all know you aren’t the brightest when it comes to things like this.”
Eric laughed too, and then glared, mock offended. “You’re one to talk, Kim Sunwoo!”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Sunwoo got up and started advancing towards Eric, who started running. Sunwoo ran after him. Haknyeon joined Sunwoo in chasing after Eric, claiming it was payback for Eric tripping and waking him up. There wasn’t much space to run around in but they made it work. Eventually Sunwoo and Haknyeon caught him. Sunwoo pinned him down on the carpet while Haknyeon tickled him. All three were laughing like their lives depended on it.
Once Sunwoo and Haknyeon got too tired to continue, they flopped down on the floor next to Eric. Big smiles were on their faces as they panted to catch their breath.
Their hyungs watched the showdown joyfully, each giggling and silently rooting for one of them. After it had calmed down a bit, Sangyeon spoke again.
“You know, Jacob was being serious. None of us care that you’re scared of thunderstorms. And now we can help you whenever there is one.”
Eric paused a bit before he responded. “Actually, hyung, do you think that we can get a pair of noise cancelling headphones? I mean, we don’t have to, really, I’d be fine without it, just…”
Sangyeon smiled. “Of course we can. It’s no problem.”
“We can get two pairs! Just in case someone loses them or breaks them. By accident, I’m sure,” said Hyunjae.
“Preparing for the future, are you?” Younghoon teased.
“What? No, why would you think that?”
As those two started bickering and everyone else picked sides, Eric smiled and watched the chaos unfold. In hindsight, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t told them. All of his reasons seemed pretty flimsy. Now that they knew, he wouldn’t have to suffer through these alone anymore. He would have the company of at least one of them every time a storm came through. And he realized now that they would never look down on or make fun of him for being scared.
He trusted them.