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Mikey can’t remember when the smile on his face became fake, nor when the cheeriness in his voice became forced. It had been authentic, a very long time ago. Back when he was a child, when he had people to look up to, and losing them was the last thing on his mind. But then, slowly one by one, they all began to disappear. Shinichiro, Kazutora, Baji, and Emma. All of them gone, just like that. And now the loss is all that Mikey thinks about. It drags him further into himself and makes his world monochrome.
That isn’t to say that there aren’t some colors that shine through sometimes. He had a few things left in his life that kept him from crumbling.
Toman. It’s his pride and joy, it’s the reason why he fakes his smiles and masks his inner pain. Fighting with them always felt freeing. Feeling the wind in his hair as he jumped, bringing his enemy down with a swift kick, all of it cleared his mind. A distraction from his inner turmoil. If he had this, he could act as if everything is ok, when in actuality that, was furthest from the truth.
Kenchin. His best friend. The one that helped him to feel grounded when he lost himself. He had kept him humane, never allowing him to cross that line of no return. Mikey never outright told him about the darkness that resides within himself, about how it curls throughout his body tauntingly, just waiting for the day Mikey loses control. But, somewhere deep down, he thinks Kenchin must know about it. Whenever Kenchin brings him back from that ledge, there is always something in his eyes that is unmistakable. Fear. Unaltered and all-encompassing fear. It doesn’t last long, maybe for just a second, but it's definitely there, and Mikey hates it. Hates how he can bring such an ugly emotion out of his friend and hates how easy it is to lose control.
Takemitchy. His… how could he even begin to describe Takemitchy. He had appeared out of nowhere and suddenly he was everywhere. Whenever he appeared, whether it be in his thoughts or standing right in front of him, something sparked inside of Mikey. Something that he hadn’t felt in a long time, so long that he couldn’t even remember the name of the emotion. He could best equate it to hope. Hope that bleared through his body when Kenchin was saved due to Takemitchy’s efforts, hope that shone brightly whenever Takemitchy was up to his latest antics, hope that maybe, if Takemitchy was here, that the darkness inside him might fade.
That hope shatters the instant Takemitchy informs him of what lies ahead in his future. About how in each and every single one, Mikey is the cause of countless people’s problems, including those he holds dear. How he even went as far as to kill his closest friends with his bare hands and Mikey knows now that nothing is truly strong enough to get rid of that tainted part of himself. This is just how he is, how he was always meant to be, and if he wants to protect everyone else that is left, then he has to bury himself in his monochrome world. Deeper and deeper until he can no longer see the light.
So, he disbands Toman. He lies to Takemitchy, telling him that there is hope for his own future, that he will be ok. And once he is assured and back in the future, Mikey breaks off every relationship that he has and burrows himself further into the darkness.
⏤
There is nothing. Nothing to feel, nothing to see. Everything is absent in Mikey’s life. His world isn’t even monochrome anymore, it’s just plain dark.
He is now the leader of the Kanto Manji Gang. His life is filled with lax days and violent nights, and not even a good old fashion brawl can bring any emotion out of him anymore. Everything about his life seems to just drag on. So much so that after twelve years he’s starting to wonder if life is even worth living. What’s the point when there is absolutely nothing to live for.
Now that he thinks about it, he really is done with everything. He’s lived in this hell long enough and he’s ready to just move on, to no longer exist, and maybe then he will finally know some peace.
So, when Sanzu tells him that a nosy crybaby by the name of Hanagaki Takemichi is sniffing around shady places, looking for him, he quickly squashes the inklings of hope that grow inside him at the sound of that name. He has already decided to die, he doesn’t want Takemitchy to worm his way back in, only to fail at trying to prevent what is inevitable. But that doesn’t stop his morbid sense of curiosity. He wants to know if Takemitchy is happy with this future, if he is then that means Mikey can leave knowing he at least did one thing right in his meaningless life.
He orders Sanzu to keep an eye out for the man and to tell him when he comes back onto Bonten territory. When he does, he'll see what he wants, and then end it all.
That's how he finds himself making his way up a rusted staircase until he is inside an abandoned bowling alley. There are still some bowling balls left from the good days. They litter the ground along with old beer bottles, newspapers, and broken glass from the shattered windows on grimy walls. The tables and chairs are all rusted as well, and Mikey is pretty sure that there are at least four different types of molds growing in the place. Through all of that, sits a boy with short dark hair that seems to go in every direction. There’s a gun pressed to his temple and yet he sits determined, patiently waiting for Mikey to make his appearance. That’s one thing about him that hasn’t changed, he’s still ridiculously brave for someone with so much to lose.
Slowly, he makes his way over and seats himself behind Takemitchy. This way, he won’t be able to see his eyes. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he does, and he doesn’t want to find out.
“It’s the best future, isn’t it?” asks Mikey dryly. He doesn’t want to leave any room for Takemitchy to think there’s anything worth salvaging left inside of him. He wants to end this as soon as possible. “So, anything you want to ask?”
Ever true to his reputation, Takemitchy cries softly at the sound of his voice and lets out a breathy, “Mikey-kun…” Shakily, he pulls out an envelope. It’s well-kept and has a fancy seal on it.
“And that is?”
“An invitation letter to my wedding,” he says with conviction. Just like Mikey had expected, Takemitchy still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that there is nothing left. Why won’t he just understand?
Takemitchy continues to go on and on about how everyone is living happily and how he wants the same for Mikey. At this, Mikey sends Sanzu away. He wants to make it abundantly clear to Takemitchy that the Mikey-kun that he knew is long gone, that in all honesty he never really existed, and to do that he needs for it to just be the two of them. After Sanzu’s footsteps have completely faded, all that’s left is silence. The only thing that could be heard was the soft breeze from outside.
“Mikey-kun…” starts Takemitchy. “What on earth is this ‘dark impulsivity’?”
Mikey continues to listen to Takemitchy's questions, but his mind is elsewhere. He doesn’t get it. So, he did see the video that I left. Then why is he even here? Don’t tell me that he’s here to…
“It was all thanks to you,” are the words that break through his jumbled thoughts.
Stop.
“This future is different… because you protected everyone…”
Shut up! Just…SHUT UP!!
“Therefore now, it’s my turn…”
Damnit, stop! Don’t turn around… Don’t look at me…
“To save you!!”
I warned you…didn’t I?
He does it quickly. So fast that at first, he’s not even sure that he actually pulled the trigger until the look of panic crosses Takemitchy’s face. Then there’s a second shot. It brings Takemitchy to the ground, convulsing in pain as blood leaks from his body. And suddenly, Mikey is on his feet, moving until he’s standing tall over Takemitchy’s crumpled body.
Do it urges the darkness inside of him. If you end him right now, then it will all be over, and Mikey no longer has the strength to refuse it. He looks down at the bleeding mess that is Takemitchy, pointedly avoiding his eyes and fires.
Do you get it now Takemitchy? Do you understand what I mean by ‘dark impulses?’
“I didn’t want to meet… because I knew things would end up like this,” says Mikey flatly. “Your journey ends here.”
“…save…you…I will save you no matter what…” forces out Takemitchy in a meek voice. The fact that he’s even conscious a testament to determination. “For you… I’ll do it as many times as I can…”
Why can’t he get it through his thick skull that it's over wonders Mikey before announcing, “I will end everything here.”
Suddenly, the air in the room is suffocating and Mikey wants to be anywhere but there. So, he lets his feet take him higher and higher until he is on the roof of the building. From there he can see everything the city has to offer from bridges and lakes to skyscrapers and streets full of people. Being up here reminds him of all that he’s lost. He can hear Shinichiro and Emma’s voices, every encouraging and filled with love. He can see Baji, Draken, and everyone else from Toman’s faces, looking at him with such respect, and he’s sure that this is exactly how his story should end. Proudly he looks out at all the strangers below and yells, “Everyone, let’s do this!!!” And he jumps.
He shuts his eyes as he feels the wind blow through his hair. It's finally quiet and Mikey is at ease knowing that he will finally be at peace. That is until a hand grabs his arm almost out of nowhere and before he can even process what’s happening Takemitchy screams, “I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE HERE!!!”
He’s yelling at him to grab onto his hand as blood runs down his face and arms. Quite frankly this whole situation is ridiculous. I mean Mikey should be dead right now, hell Takemitchy should be dead right now.
Why can’t he just let me be? Why can’t he just accept that-
“SHUT UP!!!!”
All of a sudden Mikey’s world is filled with blue. It’s bright and vibrant and for a second Mikey thinks that the sun has risen again, despite it being late into the night.
“Why are you always like this? You always…always put all the burden on yourself with that false smile of yours tattooed on your face,” continues Takemitchy. “Oi, Manjirou!!!” and if Takemitchy didn’t have Mikey’s full attention before, he certainly had it now. “Just say it once, just say ‘Please help me,' damnit.”
Takemitchy takes a deep breath as blood and tears stream down his face. His grip on Mikey’s arm worsening due to the blood dripping down his arm. He looks directly into Mikey’s obsidian eyes, without a single ounce of fear, and says, “And I’ll definitely come to save you! Manjirou!”
Mikey is powerless against the tears that stream down his own face. Everything, from his pent-up emotions to the strain of gravity on his hanging body, hits him all at once. But one thing is clear in his messed-up mind, and that is his belief in Takemitchy, that maybe this time, his life could really be different.
“Please help me…” Mikey desperately asks. “Takemichi.” The blood is now flowing down his arm, and Takemitchy’s hand is gripping his own with strength that a person who was just recently shot should not have.
And then Manjirou feels something travel from their conjoined hands. Something that felt almost like electricity. The world fades into black and all that’s left is Manjirou and Takemichi. Some tears still streak down both of their faces, and Takemichi’s blood has started to dry on both of their skin. And yet, Manjirou has never felt so at peace. Takemichi looks at him with so much love, his hand firmly holding his own, reassuring him that he will always be there. At that moment he decides that he doesn’t care where he is as long as Takemichi’s there by his side.
⏤
The first thing that Manjirou becomes aware of the feel of the wind in his hair. It's strong and refreshing, and Manjirou revels in it for a little while before he becomes of the smell it carries. The scent of iron and sweat makes its way through the fresh air. When Manjirou opens his eyes, he sees countless bodies all around him. They are doubled down in pain, and blood splatters the ground along with their gang uniforms. Gang uniforms? That’s when he realizes that he’s in a uniform of his own. The jacket is long, white, and hangs off his shoulders, no doubt the reason why the air feels so nice. It’s his old Bonten uniform from when he was eighteen.
But that would mean that I… I went through time just like Takemichi did?!?! But doesn’t he usually go back twelve years into the past? This happened ten years ago... I need to find Takemichi.
"Oi, Boss, " shouts Sanzu. "Something happen down there? Why'd ya freeze up all of a sudden?" He makes his way over to Manjirou as he finishes, genuine concern written all over his face.
"I...I need to..." I need to be anywhere but here. "I gotta go."
So, he runs and keeps running, right past the unconscious bodies, past Sanzu Koko and all the other Bonten members, all the way to where he assumed Takemichi would be. And when he got to the old shrine steps that Toman used to call home, he sees him. His hair was that nostalgic shade of golden yellow, but instead of having it gelled up, he had it down letting his natural curls dance in the breeze. He wore what must have been his high school attire, with a loosely done tie that showed off his neck since he had also neglected to button up the top of his shirt. Finally, his sky-blue eyes met his ebony ones, and he couldn’t help the tears that flowed down his cheeks. As if remembering what legs were made for, Manjiro ran as fast as humanly possible into Takemichi’s welcoming embrace. And he cried a devasting cry that shook through his whole body, that left his already bloody face covered in snot and tears and caused wails to escape from his lips. He burrowed his face into Takemichi’s warm chest as Takemichi, who ironically enough wasn’t crying, ran his fingers through his hair and whispered encouraging words in his ears.
Once Manjirou’s sobs became quieter, and the shaking of his body stopped, Takemichi began to speak.
“Are you… are you the Manjirou-kun from the future?” he asked. “The one that shot me?” Manjirou grimaced when he heard that but nodded into Takemichi’s chest. Takemichi took a moment to process what he just heard, never removing his hand from Manjirou’s hair, and then he spoke again.
“Y’know I meant what I said. I am going to save you. But…” he paused, lifting Manjirou’s face so that their eyes met, while also wiping off tears and dried blood that stained his face. “I can’t do it alone. I need you to help me. I need you to speak not just to me, but to any one of our friends when you feel like you can’t go on anymore and we will definitely be there to support you. And if you feel like you can’t talk to us about it, that’s fine. We can always find someone that you can talk to about it because you're important to us, to me. I can’t be truly happy unless you are.” Tears start to stream down Takemichi’s face, and he finishes by saying, “So let’s do this together, Manjirou!”
After finally finding his voice, Manjirou shakily says, “Y-yeah, l-let’s do this t-together!”, and for the first time in a long time, Manjirou gives Takemichi a sincere smile, and he hopes that Takemichi can understand what he means by it. Because this time, he’s will absolutely create a good future for himself by doing one simple thing; Not giving up on himself.