Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time Sasuke was told he wasn’t a boy was when he was five. Coincidentally, it was also the first time he’d ever told anyone that he was.

It had been during dinner with his father and his mother. Itachi was doing extra training, which apparently Sasuke wasn’t allowed to partake in. Ridiculous, if you ask him.

His mother had been talking about a celebration for Itachi, since he’d just passed the Chunin Exams. His father was never one for celebrations like these, but he’d said he’d make an exception just this once, considering how proud Itachi had made him.

Sasuke pretended he didn’t feel the jealousy twisting in his gut at the words.

“I’m sure we’ll find a lovely dress for you to wear, so don’t fret, Tsukimi.” His mother spoke to him warmly, clearly sensing his distress at his father’s words.

However, his mother’s promise only elicited more distress in the boy. He stuck out his lip petulantly and crossed his arms, anger flaring in his belly.

“I don’t want to wear a dress!” He shouted at what his father would call an inappropriate volume for the dinner table. He didn’t care. He wasn’t going to dress up like a girl.

His mother looked taken aback for a second, frowning at him in concern. He just glared at her defiantly.

“...Okay, what do you want to wear then?” She asked after a pause. Sasuke jolted at the question—he hadn’t expected his mother to give in so easily.

“I want to wear boy clothes.” He said, no hesitation in his tone. And if his mother hadn’t looked surprised before, she certainly was now.

“Boy clothes…” She repeated slowly, as if tasting the words for herself. The concern was back, now more predominant over her other features.

“Why would you want to do that, Tsukimi?” She questioned softly, and Sasuke got the distinct feeling he was being babied. Which was stupid—he was already five.

“Because I’m a boy.” He told her, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The room went very quiet after that. His mother was blinking at him, her lips parted slightly in shock. Sasuke didn’t even look at his father. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but there was something like nervousness twisting in his gut that refused to let him meet his father’s eye.

After a drawn out silence, it was interrupted by a scoff. Sasuke’s eyes snapped to his father’s at the noise.

Fugaku was giving him a withering look, disappointment clear on his face. The nervousness from before quickly turned into dread. 

“You’re not a boy, Tsukimi.” His father told him, and Sasuke felt something in him break. 

“You’re a girl. Nothing will change that.”

Sasuke didn’t respond for a long time. His mother had gone quiet as well, still seemingly assessing the situation. Sasuke thought it was ridiculous—all of it. All he’d done was tell them the truth, he didn’t understand why they weren’t understanding. It wasn’t like this was new—Sasuke was a boy. And he always has been.

“I—“ His voice cut off, and he found that he wasn’t able to speak anymore around the lump in his throat. His eyes pricked with hot tears and frustration gnawed at his chest.

He bolted. He was up from the table and out of the room before either of his parents could even say a word to stop him. He raced to his bedroom and slid the door shut behind him as he collapsed into bed.

He distantly heard his mother calling after him, then her voice went quieter—she was likely speaking to his father now. Her tone has turned almost scolding, but Sasuke didn’t care much to listen anymore.

You’re a girl. Nothing will change that.

Sasuke bit his lip painfully as he shoved his face into his pillow, pretending the tears rolling down his face were because of anything else.

“Tsukimi,” A voice startled him awake, and he looked up from his tear stained pillow, sudden excitement rushing through his veins. He knew that voice.

“Nii-san!” He leaped out of bed and rushed toward his brother, wrapping his arms around his waist in a hug. Itachi just smiled at him, patting his head gently.

“Tsukimi,” Itachi repeated, crouching down at eye level with Sasuke. Sasuke just grinned at him.

“Can we talk about something sort of serious?” Sasuke blinked, tilting his head a bit at his brother’s strange tone, but nodded after a moment anyway.

Itachi stayed silent for a moment, and Sasuke was starting to get a bad feeling.

“I spoke with mother.” He said, and Sasuke felt his heart drop. A sudden, overwhelming panic flooded his bones, because it was one thing for his father to say the things he’d said, but Sasuke had no idea how he’d be able to handle Itachi saying it too—

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Itachi’s hands found Sasuke’s shoulders, and Sasuke didn’t want to meet his eyes, didn’t want to see the same disgust and disappointment that had been in his father’s eyes earlier that evening.

“Tsukimi, it’s okay,” Itachi told him, and his voice sounded so steady, so earnest, that Sasuke couldn’t help but meet his eyes.

He didn’t look angry.

In fact, he looked happy. Kind. He was always kind.

“You don’t have to worry,” Itachi told him. “I know father didn’t react very well, but mother and I talked about it and we both trust you. If you say you’re a boy, then you’re a boy.”

Sasuke didn’t realize his eyes were watering until Itachi’s hand came up to wipe at his tears. He sniffed loudly before collapsing forward to hug his brother, who patted him on the back soothingly.

“There, there,” He murmured into Sasuke’s hair.

“I’m just excited to have a little brother.”

“How does Sasuke sound?”

Sasuke’s head swerved around at his mother’s words, feeling more confused than anything, but unable to ignore the rush of excitement he felt at the name.

“Don’t move around too much, sweetie,” Mikoto murmured, maneuvering Sasuke’s head so he was facing forward again as she chopped off another piece of his hair. Sasuke couldn’t help but feel as if a weight was being lifted off his chest at each strand hitting the floor.

“Sasuke?” He asked, and he could practically feel his mother smiling behind him.

“Yes,” Another slice and another piece of hair hitting the floor silently. “Your father and I had planned on naming you that, had we known you were a boy when you were first born.” 

Sasuke nodded attentively, causing Mikoto to steady his head with her hand again.

“Sasuke was a great ninja, so I think the name would be fitting for you too, am I right?” His mother’s voice was soft, and Sasuke was grinning again.

“Yeah!” He exclaimed, and his mother chuckled.

“Okay then, Sasuke it is. Now Sasuke, what would you like for dinner tonight?” Sasuke couldn’t stop smiling, at the name, at his mother’s kind words, and each chop of hair.

Things were starting to feel right.

It took some time, but Fugaku was able to adjust as well. Itachi seemed sort of strange about the whole situation, angry in a way that was unfamiliar to Sasuke, especially coming from his brother. 

It wasn’t a loud angry, not like his father’s anger tended to be, but instead it was quiet, brewing just under the surface. A sort of silent resentment. Sasuke didn’t really understand it.

He bore no anger toward his father himself. He was just happy he’d started calling him Sasuke. 

It wasn’t until Sasuke had heard the words “that’s my boy” from his father’s mouth towards him—towards him!—that he realized how badly he’d wanted his father’s acceptance.

But he’d gotten it, sure it had taken a couple of years, but now they had the rest of their lives. Which felt like forever, to a seven year old.

And Sasuke was starting at the academy soon! He’d surely be the best of his class—no, better than the best! He’d be unstoppable, and he’d come home every day to a father who looked at him and saw a son. Not only a son, but his son. 

Sasuke would be a son he would be proud of. Like Itachi.

Everything was right, now.

One night. One night and Sasuke’s entire life was over. Cut heart-wrenchingly short by someone who Sasuke easily considered the most important person in his life.

He didn’t talk about it.

Questions were rare, anyway. A couple of nurses had worked up the nerve to ask him how he was feeling the day after he’d awoken in the hospital. He hadn’t responded, hadn’t been able to.

His mind was somewhere else, somewhere far away. He heard the nurse’s voices but he couldn’t make out what they were saying, and even if he could’ve, his mouth was much too heavy to form words.

Most of the nurses avoided talking about the “incident” with him after that. The “incident”. That’s what they’d called it.

As if Sasuke’s entire clan getting murdered by his older brother in one night—his entire clan except him, for some godforsaken reason he couldn’t understand—was nothing more than an “incident”.

Sasuke had thrown up the first time he’d heard the word used in regard to the massacre.

The doctors didn’t ask him about it either, he’d only seen two doctors total and both had been mostly quiet, only telling him brief reports on his physical state.

It was as if the world had been silenced. As if a hush had fallen around the Uchiha name. Sasuke felt the weight of it as he walked the streets back to the compound. The weight of the stares, the way their voices quieted to hushed whispers as he passed by. He was the center of attention but no one wanted to approach him.

It was as if he was a ghost.

He left the hospital two times the day he woke up, and no one dragged him back the second time. He went back to the academy the next day.

Itachi’s words were heavy in his mind—his sole focus. Get stronger. Hate, and keep hating. Get stronger. Kill Itachi.

It was a mantra that was repeated in Sasuke’s head at all times, and it was becoming a struggle for him to pay attention in class.

He caught the worried look of his teacher, Iruka, but he ignored it. He ignored it when Iruka tried to talk to him after class, ignored the whispers from his classmates about the massacre, ignored the stares on the back of his neck that weren’t just of admiration anymore.

He’d been sitting against the fence during one of their recesses, staring at the ground as kids laughed and played around him. He barely heard the commotion around him, only focused on the memory of what Itachi had said to him.

Get stronger. Hate me. Kill me.

Sasuke could do that. He didn’t have a choice. Sasuke would do that.

A sudden noise jolted him out of his momentary disassociation. The sound of a rubber ball hitting something. Hitting some one.

Sasuke’s eyes jumped up toward the sound, a panic spiking in his veins that seemed ridiculously out of proportion considering the logical part of his brain knew that it was just kids playing at recess.

The other part of his brain, though, told him Itachi was back. Told him he was there to finish the job, to kill Sasuke too.

He was scrambling up against the fence before he could think twice about it, his breathing coming out in laboured pants. He hardly even noticed the boy who had been hit by the ball and was now collapsed on his butt on the dirty ground, rubbing his head with a pout.

Sasuke needed to focus on something. Sasuke needed to calm that irrational part of his brain down, and he needed to do it now. Itachi wasn’t back. Itachi wasn’t coming back. 

None of them were.

He focused on the boy instead of the thoughts, who he quickly recognized as his classmate, Naruto. An orphan. His father had told him not to go near him, and Sasuke knew that many other parents had warned their children of the same thing.

That boy is bad news, Sasuke. Don’t ever give him time of the day.

As Sasuke focused all of his senses on the boy, who hadn’t even realized that he’d grabbed Sasuke’s attention yet, he wondered what could be so bad about him.

He was just a kid, same as everyone else here. Blond and sort of dumb looking, Sasuke knew he was prone to sleeping through or running away from classes. He had weird scars on his cheeks, but it was nothing too out of the ordinary.

Naruto suddenly seemed to realize that Sasuke was watching him, his eyes darting up to meet Sasuke’s, whose were no doubt blown wide with panic.

Sasuke couldn’t tear his eyes away, his body frozen in fear of something that wasn’t even there. He couldn’t move.

And Naruto’s eyes were blue.

He focused on that detail, trying to disengage his panic response. After a long moment of silent staring, Naruto’s expression darkened. He looked almost… hurt.

Then he turned away, and he was on his feet and racing back toward the building. Sasuke didn’t have the spare brain power to think about what caused his reaction, instead losing control over his panic response now that he’d lost the object of his focus.

His eyes flickered around the field frantically, searching for something, anything, that could hold his attention. His breathing was even shallower now, and his hands were sweating so much that his hold on the chain link fence was slipping.

“Sasuke,” Sasuke let out a cry and collapsed against the ground, scrambling away from the voice that came from next to him. It was Itachi. He was back. He was going to kill him. Sasuke couldn’t escape this time, Itachi wouldn’t let him escape this time—

“Woah, woah, woah, Sasuke, it’s okay. It’s me, Iruka-sensei. I’m not going to hurt you.” Iruka’s voice was slightly rushed, laced with a worry so strong that it managed to bring Sasuke out of his head and into the present.

The first thing he noticed was the fact that he was alone—the rest of the kids must have gone inside. He hadn’t even realized.

The next was Iruka, kneeling in front of him, his eyes heavy with concern and something that almost seemed like anger. No, Sasuke knew anger. He knew it in the cold eyes of his father, the distant glares of his brother, the bellowing voices of their neighbours, harsh and accusing and directed at Itachi—but they had to have been wrong, of course. Itachi would never kill someone from his own clan.

That thought was the final thing Sasuke had needed to fully snap back to the present, like a bucket of ice-water being dumped onto his head. Alerting all his senses in full before they dulled down to an uncomfortable numbness.

Iruka’s expression was still concerned. Sasuke met his eyes tiredly. No, this wasn’t anger at all.

“Sorry.” He muttered, and Iruka’s frown deepened. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sasuke turned on his heel and headed toward the school, shoulders hunched. Nothing his teacher would say would fix anything, anyway.

The third thing he noticed was the feeling of eyes on him again. Different than the ones of his classmates, different from the ones of his teacher, different from the ones of—

He glanced toward the window of his class, only half surprised to see Naruto’s face practically pressed up against the glass, staring at him with wide eyes.

Sasuke felt annoyance flare in him, and he wasn’t even entirely sure why. Naruto hadn’t done anything in specific to garner his annoyance, but he had it anyway.

Sasuke glared hard at him, and it took Naruto about two seconds to notice that he’d been looking back at him at all, because suddenly his eyes—blue, Sasuke wasn’t sure why, but that detail felt important—were widening, and then his face was gone, disappearing back into their class.

When Sasuke got inside, Naruto was gone. No doubt skipping again.

Sasuke didn’t spare him a second thought.

The whispers that surrounded Sasuke were different today. Sure, talk of the massacre had certainly diminished over the last two years—what with people quickly losing interest in tragedies such as his—so he wasn’t exactly surprised, but...

“Didn’t you hear? Sasuke’s not a boy, he’s a girl.”

Sasuke tried to ignore them, at first. They were wrong, obviously. But it still set Sasuke’s nerves on edge. He knew he was different by now, he understood why his parents had thought he was a girl when he was born, what set him apart from the other boys in his class.

But still, he ignored it. He didn’t pay them any mind, besides, it wasn’t like anyone could’ve found out. It was just a passing rumor, one that they would quickly grow tired of as they found the next interesting piece of drama to spread around. Just like with the massacre.

It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, anyway. Not too long ago there were whispers that one of the girls in their class was related to the legendary sannin, Tsunade. Of course, it ended up being uninteresting—and disproven—pretty quickly, and his classmates had moved on to whatever gossip they could think up next.

So Sasuke didn’t react. He didn’t look up when they whispered his name, he didn’t deny their claims. He just sat quietly, trained on his own, off and away from the rest of his class, and ignored the lingering feeling of wrongness that tugged in his chest every time someone jokingly called him “she”.

It all came to a head one day, though. Naruto had hopped out of the window while Iruka was in the middle of a lesson, and Sasuke had internally scoffed at the behaviour.

Naruto’s antics attracted not only the attention of their teacher, but a few of their classmates as well, who sneakily jumped out after him.

Sasuke remembered the sound of their feet hitting the ground, the shrieks of laughter, and the pattering of their footsteps as they raced away from the academy.

Iruka demanded that they stop, but they were already gone before the words left his lips. He let out a frustrated sigh and turned to the rest of his class.

“Everyone, I have to step out to track down some troublemakers. I’m going to call in Mizuki-sensei, so he’ll be here shortly, but please behave until he arrives.” Iruka told them, all trusting and sincere. Sasuke thought that he should’ve known better than to trust a classroom of nine year old's to not make a scene the moment they were left alone.

The class let out a chorus of unconvincing yes sensei’s, and Iruka gave them one last nod—too grateful, in Sasuke’s opinion, considering the fact that the class wasn’t actually going to heed what he said—before he was flashing out of the window after the runaways.

There was peace in the classroom for about twenty two seconds. Not that Sasuke had been counting.

“Look! I’m on the desk! Who’s gonna stop me!?”

“We could leave right now! Who’d stop us! Iruka-sensei can be really dull sometimes!”

“Get on my back! Just jump up, I can carry you—umph! ”

“My mom says Naruto is evil! She said if we get too close he’ll claw our eyes out and eat them!”

“My dad says he’s been trying to convince the academy to kick him out since I started going, but they won’t listen! I think Naruto caught them in some evil spell—”

“Naruto’s not that bad, you guys are just being childish.”

“Shikamaru, you’re too serious! Live a little, huh?”

Sasuke let the noise drift to the back of his mind. It was all things he’d heard before, anyway, at least in some variation. And something about it rubbed him the wrong way. He couldn’t place it, maybe it was the bustling noise of a room full of people—something Sasuke wasn’t particularly used to, considering their class was supposed to be quiet most of the time.

Maybe it was the topic of conversation, a small part of himself whispered. Maybe it was because it was about Naruto.

He shifted his eyes to the window closest to him, glaring out with all the vehemence he could. He didn’t care about that idiot, besides, it was Naruto’s antics that got him into this annoying situation to begin with. He didn’t care if people called him a monster or whatever other crap they could come up with to spew—Sasuke knew he was nothing more than a bothersome kid, same as everyone else here.

Well, not the same, so to speak. He was alone. No one else here could say the same.

Well, except Sasuke.

“Sasuke,” A voice jolted him out of his thoughts, but he masked his surprise easily. He glanced over at the boy standing in front of his desk—his name was Akiko, if Sasuke could remember correctly. He was looking at Sasuke with something like disgusted wonder—a strange combination—and nervousness. 

Sasuke wasn’t surprised by the clear nerves of the boy, people rarely spoke to him anyway. Too impressed by his skills or too freaked out by the way he no doubt seemed haunted.

Which he was, in a way. The ghosts of his family followed him around everywhere he went. Every member of his family but one. He cut that train of thought short before it could progress any further.

He didn’t offer any sort of verbal response to the boy, just tilting his head at him slightly, inclining him to say whatever he needed to say and get out of Sasuke’s business as quickly as possible.

The boy fidgeted for half a second before he decided he couldn’t hold in his question anymore. It burst out of his mouth loudly, silencing the rest of the class immediately.

“Are you a girl?!”

Sasuke’s blood ran cold. He blinked at the boy for a moment, trying to regain his composure before it was too late. The weight of the eyes of the rest of his classmates were pinning him to his seat, and his lungs felt heavy. As if he couldn’t breathe.

He recognized what was happening just in time, a panic attack. He’d dealt with countless since the massacre, some during class, but mostly at home, in the dark, in his mother’s bed.

A shadow would flicker across the floor and for a moment it would be Itachi. Sasuke would burrow himself into the futon and pretend it was his mother’s arms. He’d watch with baited breath as the shadow—as Itachi—got closer and closer, Sharingan spinning, drawing the very sword he’d used to cut down his parents—his entire clan. And then—

And then he’d be gone. And Sasuke would be alone.

Sometimes, Sasuke wished it really was Itachi. Sometimes, Sasuke would’ve preferred the cold blade putting an end to him the same way it had the rest of his family. Finally finishing the job.

Sasuke didn’t dwell on those thoughts, but he couldn’t pretend he didn’t have them, either.

But, regardless of his reaction, situations like these would send him straight into a full blown panic.

Sometimes—as Sasuke felt his blood rushing in his ears, as his eyes ran wet with tears, as his breath shuddered through his lungs, his entire body shaking—he’d tell himself that it was proof, his body’s survival instinct, was proof that he still wanted to live. That he didn’t actually wish for Itachi to finish him off.

That he would be the one to finish Itachi off, instead.

Sasuke was snapped back to the present when someone whispered something to their peer, effectively breaking the silence in the room. Sasuke’s eyes widened as he realized he’d zoned out. He grit his teeth, pushing down the remaining anxiety at the feel of his classmates' attention on him, and swiveled his head to glare out the window again.

“Obviously not.” He said, and his voice only shook a bit. “Why would you even ask that?”

His tone was clipped, annoyed at most, but not defensive. Akiko frowned at him, blinking a few times before muttering something that Sasuke didn’t catch over the ringing in his ears. It didn’t matter what he’d said, though, because the next moment he was shuffling away from Sasuke’s desk and back to his small group of friends.

The room stayed quiet for a few more moments, before everyone moved on, going back to whatever they’d been doing before.

There was only half a minute of noise before Mizuki entered the room, immediately annoyed at the way the students were acting. He directed them all back to their desks, and gave the now-sulking kids a harsh lesson on respect and integrity.

Sasuke didn’t pay much attention, his eyes fixed on the window and everything that lay beyond it.

By the time Iruka returned, sweaty and dirty, dragging a pouting Naruto with him, Sasuke didn’t even bother to wonder where the other kids had gone.

Home, probably. To their parents. A safe haven that Naruto couldn’t escape to.

Sasuke tried not to think about the fact that he couldn’t either.

“Sasuke, why won’t you change with the other boys?” Iruka’s voice was gentle, as if he already knew the answer, and Sasuke felt annoyance flare up in him.

He was twelve now, almost ready to graduate from the academy and start actual training. Going on missions, learning new jutsus from a real jonin. Things that would make him stronger.

The last thing he needed right now was whatever the hell his body had decided to start doing.

They had started out small, so small that Sasuke had hardly noticed, but when he did he couldn’t stop thinking about them.

Two tiny lumps on his chest. Two, very out of place, tiny lumps on his chest.
He hated them more than he’d like to admit.

Worse than the discomfort of them being there, was the limitations they put on him. He couldn’t go swimming, he couldn’t change at school anymore, and he didn’t like to look at himself in the mirror. That was one of the worst parts.

Of course, he knew what they were. He’d heard people—boys and girls alike—whispering about them, about who was starting to get what where. Sasuke was a boy, so logically, this shouldn’t be happening to him. His body didn’t seem to care about that fact, though.

“It’s none of your concern.” Sasuke told Iruka flatly, growing uncomfortable with the patience in Iruka’s eyes. As if he thought Sasuke would just start talking to him if he watched him for long enough. As if, Sasuke wasn’t that damned Naruto.

“Sasuke, you don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything.” Iruka told him, and Sasuke wanted nothing more in that moment than to leave. He held his ground, though, watching Iruka with what he hoped was feigned disinterest.

After a long staring match, Iruka sighed and looked away. He didn’t seem frustrated, though, just tired. Sasuke felt the same.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I won’t make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But feel free to come and talk to me about anything whenever you need someone.” Iruka said, and he’d repeated that last sentence to Sasuke more times than Sasuke could count.

Sasuke wasn’t even sure why he still continued with the mantra, considering the fact that he’d taken Iruka up on his offer exactly zero times in the five years he’d been saying it.

A few boys started filing back into the classroom, changed into their training clothes. Sasuke didn’t need to change, anyway. He only ever wore his training clothes, after all. He only ever trained.

That was the main reason he didn’t change with the other boys, he told himself. Iruka probably understood that too. There was no way Iruka knew, anyway.

“Wow! Sasuke-kun is so cool, he’s always ready to train!” Sasuke didn’t turn to look in the direction of the voice as the girls filtered back into the room as well. A few other people started whispering about him, boys and girls alike. He ignored them.

As long as they understood why he had no need to change, that was fine. Anything else they were muttering about didn’t matter to him, anyway.

“You guys are so obsessed with Sasuke, but what’s so great about him, huh!?” A voice cut through it’s classmates’ loudly, and Sasuke felt a flicker of annoyance at how quickly he’d recognized it.

“He’s just a stuck up bastard!” Vulgar as ever, and as attention seeking as ever. Sasuke glanced over in Naruto’s direction, and, just for a moment, their eyes met. Then Naruto was being swarmed by a crowd of angry classmates, cursing at him. Sasuke didn’t have it in him to feel bad—this was that attention Naruto had been seeking, anyway.

Iruka started shouting at them when someone knocked Naruto on his butt, and the crowd dispersed quickly, leaving a pouting Naruto on the floor alone. His arms and legs were crossed, his shoulders hunched. Sasuke’s eyes stayed on him for a moment, and it wasn’t until Naruto glanced up at him that he realized he’d been waiting for him to.

Blue.

Sasuke averted his eyes and shook the thought away, not bothering to think any further about it.

“Sasuke, can I talk to you for a minute?” Kakashi’s voice was lighthearted as usual, and Sasuke spared him half a glance before shrugging a shoulder in agreement.

Naruto eyed him curiously as he stood up to follow their sensei, and Sakura tried to tag along before Kakashi told her to stay and watch Naruto. Which no doubt made Naruto start cursing Kakashi, who just waved it off and led Sasuke away.

Sasuke brought a hand up to scratch at his torso unconsciously, the bandages he’d wrapped around his chest rubbing irritatingly against his skin.

It wasn’t like he had any other options, though. He had to hide his still growing chest somehow, and it quickly became clear that larger shirts wouldn’t do the trick.

The bandages seemed to work, though, no matter how uncomfortable they were.

Once they were a good distance away from their teammates, Kakashi spun on his heel and levelled Sasuke with a look. Sasuke met his eyes defiantly, and after a long pause, he started to feel impatience grow in his gut.

“What do you want?” He asked flatly, and Kakashi tilted his head at him for a moment, taking him in, before seemingly coming to his conclusion to be as upfront as possible.

Sasuke would’ve been happy about that for any other topic than this one.

“Sasuke, you were born a girl, weren’t you?” Kakashi asked bluntly, and Sasuke’s panic spiked so suddenly that his ears started up a subtle, but familiar, ringing.

“What?” He asked, after a pause that was only a moment too long. Kakashi held his eyes, and Sasuke was so sure he could see how much the question caught him off guard. He’d been found out.

He didn’t know what would happen next. His fingers itched as if to go for his weapons. It would be pointless, though. Kakashi could beat him with his hands tied behind his back.

“Now, now, Sasuke. No need for panic. I was too.”

With those words, before the confusion and unavoidable questions, a relief like Sasuke had never felt before flooded through him. Kakashi had been born the same way he had, he wasn’t the only one like this.

Then the doubts and questions came creeping in. He was relieved for half a second before he became skeptical. He couldn’t let his guard down.

“Why should I believe you?” He asked, cautious. Kakashi just laughed lightly, not at all following Sasuke’s mood.

“Well, that’s certainly a strange question, Sasuke. I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. And my advice.” He added on, and Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him. He didn’t sense any signs of deception, but he didn’t let his guard down completely.

“First of all, you’re using regular medical bandages to bind, aren’t you?” Kakashi questioned, and Sasuke blinked at him. Bind?

“What?” He repeated. Kakashi sent him a look, before he reached into his bag.

He pulled out what looked like a cropped tank top, and tossed it in Sasuke’s direction.

“Wear this instead, it’ll cover your chest and it’s safe. Bandages are not.” Kakashi emphasized, and Sasuke caught the tank top, his eyes flickering between the clothing and his sensei.

“Why should I believe you?”

“Maa, so skeptical.” Kakashi muttered, not sounding nearly as annoyed as his words were. “When have I ever lied to you?”

Sasuke opened his mouth to respond instantly, but Kakashi beat him to it.

“Actually, don’t answer that. But those were for training purposes. This is not. This is safety. I had to wear one too, before I got surgery.” Kakashi explained briefly, and Sasuke’s internal questions were piling up, but he was still too doubtful to ask any of them. So he stood in silence as Kakashi went on.

“And, if you haven’t already, you’ll start your cycle soon. Unfortunately.” Kakashi tossed something at him, a small pouch. Sasuke opened it after a moment’s hesitation, blinking at the small plastic wrapped squares in confusion. What the hell was this?

“You’ll need those, I’ll explain more later, but it won’t be a pleasant experience. I’m guessing you didn’t learn about any of this, since they tend to separate girls and boys during these health classes at the academy.” Kakashi droned on, and Sasuke didn’t know how to respond. His doubt was creeping away, though, Kakashi’s seemingly endless knowledge starting to ebb away at his skepticism.

After a few more minutes, a few more explanations, and a few more items placed in Sasuke’s now full arms, Sasuke finally found the words to speak up.

“How did you know?” He asked, and he hadn’t even realized what he was about to say before the words were falling out of his mouth.

“Hm?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, it’s easy for me, I think. Because I was the same. It’s not that you’re doing anything that would make it noticeable—if that’s what you’re worried about. I just had a hunch.”

Sasuke let the words soothe the part of himself that he hadn’t even realized was worried about that.

A few minutes later, he’d stuffed the things into his own bag, and he and Kakashi were returning to Naruto’s endless inquiries and Sakura’s incessant clinginess.

Sasuke felt something sort of warm stirring in his chest. He was beginning to care about his team more than he’d like to admit.

His eyes fell onto Naruto unconsciously, but before he could even recognize that he was staring, he was tearing his eyes away.

He couldn’t care about people again, he reminded himself, focusing on the fiery hatred that raged in the pit of his stomach when he thought about why.

If he cared about them, they’d die. He understood that by now. He couldn’t let them slow him down, couldn’t lose people precious to him again.

He knew he had to cut them off at some point, they were all getting too close. But, right now—as Naruto pulled a cup of what must be cold instant noodles from his backpack, as Sakura lectured him on the repulsiveness of it, as Kakashi sent him a knowing look over his book—Sasuke let himself have this. Just this once. Just for now.

When Orochimaru brought it up, it was the absolute last thing Sasuke wanted to hear.

“So, Sasuke-kun,” He rasped, and Sasuke felt the hair raise on the back of his neck just from his voice. He grit his teeth, ignoring the fear lingering in his stomach as he sent Orochimaru the harshest glare he could fathom.

If there was anything he regretted about leaving the village to come here, it was the fact that it had to be here. In some dark, damp cave, stuck with one of the most repulsive people—if Orochimaru could even be called that—Sasuke had ever met.

“You weren’t born a boy, were you?” 

Sasuke had known it was coming. He’d suspected Orochimaru knew about it long before he’d even set foot in his hideout, the night he’d arrived. He’d suspected Orochimaru would bring it up on more than one occasion, considering the fact that he was planning on inheriting his body, after all.

It had taken well over a year. Sasuke had just turned fifteen, and he was rapidly approaching the day that Orochimaru planned on taking his body. Rapidly approaching the day he’d kill Orochimaru instead. Rapidly approaching the day he’d kill Itachi.

He couldn’t let something as trivial as this bother him, not anymore.

“So what?” Sasuke responded, as flippant as possible. Orochimaru grinned at him. Sasuke ignored the chill that crept up his spine at the sight.

“But you are a boy, yes?” Orochimaru pressed, and Sasuke almost wanted to roll his eyes, if he didn’t feel as though he had to keep Orochimaru in his line of sight at all times.

“Obviously.” He responded flatly. Orochimaru apparently found this very amusing, because he cackled out a broken laugh. He was in a sorry state, not completely bedridden yet, but well on his way there. Good, he’d be easy for Sasuke to take out.

“Yet, you have the body of a girl. You see how this can be an issue, don’t you, Sasuke-kun?” Orochimaru asked, but he didn’t seem too concerned. If anything, he was morbidly amused. Sasuke ignored the discomfort he felt crawling under his skin.

“Is this conversation going to go anywhere or are we just going to go in circles?” Sasuke said impatiently, and Orochimaru’s laughter was back. Sasuke fought to keep his disgust off his face.

“Yes, yes, Kabuto-kun, come here.” He called out to the hallway, where Sasuke had already sensed Kabuto lurking. Kabuto emerged from the shadows, not sparing Sasuke so much as a glance as he approached Orochimaru’s throne.

“Sasuke-kun is gonna need medicine for his issue, Kabuto-kun. I’m sure you know what I’m referring to.” Orochimaru spoke to Kabuto, but his eyes remained on Sasuke. Sasuke didn’t bat an eye.

“Of course, Orochimaru-sama.” Kabuto nodded, turning to glance at Sasuke skeptically over his shoulder.

“Are you sure he’ll trust us enough to take it?” His voice was quieter this time, but Sasuke heard him loud and clear. The answer was a resounding no. He didn’t know what this “medicine” Orochimaru was talking about was, but he wanted nothing to do with it.

“Hm, I don’t see why he wouldn’t.” Orochimaru drawled, still observing him. “We’re only doing it to help him—or, to help me, so to speak. I need my vessel to be in top condition, after all.” 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at that. He didn’t trust Orochimaru, not in the slightest. But, it would only make logical sense for him to give Sasuke “medicine” in order to keep his body the way Orochimaru needed it. He wouldn’t do anything too damaging, Sasuke knew he was being preserved carefully, after all.

“You’re right, Orochimaru-sama.” Kabuto agreed quickly, in exact Kabuto fashion. 

It wasn’t until the door to Orochimaru’s room closed firmly behind Sasuke and Kabuto that Sasuke felt some of the tension ease from his shoulders. There was a certain atmosphere that followed Orochimaru around that chilled Sasuke’s blood, and he never even realized how much he truly despised it until after he’d escaped it.

“This way, Sasuke-kun.” Kabuto directed, not wary of Sasuke in the slightest. Where Orochimaru—and Kabuto, in extension—didn’t have Sasuke’s trust, he was seemingly starting to gain theirs. At least to an extent. However little, though, it would only assist him in carrying out his plan.

When they reached what Sasuke had come to recognize as Kabuto’s primary lab, they entered it without a sound. Kabuto didn’t even look at him as he strode toward the work bench, opening a drawer and sifting through it until he found whatever it had been he was looking for.

He turned to Sasuke, holding up a vial in his hand, full of clear liquid. Sasuke sent him an unimpressed look.

“It’s for your condition.” Kabuto said, and Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.

“What exactly is that supposed to do to me?” He asked, sounding as uninterested as he felt. He wasn’t sure what all this was about, but he really wasn’t too keen on finding out.

“It’s called testosterone, it will suppress your estrogen production and work directly on the tissues in your body. It’ll have masculinizing effects on your body. Your voice will deepen, your body fat will be redistributed, your cycle will stop, you get the idea. Your body will become one of a boy, instead of one of a girl.” As Kabuto talked, he placed the vial down on the counter and reached back into the drawer, pulling out a needle. 

Sasuke eyed the vial apprehensively. Did he trust Kabuto? No. Did he believe that some liquid would really have all those effects? Well…

Kakashi had mentioned something like this, once. If Sasuke was remembering correctly. It had been in passing, something that he’d made sound like a further away thing for Sasuke. Something that he’d do eventually, but wouldn’t be pressured into doing now.

Did he trust Kakashi?

…More than he trusted Kabuto and Orochimaru, that was for sure.

So he agreed. He let Kabuto inject him with the liquid, and he didn’t think twice about it. Even if it were some kind of slow acting poison—unlikely, since Orochimaru still needed his body—he’d kill Itachi before it killed him. He’d promised himself that, already.

Kabuto gave him the vial after showing him how to properly inject it. He told him he needed to do it every week, told him to return to Kabuto when he ran out.

Sasuke had just agreed curtly, leaving as soon as he had the chance. 

He glanced down at the vial as he headed back toward his room. He didn’t feel any different yet. He had no idea how fast this was supposed to act.

It turned out, it acted a lot faster than he’d expected.

His voice started changing noticeably by the third week. This wasn’t the first indicator that it was doing something, but it was the first thing that Sasuke couldn’t help but appreciate. At least a bit.

It was a visceral feeling, to hear his voice coming out differently, shifting and changing more each day. He hadn’t even realized how much the old pitch of his voice had bothered him until it changed.

After about seven months of taking the injections, Orochimaru made him one last offer. The last thing he’d offer Sasuke before Sasuke took his life.

Surgery. The same surgery Kakashi had talked about. Removing his chest.

Sasuke had been skeptical about this, too. He knew there was a recovery process, Kakashi had talked about his. He knew it wasn’t fun, and it especially wouldn’t be so in his current environment.

But…

He had no idea when—or if—he’d get a chance like this again. So he took it. The only two thoughts he had in mind just before he was put under was the fact that Orochimaru still had at least a few months before he could take Sasuke’s body—so there wasn’t a risk of him stealing it now—and the fact that Orochimaru needed to keep his body intact.

It was the morbid comfort of those two facts that lulled Sasuke into a deep coma like sleep.

The first time Sasuke saw Sakura after he left, he had no problem playing the part of cold and disinterested.

The first time Sasuke saw Naruto, though…

He remembered it clearly. He’d demolished Orochimaru’s hideout after Sai had attempted to creep up on him—keyword attempted—and now he stood, glaring down at the other boy.

He pretended he’d destroyed the hideout for the trivial reason of being frustrated from being attacked. He pretended he hadn’t felt trapped inside the walls of the place, knowing full well that Naruto was nearby—that he could even be in the hideout at that moment.

It was only when Sakura raced out into the rubble that Sasuke was hit with the truth like a slap to the face. Sakura was here, which meant that Naruto was sure to follow.

He was glad he had the chance to steel himself, greeting Sakura callously. Then he heard footsteps, heavy and rushed and uneven as ever. He didn’t even have to be in Sasuke’s line of sight for him to know exactly who was coming.

When Naruto burst into the pit of rubble that Sasuke had created, he sort of felt like the world had teetered to a stop. A strange silence fell over everything and everyone, and Naruto looked up at him slowly.

Sasuke had only one thought.

Blue.

“Sasuke, come here a second.” Karin wrapped her hand around his arm, dragging him toward the edge of the clearing Taka had set up camp in. Sasuke sent her a look that told her to keep her distance. She read it immediately and dropped his arm with a huff.

He followed her to the edge of the clearing anyway, sensing that she had something important to tell him.

He just hoped it was intel, and not something useless.

“Ooh, where are you two going~?” Suigetsu called out from where he sat beside Juugo at the fire. Sasuke sent him a bored look and Karin stuck up the finger at him. Suigetsu just laughed, causing the few birds that had gathered on Juugo’s shoulders to flutter away in alarm. Juugo sent Suigetsu an unimpressed look, but it wasn’t anything bloodthirsty, so Sasuke let it be.

“Okay, Sasuke,” Karin started, once they were out of earshot of the others. “I have to ask you something kind of personal. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but… I won’t judge you, just so you know.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. He had no idea where she was going with this, but he didn’t like it so far. 

“Well, those scars…” She motioned to his chest, which was now covered by the grey shirt he’d swapped for his white one, but he knew what she meant all the same.

“They’re from surgery, right? Removal of breast tissue?” The way she phrased the question sounded more medical than anything else, and Sasuke couldn’t help but frown. Why would she even know something like this?

“Okay, you’re giving me nothing so I’ll ask you outright. You’re trans, right?”

Sasuke blinked at her, then blinked again. Trans? He had no idea what that meant. Where exactly was she going with this?

She must’ve noticed his confusion, because she huffed out an annoyed breath, muttering to herself for a second.

“You’re trans,” She put emphasis on the word, as if it would somehow make it clear what she was talking about. “As in, you were born a girl, but you’re actually a boy. Yes?”

Oh. That was what she’d been asking.

“Sure.” He answered shortly. He figured she knew about the scars because she’d spent so much time in a hospital as a kid. He didn’t feel the need to hide that part of himself anymore anyway, it was the least of his worries.

“Okay. I thought so.” Karin took a breath, looking like she wanted to say more. So Sasuke waited.

“I am too. Trans, I mean. I was born a guy.” She said the last part quieter, and her tone had shifted, like it was something she was ashamed of. Sasuke was taken aback for half a second, before realizing that it must go both ways. If he wasn’t the only person who had been born a girl when they were really a boy, then surely there would be other people who lived the opposite. Karin was apparently a prime example.

“Okay.” He responded, because he didn’t know what else to say. Karin met his eyes, searching for something. She must’ve found it, because she let out a relieved breath before nodding to herself.

“Okay, cool. Cool. Just, don’t tell Suigetsu and Juugo, alright? If I tell them I want it to be on my terms, you know?” Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure he did know, but Karin’s nervousness was easy to pick up on, so he agreed. It wasn’t like he spent much time chatting with the members of Taka anyway.

It was only after they’d settled down for the night and Sasuke was sitting on watch, the sound of Suigetsu’s snores mingling with the chirping of whatever rodent Juugo had curled up next to him, that Sasuke realized he’d made another mistake.

He’d gotten too close again.

Seeing Naruto again was different, this time. He couldn’t put a finger on what changed, but there was something.

Maybe it was the way that Naruto’s eyes didn’t waver, this time. The way that his desperation had almost entirely melted away into a calm sureness. Something stable. Something steady.

Something undeniably there.

Maybe the change was in Sasuke, too. Maybe it was the raw desperation in his calls for vengeance. Maybe it was the broken laughter that he couldn’t stop from spilling past his lips as he shouted about his family. Maybe it was the cold look in Kakashi’s eyes, the poison laced dagger in Sakura’s hand.

Maybe it was all Naruto, though. Maybe it was the way he’d said he understood. 

“I was always chasing after you, you know?” Naruto’s voice was brimming with a warmth and nostalgia that felt so out of place for the situation, so out of place directed at Sasuke. It was soothing all the same.

“I always wanted to catch up to you. The first time I saw you, I wanted to walk over and start talking right away!”

Something tugged painfully in Sasuke’s chest. Something he’d thought was long gone. Something he’d thought was lost along with Itachi’s life.

“But I was jealous of you, because you were so good at everything.” Naruto’s eyes were down again, remembering a time that Sasuke could picture clearly. A time when they were young. A time when nothing was simple at all but everything was still so much simpler than it was right now.

“So I made you my rival! Ever since then…” His voice trailed off at the same time that he looked up, and his eyes were so, so blue. Sasuke could hardly stand it.

“You became my goal.” Naruto told him, and Sasuke pushed every single thought and emotion he’d ever had straight down, narrowing his eyes.

“Nothing you say now will change my mind.” He told him, because he felt he had to. Naruto had to give up. Sasuke couldn’t do what he needed to do when Naruto was standing there opposing him like this. Blue and warm and endless. Sasuke couldn’t take it.

Later, when Naruto announced loudly for the whole world to hear, “I’ll bear the burden of your hatred, and die with you!” Sasuke felt the anger. Red hot and desperate, questioning and why why why—

“Why do you go so far for me!?” He shouted, letting all the rage in his stomach fill up his lungs as he yelled the words hopelessly. Hopeless, that’s how everything felt with Naruto. Like it was pointless to even try to oppose his will.

Naruto’s eyes stayed on him, firm and reliable and blue.

“Because you’re my friend.”

Oh, he realized with a start.

Sasuke was in love with him.

Sasuke woke up slowly, painfully, his bones aching with a weariness he hadn’t felt for as long as he could remember.

He tried to force his consciousness up, in order to check to see if he’d… done it, if Naruto was really...

He swallowed heavily, his eyelids blinking blearily against the night sky. For a moment, he hoped to every single thing he could hope to that he hadn’t. That he’d turn his head and Naruto would be there, that Sasuke wouldn’t have to be alone.

He didn’t want to be alone anymore.

A crude thought to have now, after it may already be too late.

“You’re finally awake, huh?”

Sasuke jolted his head to the side so fast that his entire body rippled with pain. He flinched as his eyes flew from Naruto to the source of the worst of his pain, down his shoulder to—

Oh.

That explained the pain, then.

It only took him another moment before he noticed that he wasn’t alone in his injury. Naruto’s arm—or lack thereof—was in just as bad of shape as his own.

He felt the guilt then, angry and loud and bursting through his head, creeping down his throat and burrowing into his chest.

He’d done this. Why had he done this?

“As you can see, if we move too much, we’ll die.” Naruto confirmed their state, and Sasuke’s eyes finally tore away from the gruesome site of their injuries, back to Naruto’s face.

He didn’t know what he’d expected, when he met Naruto’s eyes. Anger, maybe. Frustration, even plain old exhaustion. Naruto would be exhausted—Naruto should be exhausted. He’d sacrificed so much of himself chasing Sasuke down, only to end up losing even more. He should be furious.

He wasn’t. Sasuke was almost taken aback by what was in his eyes instead.

Joy. As if he’d never wanted to be anywhere but there. Sasuke’s throat went dry.

Sure, the exhaustion was there too, but not how Sasuke had imagined it. Naruto didn’t look like someone who was tired of chasing, tired of missing, tired of Sasuke. No, he looked a lot more like someone who had finally gotten finished with something draining, and had just returned home to rest.

Sasuke was tired too, he realized. He hardly had the energy to turn his head to look at Naruto, let alone address any of the multitude of things unsaid between the two of them.

After a long silence, Sasuke finally broke it, falling back onto the question he’d thought at least a million times. The question he’d already asked more than once.

He had to ask again, though. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but his mouth was moving before his mind had the chance to catch up.

“Why did you go this far…?” He asked, his voice rasping against the words. His eyes had returned to the starry sky now, but he felt Naruto’s eyes on him anyway.

“I gained the power to enter the darkness and sever my ties with everyone. Naturally, everyone  cut me off, at some point.” He continued, not entirely sure where he was going with his words.

“Except for you.” His words lay heavy in the air, heavy in his chest. Still, Sasuke continued.

“You never attempted to cut me off… no matter what.” He finally met Naruto’s eyes, but he wasn’t able to read a thing in them. He felt frustration, then, subdued and quiet but there all the same. A desperation that he wasn’t used to showing. 

He lay all his cards on the table.

“Why do you keep involving yourself with me!? What makes this worth it!?”

“You already know, don’t you?” Naruto hardly let him finish his question, smiling softly as he tilted his head toward the sky. And Sasuke didn’t know. If he knew, why would he bother to ask?

“Just answer me.” He demanded, and Naruto met his eyes.

“Because you're my friend.” He told him simply, but nothing in his eyes looked much like friendship. Sasuke frowned, gritting his teeth.

“I’ve heard that before,” He muttered, holding Naruto’s eyes.

“What exactly does friend mean to you?”

Naruto’s eyes widened then, just the barest fraction, but Sasuke noticed. He could say it was because he was so close, because of their proximity, because of whatever other convenient excuse he could think of that didn’t force himself to admit that he noticed because he was watching, he was always watching. He always noticed.

Naruto’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, and he turned his face back toward the sky. He looked as if he was searching for the right words, and Sasuke let him.

“You want me to explain it, but I can’t really put it into words. It’s just… when I see you take on stuff and get all messed up…” Naruto paused, just long enough for Sasuke to start dreading whatever he’d say.

His heart was in his throat.

(Who was he kidding, it was in Naruto’s hands. It had been for as long as he could remember, after all.)

“It… hurts me.” Naruto finally finished, looking almost pained.

Oh, Sasuke realized with more shock than he probably should’ve, all things considered.

Naruto was in love with him, too.

“Naruto! You can’t keep sneaking in here!” Sakura’s voice was scolding, and Sasuke blinked wearily as he tried to wake himself up. He wasn’t even sure what Sakura was shouting about, considering the fact that Naruto’s room was on the next floor down.

He moved to sit up, and noticed something warm holding him down.

Oh. That explained Sakura.

“Shh, not now, Sakura-chan,” Naruto’s voice was laced with sleep, and his arm—where it was strewn across Sasuke’s torso—tightened slightly. 

“Sasuke’s sleeping…” Naruto mumbled, burying his face in Sasuke’s side, not bothering to open his eyes to realize that Sasuke had already woken up.

“Idiot,” He muttered, his voice still scratchy from sleep as he reached over to push Naruto off him. “You’re the one sleeping.”

Naruto made a noise of protest before he seemingly came to, his head raising as he blinked at Sasuke. Sasuke watched him silently.

“Oh,” Naruto mumbled to himself, still half-asleep. “Sasuke’s here.”

It must’ve been that that finally woke Naruto up, because he was shooting up in Sasuke’s hospital bed a moment later, eyes wide.

“Oh,” He breathed, his voice all different colours of relief. Sasuke felt something tugging in his chest.

“You’re here.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t find his voice. He clamped his mouth shut, swallowing loudly as he nodded at Naruto. He averted his eyes only a moment later, unable to keep looking at the wonder and relief that was swimming around in Naruto’s eyes.

Still so blue. Maybe even bluer, now—if that were even possible.

“Ahem,” Sakura cleared her throat loudly, impatiently. Sasuke jolted, having completely forgotten she was there.

At least it gave him something else to look at.

When his eyes found Sakura’s, she was amused. Her expression was as bright as it had been when they were children, as if nothing had happened since then.

But he was kidding himself there, at least a little. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t notice the way her eyes lingered on him, not with interest the way they’d used to, no. With something that looked a lot more like anger. Sadness, maybe. Nothing good, that was for sure.

“You two are a sight for sore eyes, you know?” Sakura said, and Naruto’s eyes fell on her as well.

“Oh, Sakura-chan! When did you get here?”

“I was here all along, dimwit!”

By the time Sakura had checked up on their conditions—Naruto was healing much faster than Sasuke, given the Kyuubi—, given them their hospital food that Naruto complained endlessly about, and given Naruto a proper scolding on what bedrest meant, it had been at least an hour since Sasuke had awoken.

“But this is still bedrest, Sakura-chan!” Naruto whined, petulant as ever. 

“Look!” He waved his arm at Sasuke’s bed. “It’s a bed, and I’m resting!”

Sakura held back a sigh, rubbing her forehead with her hand.

“You can be a real idiot when you wanna be, huh?” She muttered, more to herself than anything.

“Listen, Naruto,” She leveled him with a stern look.

“I know you missed Sasuke. I know you’re excited he’s back, but you need to stay in your own room. It’s only been three days since you two nearly killed each other, you need to rest.” Her voice was firm, and Sasuke felt a twinge of guilt at her words. Nearly killed each other. He’d nearly killed Naruto.

He suddenly felt nauseous, but he fought the feeling down.

Then he felt Naruto’s eyes on him.

“I get it, Sakura-chan, I’ll go back to my room in a bit, okay?” Naruto compromised—Naruto actually compromised—and Sakura eyed him and Sasuke for another moment before letting out a tired sigh.

“As if I’d believe you.” She muttered, but she made for the door anyway.

She paused in the doorway, sending them both a look. Like she was trying to figure something out.

“I’m glad you’re not dead.” She told them, then she directed her attention to Sasuke. “Both of you.”

It was the last thing she said before disappearing through the door, leaving them alone.

Naruto didn’t leave. Sasuke didn’t complain.

By their sixth night in the hospital, Sakura had long since given up on forcing Naruto back to his room. She’d even been kind enough to set up the other bed across from Sasuke’s for Naruto to sleep in.

They all knew he wouldn’t.

It took until the seventh morning before they actually talked about anything.

Sasuke had woken up first, but Naruto hadn’t been far behind. It had to be at least late morning, Sasuke noted, judging by the yellow sunlight streaming through the window.

He felt no need to get up, though. Not with Naruto pressed close to him under the tiny covers in the tinier bed. Sasuke thought he would’ve been perfectly content staying here forever.

It was a childish thought. He couldn’t help but entertain the idea, though.

Naruto was going on about nothing, about things Sasuke had missed and things he hadn’t, about people he’d never met and people he wished he’d never see again. About the things that made him regret and the things that reminded him he had nothing to be sorry for anymore, not when it came to Naruto. Not when he’d already forgiven him.

“Naruto,” Sasuke interrupted suddenly, not even sure why he felt the sudden need to tell Naruto this. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the anxiety that came with the fact that Sasuke recognized he was getting too comfortable.

Maybe it was love. Maybe he didn’t feel the need to tell him at all, maybe he just wanted him to know.

Naruto went silent almost immediately, and he must’ve noticed the way that Sasuke had tensed up, because he watched him with something like worry.

“Yeah?” He whispered, and Sasuke was suddenly much more nervous than he’d expected to be.

He’d tried not to care when Orochimaru had revealed that he knew. By the time he’d told Karin, he hadn’t found an ounce of himself to give a damn. But now…

This was different, somehow. Naruto was different.

Naruto was important, he was quite literally the one and only thing Sasuke had left. He didn’t want to risk anything he had with him now. It all felt fragile, like something that would slip through his fingers before he could even recognize that he’d been holding on.

And yet, he had to tell him. Naruto already knew all of him, surely this wouldn’t change anything.

Maybe that was what it was, a need for Naruto to really, truly know all of him. For him to see everything Sasuke had to offer and for him to stay.

“Sas—”

“I’m trans.”

The words fell out of his mouth quickly, rushed. He’d used the word Karin had told him without even realizing that Naruto might have no damn clue what it meant.

There was a long pause, and Sasuke didn’t meet Naruto’s eyes. He glared at a spot on the wall, waiting with baited breath for Naruto’s reaction.

“Um.” Naruto said, but he didn’t sound angry. He didn’t sound disgusted or even surprised. He sounded confused.

Fuck, Sasuke was really going to have to explain this, huh?

“I can tell this is something important to you but I really don’t know what that means,” Naruto admitted in a rush of breath, and Sasuke wasn’t even surprised.

Somehow, Naruto’s nervousness about not understanding quelled Sasuke’s nerves, just a bit. He couldn’t help but huff out an amused laugh. 

“Stupid.” He told him, but before Naruto could retort, Sasuke was speaking again.

“I was born female. It doesn’t make me any less of a guy, but I was born female. You know, XX chromosomes and all that.”

Sasuke stopped talking, feeling as if he’d gotten his point across pretty clearly. Naruto was quiet. Sasuke tried not to let the silence get to him.

After a long pause, Naruto finally spoke up again, seemingly picking up on his nerves.

“Sasuke,” He said quietly, his hand finding Sasuke’s wrist under the covers. Sasuke focused on the sensation of Naruto’s hand wrapping around his wrist.

“I don’t care about that, you’re still Sasuke, you’re still you.” Naruto’s hand tightened just slightly, and Sasuke finally met his eyes.

He didn’t know why he was surprised to find the same reassurance that was always there. The reassurance that had always be there, whether Sasuke liked it or not.

He felt a subtle but grating ache in his chest, a longing that he wasn’t quite accustomed to being this loud yet.

“I…” Naruto spoke up again, his voice faltering for a moment. “I’m just glad you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Sasuke allowed himself to relax with Naruto’s words for half a moment, before an amused realization hit him.

“That was a strangely articulate response for someone like you, Naruto,” His voice was soft with a teasing edge, and Naruto didn’t even look annoyed by it. No, he did the same thing he’d been doing nearly every time Sasuke had poked fun at him like this since he’d returned.

His eyes would widen, just a bit. Then the wonder would be back, as if he couldn’t believe Sasuke was actually there.

It always left Sasuke feeling a bit… well, winded might be a good word for it.

“You—you’re an asshole,” Naruto muttered, but his wonder seeped into his voice too, completely erasing the effect of the insult.

Yeah, winded seemed fairly fitting.

“You’ve been talking to someone about stuff like this, huh?” He pressed, still amused by Naruto’s response. The relief flooding his chest didn’t do anything to help him reign in his amusement, either.

“Well,” Naruto looked sheepish for a moment. 

“Yeah, I guess. Sorta. Kakashi gave me a lecture a couple months back, stuff about—” He interrupted himself with a forced cough. Sasuke tilted his head at him.

“Well, he gave me this whole ‘gay is okay’ speech, I guess. Told me how to respond if someone trusted you enough to tell you something like that. I had no idea why, but then later that day, Sakura-chan…” Naruto trailed off, as if he was suddenly aware that this was personal information that he really had no business giving out.

He met Sasuke’s eyes for a moment, telling him something without saying a thing out loud. Sasuke already understood.

“Well, it came in handy, is all I’m saying.” He finished.

“I mean, I don’t know if it applies here, but it felt fitting? Sort of?” Naruto sounded unsure, and Sasuke felt warm. 

Before he could think twice, he pulled his wrist from Naruto’s grasp and slipped their hands together instead.

Naruto’s eyes shot up to his, and that wonder was back again. Naruto searched his expression silently, and Sasuke was almost curious as to what he found when his expression shifted into something beyond wonder, something that was almost akin to awe. Like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Who was Sasuke kidding, he didn’t need to wonder what Naruto had seen in his eyes. He already knew.

“...Also,” Naruto spoke up quietly after a brief pause. “I don’t know what chromosomes are, so hopefully that wasn’t too detrimental.”

Sasuke actually laughed at that, the warm relief finally fully setting in. Not just relief about Naruto’s acceptance, either. Relief at being there, with Naruto. Relief at getting to see him like this, getting to keep him close like this.

Relief at the fact that he hadn’t killed him, after all. Relief at the part of himself that knew he never could.

“You’re an idiot.” He told him, and Naruto couldn’t hold back his own laugh only a moment later. He tilted his head forward with his laughter, knocking it gently against Sasuke’s.

Their laughter ceased after a moment, and Naruto’s eyes met his, impossibly close and impossibly blue.

“I’m serious, Sasuke.” His voice had shifted slightly, and Sasuke was more than aware that Naruto was serious. He didn’t need to tell him that.

“I don’t see you any differently, you’re still the same Sasuke I’ve always lo—” Naruto’s words cut short in his throat, but Sasuke heard them anyway. He went still, and his heart was back in his throat.

Naruto averted his eyes a moment later, and something resigned passed through them. Something that looked a lot like sadness. Sasuke frowned.

“...known.” Naruto finished his previous statement. “Nothing changes that for me, you know.”

Sasuke felt a smile creeping back onto his lips, and he stayed quiet for a moment, before responding to Naruto.

“Thank you.” He told him, and he meant it.

“And Naruto?” Naruto looked up at him then, and his eyes were blue.

“Yeah?” He asked, almost hesitant. Sasuke just smiled, finally allowing all the warmth in his chest an escape through his lips as he replied,

“I love you too.”

Naruto’s eyes widened, a fraction more than they had when Sasuke had asked him what he truly felt for him. Then, not a moment later, Naruto’s expression shifted into one of impossible fondness.

Naruto’s hand tightened around his own, and Sasuke had nearly forgotten he’d been holding it at all.

Then, Naruto’s nose was tilting up, following the line of Sasuke’s until their lips were a breath apart.

Naruto searched his eyes, as if looking for some sort of opposition. As if Sasuke would oppose.

He closed the gap himself, his eyes slipping shut as he tilted his face forward the miniscule distance in order for their lips to meet.

Heh. Naruto still tasted like miso.