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We fade in on Arnold and Gerald messing around on the outdoor basketball court seen in “Benchwarmer” while Timberly and Abner happily play. Gerald is setting up an incredibly convoluted shot.
Gerald:
Ok, get this, Arnold, I call this one “The Fading Teapot from the Top of the Key, Twisty Release, No Backboard Moonshot.
Arnold:
You mean a three-pointer?
Gerald:
You lack passion in your life man, all you do is shoot free throws.
Timberly: (shouting from far away)
All you do is miss free throws!
Gerald:
Yeah yeah, Mr. Triple-Reverse Fumblerooski and Ms. Tea Party are complaining about a little creativity on the court. Feast your eyes on this beauty.
Timberly is playing a sort-of rhythmic Patty Cake like game with Abner as Gerald hoists an awkward shot. We follow the trajectory of the ball while continuing to hear Timberly’s rhyme .
Timberly: (V.O.)
…Little Sally Walker walking down the street / Didn’t know what to do so she jumped in front of me.
It looks like the ball is about to bonk a stranger on the head, but the ball’s progress is halted by the chain link fence. We continue to follow the ball until it rolls to a complete stop, then zoom up to reveal four teenagers, all of them are Black. Two of them aren’t wearing shirts.
Teddy:
Nice shot Pippen. Now scurry little fourth graders, this is our court.
Gerald:
First of all, we’re Sixth Graders. Also…we just got here! We haven’t even broken a sweat yet.
Teddy:
That’s cause you haven’t hit puberty yet, Pip. No sweat glands!
Teddy traces a finger down Gerald’s arm like he’s checking for dust on a bookshelf.
Arnold:
Can’t we just each half have the court?
Teddy:
No dice, King Solomon. We can’t play with the fear of Ol’ Pip launching bricks every which way—one of us is gonna roll an ankle.
Timberly: ( to Abner)
Who’s King Solomon?
Abner shrugs. Gerald is fuming, with steam rising out from the top of his hair into the heat. He looks over at Arnold, then at Abner, who’s sniffing something in one of the teenager’s pockets, and gets an idea.
Gerald:
How’s about we play a little game of P-I-G? My man Arnold versus your best guy. Winner gets the court.
Teddy: ( laughing )
You are so on.
Arnold and Gerald exchange a knowing glance. This guy doesn’t know what he just got himself into.
Teddy: (to Waylon)
Yo, Waylon! ( motions for Waylon to step onto the court ) Waylon is our sharpshooter. He led the conference in three-point percentage last year.
Arnold:
Hi!
Waylon: ( adjusting his glasses )
Hey.
Teddy:
Oh, one last thing... ( Teddy and Waylon put their shirts back on ). It’s shirts vs. skins.
Arnold and Gerald share an awkward look and take their shirts off. Timberly giggles at their scrawny bodies. We’re treated to a montage of the game of P-I-G: Arnold starts and completely controls the board; he simply cannot miss his Rick Barry-style underhand free throws. Waylon, for his part, dutifully matches Arnold style shot for shot, but the grind starts to take its toll, his glasses fog up, and he clanks a shot off the rim .
Gerald: (confidently)
P!
Almost on cue. Arnold makes and Waylon misses again.
Timerberly:
I!
The sound of swishing buckets soundtrack the sun moving across the sky. The children’s shadows bend in the pavement. Arnold still looks fresh as a daisy, but Waylon is a sweaty wreck. He’s trying to keep himself within Arnold’s zone but it is physically breaking him. Eventually, the ball slips out of his hands, goes over the fence, and trips off a car alarm (accompanied by a slide whistle) .
Gerald and Timberly: ( holding up Abner)
G!
Arnold, Gerald, and Timberly celebrate like they have just won the Super Bowl, with Timberly running up and down the court. Teddy’s group has some combination of anger and awe.
Teddy: ( to Waylon)
Nice going dingus, you lost us the court!
Waylon:
You know Ted, we could just, you know, beat them up.
Teddy:
Nah, fair is fair. We must respect the rules.
Waylon: ( to Arnold)
Good game, football-headed kid. I’ve never made that many free throws before. I should adopt that style…
Arnold :
Thanks! And y’know, if you bent your knees at a 47 degree angle you’d—
Gerald (whispering)
Psst… Hey Arnold, stop helping them.
Timberly comes running up with Arnold and Gerald’s shirts, averting her eyes.
Timberly:
Arnold, Gerald, for all that’s good in the world, put your shirts back on.
Teddy:
Whoa, did I hear that right? Did she say that your name is Gerald?
Gerald: (putting his shirt on through his afro)
Funny, I thought my name was Pip. Yeah, it’s Gerald.
Suddenly Teddy’s personality completely changes into being excited and affable, nearly childlike.
Teddy:
No freakin’ way! Guys, this is Gerald! The current keeper of the tales that have been passed down from kid generation to kid generation.
Gerald:
Your point being?
Teddy:
I was one of those generations! I’m Teddy Bishop—I mostly go by Ted these days. Fuzzy Slippers has told me all about you. Keep spreading the good word, man.
Gerald: ( starstruck )
The Teddy Bishop? Arnold! This man is one of the architects of our schoolyard gospel. He kept the flames of knowledge and discovery alive during that fallow period where not much happened!
Arnold attempts to reply but Gerald goes right back to talking with Teddy. They geek out about the mythologies they’ve helped continue while their respective groups stand around idly. A lot of “you remember the one where” and “how about the one where?” Eventually Arnold sits down on his basketball while Timberly sits on a sleeping Abner.
Teddy: (looking up at the sun)
Man, where did the time go? Hey Gerald, me and the guys gotta book it, but I’m having a party at my place this weekend, and there’s a seat at the big kid’s table reserved for one cool sixth grader.
Gerald: (initially ecstatic)
Gosh, that would be rad! (He then tries to play it off nice and chill ) I mean yeah, I guess that would be alright.
Timberly:
Can I come?
Teddy:
Sorry little lady. Maybe in a few years when you have a little more life experience under your belt. ( Turns to Arnold) Yo, Football Head. Ball.
Arnold executes a perfect chest pass from the seated position to Teddy, who writes down his address on the ball.
Teddy:
The party is at this address. Friday at nine. Don’t be early.
Teddy and his friends exit.
Gerald:
Wow, I’m never dribbling this basketball again. Can you believe those cool guys talked to us?
Arnold:
I dunno, I think the fact that high schoolers were talking to sixth graders makes them kind of uncool.
Gerald:
Don’t you get it Arnold? This ball could unlock so many doors for me. The chance to rub elbows with a real storyteller… I need to borrow this ball, by the way. ( chuckles awkwardly)
Timberly:
What about me Gerald? I want to rub elbows!
Gerald: ( dismissively)
Uh, sure Timberly.
Arnold:
Well, have a great time Gerald. I’m going to a movie with… ( whispers so Timberly doesn’t hear) Helga. Some French thing.
Gerald: ( raising an eyebrow)
You two sure are seeing a lot of movies lately.
Arnold:
It’s the only place where we can go out in public without fear of getting caught. Just, promise me you’ll be alright; we don’t know anything about these guys or their intentions.
Gerald:
Ugh, you sound like my parents.
----
Cut to the Johanssen household. Gerald’s parents are repeating everything Arnold just said.
Gerald’s Father:
No way, you don’t know anything about these guys.
Gerald’s Mother:
Or their intentions.
Gerald:
Aww man.
All the Johanssens are sitting around the dinner table enjoying a well-prepared meal. Jamie O is wearing a sweater for The University of Oregon with a big “O” on the front.
Jamie O:
I wouldn’t worry much about a party run by Teddy Bishop, pop. The kid’s a goober. I used to shove him into… ( Mrs. Johanssen glares at Jamie O) Err, a good book at the library! Encouraging others to read is important!
Gerald’s Father:
Goober or not, you already agreed to watch Timberly tonight while your mother and I go see Jean Luc-Godard’s three-hour opus Some French Thing .
Gerald’s Father holds up two movie tickets that he had purchased in advance.
Gerald:
Can’t Jamie O do it?
Jamie O:
I’m going to a party. A good party, with lots of… ( Mrs. Johanssen glares at Jamie O again) books.
Gerald’s Mother:
Oh Gerald, when you get to be that age you can host as many non-alcoholic parties as you want. For now, you should just enjoy being a kid while you still can. More garlic mashed potatoes?
Gerald crosses his arms and makes a grumpy face as we fade into a new scene of Gerald making that exact same expression while Timberly hosts a tea party with her stuffed animals.
Timberly:
More marmalade, Kenneth?
Timberly notices that Gerald is depressed and attempts to cheer him up.
Timberly:
See Gerald? You made it to a party after all!
Gerald: (angrily sipping invisible tea)
This sucks.
Gerald looks at Timberly then the front door and gets an idea.
Gerald:
Hey Timberly, you good at keeping secrets?
Timberly:
Y ep, yep, yep! I sure am!
Gerald:
Phew, that’s a relief. Now listen: Mom and Dad told me to watch you, but they never said anything about going to a party. Right?
Timberly:
I’m pretty sure they did. I drew a picture about it. See?
Timberly holds up a crudely drawn picture of their Father yelling “NO!” and Gerald crying.
Gerald:
Well whatever, we’re going to that party!
----
Cut to Gerald and Timberly walking through the city at night; Gerald is dressed to the nines while Timberly is wearing her pajamas. Gerald is consulting the basketball with Teddy’s address on it as if it were a map. Close-up on Gerald tracing his finger on the basketball’s dark lines like they were roads.
Gerald: (V.O.)
Ok, if we just take a left on 31 st …
Timberly:
I’m scared, Gerald.
Gerald:
At least you’re not dressed like a strawberry.
Timberly:
Huh?
Gerald:
Never mind, we’re almost there. When we’re inside, please don’t talk to anybody.
Timberly:
Got it.
The two arrive at a row house with all the lights on and the faint sound of bass. The party is almost predominately Black kids. People are holding red plastic cups and dancing in front of an expensive stereo system.
Teddy:
Gerrrrralld! ( looks at Timberly ) …and guest. What is she doing here?
Gerald:
This is my baby sister; she’s going to tag along with me tonight.
Teddy:
The heck she is! This is a party for adults; bringing a little kid here was very irresponsible. Follow me.
Cut to Teddy’s laundry room.
Teddy:
Timberly can hang out here until the party’s over. There’s some laundry that needs folding and eight years ago I lost a super ball behind the dryer. Perhaps her little hands can reach it.
Teddy exits with his arm around Gerald’s shoulder.
Timberly:
Stupid Gerald…interrupting my tea party…I’ll show him who’s mature.
Timberly rifles through Teddy’s family’s clothes for a more “adult” wardrobe, including wearing a bra on her head. Back in the living room, Gerald and Teddy are having a deep discussion on their storytelling styles.
Gerald:
See, I like to use my entire body when I tell a story, so the audience can visualize with their eyes as well as their mind.
Teddy:
I suggest watching speeches from great politicians. It sounds boring but those people know how to command a room.
Timberly enters the party in her wacky outfit, introducing herself to guests.
Timberly: ( in a British accent)
Why how do you do? My name is Duchess Cambridge of uhh… Cambridge. The Queen herself hand-wrote me an invitation on a silk handkerchief.
Gerald: (facepalming)
Mother Goose.
The teen’s snicker at Timberly’s performance. Even Teddy is getting a kick out of it.
Teddy:
Why hello, “Mrs. Cambridge.” Gerald was getting ready to tell us a story.
Timberly: ( in her normal voice)
Tell the one about the time you got diarrhea at Carl’s Bad Caverns, Gerald.
The party loses it in laughter, they’re all roaring at Gerald.
Gerald: ( beyond embarrassed)
Why must you ruin my life at every opportunity, you little twerp?
Timberly runs off crying, the entire party has turned on Gerald.
Waylon:
Major party foul.
Teddy:
Better apologize, bro.
The party resumes as if the brother-sister argument never happened while Gerald slowly walks to the laundry room.
Gerald:
I hope Arnold is having as bad of a time as I am.
----
Cut to the movie theater. Arnold and Helga are cuddling to the sound of pretentious French dialogue. They share a brief smooch.
Arnold:
I can’t stop thinking about Gerald.
Helga: (smelling her breath)
I gotta stop chewing the same gum as that guy.
We pan over a few seats and we see that Gerald’s parents are intensely making out instead of watching the movie as well.
Gerald’s Father:
This is a good movie...
Gerald’s Mother:
Mmm-hmm...
----
Back in the laundry room, Gerald sees that Timberly has imprisoned herself underneath a laundry bin.
Gerald:
Is there room for one more?
Timberly:
Grab a bin.
Gerald grabs a bin and puts it over himself.
Gerald:
Hey, I was an egotistical jerk back there. You aren’t ruining my life, Timberly. In fact, you make it so much more interesting. You’re so full of creativity and joy—way more than I was at age, or now, to be honest.
Timberly:
You’re fibbing.
Gerald:
No fibbing. All my stories are 100% true. Just like Fuzzy Slippers I tell no lies.
Timberly: (laughing)
Who’s Fuzzy Slippers? That’s a dumb name for a man.
Back at the party, a dancer spills a drink sitting atop the stereo, causing it to short-circuit. Waylon grabs a bucket of water and tosses it under-hand, putting the fire out. The stereo is destroyed.
Teddy:
Nice shot Waylon, but no music is a major problem. Does anyone know any songs?
Timberly: (off-screen)
I know a song.
The camera pans over to Timberly and Gerald.
Teddy:
By all means…
Timberly:
So, we all stand in a circle, facing each other, right? Then someone starts the beat.
Everyone circles up and Timberly starts a rhythmic clapping that goes like “clapclap-clap clapclap-clap.” The other partygoers join in until the clapping is loud and booming.
Timberly:
Now there’s a song that goes along with the beat that goes like this: “Little Sally Walker walking down the street / Didn’t know what to do so she jumped in front of me / Singing ‘go girl do that thing, do that thing, do that thing now stop!” Everyone got it?
All the teenagers try to get a grasp on the song.
Teddy:
I think so.
Timberly: W
hen the first half is being sung, someone in the center of the circle is deciding which person she is going to jump in front of when the second half begins. At the start of the “go girl do that thing” part, Sally and the person she chose do their thing. When we get to the “stop!” part of the song, the person that Sally chose to dance with becomes the new person. Ready?
Everyone:
Little Sally Walker walking down the street/Didn’t know what to do so she jumped in front of me—
Timberly jumps in front of Gerald and smiles.
Everyone:
Singing ‘go girl do that thing, do that thing, do that thing/Go girl do that thing, do that thing, now stop!’
In that brief ten second window Gerald forgets about his fears of embarrassment and partakes in this goofy dance with his sister as the circle encourages them to do their thing. We get a montage of other people from the party doing different, almost Peanuts-like, dances. On the second go-around of the song the montage ends on a hard cut immediately following the word “Stop!” to Teddy driving Gerald and Timberly home.
----
Gerald:
Thanks for driving us home, Ted.
Teddy:
It’s the least I could do, my party was dying and you two gave it mouth-to-mouth.
Timberly:
Gross.
Teddy:
You really unlocked something tonight that a lot of us were missing. Getting older you lose a lot of stuff that used to mean everything, like slip n’ slides and blanket forts. The only things I got replacing that stuff are car insurance premiums and relationship problems. There’s still plenty of time until little Timberly has to worry about that stuff. But for you Gerald, it’s right around the corner.
Teddy’s car takes a sharp right turn.
Teddy:
This must be the place, am I reading this basketball correctly? 406 Oak?
Arnold’s basketball is wedged between Teddy’s legs. Gerald has written his address just underneath Teddy’s.
Gerald:
Yeah, this is our stop. If you ever have a party that needs saving again, just let us know.
Teddy:
Anytime. We didn’t even get to hear one of your stories. ( Pauses) Now this is just between us three, but I like the way this Gerald looks without that football-headed kid around. That guy is seriously cramping your style.
Gerald:
Uh yeah, thanks for the tip. Be seein’ you, Ted.
Gerald and Timberly walk up their driveway into their house. Gerald bounces Arnold’s basketball while Timberly bounces a super ball.
Timberly:
Hey Gerald, am I cool?
Gerald:
Yeah Timberly, you are pretty cool. Not as cool as me, but pretty cool.
Timberly:
I am so cooler than you, they were eating out of the palm of my hand back there.
Gerald:
What were they eating, marmalade?
Timberly ( in a British accent )
Why yes, plenty of marmalade.
They continue talking as they enter the house and we end with the sound of a quiet night.