Chapter Text
A harsh breeze hits Victor right in the face as he’s running towards his destination. He’s starting to pant and run out of breath, which says a lot considering he’s an athlete. But he’s practically sprinting, and he doesn’t stop. It’s as if his body is on autopilot, and his only goal in that moment is to get to where he needs to get to.
Benji — who he had been constantly getting into arguments with because he thought his boyfriend wasn't understanding enough. But Benji — he had been patient. At least more patient than most people probably would’ve been had they been in his position. And Victor — he should’ve stood up for him more. Should’ve stood up for them more. He shouldn’t have reacted so poorly upon finding out about AA. Shouldn’t have told Rahim about it because it wasn’t his story to tell. He shouldn’t have done a lot of things. He has to make things right.
One more swift turn around the corner, and he soon finds himself standing in front of the familiar door. The last time he was here, Benji had met him outside and took him right up to his room to “study” even with both of his parents home. Well, technically, the actual last time he was here, they ended up on a break because Victor messed up. It all seems like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, it all feels just like yesterday. He remembers it all so vividly — how had things gone so south so quickly?
He pauses for a brief moment, taking notice of the extra car in the driveway, and he’s instantly wondering who’d be over this late. Besides himself. He’s quick to shake his head of the thoughts, though. He has bigger issues to attend to.
A step forward, and he’s beginning to lose his nerve, but he can’t back away now. He needs Benji. He needs to see Benji, and he needs to explain. Because he can’t go any longer with the possibility of Benji thinking there’s something going on between him and Rahim.
The truth is, he did feel a connection with Rahim. And when Victor thinks about his future, he does see Rahim. As a friend. He sees Benji as his boyfriend. His partner.
As he raises his hand to knock on the door, Victor almost pauses on the spot. The knock is loud. Either that, or Victor is nervous and everything seems to be amplified. His heart’s doing cartwheels in his chest, but he tries his best to stay calm.
Maybe no one’s home. Maybe Benji isn’t even here. Shit, he didn’t even think about that. Where could he be? Where was Mr. and Mrs. Campbell? Where —
The door swings open, and instantly, Victor’s head snaps up, pulled from his messy thoughts. A soft smile graces his lips, a soft sigh escaping parted lips.
“Hi, Mr. Campbell. Is Benji home? I — I really need to talk to him.”
“He’s not here, Victor. You should head home. It's getting late.” A clear lie, and Victor can’t even blame him. For all he knows, Benji doesn’t want to see him.
“Please, Mr. Campbell.” At this point, he’s begging, and he knows it.
Victor’s honestly seconds away from actually getting down on his knees and fucking begging to be let in. His pride, be damned.
“Dad, it’s okay.” The voice of an angel speaks up.
Victor’s eyes brighten, his ears perk up. But it doesn’t last long. As Benji strolls towards the front door, Victor’s heart tightens. Benji’s hair is messy, and not as well done as usual. His eyes are red; he’s been crying. He’s in a random My Chemical Romance t-shirt and sweatpants; while Benji’s always had a preference towards simple and comfortable clothing (accessories such as watches and rings are where he really shines), this is different.
“Benji, I really don’t think now’s the time.” Victor’s heart tightens even more (if that’s even possible at this point) at the sudden sight of Hank stepping forward, clearly trying to talk Benji out of hearing Victor out. Like Victor is the enemy.
But he’s not. And Benji knows it. On some level, Mr. Campbell and Hank know it too. But their only concern at the moment is Benji.
It clicks. The extra car he saw in the driveway on his way up belongs to Hank. What was Hank even doing here unless — Benji needed him? Shit. Fuck. The idea of Benji relapsing has terrified Victor from the very moment he found out about AA, because he loved Benji. No, he loves Benji. Present tense. He loves Benji and never wants to see anything bad happen to him ever again.
“I want to talk to him.” Benji speaks in a tone that almost seemed unsure.
But that’s about as much as Victor can ask for.
“— Okay. We’re right in the other room.” Mr. Campbell’s clearly still reluctant for some reason. Victor knows he fucked up.
Without another word, Mr. Campbell and Hank trail back into the living room, and almost instantly, the shushed voices of Benji’s parents and sponsor come through the walls in mumbles. But all Victor can focus on is the boy in front of him. The boy who looks so uncharacteristically broken.
“Come on, we can talk outside,” Benji offers, though he’s already stepping outside before Victor can respond, meaning it’s not a suggestion.
He doesn’t want Victor to come inside. Whether it’s because his parents and sponsor are there or because it’s something else entirely, Victor isn’t sure. And honestly, it’s not important. Because Benji is willing to hear him out, willing to talk to him, and that’s a step in the right direction. If anything, this conversation, and many others, have been long overdue.
The cool breeze hits Benji as soon as he steps outside, shutting the door behind him. He finds himself shivering slightly in just his t-shirt, and Victor fights the urge to pull off his blazer and wrap it around Benji’s smaller frame to keep him warm.
“Why are you here, Victor?” Benji asks, as if he wasn’t expecting him to come. This is enough to pull Victor out of his thoughts. To focus on why he’s here.
“We have to talk, B. About — well, about a lot of things. About us.”
Benji instinctively runs his fingers through his hair. As messy as it is right now, it’s adorable and Victor still loves it. “Is there even an us anymore?”
Victor freezes, mouth open, as if he wants to say something, but nothing is coming out.
Thankfully, Benji continues, because Victor can’t seem to find it in himself to actually form proper words at the moment. “I just mean — I thought — you and Rahim at the wedding —” It didn’t seem like Benji’s doing any better.
“No! I mean — no. B, it wasn’t like that. I swear.” You rushed off before I could explain. But Victor doesn’t say that, because if he had walked in on Benji slow dancing with another guy, he probably would’ve reacted the exact same way. “We were only dancing because everyone else was. And it was a wedding.” He pauses briefly, knowing it all sounds like crap. But it’s the truth.
“He’s my friend. Just a friend.” Victor continues, letting a shaky breath loose into the air.
Benji wants to believe Victor. It’s evident on his facial expression that he wants nothing more than to believe Victor. And maybe to an extent, he does. Because this is Victor — and he wouldn’t lie about something like this. But it’s also a tough pill to swallow. Rahim — the guy who now knows Benji’s deepest and darkest secret. The guy Benji knows practically nothing about.
“You two seemed to be more than friends at the wedding.” Benji knows he sounds paranoid and borderline petty, and maybe he is.
Victor’s eyes follow Benji as the smaller male moves around the porch, situating himself onto one of the small steps. Victor’s still standing, but wants nothing more than to sit besides Benji and just hold him close and never let him slip away. But he doesn’t. Instead, he helps himself to the step, but keeps his distance.
“I know it looked bad, B. And — you were right.” Here it goes. Rip the bandage off! Tonight is all about honesty and communication. Right?
“Right about what?”
Well, fuck.
“I wasn’t lying when I said Rahim’s just a friend to me. But — after you left, he came up to me, and said — some things.” He’s being honest, but that doesn’t mean he needs to rub salt in the wound and offer every little detail. Just the most important detail. “— And he kissed me.”
Benji’s face crumbles, and Victor pauses, thinking for a second that fresh tears are going to fall any second. Victor prays that isn’t the case.
Benji’s willing himself to not break down. It’s only been a few days since they went on a break.
“Did you — feel something? When he kissed you?” Benji asks, tone soft.
Victor lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was even holding in. Communication is key. “I did — feel something. I’m not even sure what that something was. Confusion? Surprise? Shock. But it was nothing like kissing you. I came here tonight because I didn’t want to go another day without trying to fix this. Fix us. Because you’re the one I want, Benji. It’s always been you.”
Victor can tell Benji’s listening. So he takes the opportunity to keep going. “And you were right about AA. I shouldn’t have told Rahim. I shouldn’t have told anyone. I was worried about you, and Rahim just happened to be there. I know that’s not an excuse, and if I could take it back, I would, but I can’t. And I’m so sorry.”
Benji’s eyes are fixated on Victor. He appreciates that Victor was so worried about him; really, he is. But AA had been a part of Benji’s life that he despised. It’s always been something he faked his way out of. Drinking juice while his friends all drank alcohol so he didn’t have to explain. He knows they’d understand, he’s just not ready to share it.
“I know you’re sorry. And I know you were worried. But this isn’t something I want getting out, Victor. How can I be sure Rahim won’t say anything?”
“He won’t.” Victor speaks a bit too quickly in rebuttal. He might not know Rahim too well, but he knows him enough to know he’s not that type of person.
“— Okay. If you think you can trust Rahim, then — okay.” There really isn’t much else Benji can do besides accept it. Whether Benji accepts it or not, Rahim knows either way.
A soft sigh escapes Benji’s lips, as he turns to face Victor properly. “I’m sorry too. I handled things with your mom badly. I knew from the beginning it wasn’t going to be easy, and I — I just let it get to me, I guess.”
“I know you’re sorry. But you don’t have to be.” His mom didn’t exactly make things easy for them all to deal with. And while he’s proud of how far she’s come, every simple act of kindness didn’t automatically equal complete acceptance. And he understands that now.
“I do, though.” A short pause, as he sighs. “Your mom came to see me at Brasstown earlier today. Bought me a tupperware of chicken and said she was sorry. She even explained that you did stand up for us. I shouldn’t have doubted that.”
“Her pollo guisado?” Victor smiles. “She said that?”
“Yeah. She said you stood up to her. Because you love me.” Benji teases, and a small chuckle escapes both Benji and Victor. For a second, things seemed normal. “Anyways. What she said — it was the reason I showed up at the wedding.”
Victor nods, understanding a bit more of the bigger picture now. He’d been wondering what the reason Benji randomly showed up was, but he never would have thought his mom played a part in it.
“She really is making progress, B. And I know that might not be what you want to hear over and over again, but she is. It doesn’t automatically erase the last six months, but —”
“— But it’s progress.” Benji finishes. And Victor can’t help but smile. Because for the first time in a while, the two of them seem to be on the same page again, and to say they both love that is truly an understatement.
Victor knows it’s because his mom actually had a civil conversation with Benji, that he finally sees it for himself instead of just having to take Victor’s word for it. Which he’s beyond grateful for. He makes a mental note to thank his mom later for reaching out to Benji and for apologizing.
“Can I ask you something?” Victor asks, tone barely above that of a whisper. Tonight’s all about communication, right? He has to ask or he’ll lose his nerve.
With a simple nod from Benji, he continues. “What’s Hank doing here?”
Benji lets a small shrug pass his shoulders, offering Victor a small smile. It wasn’t a ‘Hank’s here, did you mess up?’. Not that he expects that from Victor. Of course Victor’s not judging, he’s just asking.
“I didn’t drink,” is the first thing that finds its way out of Benji’s mouth. He wants to make that perfectly clear. “When I got home earlier from the wedding, I was kind of a mess. My parents jumped the gun and called Hank. You know, in case. But I didn’t drink.”
“I believe you.” Three simple words and Benji’s heart skips a beat.
“I’m glad you didn’t drink.” Victor doesn’t know what he would do if he played a part in Benji’s relapse. But Benji’s strong, and Victor believes in him.
“I’m glad too.” While he itches for alcohol sometimes, Benji knows the prize for staying sober means so much more. If only it’s that easy all the time.
“Where does this leave us?” Victor wonders after a beat of silence. Despite the fact that part of him is afraid of the answer, he has to know. He has to ask.
“I love you, Victor.” That much has never changed. Despite everything that has happened, Benji’s love for Victor never disappeared, just like how Victor’s love for Benji never did as well. “— But things are — so messed up right now.”
Victor sighs, not liking where the conversation was heading, but he did understand. So he nods simply, urging Benji to continue.
“I still want to be with you.” A pause. “If you still want to be with me.”
Victor nods again. “Of course I do.” It’s all he wants, if he’s being honest. He wouldn’t have ran all the way here and risked a heat stroke if he didn’t want to be with Benji.
“So — maybe we still do this. Take things slow.” Benji suggests. And before Victor knows it, he realizes Benji is scooting closer towards where he’s sitting. He wants to wrap his arm around Benji’s frame and hold him close, but he can take things slow. He’s willing to do anything to make things work with Benji.
“Take things slow,” Victor repeats, nodding. He offers Benji a smile — a small one, but a genuine one nonetheless. “We can do that.”
Benji is quick to reciprocate the smile. “Good. I should, uh, head back inside before my parents send out a search party,” he teases. “Do you need a ride home? I can ask my dad to —”
“No, it’s okay. I can do with some fresh air.” Victor’s quick to respond. And honestly, he’s not sure he’s ready to be in a car alone with Mr. Campbell. At the very least, not until Benji has a chance to talk to him; hopefully smooth everything over, so the next time Mr. Campbell sees Victor, he at the very least offers him a smile.
“Okay. Text me when you get home?”
Victor can’t seem to wipe the smile from his face. Benji cares so much. Benji’s always cared so much, and Victor feels lucky to have him around. “Absolutely.”
Without another word, Benji leans in until the space between them and their lips both meet. It’s a short kiss, but a sweet one. Their first kiss since getting back together — officially speaking. And it was safe to say by the way Victor practically wants to melt into the kiss, that he missed it. He missed just being with Benji. And while they definitely have more conversations needed down the line, tonight had been a more than decent start.
A small pout plays across Victor’s lips as Benji begins pulling away, but it’s soon replaced by a soft chuckle. “I thought we were taking things slow?” He asks, teasingly.
“Oh, we are going slow,” Benji points out, leaning in to give Victor one last peck on the lips before moving to stand up, hand wrapped in Victor’s, pulling the other boy up. “But you should get home. I don’t like the idea of you wandering around this late by yourself.”
Benji cares. All Benji does is care, and it makes Victor’s heart jump every single time.
“I’ll text you as soon as I get home.” Victor promises, as he lets himself be pulled up by Benji. Though, they both know Victor mostly pulled himself up.
Before Benji knows it, Victor runs his fingers through his hair, and the action is enough for them to be able to go back to a comfortable moment, if only for a second.
And then Victor’s stuffing his hands into the pockets of his tuxedo jacket and he’s starting the long trek back to his apartment, leaving Benji standing on his front porch, waiting until he physically can’t see Victor through the darkness anymore.
It’s only then Benji makes his way back into his house, knowing his parents and Hank are waiting right on the other side of the door. And he appreciates the concern, obviously, but he doesn’t want to deal with it tonight. He’s absolutely drained after the emotional rollercoaster of today, but he’s happy. Or at least, happier than an hour ago. He and Victor had talked for about twenty minutes total only, but it was enough. Not enough to magically fix everything that’s happened, but enough to start getting their relationship back on track.
“Benji, what happened?” Leave it to his dad to not even give Benji ten seconds of silence. Not that Benji can really blame him. His relationship with his parents wasn’t the best, especially just after he came out, but it’s getting there.
“Nothing, dad. We just talked.” It’s the truth, Benji just doesn’t want to get into details. But he had shown up back home earlier in tears, shocking both of his parents, so he does want to offer some sort of explanation. “We had a lot to talk about.”
Mr. Campbell shifts in place and Benji knows he’s still upset. Not necessarily at Victor, more so just at the fact that his son is upset. They might not have always managed to see eye to eye, especially after Benji came out, but he’s still his one and only son, and he’ll be damned if he lets anything happen to his little boy.
“Dad, don’t worry. Everyone has arguments. We’re — trying to work past it.” Mrs. Campbell almost instantly smiles at that. So does Hank, who’s almost awkwardly staying in the background. Benji can be wise. Perhaps too wise sometimes.
But all of them understand why Mr. Campbell is reluctant. It’s the sight of his son rushing into the house, tears streaming down his face. It’s the thought that any little thing can essentially be built on top of one another until it becomes too high for Benji to get through — and the only way he can overcome it is with a bottle of whiskey.
He’s a year sober now, but it doesn’t get easier. If anything, it gets harder. Because the longer he’s sober, the more the idea of messing it all up fucking sucks.
Benji knows mentally that he’s not going to drink. He tells himself that every day, like a mantra. But emotionally, sometimes all he wants is the burning sensation of the warm liquid hitting the back of his throat.
“Come on, Ryland,” Mrs. Campbell speaks up, and Benji’s instantly grateful for his mom. “It’s late. We can talk about this tomorrow.” Benji knows the suggestion is not a suggestion — that they are going to talk more about this tomorrow. But he can accept that, as long as he can crawl into his bed right now and just sleep. God, he’s tired.
“Hank, thank you so much for coming. We’re sorry for calling you so late.” Mrs. Campbell continues, bringing the main focus onto Benji’s sponsor as he inches towards the door where they all seem to be huddled.
“No need to apologize. It’s what I’m here for.” After a short beat, his attention turns towards Benji with a smile. “You be sure to call me if you need anything, yeah?”
Benji returns the smile and leans in for a hug. At the end of the day, Hank is the one friend who understands where Benji’s coming from and he appreciates the comfort. “Believe me, I will.”
After saying their last goodbyes, Hank leaves. It isn’t until the Campbells hear the engine of Hank’s car come alive that they return back to their own conversation.
“Go get some sleep, sweetheart,” Mrs. Campbell smiles at Benji, beating Mr. Campbell to whatever he was about to say. And Benji’s grateful. So, so grateful.
“Thanks mom. Good night.” A beat. “We’ll talk more tomorrow, dad. Please?” He’s tired.
With a simple nod from his father, Benji makes his way up the stairs and towards his room. His safe space. With his comfortable bed. He’s looking forward to it.
Benji makes his way into his room and almost immediately collapses onto his bed. His head hits the pillow and for a second, he’s almost out. Until his phone vibrates indicating he’s receiving a new text message.
He picks up his phone and smiles at the sight of Victor’s name flashing across the screen. He moves to click onto it, opening the message.
Victor’s home and sent an obligatory text message to let Benji know.
Benji instantly lets a chuckle escape, before clicking onto the keyboard to type back, letting his head sink further into his pillow. Things might still not be the best, but they are definitely starting to look up.