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“I’m not sure how you convinced me to do this with you,” Goro sighs halfheartedly, leaning against his lover’s shoulder and pressing his nose into Akira’s neck. Around them, the other passengers on the bus quietly talk amongst themselves. It’s nice, getting away from Tokyo, that is, and spending the next few days snowboarding in Nagano.
Akira pulls the fleece blanket around them tighter, adjusting it around Goro’s frame. “Because you’re insistent that you’re going to be better than me after only a few hours.” Under the blanket, he runs a hand along Goro’s thigh and smiles. Akira leans back against Goro as well, “And i think I remember you saying something about never playing in the snow before?”
“Can you two be any more gross?” Futaba pops her head around to look at the two boys, pouting as she strokes a sleeping Morgana in her arms.
Akira smirks as he maneuvers Goro’s head back up and presses a sloppy kiss to his lips. Goro gets the hint, smiling back into the kiss and smacking his lips against Akira’s, laughing.
“I stand corrected, thanks, ya nasties.” She goes back to staring out the window, stretching out her legs across the empty seat with the Mona bag sitting on top of her lap.
Goro closes his eyes, enjoying the rocking of the bus and the warmth of his boyfriend beside him, and the thought of a peaceful weekend with this ragtag family. Or, as peaceful as learning winter sports could be. The few hours to Nagano pass quickly after that, the bus growing colder and colder as they head farther up north.
Once they arrive, the group takes a good look at their lodging. It’s not quite run down, but it’s homey and welcoming with its well worn paint and slightly weathered exterior. They make their way inside and are welcomed by a warm blast of heat in the entryway.
After check in, the group of four make their way to their assigned rooms. Futaba talks about how she’s ready to chill and kick back in the room with Morgana while Akira and Goro hit the slopes. Akira excuses himself from the group, instead heading off to get their rental outfits.
Goro walks around the small room. It’s cramped but comfortable, and enough room for the four of them. There are two twin sized bunk beds and Goro offhandedly thinks that the beds are a bit small, but he did spend an awful lot of time snuggled with Akira on his mattress back at Leblanc. So, he didn’t see it as a problem.
Futaba has already claimed one of the bunks, throwing herself and luggage on the bottom, and already pulling out her laptop. Morgana crawls out of his bag and curls up beside her.
“So, I take it you really won’t be joining us then?” Goro says, shedding his jacket onto the other bed and stretching out for the first time in several hours.
“Nope, you know me. I’m just going to stay here with kitty,” she replies and rubs Morgana’s head.
Goro pays her no mind, instead focusing on fantasies of gliding down slopes, free from the worries of everyday life. To prepare for this day, he’s spent the last few nights falling asleep watching numerous Youtube videos and demonstrations, memorising every tip and trick in the book.
Just as promised, Akira returns with two ski jackets and trousers for them to change into, tossing them on the bed with Goro’s jacket. “Okay, so, before we get started,” he takes Goro’s hands into his and grins, “we need to figure out if you have a regular stance or a goofy stance.”
“I assure you, I’m not goofy,” Goro huffs.
“We’ll see,” Akira takes a few steps back so that their arms are fully out stretched before quickly yanking Goro forward without warning. Goro yelps as he steps out reflexively with his right foot to balance himself. “Ah, you do have a normal stance then. Good to know.”
Goro shoves him, frowning “What was that for?”
“Just testing which foot you lead with. It’s important that you strap your correct foot to the front of your board.”
Goro pulls his hands away, then pushes Akira back onto the bed and straddles his waist, “Oh?” he leans down, taking off Akira’s glasses and kissing the tip of his nose. He can feel a rumble of laughter coming from Akira as he laughs back with him. From the side, Futaba gags but he ignores her. Instead, he kisses Akira’s lips this time, smirking at the resulting complaints he receives as a response from Futaba. Perhaps she’s beginning to regret sharing a room with Akira and his disgusting, terrible, awful, gross boyfriend.
Good.
Akira pulls Goro close to him, holding him in place. He goes in for a kiss, probably to keep bothering Futaba, but Goro pulls away instead, “We’re burning daylight, we should get going,” he reminds Akira who merely groans in response.
---
“Alright, just like that. Okay, I’ve got your hand, you’re doing great.” Akira holds tightly onto Goro’s hands as he struggles to lift himself from the ground. They’re practicing a few simple moves; getting up, pushing forward, stopping. And thus, it became quite clear all too quickly that Goro did not, in fact, have this. It’s only the small, snowy hill next to their hotel, but it made for a quick practice before hitting the slopes.
“Damn it!” Goro gets to his feet only to fall forward and be caught by Akira. Why the hell is this so much harder than the videos had made it out to be? He tries to push himself away because it shouldn’t be so hard to at least stand. He whines, pushing forward and trying to balance. “Alright, I think we should get moving. We don’t want to spend all day here, afterall.”
“Goro, wait--”
“I’m fine, let’s go.” He undoes the board at his feet and walks towards the lift, huffing because he knows that he can do better. He will do better. As they wait in line, he attaches his snowboard back onto his foot, clipping in his left and standing with his arms crossed against his chest. They board the ski lift when it comes around.
Goro holds his breath as he watches it around the corner and then he’s suddenly lifted from his feet, hand clamping hard onto Akira’s arm for dear life. Slowly, but still too quick for his liking, they ascend until they must have been over a hundred feet in the air. Why the hell had he agreed to this? He buries his face into Akira’s shoulder, because apparently he never thought about having a very specific fear of ski lifts.
“Hey, did you notice?”
Goro feels his body relax at the sound of Akiras voice, not even realizing he had been clenching his jaw. When he looks up, soft, white flakes are drifting down, landing gently against their faces. Goro lets go of Akira’s arm, which then snakes across his shoulder and holds him close. “You know, I heard there was hotpot for dinner tonight back at the hotel.”
“Is that so? It’s been quite a long time since I’ve shared a hotpot with someone.” The thought sounds disgustingly domestic. Surrounded by those three idiots, sharing food with them.
“So you better work up quite the appetite then,” Akira teases him, pressing his cold nose against Goro’s slightly exposed neck. Goro whines, but doesn’t dare do anything while suspended in the air.
Maybe… this wouldn’t be so bad.
However, that thought only lasts a moment before Goro sees the lift making its way towards the final tower. But when the lift doesn’t stop for the other passengers, Goro realises that the chances of it stopping for them are close to none. Maybe he could signal to the staff controlling the lift? Maybe he could have told the people when getting on that he is new to this? Or... Or maybe he could just stay on the lift and ride it all the way back down?
Akira must sense something wrong because he looks over, frowning.
“Hey,” Goro’s hand grips tightly onto Akira’s as he finally makes eye contact with him again. “How… How do we get off this thing?” Akira pauses, and Goro is afraid he might already know the answer to what they're supposed to do. With the lift drawing ever closer to the drop off, Goro doesn’t know if he should push Akira off the lift or cling to him for dear life again.
“Oh- we just snowboard down!” he laughs.
Okay, maybe he’s dating an idiot.
Goro rolls his eyes and nearly growls as he responds back “Okay, but how do I do that?” His voice squeaks, going higher than he means it to. Oh God, is this what it’s like to stare death in the face?
“I’ll count to three, and then jump, okay? You did fine in practice.” Akira smiles at him and Goro relaxes, taking a few deep breaths as they’re only seconds from certain death. Before had been on a stupid little hill, not in the air.
Whatever.
Akira begins to count, Goro following along silently.
1…
2…
3…!
Goro panics as he jumps forward from the lift, his board and foot hitting the slope, and he’s made it! He’s really done it.
Until he hasn’t. Only a half-second after his board makes contact with the snow, Goro feels himself shift to the left, unbalanced, as he reaches out for something, anything. His hand grabs onto something solid as he screams, and someone else screams as well, and he lands face-first into the snow.
Above him he hears the creaking sound of the lift stop suddenly and there is a rustling in the pile of snow next to him. He looks over to see that, not only had he fallen on his face from the lift, but he had also brought down his unsuspecting boyfriend in the process. Well then.
Goro pulls himself forward with his arms, face cold and covered with snow. If this would be any indication of how the day is going to go, Goro wants out. Now. He wants to stay face first in this snow and have someone carry him back to the hotel. Maybe Futaba could take his place instead? Damn it, of course she wouldn’t, the little gremlin would never leave the room. At least she wasn’t here to film the whole ordeal.
He only realises that he’s still lying there when two arms scoop him up, helping him to his feet. Akira is covered in snow as he takes Goro to the side. “Are you okay?”
Goro nods, “Y-Yeah. I’m fine. Just… Just misjudged the landing a bit is all.” He smiles fakely, praying that Akira doesn’t see through it. Because honestly? He’s terrified.
When they get a decent way away from the lift, both boys sit on the ground and begin to latch up their boots to the boards. Goro casts a glance over to the offending lift again, just in time to see two girls holding their snowboards in hand, and leaping from the lift to run down the slope instead.
“...Are you serious,” he mutters as he turns sharply towards Akira, cheeks puffed and red from the freezing winter air. “Oh , ‘Just snowboard down!’ you said. ‘ It’ll be fine!’ you said.” Goro crosses his arms across his chest, huffing and he looks away from Akira. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“....I forgot….”
“You forgot? You forgot ?!”
Akira shrugs, smiling still. “You got down though, right?” he teases as he takes a look over Goro’s boots, making sure they’re properly attached before standing up himself. “Alright, do you remember how to get up?”
Yes, of course he does.
Goro turns so that he’s facing the snow and uses his hands to stand in an upright fashion. Under him, his legs wobble, but he manages. When he looks back up, Akira is a few meters down the slope.“You’re doing great!”
Goro takes a deep breath and lets his board slide forward.
…Until he’s going far too fast and barely manages to avoid slamming face first into Akira.
“MOVE!” he screams as he goes barreling down the slope. Akira slides farther down the hill, maneuvering to the side as Goro attempts to stop, only managing to fall forward instead.
Goro groans as he sits up, whipping snow from his face and jacket. He tries to convince himself that he can do this, that this is a trip to have fun and spend with the family that he’d managed to form. He pushes himself out of the snow and back onto his butt.
Akira pulls himself up the slope slightly to sit beside Goro as they both look out at the slope. “Try not to beat yourself up, you really are doing great.”
Goro smiles, the corners of his mouth twitching as he does so. He wants to believe Akira, he really does, but something tugs at his mind saying otherwise. His heart is sinking and he’s not sure if he can really do this.
“Is something bothering you?” Akira asks, placing a hand on Goro’s leg, frowning.
He tries to relax. He doesn’t want to tell him what’s really wrong. He doesn’t want to tell him he can’t do this. So, he decides to lie.
“Oh, I’m fine. I think my boots are just a little too tight is all.” And, as to prove his point, he undoes a buckle on his right and begins to re-buckle it. Goro struggles to get it in at first, but tries not to let Akira notice.
Then, he makes the mistake of trying to fix his left boot. Because apparently, he hadn’t fully buckled the right boot. As the clamp on his left comes unbuckled, his board shoots out from his feet and begins a rapid descent down the mountain.
Shit.
Goro’s on his feet in an instant as he begins chasing after his board. It’s gaining speed, and god forbid it hit anyone as it is sure to break some kind of bone at this speed. His board makes a sudden turn left when it hits a small bank of snow and gets caught on a tree. Goro is panting as he finally catches up to it, throwing himself into the snow on his knees and pulling the damn board into his hands, careful to hold onto it tightly this time,
Akira slides in next to him, coming to a quick stop. “Are you okay?”
Goro is sitting in the snow still, shaking his head and trying to calm down once again. This is supposed to be fun, and so far he’s only stressed. He wants to go home. He wants to get down this slope and curl up in their bed. However, as Akira’s voice reaches him, he finds his inner peace once again and resigns to himself that he will make it down.
“A little shaken up, but okay. Thank you.” Goro begins attaching his board, this time with Akira’s careful supervision so as not to have another mishap.
Together, they stand back up and Goro attempts the slope once more. He tells himself that he will do it this time, no holding back, no hesitation. He takes a deep breath and pushes forward without restraint.
Goro doesn’t realise at first, but his eyes are shut tight as he begins speeding down the mountain far faster than he means to. He doesn't scream, he keeps it in and pries open his eyes just in time to narrowly miss a girl only a foot to his left. His heart is racing, beating fast in his chest as he stops his board, unable to keep going. He falls to his knees and he wants to scream. How is he supposed to prove he can do this when he can barely go a few meters without having a panic attack?
“We can take it slowe--“ Akira stops beside him, but Goro cuts him off.
“No, I can do this.” With shaky legs and the end of the slope in sight, Goro pushes off again, Akira following right behind him. He’s so close, this whole thing would be over soon.
After another fifteen minutes of starting and stopping, they finally make it to the bottom.
Goro nearly collapses once he’s out of the way of the other snowboarders. He tries to keep his hands from shaking when Akira slides in beside him. His feet hurt. His legs are tired. And he’s sure he’s made a total fool of himself and everyone on the mountain must know how bad he is at this. Goro unstraps his boots from the board and he stands, nearly falling over as he adjusts to standing like a normal human again.
Akira, on the other hand, drops his board into the snow and wraps his arms excitedly around Goro “You did great! You made it all the way down.”
Goro struggles in his arms.“Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to patronize me.” He shoves him off as he starts walking back to the lift.
“Hey, Goro, wait--” Akira catches up to him. “I think we should turn in for the night. It’s almost dark, we shouldn’t go again.”
“Why? Because I took too long last time? It’s fine, I made it down once, I can make it again.” He goes to walk forward when Akira grabs his wrist.“Let go. Now.”
“No, I’m not letting you go up there again. Why don’t we go have dinner?” Akira takes a hesitant step closer and Goro sighs.
“You brought me out here for snowboarding. I’m doing this,” he snaps, tugging his wrist away.
“It’s going to be last lift soon. Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Go? What else are we supposed to do here? Oh, sit around a hotpot telling stories and being jolly? Get over yourself, I have no stories from today that I would like to tell again. And the only way to have any redemption from this trip is to--”
“Is that what this is about? Redemption?” Akira asks, his hands grasping Goro's shoulders “This is about having fun, not about proving who’s better. Now, how about we please just go have dinner?” There is a sense of desperation in his voice, a pleading, and Goro almost feels his heart break at those words. Almost.
“ Akira, ” he snaps, and Akira winces. When was it that he last even called him by his name with such hostility? “ I can do this.”
Akira pauses, his face torn between a frown and a quivering smile, “No, you can’t Goro. We need to go back.”
He should agree, swallow his pride, and go to dinner. His stomach rumbles, and in his heart he knows that Akira is right; this was all supposed to be about having fun. He goes to say it, to say that maybe they should just head back, when a familiar mop of orange hair and a dark green jacket suddenly comes into his vision.
“Yooo nerds, tried calling ya, but there isn’t any signal out here. You coming to dinner or what?” Futaba locks eyes with Goro, sticking her tongue out and teasing him “And how’d you do, huh? I see there aren’t any broken bones or anything yet. Must not have been trying hard enough or something.”
Akira changes the conversation to talk about the events of the day, saying them in a much more positive light than what had really happened.
Oh. Screw this.
“I’m going back to the hotel.” Goro grabs his board, walking off away from the two babbling fools. Faintly, he hears Akira yell his name but he ignores it and kicks a pile of snow, sending small flurries around him as he descends the hill back towards the hotel.
How could he focus on dinner at a time like this? Obviously Akira just wanted to avoid teaching him more, avoid the annoyance of not being able to do what he wanted to do in favor of just having to babysit Goro.
Once he’s finally at the bottom of the hill and their lodging in sight, he comes to a fork in the road.
One leading back to the hotel, where dinner was waiting.
And another, leading to the other slope. Akira had mentioned that it was listed as more ‘advanced’. Whatever.
Goro thinks for a moment, contemplating his choice. He could either head back, or he could prove himself by taking on the bigger hill. He’d made it all the way to the bottom of the ‘bunny slope’ as Futaba had so nicely called it. How hard could it possibly be?
So? He goes for it. He trudges across the path leading to the advanced slope. No Akira behind him, Goro takes a deep breath as he resigned to himself he’d be all alone on this one.
He holds his board tightly to his chest and waits. When the lift swoops around this time, there is no Akira to hold on to, no one to whisper to him and take his mind off what’s going on.
Goro feels his anxiety rising as the lift brings him higher and higher, the once bright and snowy slopes now bathed in the glows of the setting sun and slowly fading into inky blackness. He avoids looking down as to not lose his nerve. Seeing as he is already this far, there is no turning back now. Without Akira now, the lift feels empty and too-big, but Goro pushes that thought aside, knowing that he will prove it to himself and Akira that he is more than capable of taking on this hill.
Finally, the lift reaches the slope and Goro holds his board close to himself as he prepares for leaping from the lift in the same manner he had seen those two girls do previously. He takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment, then letting it go. Slowly, he counts down in his head once again.
1…
2…
3…
Goro forces himself off the lift, his feet connecting with the ground and running forward, still upright this time. He walks a few steps before throwing his board and himself into the snow. His breath comes out in ragged huffs, his hands still shaking and his once starving stomach now spinning in nauseous circles.
As his eyes scan the slope, there are barely any other people at its peak. Beside him, the last two people up with him begin their descent and the lift stops moving. He’s caught the last lift, no hope of Akira holding his hand down this time.
This...this wasn’t a good idea. Goro brings his knees to his chest, burying his face into his knees. He’s not okay, this isn’t okay, and he’s scared. Why’d he let himself get so worked up before? Why did he let Akira and that girl get under his skin?
Pushing the thoughts side, he knows he has to buckle down. He made it down before, so this should be no different, right? Goro straps his boots in and buries those thoughts of fear and anxiety down, going forth and sliding down the mountain.
He stands fully, speeding up, taking the hill faster than he means to. It’s terrifying and he can barely see as the wind picks up the loose snowfall from earlier. And he can’t stop, he has to get back, he knows that the others have to be worried.
The slope is bumpy, more winding than he expects. His board hits the base of a small slope and the speed and force, they send him falling.His head connects with the ground, and a sharp pain shoots up his leg as well. Under him, his hand reaches out in a feeble attempt to brace himself.
It hurts. A lot. And his head is fuzzy as he tries to focus on what just happened. Goro reaches down to release his board. His left wrist struggles and is numb. Instead, he tries to reach with his right hand instead, reaching it this time and freeing himself. Then he pulls his knees once again to his chest to keep himself warm. It’s cold and he’s freezing and in pain.
Under his jacket, he realises that he’s wet and sweating. The air around him is too cold, and the very real threat of hypothermia begins to overwhelm him. No one knows he’s here. He didn’t tell anyone.
Why’d he think he could do this? He should have listened to Akira, listened and just gone to dinner like he said. He could be sitting around a hotpot right now, warm and full. He could be starting to prepare to soak in the bath with Akira and tease Futaba and bicker with the stupid cat.
Instead, he’s here. Head foggy as he struggles to stay awake.
Akira promised they’d go to Harajuku and visit the Meiji Shrine.
Akira promised they’d get crepes as they explored the shops around the city.
Akira promised they’d get to spend the new year together.
There is so much they still had to do together, still so many more memories to make. He messed up so much, but he would make it right again. He would make it out of this. He would apologize and tell him how much he cared. This isn’t the end, he refused to let it be.
He’d finally tell him those stupid three words he’d been nelecting for the months they’d been dating to finally say. He loves Akira, more than any person or thing ever in his life. If he dies here, Akira would never know. He’d never know that he isn’t mad, that he regretted leaving back then. He’s going to apologise, he’s going to tell that man how much he loves him.
He doesn’t know how much time passes, barely hanging onto consciousness when he finally hears voices approaching. Crunching as footsteps make their way through the snow and he calls out, his voice weak. He can barely hear it himself, and the wind has picked up. He calls out again, summoning all the will that he can to scream. He doesn’t know what he’s screaming, just that he is and the words burn deep in his throat as he does so.
He’s fading and it’s cold . Darkness overtakes him as he falls deeper and deeper until he’s asleep.
---
Goro winces, his head pounding as he opens his eyes. Other than the darkness, the first thing that Goro takes note of is that he’s no longer freezing. In fact, he’s rather warm. Then, the light sound of breathing beside him.
He turns his body to face the source of the sound, reaching out weakly as he realises it’s Akira. His lovely, stupid, brainless Akira, who’s right there. His eyes are closed, and he’s leaning back in one of the room’s chairs pulled up close to his bed.
“Akira…” the name falls gently from his lips as his eyes begin to sting, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” His chest feels warm and a knot in his stomach twists as he realises that he’s been given the chance that he begged for on that mountain.
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.” Akira shifts in the hospital chair, turning to face Goro fully. “Nice to see you’re finally awake.”
Akira is really here.
After everything that happened, everything he said and thought and done. He tries to say something, anything, but the words are caught in his throat and he wants to pull Akira close instead.
“You’ve been through a lot, Goro,” Akira starts. “They said your wrist is only sprained, but it’s going to take some time for your ankle to heal. That one’s broken.” Goro tries to move his foot and yep, it hurts. Though, it’s probably a lot duller thanks to whatever they pumped into him while he was sleeping.
“I...“ Akira pauses. “We were really worried about you. We thought you went off to the hotel. But,” his voice wavers too, finally cracking. “I’m so glad you’re alive. I had no idea what had happened to you and then they said they were bringing you to the hospital--Goro, I thought you were dead.”
Akira takes hold of one of Goro’s hands, his grip tight as he tries to hold back tears “I thought… I thought that was going to be the last time I ever saw you. Storming away, angry. I couldn’t live with it. I’m so sorry.”
Goro shakes his head, “No, I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have run off like that. And, by the way--” he looks around the room “Where’s the monster girl and the cat?”
“Futaba took the shuttle back to Tokyo with Morgana. And I decided to stay here with you. Sojiro is going to come meet up with us once you’re discharged.”
Goro shifts on the bed, patting the empty spot next to him “Get over here, before the nurses come.” He winces as he moves his foot and Akira takes the spot next to him. “I thought about you the whole time. What it would be like to hold your hand again. What it would be like to kiss you again. And how I wanted to tell you that I-...” Goro stops, collecting his thoughts on how he should proceed.
Should he tell Akira? That he loves him? Is this the best time?
Akira chuckles “You?” Akira reaches across and strokes his cheek as he presses their foreheads together.
Goro swallows, hard, his lips quivering as he tries to speak the words. His hands shake in his lap, gripping tightly on his sheets "I..." I love you ",wanted to have coffee with you again. Just us." Gently, Akira presses his lips against Goro’s. He kisses back, running his fingers through Akira’s curls before pulling away.
“You know, I snagged some hot chocolate from the hotel,” Akira winks. “ It may not be coffee, but I’m sure it’ll work. How about it?”
Goro nods.
Akira goes off to make it, sneaking out of the room before coming back with two steaming paper cups. Akira sits at the edge of the bed, handing one to him “ Merry Christmas, Goro.”
Goro takes the cup, mesmerized by the treasure that is Akira. How lucky is he? To have Akira in his life? To have the most caring, understanding, and loving individual here with him now? How did Goro deserve this?
Truthfully?
He didn’t. Not with everything he’d done to him and his friends. But somehow, someway, they’d managed to let him back in. Not that he had earned such a right, but he’s thankful nonetheless.
Outside, the wind howls against the window, snow flurries dancing outside and lights from the town’s homes dance in the distance.
It may not be the typical way to spend the holiday season with your lover, but Goro wouldn’t wish for anything different. Maybe next year they would settle for a more traditional way of spending time together.
“Merry Christmas, Akira.”