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The words were right there, right on the tip of his tongue, yet no amount of trying would get them to spill out. All he could do was stand by and watch as Lone went about their day to day, oblivious to the ghoul that followed them like a shadow who wanted so badly to tell them.
Would Charon say he loved them? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even sure if he was capable of such a strong emotion after so many decades-- so many centuries-- of being forced to suppress all emotions.
All Charon knew was that the thought of turning feral and attacking his employer no longer thrilled him. It was no longer a pleasant fantasy to think that the hold the contract had on him would break like so many bones beneath his uncaring hands. It was no longer a thought that brought a small smile to his worn lips. Instead it brought a sharp chill to his spine, to think that one day he may snap and they would be the one still holding his contract. They would be the one he turned on first, the one that would fall prey to his unsuspecting change. Closing his eyes he could already invision their face of pain, betrayal and terror as he fell upon them.
“Charon?”
“Hmm?” Opening eyes he hadn’t even realized he’d closed he found Lone looking up at him, a frown burrowing into their brow.
“I asked if you need anything.” A smile began to creep onto their face, a mischievous look he had grown to understand meant a quick and playful jab was coming his way. “Is the air getting a bit thin up there?”
With a grunt he hunched down until he was nearly eye-to-eye with the former vault dweller, allowing himself a small smile as they laughed. “I could always use a bit of extra ammo.”
“Tell ‘em what you want.” Lone jerked their head toward the merchant who was watching the entire exchange between wanderer and guard with thinly veiled disgust. “I’m gonna sort my bag before we head out.”
Charon watched as Lone walked off to a safe distance before dumping their entire bag into the dirt and began to sort the scrap, food, and miscellaneous into smaller piles before turning his attention to the merchant.
“You two got something going on?”
“No,” Charon answered shortly, pulling a few spent cartridges from his pocket and setting it on the counter. “I need as many of these as you have.”
“You sure you two ain’t got something going?” The merchant took one up and studied it for a moment before dropping it back down and lifting their eyes to the bought gun. “I don’t see the appeal in it myself. And a real waste of such a good looking face.”
Charon growled deeply but said nothing. He didn’t need to as the merchant moved quickly to toss three boxes of ammo onto the counter before taking a step back. Snatching up a box Charon popped it open to confirm it was what he needed before asking the price. As the merchant rattled off a number Charon dropped the caps on the counter and turned without another word.
Lone smiled up at Charon as he approached, their bag apparently organized and ready to go. Their smile faded as they looked up at him, slowly replaced with a concerned look.
“You okay, Char? Did they say something?”
“It’s nothing,” Charon grumbled, taking the bag from Lone’s hand despite their protest. “We need to keep moving if you want to make it to Rivet City before nightfall.”
“Right,” Lone agreed, shoving their hands in their pockets and beginning to walk. They paused and turned long enough to shoot him another smile. “Thanks for taking my bag.”
Charon grunted in response, his eyes straight ahead. Again, those three little words were right there, right on the tip of his tongue, so easy to say and would tell them everything he wanted them to hear. But how could he do it to them? How could he say those words and then turn on them when the contract no longer held him?
They had already lost so much, lost everyone they loved and who ever loved them. Ducking his head and frowning he missed that they stopped, waiting for him to catch up as he steadily fell behind. It wasn’t until he bumped into them that he realized.
“Charon,” they said softly, setting a hand on his arm where leather and armor didn’t cover. “Tell me what’s wrong. It’s pretty obvious they said something back there.”
“It’s nothing,” he muttered, unable to look at them while he lied. But it was something. That simple question had him thinking about what it would have been like if he could have said yes. What if he had been able to proudly announce that he and Lone were involved? What if he had been able to introduce them as anything more than his employer? What if he finally let the words slip out? What if he ruined such a good thing? What if he told them and they wanted nothing to do with it and sold him to the next person with caps they met? What if--
“If you say so,” Lone said with a soft squeeze on his arm before slipping their hands back into their pockets. “If you wanna take a break then say so. We don’t have to rush back to Rivet City, you know.”
Charon grunted once more, adjusting his hold on the bag and followed Lone closer, making sure to keep with their pace despite his legs being so much longer. And as they walked he kept practicing those three little words in his mind over and over, knowing it was the closest he was ever going to get to speaking them outloud.
I love you.