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"Happy birthday to you ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ Happy birthday, dear Denki ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ Yay!" The crowd sang and applauded the boy who stood on top of the chair to reach the top of his three-layered birthday cake, "Make a wish, baby," Denki's mom said and the boy nodded before closing his eyes and clasping his hands together.
"I wish uncle Tetsurou comes back so that grandpapi, grandmami, my mom, and uncle Suguru becomes happy again!" he said out loud before opening his eyes again to blow the number seven candle on his A Bug's Life themed cake. Everyone around the boy silenced at what he had said, eyeing each other in flat discomfort. Both families and friends of the birthday boy knew about what happened to the Kuroo family's second born and only son, Kuroo Tetsurou, and no one is comfortable enough to talk nor even think about it.
"Yay, sweetheart! Let's eat, okay? Everyone, let's eat. Denki will cut the cake for us, hm?" Denki's father broke through the silence and everyone then followed through, not wanting the day to be ruined. They all know that Denki's intention was good, and they're not going to get all sappy and dark on his special seventh birthday.
On the other hand, Amamiya Asagi née Kuroo looked at Suguru who stood beside her, quiet and unmoving, "Hey, I'm sorry about what Denki said. He didn't mean harm," she spoke carefully, threading slowly her words as if she was going to unleash something she wouldn't like if she became too careless. Suguru raised his head and looked at her, "Oh, sorry, of course. Denki is just a kid, I understand. You don't have to apologize ne-chan, I know you feel more pain than I do, you're his sister."
Asagi's eyes glossed with tears, "And you're his fiancé, his husband-to-be! I can't imagine the pain that you're hiding ever since he didn't show up on your wedding day. I know you're still holding onto him, waiting," she eyed the ring on Suguru's left ring finger, "but I also can't help but do the same. I want him to come back, we all do," a tear escaped her left eye and Suguru was quick to come to her aid. He gave her his clean handkerchief and drew circles on her back in an attempt to calm her down.
It has been six years since Kuroo Tetsurou deserted his family, friends, and fiancé. It has been six years since he left without a single word, without a single goodbye. Everyone else already believed him to be dead, gone, someone who will never come back again. But Kuroo's family and Suguru still believe otherwise, hoping that one day, Tetsurou will come back.
"Hey, what happened?" Amamiya Soichiro, Asagi's husband and Denki's father, asked when he returned to them after a few minutes, leaving Denki with his grandparents and guests in the living room, "Tetsurou," Suguru simply said, and Soichiro immediately went to her wife to console her, knowing fully well how much she misses her younger brother.
Suguru excused himself and left the couple behind. He went up to the second floor of the Kuroo household to where Tetsurou's room is still situated. It was still the same room that Tetsurou left before he and Suguru lived in their own home, the only difference is that it also lodged Suguru's things who uses the room whenever he stays at the family's house.
The room still has the faint scent of Tetsurou, slowly vanishing as the years passed without him renewing the aroma with use. Suguru lay down on the fluffy bed, eyes fixated on the ceiling covered with numerous pictures of him and Tetsurou. The latter was the one who proposed they do it in their third year of being in a relationship, so they did.
"Come back," Suguru said as if he was talking to Tetsurou himself before his tears fell from his eyes. It didn't take long when he felt his eyes heavy, pulling him into a deep sleep.
Suguru woke up at the sudden ringing of his phone. He slowly sat up from the bed, shuddering at the coldness of being alone. It has been three months since he was in the Kuroo family's house for Denki's birthday, and now here he was, alone in the house he and Tetsurou bought for themselves to start their own family, or at least that is what they had planned. He sighed, suddenly feeling a wave of sadness.
Another ring from his phone brought him back to the present, and he immediately took the rectangular villain of productivity from the bedside table to look at who was calling him in the middle of the night. Suguru's eyes narrowed, "It's 12:27 AM and an unknown number is calling? Nope, I'm not going to answer this," he said and placed the phone back to the table. But when the ringing didn't stop, he let out an annoyed grunt before answering the phone.
"Hello?" he greeted, voice was wary and held back.
"S-Suguru?" it was the voice of a man, unfamiliar and alien. Suguru's heartbeat paced faster, the stranger knew who he was.
"Who is this?"
"It's m-me... Tetsurou..."
Suguru froze in his position, mind and body slowly ceasing to function and understand. Surely he didn't hear the man say "Tetsurou" right?
"H-help me, p-please... I don't w-want to go b-back to that h-hellhole..." the man who claimed to be Tetsurou said, voice fading from the other line. Suguru pulled himself back from shock and forced his own to function and move.
"W-wait," he started, unsure of what to do or what to say, "Erm, Tetsuㅡ Tetsurou?" he asked dumbly, "Is that really you? What happened? Where are you?" Suguru can feel his heart jump around in his chest as if it was trying to break through his ribs and hop away from his vessel. His hands were trembling, and his breathing paced rapidly.
"I d-don't know... please, come f-find me..." Suguru grimaced when the call ended but immediately acted the way he should. He tried to track Tetsurou's phone even though he had tried it before but never found him, and his whole face was slapped with shock when for the first time in six years, he had an idea of where Tetsurou could be. He quickly grabbed his coat and car keys before running out of the house, not forgetting to lock before, and then he ran towards the car, movements quick and swift like the snake he was.
He's already been clean for seven months, and it has been so long since he last felt like shit, so why now? Why now that he's finally restarting his life that he suddenly got the urge to do something that he knows would put him back in the dark again? Shit! He was finally restarting his life, trying to stand back up with his own feet so that he could one day go back to his family, to his friends, to his fiancé whom he left holding on to the smallest silver lining after he deserted them.
Tetsurou laid flat on the pavement, tears streaming down his face as he realized what he had just for the past few hours. After being clean for seven months, he let himself get dragged into an unfamiliar alley in one of the ghettos of Tokyo by some of his stoner colleagues. He let himself drink too much, he let himself use illegal drugs that he promised himself not to use anymore. He deliberately let himself be pushed back to the pits of hell that he burned his hands to crawl away from before.
And then what? He called his fiancé, Suguru, whom he hadn't seen for six years, asking for his help just because he got his number from the place he works at. Tetsurou felt so much at that moment, he even felt as if he was feeling all emotions possible in the world at the same time. Suguru is coming for him, he will finally see him again, the mere thought of it made him happy. But then Suguru will see him the way he was, liquor and cocaine running through his veins alike, the realization made him angry at himself. How could he do this? How dare he?
A few minutes later, faster than what Tetsurou had hoped for, a man with bush-green hair arrived at the dark alley from one of the ghetto sides of Tokyo, immediately catching sight of the man who had just called him, lying there on the floor under the light post.
"Oh my god," he started in surprise when he got near the man, "Tetsurou?" he called as he squatted beside the man. When Suguru saw his face, hot tears immediately streamed down his face, falling onto the face of the man he had been looking for, the man he had been waiting for to come home.
"Tetsurou, oh my god, it really is you!" Suguru held Tetsurou's face, feeling the damp of tears, "I'm sorry," the latter started, his voice was hoarse, "I'm really, really sorry," he continued as he cried even more, his cold hands finding their way to the other's warm ones.
Suguru doesn't really know what happened, he doesn't have an idea although Tetsurou reeked of excessive alcohol and something more. He fished his phone out of his coat pocket and called for an ambulance before helping the taller one to sit back and lean on the building wall. Aside from the running vehicles on the main road, the noises in the dark alley consisted more of Tetsurou crying and apologizing, saying it over and over like a chant.
The ambulance came after a few more minutes, and then off they went to the nearest hospital. Suguru never left Tetsurou's side until he was asked to leave the emergency room for some tests that they had to do. While waiting for the results, he once again fished out his phone and called Asagi to tell her about her brother.
"A-are youㅡ are you serious? Y-you found him? You really found him?" Asagi's voice was mixed with shock and relief, Suguru could also hear her sobs from the line, "Yes, I did. Although he was the one who called me. But you know, he is different. I don't know how to tell you so you just have to come here. I'm waiting for the results."
It didn't take long for Asagi to arrive with her husband, leaving Denki to an emergency sitter, "I already called mom and dad, they're on their way. Where is he?" Asagi said the moment she was in Suguru's earshot, "In the emergency room," he said almost flatly.
Asagi and Soichiro's forehead creased, "W-why? Are you okay? You don't seem happy? Tetsu's alive, Suguru!" the woman almost cried in front of him, "Yes, I know. I justㅡ he's... different. I wasn't able to take a good look at him while we were in that alley where I found him, but when I saw him in the ambulance, he looked so different," Suguru explained, his tear-stained face looking mortifying.
"What do you mean?" Soichiro asked.
"He was skin and bones! He was alive but he felt cold, and he looked like he was about to die! I can't... I can't look at him. I don't want to look at him," he explained further, or at least he tried to, but it made Asagi and Soichiro more confused, although the mass of worry was heavy at the pits of their stomachs.
Time passed so slowly, mocking the waiting figures outside the emergency room. Soon the three were joined by Tetsurou and Asagi's parents, but still there were no signs of results from Tetsurou. There were numerous times that the doctor and nurses went back and forth, telling them to wait as they did some tests. They did tell them that he was fine, and he was going to live, but they wanted to know what had happened to their beloved Tetsurou.
Suguru stood in front of the door where Tetsurou was staying. It has been a week since he was admitted to the hospital, since Suguru found him, since Suguru last saw him, and since they found out what had happened to him the last six years he wasn't around. A friend of Tetsurou who had tracked down another of his phones met with his family, it was a man named Futakuchi. He told him everything that he knows about Tetsurou.
The reason why he left was because he got scared. He got scared of marrying Suguru because he found out that he didn't really love him. He ran away because he wanted to think and recollect himself. He ran away because he felt pressured to marry Suguru. But instead of trying to find a way to fix everything, Tetsurou found people who offered him help in a different way: through alcohol and drugs. At first he didn't want it, but when he tried and found it somewhat "helpful" to him, he wasn't able to stop himself anymore. Before he even realized it, it had already been years since he last went home.
He met Futakuchi after four years since he left at a rehabilitation session that he voluntarily signed up for, and they have been friends since then. That is why Futakuchi knew about what happened to Tetsurou. He had lots of relapses amidst medication and rehabilitation, and what happened the night Suguru found him was one of his relapses after being clean again.
It was hard to take in, especially for Suguru. He blamed himself. He loved Tetsurou so much that he never even considered Tetsurou's feelings for him. Never thought of asking if he still loved him, if he still felt the same way. It was also Suguru who proposed, not even thinking if Tetsurou really wanted to be with him. It was painful. He ruined the man he loves because he loved him way too much to the point that he needed to run away just to feel free again.
Suguru sighed before reaching for the doorknob, slowly twisting it as he opened the door. He was greeted by Kuroo who sat on his bed, "Hey," the latter greeted with a weak smile. Suguru walked towards him and sat of the chair near his bed, "How are you?" he asked, genuinely worried.
"I'm good, I guess," uncertainty filled Tetsurou's voice, his whole countenance painted with sadness and guilt, "I heard Futakuchi told everything," he started, and Suguru only nodded at him.
"I'm sorry," Suguru said even before he could speak again. He raised his bowed head and looked at the other who was staring at him, "If only I considered asking about your true feelings, and if I hadn't pressured you into marriage, none of this would have happened," he continued and placed a hand on Tetsurou's skinny one.
"Come back to us, Tetsurou. You know this is not who you truly are," Suguru said carefully, "I will help you, and I won't force myself on you anymore, just please, don't leave us again," tears started to stream down his face, and Tetsurou felt his heart ache. He never wanted to see Suguru like that, crying because of him. But if only he had used a different method or he had gone to a different and much better course of action, maybe he wouldn't have ended up in this situation, he wouldn't have ended up leaving his family and Suguru hanging on a thread.
"I'm not gonna leave again," Tetsurou finally said, caressing Suguru's hands that he knows he can hold on to, "I promise," he smiled genuinely, his bony face taking shape. Suguru smiled back at him, "I will help you heal from this hellhole I put you in."
Running away is not a bad thing, as long as you know the limits of how far you can go. Because sometimes, there are invisible lines that separates the world you should be in, and the world that you should never step foot into. And if you start feeling as if you were falling, know that there's always a hand that you can hold on to.
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