Chapter Text
‘Afternoon, Anika.’ Nina Zenik moved through the Crow Club with purpose, greeting the Dregs with smiles as they looked up at her. The respect that came from them was unexpected, especially seeing as a year ago, they’d have laughed in her face before letting her move through the room. Now, she swept towards Anika, before noting the shadow of worry on the woman’s face. The way her eyes darted around the room, before she stepped back into the shadows.
‘Miss Zenik.’ That was strange, Anika had long abandoned addressing her as such, unless…
‘I’m here for the collection.’ She lied, following the woman into the side-room and watching as the door shut.
‘Anika, what is it?’ Nina inquired gently, having never seen the woman look so concerned.
‘It’s… It’s Mr Brekker. He’s, well, he’s drunk.’
For a second, Nina was ready to laugh. Kaz didn’t get drunk, not usually, knowing that it could be used to someone’s advantage. But then Anika was glancing to the floor, clasping her hands, and Nina had to conclude that something was very wrong.
She should have known, when Kaz Brekker didn’t turn up to breakfast with the rest of them. She’d noticed Inej’s longing glance to the empty space, Jesper’s hollow jokes and Wylan’s disappointment. For a moment, Nina thought to Matthias, somewhere in the Southern Isles and living a life of freedom.
He’d asked her to join him, and she’d said no. She wasn’t sure why, not until she realised that her weeks revolved around the group meeting for breakfast, for the jobs that reunited them. These Crows were her family, were her people.
Not to mention the fact she was flirting with Inej, the Pirate Queen, who looked so unsure at her advances that Nina had never been happier.
So, Nina cleared her throat.
‘I’ll need to see him.’
‘He’s locked the door.’
‘I know a way in.’ Nina assured her, but waited for Anika to step aside. The woman was fiercely loyal over Kaz, for reasons that Nina had never asked about.
The steps up to Kaz’s office guided her to the window, before she hiked up her skirts and climbed out onto the window ledge. Unlike Inej, she didn’t have the grace and skill, just clung to the sides like a limpet as she moved towards the window.
Sliding open the pane, she slipped into the room, dusting down her skirts before the scent hit her.
The room stank of alcohol. Gagging, she glanced around the mess, upturned furniture and papers scattered around, before her gaze narrowed in on Kaz.
He was slumped against the wall, his good leg drawn up to his chest, staring into the distance. His hair was slicked back, messy and tangled, and as she took a step closer, she realised that the bruises under his eyes were from the lack of sleep.
Then there was his shirt. White, unbuttoned enough for her to see the sliver of the R on his chest, but none of that was her focus. No, her eyes went to the red sleeves, slowly darkening as more blood seeped through.
‘Kaz?’ He didn’t acknowledge her, not until she stepped over a broken chair and crouched down in front of him.
Tear tracks stained his cheeks, his bottom lip bitten raw. Never before had she seen the Bastard of the Barrel so low, never before had she been so worried.
‘Nina.’ He rasped, chest shuddering like it took effort to speak her name. She ignored her own panic, tried for her best smile as she looked to him.
They’d always been too stubborn, too reckless, to be compatible. She would challenge him, would stand up to his temper, and Kaz seemed to respect her for it. They both had a common affection, Inej, even if Kaz would never admit that he had feelings for the former Wraith. Kaz was too cold, and Nina too warm, they were opposites in affection. But now, she dared to break the boundaries of that relationship, reaching her hand out.
He flinched like he’d been struck, despite the speed at which her hand moved. Still, she was nothing if not relentless, placing a hand down on the sleeve of his shirt.
‘Get out.’ He stated, but his voice lacked venom, so she ignored him.
Undoing the button, she slowly peeled back the fabric, revealing the gash across his wrist.
‘You owe me a new dress, Brekker.’ She ripped part of her skirt, pressing it to the oozing wound, before focusing her powers on them. At the little Palace, Nina had never focused on being a Healer. Shame, it was a skill that the Barrel really did need.
It worked, enough to stem the blood flow. Careful not to touch his skin, she began to clean away the blood, reaching for an abandoned bottle of kvas to clean up the mess. Kaz didn’t stop her, just watched as she wrapped his wrist, before turning to the other one.
This one was worse. Rather than a horizontal cut, the line ran vertically. She didn’t think too deeply into it, couldn’t think about what he’d tried to do. Instead, she repeated the process. When both wrists were wrapped, she looked around the room, focusing in on the bathroom. Inside, she knew there was a shower, although the water always ran cold.
‘Get up.’ She wasn’t unkind. But Nina needed to remain professional, to keep her fear away from her actions as she dared to order him around.
Kaz did get up, but very slowly. His joints cracked, his bad leg almost giving way under him as he rose. Nina ignored him tensing up as she reached for him, an arm around his waist and ignoring how thin he was.
‘I know, I know. I won’t touch you for any longer than necessary.’ He’d never stated that he didn’t want to be touched, but it was well known to each of the Crows that Kaz had an aversion to touch. The contact made him jumpy, like now, as they hobbled to the bathroom.
She turned the water on, found Kaz perched on the bench in the washroom.
‘I can’t stand.’ He admitted, and Nina wondered how much he’d had to drink. His cheeks were flushed, eyes hazy and lost, and the Heartrender figured that it was probably a good thing. Otherwise, he might have had her hands chopped off as she placed them both under his armpits, lifting him back up and under the spray.
They were both being soaked now, but Nina continued her work, peeling off the sodden shirt and trying to avoid bare skin. Kaz was breathing heavily, nervous breaths heavy against her neck as she reached for the soap.
‘Wash.’
His gloved hands accepted the offering, beginning to clean the blood, but it was a slow process. Nina sighed, before holding out her hand.
‘Give me the gloves.’
She thought she’d be denied. Kaz would have denied her, the one that wasn’t drunk and possibly short on blood.
This Kaz obeyed, gloves sliding from his pale fingers. Nina slipped them on, difficult considering her hands were soaked, before reaching for the soap. She didn’t pay attention to the ribs she could count, or the tattoo that she wanted to ask about. Or the bandages that were now soaked, that she wasn’t sure how to address.
‘Pants off.’
Nina wasn’t a prude. She’d seen men naked plenty of times, but standing in a shower with Kaz Brekker was different. Not because she was interested, but because she was fearful of how he’d react when sober.
The trousers were unbuckled, and with Nina’s help, kicked to the floor. Her eyes fell to his bad leg, staring at the mass of scarred tissue around the healed break, before moving back up to his face.
Kaz’s eyes were shut, like he couldn’t bare to think about this.
Nina washed him down, turned off the spray and reached for a towel.
‘Think you can take off those, then get dressed?’ Kaz nodded, followed her suggestions as a child might.
She stepped back into the room, found a fresh set of clothes, and returned to the bathroom.
By the time Kaz had managed to dress himself, Nina had cleaned the bed and turned it back, guided him over to it.
‘When was the last time you ate something?’ She asked, watching the way his bare hands stayed away from his skin. He refused to look at them, refused to even glance down.
When he didn’t answer, Nina knew he was unsure. She didn’t say anything, changed his bandages, before removing the gloves.
‘I’m stealing some of your clothes.’ She told him, stripping off her own wet dress and undergarments. Kaz’s clothes were mostly along a variation of suits, but it was better than nothing. The trousers were rather unflattering, far too long in length, so she rolled them up. Luckily, Kaz never wore tight-fitting clothing, otherwise she might not have made it into the fabric. With no corsets or binders to wear, she settled for a button-up shirt, folding the sleeves back to her elbows. Her hair was still braided, so she undid it and let it fall around her shoulders, before turning back to Kaz.
Any man, save for Matthias, would have stared. Would have watched as she stripped down to nothing. Instead, Kaz had turned his back to her, and she found herself a mixture of amused and disappointed.
‘I’m dressed.’
He still waited a moment before looking back at her, as if fearful she’d deceive him.
‘I’m going to go and get the other Crows.’
He didn’t speak, not until she had her hand on the door, ready to leave.
‘Don’t.’
One word, and it was the soberest thing he’d said.
‘Kaz?’
‘Stay. I… Stay. Please.’ The last word was choked out, and Nina was glad she was looking at the door, otherwise he’d have seen her shock.
‘I’ll tell Anika to fetch the Crows, then I’ll return.’
Anika agreed easily, and Nina returned to Kaz’s room, to find the Bastard of the Barrel waiting for her.
‘Move over, sour-face. I won’t bite.’ She teased, trying to lighten the mood as she climbed onto the bed beside him. Kaz shuffled across, a slight smile crossing his face, before he went back to the brooding drunken man she’d been dealing with.
‘Much.’ He told her, the same word she’d been thinking of adding.
‘Oh Kaz, if you wanted me to bite, all you had to do was ask.’ She flirted, as she had so many times, and was surprised when this time, Kaz responded.
With laughter.
With a snorted huff, before a chuckle slipped from his lips, and then he was laughing. Nina couldn’t help but stare, at first unsure, but then realising she’d never seen this side of Kaz.
By the Saints, he looked happy. Blood loss, drunk, and a mess. But happy, looking over at her with a fondness that she hadn't realised she wanted until this moment.
‘There’s nobody quite like you, Nina Zenik.’
Nina met his gaze, refusing to turn away despite the blush on her cheeks.
‘I’d hope not. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.’
Kaz rolled his eyes, before settling back against the headrest, leaving Nina to watch over him.