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August doesn’t know why he does the things he does. Sometimes he’ll say something inconsequential and agonize over it for hours in the shower so his roommate won’t hear him or notice anything’s wrong. Sometimes, he lays in bed and wonders if all his friends hate him and are just pretending for appearances. It wouldn’t be the first time, really. Everyone thinks he’s got direct access to the royal family, that he’s best friends with Erik and Wilhelm and has breakfast with the Queen every other day.
August is the person people resort to when they’re unsure if they can get the real royals on their side. No one’s ever befriended him for who he is, it’s always because of his public persona. He’s the fun guy, the drinker, the popular kid you want to be friends with. He’s not though, he hasn’t been that person since his dad died a mere three months before he started studying at Hillerska. But appearances are always more important than the truth, so he locks his doubts and negative feelings deep inside his chest until he forgets about them. It’s the only way to cope and keep his position in the school.
Then Wilhelm started studying at Hillerska and August can feel his status changing. He was as good as a true royal now, almost a brother to Wilhelm now that Erik had entrusted him with taking care of him. August thought it would be easy. After all, Wilhelm was meek, shy and harmless. The most unreserved thing he’d done in his life was get into a fight at the club, and after that he’d just gone back to the wallflower that he always was.
Wilhelm was supposed to be easy to take care of. He was supposed to look up to August, to follow him around like a lost puppy, to take everything August said at face value. Then he started hanging out with the socialist boy, started ignoring August in favor of someone below his social class and no matter what August did, he couldn’t just make Wilhelm see that he shouldn’t be spending time with someone like Simon.
And the worst part was everyone could see it. He could see Nils laugh behind his back when Wilhelm brushed him off, could see first years biting their lips to stifle their snorts and giggles when Wilhelm chose to sit close to Simon rather than August, who’d saved him a seat. August was quickly losing the status he’d worked for for so long, and why? Because the spare son of the Queen thought he was so cool? Because Wilhelm happened to be more blue-blooded than August himself? Fucking pathetic.
But August can’t break his promise to Erik, especially not after his death. What would that say about him? Breaking a promise to a dead man?
So he bites his tongue and convinces his secret society to accept Wilhelm. “ He needs this, ” August states simply. “ He needs people of his status to accept him, to help him now that Erik— the original Crown Prince is gone. ” August would be Wilhelm’s new family, would protect him. Family comes first.
The initiation is a success. Wilhelm drinks, takes drugs, has fun, and August thinks that this is what he needed. To be reminded of his status, to see that amongst his peers he could do whatever he wanted without consequence.
When they’re outside, together, August thinks that maybe Wilhelm will cling to him from now on, will chase him around like during the first days of school. That Wilhelm will stick close to his family, and it solidifies when Wilhelm confesses that he believes it’s his fault that Erik’s gone.
It’d be easy to blame him, god knows August has been looking for someone or something to blame ever since Erik died, but he and Wilhelm are family. When your family’s in pain, you help them, you don’t… you don’t blame them.
So he comforts Wilhelm, then the younger goes off to do his own thing, and August feels like the world is too small for him and he doesn’t know why. The drugs have always helped him, they fix everything, yet it somehow feels like it isn’t enough. Not tonight, at least.
So he drinks with his friends, spends most of the night drunk, sobers up, heads back to his room. It feels very simplistic, to simply do things whilst the alcohol numbs him from the rest of the world. It makes him forget his previous anger towards Wilhelm, what did it matter when he knew that he’d be in Wilhelm’s life forever? Lovers come and go, August knows that better than anyone, but family is always there. There’s exceptions, like Erik and his dad, but that’s not— it’s not something that commonly happens. It won’t happen to his mom. Or to the Queen, her husband, or Wilhelm. August won’t allow it.
He wonders if Wilhelm still feels miserable as he heads back to the dorms, wonders if he’s coming off the drugs and crying his eyes out because of it. It’s happened to August too; he sobers up and feels like he’s the scum of the Earth. He can fix it with just more drugs, but he doesn’t know if that’s good for Wilhelm right now.
Imagine his surprise when he finds his baby cousin with a girl in his room. August is so giddy he nearly gives away his position by laughing too hard. Seems that Wilhelm will be fine. A little partying always fixes things. He goes to record just a smidge of it, he doesn’t really know why, but it’s a thing guys do. His friends have done it to him too, they always have a laugh about it. He can’t wait for breakfast, when they’ll encourage Wilhelm to get on the table and share his night.
August peeks through the window again, phone in hand. He’s so happy for Wilhelm and he’s going down, down and then—
Oh.
It’s the socialist kid. Simon. The guy who gave him the drugs, the guy Wilhelm’s been blowing August off for.
It takes him a minute to process he’s stared for too long, recorded too much. He stops the recording as Simon’s head is thrown back and Wilhelm’s got his hand down— no, no he shouldn’t even be thinking about this. He saw too much he shouldn’t— he shouldn’t.
Wilhelm’s gay? Or bi maybe? August’s mind is just filled with thoughts that this is wrong, Wilhelm shouldn’t be doing that with someone below his social class, someone he’d literally ignored August for. Huh, maybe that’s why, because they’re together. But for how long had it been going on? Was this just stress relief or were they something more?
Does it matter? August just knows he can’t let this get out, can’t even risk letting Wilhelm know that he knows. He has to keep this to himself, has to delete the video but— fuck.
He doesn’t know why he keeps it.
August feels his heartbeat in his ears, feels the ground sway under him. Wilhelm knows. Wilhelm knows he’s broke. Wilhelm knows he’s broke and just told everyone. The whole club knows and they’re looking at him in judgment. They exchange prejudiced glances, they chuckle gently as to not alert August, and none of them tell him it’s okay. They only care about status, they don’t care about August. It’s always like this. People only ever like him for his status, for his connection to the royal family, for his money—
They’re all walking away. They’re all walking away from him and they all know he’s not like them anymore. He’s so broke he can’t pay for tuition, how is he supposed to keep their respect?
They’ll all do as Wilhelm says. They’ll blame Alexander, they’ll tell everyone at school that August is broke and his life will be ruined.
How could Wilhelm do this? For some little crush? He has no idea the kind of power that August has. Doesn’t know that he has a video that can ruin his life, that Wilhelm should back the fuck up because no one threatens August, especially not family.
It all starts to pile up. Felice breaking up with him, his friends looking at him differently, Wilhelm ignoring him entirely, no drugs to take the edge off, feeling humiliated in front of his friends, his mother insisting he should sell his dad’s company—
Why does his life have to be so difficult and Wilhelm’s so easy? He has everything yet he spits on it, he makes dumb mistakes that are easily avoidable, he refuses August’s help and doesn’t care about his role as Crown Prince. He spits on Erik’s legacy with the way he acts, he stains their family’s image and— and he doesn’t fucking care. He doesn’t understand duty.
He has to learn there are consequences to his actions. He has to learn that he’s a Crown Prince now, he can’t brush that off anymore.
(August hates the solution, but it’s the only way. It has to be the only way, right?)
He finds himself in the school library, finds himself connecting his phone to a computer, uploading the video of Wilhelm and Simon, titling it something like Swedish Crown Prince Sex Tape or something equally ridiculous and can’t help but feel that he’s making the right and wrong choice at the same time.
Wilhelm can’t get away with humiliating August, but does that make outing him right? Does it make ruining his life right? It should. He already ruined August’s own, it’s only fair.
Wilhelm should’ve expected this. You don’t turn on family. You don’t humiliate them to save some little crush. It’s Wilhelm’s own fault. The rich protect each other, the royal family protect each other. Wilhelm chose not to do that, he should expect retaliation.
It’s not like he’ll ever find out it was August. Wilhelm will realize his mistake, look to his family for comfort, and August will be there for him. Will help him through the fallout. One humiliation for another. An eye for an eye. Afterwards, things will be okay again.
His hands shake as he talks himself up into posting the video. He presses down on it, turns away from what he’s done, and finds himself staring into Sara’s eyes. It almost feels like she can read his mind, can tell what he’s done. She’s gone before he can try to explain himself, but he finds he doesn’t want to.
His hands continue to shake as he exits the library. He could throw up from the nerves. He comforts himself with the knowledge that Wilhelm will never find out. Everything will be okay.
He refuses to listen to the part of his brain that insists he’s a horrible person, that Erik would’ve been disgusted if he could see what August had done. But Erik’s not around anymore, so what does it matter?