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Jiang Cheng stares at the foul beast lurking in the corner of the shower. It was definitely not there when he got in, he is certain. Even without his glasses, he would have spotted something so … large. And skittery. And its legs.
As if sensing Jiang Cheng’s thoughts, the creature lifts one leg tentatively off the tile floor. It makes no other move toward him, or away. It just. It sits there. One leg up.
It puts the leg down. It …it’s definitely getting closer.
Jiang Cheng shuts off the spray of water, and his breath suddenly sounds like a rushing wind in the confines of the shower cubicle. He shakes out his left hand, then curses. Zidian is sitting on his nightstand, and while he could call it to him, there’s really not enough room to properly swing it, and anyway, the crackling would no doubt wake Huaisang, and the absolute last thing Jiang Cheng needs is Huaisang discovering that the powerful Sandu Shengshou is a coward, brought down by a simple spider. Even if it is a monstrous arachnid, an ugly bastard fully two inches across, with spindly legs and a carapace the color of an oil slick. Jiang Cheng casts a quick glance around, looking for a weapon while trying to keep one eye on the crouching beast. His hands close around a smooth, broad bottle. He raises it over his head and is about to swing it down on the spider but stops as he registers the rosy hue of the bottle. Huaisang’s special Oribe shampoo. A hundred and sixteen fucking dollars a bottle. While Jiang Cheng might succeed in squashing the spider, he’s pretty certain Huaisang will divorce him if he breaks the bottle in the process.
“Fuck.”
Maybe if he opens the door, the spider will just leave? Jiang Cheng reaches over, but the behemoth hisses at him and rears up. Since when do spiders fucking hiss? Maybe this isn’t an ordinary spider? Maybe it’s actually some kind of monster? Corpse bug? Thing? Maybe it hitched a ride in their clothing last night when they returned from clearing out that nest of whatever-the-fucks Mingjue brought them along to deal with? A full-body shudder works through Jiang Cheng as he imagines the possibilities.
“Fuuuuuck!”
“A-Cheng?” Huaisang opens the door and pokes his head in. “Are you done yet, or…” He blinks and looks at Jiang Cheng and then down at the corner of the shower where Jiang Cheng manages to point a shaking hand. “Aww, a little daddy long legs!”
“Huaisang!”
“Okay, okay, love, gimme a sec.” Huaisang disappears and returns a moment later with the plastic water cup he normally keeps on his bedside table in his hand. He dumps the water in the sink and crouches down by the door. “Hey, lil guy. It’s okay, I’m gonna get you out of here.” He holds the cup loosely in his left hand and reaches for the door. “Scoot back into the corner, A-Cheng.”
“Mkay.” Jiang Cheng presses his back to the wall and squeezes his eyes shut.
“Ready?” Huaisang’s voice is calm and low. Jiang Cheng nods once. “Okay. One, two, gotcha! Okay, love, hang tight for just another second. I need to get a piece of paper to slide under the cup so I can take this lil fella outside.”
“Let me out, please?” Jiang Cheng is too relieved to be embarrassed by the whine that creeps into his voice.
“Okay, sure. Give me your hand? Good boy, got you. Okay, step out…and … gotcha! Okay, I’ll just — oof!”
Jiang Cheng pulls Huaisang into a crushing embrace, but he cannot mask the shaking in his limbs. Huaisang chuckles, but it isn’t cruel, and he wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng and pats his back.
“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng whispers.
“Of course, darling boy, of course.” Huaisang kisses Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “I’ll always take care of any creepy-crawlies for you.”
“And you won’t tell—“
“Not a peep.” Huaisang kisses him again. “You get dressed while I put that lil—“
“Gigantic, hideous—“
“Teeny, tiny spider out on the balcony. Then I’ll clean up, and we’ll go meet da-ge, er-ge, and san-ge for brunch, okay?”
Jiang Cheng sighs and forces a smile. “Okay.”
Huaisang pats Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “And I won’t say a word if you get that tower of waffles monstrosity. You’ve had a tough morning.”
That draws a real smile from Jiang Cheng. “My hero,” he says, bending down to kiss Huaisang properly.
“Damn right I am.”