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He looked around in reverence, spinning in place to take in their tiny hotel room. There were two single-beds, a TV and a tiny desk - to even have space to walk, they had to shove their suitcases under the beds. There was no AC, so they opened the window to let air in, only to be blasted by the noises of New York - cars and construction and whatever else that all made Nino’s ears ring.
Still, Adrien’s eyes sparkled, and he looked at their room with the same expression that he looked at stars and flowers and strangers who were kind.
“Is this your first time in New York?” Nino asked, already on the bed and feeling strangely ungrateful at Adrien’s reaction.
Adrien had a huge room, almost bigger than Nino’s house, and yet he still liked this more. What did that say, about his home then?
Nino pushed those nagging feelings away, promising that Gabriel goddamn Agreste wouldn’t touch them this time. The thought of the man made his stomach churn, but he was an ocean away and Nino finally got to spend time with his best friend without the man’s stupid restrictions and curfews hanging over them.
“I’ve been here before,” Adrien replied, sitting down on his own bed, perched at the corner of the mattress, “But not without Mother or Father.”
He seemed fine, shoulders relaxed and lips upturned into a content smile, but Nino noticed how his fingers played with his ring.
“We still have time before lights out,” Nino said, pulling out his phone, “Want to know what superhero you are?”
Adrien grinned like he knew something Nino didn’t, “I bet you’re like Viperion.”
“Sacrilege!” Nino yelled, “I’m Rena Rouge!”
Nino sat down beside Adrien, ignoring how the boy tensed.
“First question - favourite ice cream.”
“That’s a dumb - “
“Favourite. Ice cream.”
Adrien giggled, and Nino was glad he finally seemed to be relaxing, “Um, vanilla?”
“You bland, bland child.”
The quiz continued with more mundane questions. Nino found out Adrien’s favourite pokemon was charmander, knew far too much about Disney movies and called himself an anime fan but hadn’t watched Bleach yet (not that Nino even knew what that was, but he teased Adrien mercilessly anyway). Adrien, in turn, found out that Nino loved pikachu, related to Tiana on a personal level and had only ever watched the first season of Naruto.
“You - what. Why would you start Naruto and not finish it? You might not like it but you still have to finish it.”
“Because … I wasn’t interest -”
“Think carefully about what you’re about to say.”
“I was waiting to watch it with you.”
Adrien smiled brilliantly, and Nino dodged a bullet.
“Okay, last question,” Nino said, “Your mother explicitly told you you weren’t allowed to go to a party, but all your friends are going. What do you do?”
“I don’t go. Don’t want to be punished.”
Nino whined, “But we’re all there! Can’t risk grounding for us?”
Pure panic flashed through Adrien’s eyes, almost too fast to be noticed. The nagging at the back of Nino’s mind came back full force, like he was missing something obvious.
“Unless he’d punish you some other way?” Nino pressed, keeping his tone light.
“No, usually it’s grounding,” Adrien said tersely, “What would you choose?”
“How come he let you come to this trip, by the way?” Nino continued, “I doubt it was Marinette, though I love her.”
Adrien frowned, “I don’t know actually. I was confused too,” he laughed, in that self-deprecating way, “Once I was sick, and he made me work twice as hard the next day. But then another time he let me have the whole week off. He’s unpredictable sometimes.”
“That’s unfair.”
“So … Do you have a set of rules you have to follow?” Adrien asked.
“Sure I do. It just never changes, and if it did, mama would tell me first. She wouldn’t just change it out of nowhere. It’s predictable. It’s stable.”
“Maybe … I just can’t keep up with the rules,” Adrien sighed, “I’m a little slow. Everyone says so.”
“Everyone is wrong. I’ve never seen someone pick up on particle physics as fast as you did.”
Adrien smiled, that model smile, “That’s a little different, don’t you think?”
“He can’t just change the rules like that is all I’m saying,” Nino snapped, “It’s not fair!”
Adrien startled and Nino hated himself a little bit. He had promised himself that Gabriel wouldn’t ruin this, but of course that man had to. That man ruined everything for Adrien, and the worst part was that Adrien didn’t see it.
“I’m just bad at predicting his moods,” Adrien said, “I’m not playing the game right.”
Frustration curled in Nino’s chest. He wanted to shake Adrien and tell him to stop defending his father, but he knew it would only make things worse. Instead, Nino calmed down first, before continuing.
“It’s just unfair that he doesn't even have concrete rules,” Nino said, “Let’s just get back to the quiz, okay?”
Adrien had gone tense beside him, smiling that all-too-fake-smile that everyone seemed to love. Nino paused.
“Hey, bro?”
“Yeah?”
Nino hesitated, nagging in his mind pressing his lips together, “No, nevermind. Okay, let’s see what we are!”
Adrien got Carapace.
Nino got Chat Noir.
“World’s mysterious,” Adrien murmured. Then pouted, “I wanted to be Ladybug.”
Nino smiled, and ignored the nagging in his mind that chanted, ask him, ask him, ask him.
Nino wasn’t Chat Noir, and he wasn’t Carapace either - he was a coward, because he had a question that he didn’t want to know the answer to.
***
Nino woke up to the sound of whimpering.
He was no stranger to nightmares - sometimes, all he could think about was the Bubbler. He couldn’t count how many times Chris had crawled into his bed after one too, so Nino knew how to comfort nightmares as much as he knew how to confront them.
But Adrien was different. Adrien had boundaries that Nino didn’t know about, and wasn’t willing to cross.
The other boy continued to whimper slightly, and Nino reached out, rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder.
“Hey, bro?” Nino said, “You okay?”
“N - Nino?”
“Yeah. You were having a nightmare.”
Adrien sat up slowly, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s fine, I get them all the time too. Do you need anything?”
Adrien hesitated a little too long on his, “No.”
Nino knew a lie when he saw one, but knew calling Adrien out on it would only make him shut down further. So, he went over to his bed and started pushing.
“Nino!” Adrien hissed, “What are you doing?”
“Pushing out beds together.”
“I don’t think we’re allowed to do that …”
“We’ll put them back,” Nino said, laying down beside Adrien, “I warn you, I cuddle in my sleep.”
Adrien huffed out a surprised laugh, “Sure, okay.”
“Are you feeling homesick?” Nino asked, “I’m kind of missing my brother right now.”
“Oh, but I’m right here,” Adrien teased.
Nino grinned, “Give yourself some credit, you’re way better than my lil’ bro.”
“I’m telling Chris you said that.”
“Traitor!” Nino pushed him slightly, “No cuddles for you!”
“Not the cuddles! I’m sorry!”
They giggled quietly for a while.
“You know, it’s okay to have nightmares,” Nino said. It was an obvious thing, but Adrien sometimes didn’t know obvious things.
“It’s weak,” Adrien murmured.
“Did your dad say that?”
“You always think the worst of him,” Adrien snapped.
Adrien rarely snapped, but when he did, Nino refused to respond in kind. Gently, he said, “He’s never given me a reason not to.”
Adrien fell silent at that. Nino had a feeling that somehow, he had overstepped.
“Anyway,” Nino yawned, “Goodnight, pixie.”
“I am not a manic pixie dream boy,” Adrien complained.
“Okay, but you are some sort of TV trope,” Nino tiredly tried to remember the sight he scrolled through yesterday “Born Sexy Yesterday?”
Adrien paused, “Hm. I am sexy.”
Nino nearly choked on his laughter, “Okay no. I got it - Sunshine Child.”
“That’s not a real trope!”
“It is now!”
Adrien grumbled, “Why do I have to be a trope? What are you then?”
“Best Friend Sidekick.”
Adrien gave him a long serious look, “You are nobody's sidekick.”
Nino laughed, “I wish you channeled that encouragement into yourself sometimes.”
“I thrive on insecurity and self-sabotage.”
Nino gave him a look to which Adrien gave a sheepish look back.
“I will try to be kinder to myself,” Adrien recited obediently.
Nino yawned, “Exactly …”
(Adrien, as it turned out, was way more of a cuddler than Nino.)
***
“ - which is why my dad left,” Nino finished, “He lives in Spain now.”
“Do you miss him?”
“Sometimes,” Nino admitted, “I have mama though,” he paused, “Do you miss your mum?”
Adrien blinked at the change of topic, “Of course I do. I think Father misses her more.”
Don’t make it about goddamn Gabriel, “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up …”
“No, it’s okay,” Adrien hummed in contemplation, like he was gearing up to say something, “I think … I feel guilty sometimes. That I don’t miss her as much as I’m supposed to.”
Nino paused, trying to process that, “It’s different for everyone. She’d be glad you’re moving on.”
“Yeah,” Adrien said, but there was something in his voice Nino couldn’t decipher, “Yeah. She was the one who actually brought me to New York, the first time.”
“What were you guys doing here?”
“Business trip,” Adrien smiled, remembering, “Technically, Mother was the head of the Agreste company. Father took on her name when they married. He was always proud of that.”
“Huh, I didn’t know that.”
“Most people don’t. Anyway, we were here ‘cause Mother wanted to talk to someone in Hollywood, and we were stopping on the way there. It was fun.”
“Your Mother sounds wonderful,” Nino said honestly, I wish she’d been the one to live.
Which was a cruel thought that Nino immediately regretted, but didn’t take back.
“Father changed after she passed,” Adrien murmured, his mind clearly drifting, “Everything did.”
Nino hummed, giving Adrien the space to continue. Eventually, he did.
“But I think we can get better. If I try hard enough.”
“Relationships are a two-way street.”
“I know,” Adrien murmured, “Sometimes, I don’t want to try anymore.”
That was news to Nino. He said nothing, knowing that it would be best if he just listened. There was nothing he could do to make this better.
Nino’s almost half asleep when Adrien spoke again, “I’m not homesick.”
That snapped the sleep right out of him, “What?”
“Last night you asked me if I was homesick. I’m not.”
“Oh.”
“I miss Paris, of course,” Adrien’s voice turned fond, “How could I not. But I don’t miss home. I like it here. With you.”
“Huh,” that’s not what Nino expected.
Adrien shifted closer, until their shoulders were touching, “Thanks for being my bro, bro.”
Nino snorted, “Sounds so weird coming from you, sunshine child.”
Adrien smacked him, “Shut up about that will you! We’re having a moment!”
Nino laughed, but the feeling that had nagged him for so long was finally back. And this time, he didn’t ignore it.
“Hey, Adrien?”
“Hm?”
“Are you ever … scared to go home?”
***
Gabriel goddamn Agreste came in and whisked Adrien away in a show of drama and power. It was like a taunt, a clear reminder of how helpless Nino was to stop anything. Nino lay in bed alone at night, feeling his stomach churn in dread.
“We’ll see him again in Paris,” Alya said reassuringly, hugging Nino tight, which helped alleviate some of the tension.
But seeing Adrien in Paris wasn’t good enough. Because Gabriel would still be there, looming over their friendship. Adrien would still smile, would still startle at kindness and noises and flinch at too quick movements. Adrien would still overreact and underreact and swing between moods too quickly for Nino to keep up, just like Gabriel did.
And Nino would still be a useless friend.
Nino kept their beds together, in case Adrien returned. But he didn’t, and Nino knew he wouldn’t.
***
“Are you ever … scared to go home?”
“That’s not fair Nino,” Adrien snapped defensively, “My Father’s cold, he’s not cruel.”
"S-sorry - " Nino stuttered out while all his mind could scream was:
That's not a no.