Chapter Text
You can’t do this, Marinette, a voice inside her said, and it sounded a lot like Tikki, It’s dangerous to tell anyone.
And another voice in her head, that was more her own, that was growing more tired and withdrawn every day, said, Tell her.
So she did.
“I’m Ladybug,” Marinette said, and waited.
Waited for what, she wasn’t sure. For rejection, maybe.
For Alya to laugh and for Marinette to laugh with her. Good job, crisis averted, back to keeping your secrets.
Or maybe Alya would frown, because Marinette was so utterly clumsy and useless and Ladybug was this amazing figure that everyone looked up to as flawless and it was all too much for Marinette to ever be. Alya would shake her head, say, you don’t deserve to be Ladybug, and she’d tell everyone.
But Alya stayed silent as she pulled Marinette into a hug.
Marinette didn't realise she was crying until she was choking on sobs.
“Oh sweetheart,” Alya said, her voice soft and soothing, “It’s okay, just lean on me.”
And something inside Marinette started to unravel. All the words left unsaid, all the secrets that she’d fought to keep, all the risks she calculated - it all came spilling out.
“I’m Ladybug,” she cried, “Please - “
I don’t want it anymore.
She wanted to be a normal girl, who could be a good friend, a good daughter, a good girlfriend. She wanted to not have to worry about Shadowmoth and Akuma and if she could function on two hours of sleep.
“Oh, Marinette,” Alya said, and her voice was breaking too.
She wanted to be a fashion designer.
She didn’t want to be a superhero. She’d never wanted to be a superhero.
“I can’t - “ Marinette stuttered out, “Shouldn’t tell you - “
It’s okay, Tikki’s voice said, and Marinette was startled to realise it was the real voice this time, “It’s okay, Marinette.”
So she gripped onto Alya tighter, and let it all out.
Alya’s always wanted to be a superhero.
That didn’t change with Rena Rouge. And watching Marinette - Ladybug - break down in her arms didn’t change that either.
Alya’s always wanted to be a superhero, now she’s just reassessing what it meant.
She rubbed a soothing hand on Marinette’s back, whispering nonsense in her ears. It’s okay, she said, as though it wasn’t completely messed up. You’ll be okay, she said, as though her best friend wasn’t having a mental breakdown right now.
There’s nothing Alya can do, except hold her friend. She didn’t even let herself think (Marinette is Ladybug ) because right now she just needed to be there for Marinette.
Slowly, the other girl calmed down, still holding onto Alya. Alya let her take her time, gave her space, because that was all she could do.
“How’re you feeling?” Alya asked, when Marinette let go enough to wipe her tears.
“Terrible,” she croaked out.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just - “ Marinette buried her face in her hands, “What’s there to talk about?”
The fact that you’re Ladybug. The fact that it’s taking a toll on you. The fact that -
“Thank you, for trusting me enough to tell me,” Alya said, “Tell me what you need, girl. I’m right here for you.”
“I need macarons,” Marinette said, “And a sleepover watching bad rom coms.”
“Anything, girl,” Alya kissed her forehead, “Lean on me.”
Marinette lay down in bed, her kwami giving Alya a grateful look and sitting on the pillow beside Marinette’s head. Alya texted her parents, then went downstairs to get macarons.
“Oh, Alya,” Sabine said in faux-cheer, “How is Marinette?”
Tom didn’t even try to hide his worry.
Alya had always thought that being Ladybug must be spectacular. Later, she figured that maybe it wasn’t so great, to be called on thankless duty all the time. Now, she realised that she’d never even thought about the pressure it put on Ladybug’s loved ones as well.
Her breakup with Luka. Her avoidance of talking about her parents. Her insistence on being left alone. It all made sense now.
“She’ll be okay,” Alya promised, more to herself than to Sabine. She loaded Marinette’s plate with as much food as she could, not just macarons.
When she got back to Marinette’s room, she was sitting up again, giving Alya a tired smile.
“I’m sorry to dump that on you,” Marinette said, anxiety creeping into her voice, “A-and you can’t tell anyone.”
“I promise,” Alya said seriously, shoving the plate of food at her, “Now. Eat. Has she even been taking care of herself?”
The kwami smiled sadly, “No, she hasn’t. And my name is Tikki - it’s finally nice to meet you, Alya.”
“You too,” Alya replied, when she said, and why exactly isn’t she taking care of herself, if you’re here? But she knew that was an unfair question - Marinette was the most stubborn person she’s ever met.
Marinette wolfed down the food as they played an episode of a show Alya’s never watched. She didn’t even pay attention, too focused on Marinette.
“I love being Ladybug,” Marinette said suddenly, “It’s good. I love the freedom, and the helping people, and the cat,” she smiled fondly, “Chat definitely makes it easier. But … sometimes I just want to be normal.”
Alya nodded, not knowing what to say.
“There used to be a Guardian for the Miraculous, but he sacrificed himself in battle,” her breath hitched, and Alya mourned the day any fifteen-year-old had to talk about battle , “So I became the new Guardian.”
Her voice was cold, detached, like she was narrating a story not her own. Alya moved closer, pressing their sides together to make sure she was still grounded.
“What does that mean?”
Marinette gestured and Alya’s eyes widened as a dozen little gods came flying out. Among them was Trixx, looking like they itched to come say hi, but knowing that this was something they shouldn’t interfere in.
“You have to look after all of them?”
Marinette nodded.
“And the Akuma’s have been getting stronger too,” Alya murmured, “Girl, I’m so sorry.”
Marinette shrugged.
They fell into quiet again, the tv show merely white-noise at this point. Alya didn’t push, letting Marinette rest her head on Alya’s shoulder. Eventually, Marinette continued.
“I feel like I can’t have a single relationship at this point. I thought - maybe I could just be Ladybug forever. But it doesn’t work like that because I love being Marinette too. I love it more than Ladybug even. This is who I am and - and what if I have to give that up? W - what if - what if the only way I can save Paris is to - “
“ No ,” Alya said firmly, “No, Marinette. You’re going to save Paris, and you’re going to do it with Ladybug, and you’re going to still be Marinette after it’s all over.”
It this what Marinette had been going through this entire time? Where had Alya been ? Thinking it was boy troubles - Alya’s guilt ate at her heart at how stupid she had been.
Marinette, poor, sweet Marinette, seemed to pick up on it instantly. “It’s not your fault. I’ve been pushing everyone away.”
This isn’t about me, stop trying to make me feel better, Alya wanted to scream. Instead, she circled her arms around Marinette’s shoulder, “Is that why … Luka?”
Marinette nodded, “I can’t keep up with him and the Akuma. He noticed I was gone a lot and well … we weren’t going to work out anyway.”
“I’m so sorry, girl,” Alya said, but even then her words felt meaningless.
Marinette sniffled, her voice small, “Alya?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you,” a pause, like a desperate plea, “I love you.”
Alya’s heart clenched, “You’re my best friend Marinette, I’m not abandoning you to do this alone. You know that, right?”
Marinette didn’t respond. Alya grabbed her by the shoulder, turning her to face her, “You know that, right?”
“I know,” Marinette mumbled, looking away, “I forget sometimes.”
“Then I’ll remind you as many time as you need,” Alya said gently, “I’m never leaving you alone. Not with this. I promise.”
Marinette sniffled, putting out her pinkie, “You promise.”
It was a childish thing, wrapping their pinkies together like elementary children. But to Alya, and maybe to Marinette too, it felt like an unbreakable bond. An unshakable one, too.
“I promise.”
“I’m sorry, Tikki.”
She was standing on the balcony, barefeet, Tikki hovering just out of sight. She was exhausted after talking to Alya, but she felt better somehow.
“I should be the one who’s sorry,” Tikki said, voice heavy, “I should bever have made you think you had to do this alone.”
She smiled at her kwami and didn’t disagree. There was a lot she needed to ask Tikki, about identities and secrets and why they gave Miraculous to children.
But for now, she needed to clarify -
“I’m glad I’m Ladybug.”
And Marinette meant it.
It was hard work. Some days, she wanted to sleep and never wake up. It put a strain on every relationship she had, inside and outside of the mask. Her sleep schedule was non-existent, and her personal projects were progressing at a snail's pace.
She wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“I’m glad to have met Chat. It’s nice to feel confident and useful - to lead, and to see my efforts pay off. I love seeing this city, helping its people. Mostly,” she turned to Tikki, who seemed startled, “I’m glad to have met you.”
Tikki’s face crumpled, and she flew into Marinette with so much force that she almost went toppling.
“I’m glad to have met you too, Marinette,” she said sincerely.
There’s still a lot to talk about, between them. The underlying tension of Guardianship and Master Fu’s mistakes and everything Tikki’s led Marinette to believe and so much else. But Marinette knew they’d be okay.
They stay outside for a while, feeling the breeze and watching the stars. When they head back in, Alya’s already asleep, Trixx curled up beside her.
“Goodnight, Tikki,” Marinette whispered to the kwami beside her as she slid into bed.
Tikki smiled from her specially made pillow, right next to Marinette’s head, “Goodnight, Ladybug.”
It was all going to be ok -
Alya shot up in her mattress, startling Marinette.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh my god,” Alya said, eyes wide, “I know who Ladybug is.”
Marinette blinked. Then, a sound bubbled out of her throat, spilling over into giggles and refusing to stop. Alya was grinning at her, mirth in her eyes too.
This was the hardest Marinette had laughed in a long, long time.