Chapter Text
Charles Dickens once wrote:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
Jimin had never really understood what the author had meant, not until he experienced it himself. Now he finally understood. Life had been so terribly chaotic and busy these last couple of months. They had been working from dawn to dusk and hardly had time for any sleep, even less leisure. It was worth it though, knowing their hard work would pay off in the end. It had to or they would be forced to disband. They’d gotten one last chance and they were not going to screw it up. The Most Beautiful Moment in Life was going to be the key to their big success! At least, that was what they kept telling themselves. Hope was the last thing that abandoned man and they needed all the hope they could get.
To succeed they had to be in their right state of mind, they were all aware of that. This meant they had to set aside all their private matters and only focus on work. It hadn’t been easy but easy was a luxury they couldn’t afford.
Two weeks ago, they’d been shooting ‘I NEED U’ which had been tough. It was such an emotional story with a lot of pain and suffering. It reminded them all of their life; and it reminded Jimin of that one quote from Charles Dickens.
This was their best and their worst time in life, and they knew that, and they loved and hated every second of it.
It was a feeling that made sense to all seven of them, and they accepted it without a second thought.
Accept without a second thought, that was something Taehyung had been forced to quickly learn when he first became a part of BTS. He was one of the youngest and he had practically no say in anything. What the other said goes. He had to accept that, although it sometimes pained him because so very often he had a lot he wanted to say.
He tugged at his wine-red bowtie and looked up at the blue sky, not a single cloud to be seen. It was a beautiful spring morning and he enjoyed the mild wind that was playing around him. The sound of traffic and the sound of a barking dog could be heard. It was things few people registered; they were too busy running through life to have time to listen.
Taehyung took a deep breath. He was on top of the roof of BigHit’s building, all dressed like a detective of some sort. He was all alone up here. At least, that was what he thought, until he heard someone behind him. He knew he was going to get a slap and braced himself for it. He hadn’t told anyone that he was going to go up here, because he knew they wouldn’t let him. Not without a Hyung. He didn’t care about that rule right now, not when he was in a desperate need for some air. It had been way too suffocating in the changing room.
“Taehyungie?”
Taehyung turned around when he heard the soft voice of Jimin. His body automatically relaxed now knowing he wasn’t going to be hit and screamed at.
“What are you doing here?” Jimin asked, seemingly concerned. His hair was dyed red and he was dressed in a white shirt and a black tie – very neat.
Taehyung shrugged his shoulders at the answer before turning back to the cluttered view. There were buildings everywhere in different sizes, forms and colours which made the city look very messy.
Jimin tilted his head while scanning his best friend from head to toe.
“Taehyungie…”, he said, sounding sad. “Hyungs know you left.”
Taehyung didn’t say or do anything and Jimin bit his lower lip, now turning his gaze to the view as well.
“It’s not as beautiful as Busan”, he pointed out. “One day, I’ll take you to my favourite lookout and you’ll see, you will love it.”
He smiled weakly but didn’t get any reaction out of his friend. It was nothing new. Taehyung only spoke when he really had to. He never spoke to Jimin, not anymore, not since he’d learnt what Jimin had done. Taehyung had trusted him and he’d broken that trust by telling Jungkook about the big secret.
Jimin regretted it so much.
Taehyung regretted it too that his friend had told their Maknae about his hallucinations. Everything had been more chaos than normally after that day. Jin had tried to make him talk, but Taehyung had refused to. Pain filled his heart. He hated Jimin! At least, he tried to.
“Taehyungie, I… we…” Jimin trailed off, not sure how to say what he wanted to say. “We haven’t gotten to talk since… since that time… about Jungko…”
“V…”, Taehyung interrupted Jimin without letting his eyes leave the sight of the view. “… V is stronger, happier, braver… better… V is the person I would want to be… Someone who’s free.”
Jimin understood. Taehyung was always happier when he was V. Weren’t they all happier and freer when they were their personas?
“Come on V-ah”, Jimin said purposely, with an encouraged smile. “Let’s go back, before they get too angry.”
“I prefer not.”
Jimin was baffled hearing the answer. “You know we have to”, he said, it was obvious they had to! “We’re going to start the shooting in five minutes, we have to be there.”
Taehyung kept staring at the view, so Jimin grabbed his arm but got pushed away. He didn’t want to be touched.
“You want to be V, right? You can’t be V by standing out here”, Jimin said, now starting to get worried. “We need you… we…” he stopped talking when he saw how Taehyung turned around and began to walk back. He hurried to follow and about three minutes later, they were back in their changing room.
Three staff members were there, greeting them. Jungkook was also there, looking a bit nervous. That face didn’t fit with the police uniform he was wearing. A police officer should look confident and strong, shouldn’t they?
They were all dressed up for their new Music Video; they were all going to pretend to be from different professions. The coolest was Hobi who was dressed up as a rally driver, at least that was what Jungkook thought. If you asked Jimin, he would say it was Jungkook who was the one who was the coolest. He’d always admired the brave police officers, and when he was younger, his wish had been to become one of them, and to have a police car and a police dog!
“I’ll text the others”, Jimin murmured and picked up his phone. Jungkook glanced at Taehyung who took a seat on one of the chairs. One of their stylists was quickly there to fix his hair that had ended up in a mess by the wind.
Another stylist came up to Jimin to fix his hair too.
Not even twenty seconds later, Jin rushed inside the room, wearing a white doctor’s uniform with a stethoscope around his neck. His eyes were quickly scanning the room until he found Taehyung.
“Are you okay?” he asked and hurried up to his dongsaeng. “Where were you?”
Taehyung didn’t have time to answer before Hobi and Yoongi entered the room.
“We need to be up in… five minutes ago”, the younger rapper said, sounding a bit worried. “Has anyone told them we’re running late?”
“Yeah, Namjoon did”, Jin said at the same moment the leader stepped inside. He was elegantly dressed up in a black bell boy uniform.
“What did I do?” he asked but didn’t care about the answer when he saw Taehyung. His eyes narrowed.
“Where the hell have you been?” he asked firmly and walked up to the boy.
“On the roof”, Taehyung murmured and looked down at his lap. The grey shorts he was wearing revealed his naked knees.
“On the roof?” Namjoon was trying his best not to lose his temper. It was extremely difficult when the stress and anger were rushing wild and hot in his body. “You are completely hopeless, you know that?! Completely hopeless! And you disobey me on purpose, I know you do. It’s like you’re asking for a whipping!”
Taehyung didn’t move and the anger just grew stronger in the leader.
“I’m so tired of you! You know how important this is! You know Hyungnim will kill us if we don’t get this right! We will be nothing if this fails!” he scolded Taehyung so harshly that he was almost screaming. He knew he had to calm down, they had to be fine for the shoot, and therefore he took a deep breath before crossing his arms. He was yet again waiting for any kind of reaction from his dongsaeng but he didn’t get any. “Huh…? Say something!”
Still nothing.
Namjoon sighed and dropped his arms. “We don’t have time for this, but we’ll take care of your disobedience tonight… Where are your glasses?”
“In my pocket”, Taehyung answered as weakly as before.
“Put them on”, the leader said and turned to the rest of his team members. “Come on, we need to be out there now!”
They all hurried as fast as they could to get to the studio with sceneries that were reminiscent of a forgotten time. Cameras, lights, screens, hundreds of cords and microphones were around them, and people ran around, back and forth. Everybody was already there waiting for them.
Embarrassment filled the leader’s body and he bowed deep to the director. A man in his early forties, fresh and young looking with a friendly smile.
“I’m so sor…”
“It’s okay”, the man cut him off, and although he kept smiling, he seemed a bit tense. “Let’s just get you all in position, we have a very busy day.”
Namjoon nodded, while wishing he had been allowed to give the director a proper apology. He felt guilty for not being able to do it but he tried to ignore the feeling.
The shoot began with J-Hope and continued with Suga. They were shining brightly. For a short moment they were in heaven. For a short moment they were the Gods.
A second take. Also perfect.
Everything went smoothly. Everybody was working hard. The camera crew and the others from the staff as well.
“Great job, guys”, the director said and flipped through his papers. “Let’s continue with V-ssi and Jin-ssi… Jungkook-ssi, you’re blah, blah, blah…”
Were the words Taehyung heard. He licked his lower lip while wondering how the birds were doing. He’d heard them earlier today, it was a bit concerning actually. They had sounded pretty upset and when Namjoon-Hyung had scolded him in the kitchen this morning for being lost in thoughts, the white cat had arrived. Meowing. It had had a feather in its mouth.
All yellow.
Not blue.
It didn’t bode well.
“Come on now, we can do this!” Namjoon was applauding them all, while one of the stylists was making sure his black uniform was sitting as it should.
There were many people swarming around them, quickly making sure they looked perfect, before they could get into their positions. This was good, their tardiness hadn’t destroyed the plans. Namjoon especially was feeling better about that, but that good feeling didn’t last for many minutes when Taehyung suddenly refused to get into what looked like a gigantic bird cage.
“It doesn’t have doors, so you do not need to worry about getting stuck inside”, the director said a bit jokingly, but it wasn’t the reason why Taehyung didn’t want to get inside. No. The issue was not the cage itself but the things inside the cage. The old looking recording machines, the small tv screens, the rotary dial phone, the magnifying glass and the lamps were all soaked in blood.
Taehyung blinked but it didn’t matter how many times he tried to unsee it, the blood was still there. Dripping.
“Taehyung-ah”, Namjoon came up to give him the encouragement he needed to be able to get inside. “Listen to me”, he whispered close to the boy’s ear. “You stop fooling around now and do your job properly, or the belting will become a switching, alright?”
Taehyung didn’t pay any attention to his Hyung and instead kept staring into the place where he was supposed to take a seat. Too much blood. He suddenly felt a swat to his behind.
“Taehyung-ah, I’m serious”, Namjoon said the next second after his hand had fallen. He wasn’t whispering anymore.
Everybody was watching them, waiting for Taehyung to say or do something. Anything. But he didn’t. He was too occupied staring into the gigantic cage.
Namjoon grabbed his upper arm this time, but before he had time to speak, Taehyung turned his gaze to him and said:
“I have to go home.”
“What?” the leader was taken aback upon hearing how serious his dongsaeng seemed about his demand. Where did this come from now? “No, you don’t”, he argued against.
“Yes, I have to go home”, Taehyung argued back but Namjoon, who was still having a tight grip on the younger, turned to their director.
“I’m sorry, director-nim”, he apologized to the man. He was sounding very apologetic, while his heart was pounding nervously in his chest. “Please, may I go talk to…”
“I would like to talk to Taehyung-ah”, Jin interrupted him, with a slight bow. “If director-nim is okay with it.”
Namjoon shut his eyes and prayed for some strength. He knew he needed it because he was too close to punch his own Hyung in the face right here and now. Why the fuck would Seokjin want to talk to the brat?! Sweet words and cuddles were not going to solve this problem!
He gave Jin an angry glare but Jin ignored it, and instead thanked their director when the man said:
“Alright, let’s take a ten-minute break, everybody.”
Namjoon stepped forward and grabbed Jin’s arm.
“Hyung, you…”
“I’ll talk to him, don’t worry”, Jin interrupted him and put a hand on Taehyung’s back, gently pushing him forward. “Come, let’s talk in private.”
Namjoon clenched his fists but remained where he was standing, while watching them leave to the other side of the studio. To an empty corner far from everybody else. He sighed and shook his head before turning around. He knew Jin was only wasting time, and he hated that he couldn’t do shit to prevent it.
Jin didn’t think he wasted time. Yeah, sure they could probably get Taehyung to do his job quicker with other methods but that wasn’t the way Jin wanted to go with this. The way he wanted to take, although it would probably take longer, didn’t feel like a waste of time at all.
“How are you?” he asked and saw how his dongsaeng was looking at him very suspiciously. He was wearing the glasses that had come with the detective costume. It was different. Jin thought he looked more like a boy on his way to his very first dance in elementary school than anything else.
“I need to go home”, Taehyung suddenly said very solemnly.
Jin was confused but then gave him a soft smile before saying, with a curious voice: “Why?”
“The birds.”
“Oh, birds, I see… what about them?” Jin tried to take this seriously, tried to show that he was on his dongsaeng’s side. He wasn’t going to dismiss everything Taehyung said like they usually did. No, not anymore. Jin had decided that the best way to get Taehyung to trust and talk to him was to become his friend.
“They’re dying”, the younger said, both sounding and looking a bit urgent. “It doesn’t bode well.”
“Okay”, Jin nodded slowly, while trying his hardest to understand, but he failed. “So, what birds?”
“The birds outside”, Taehyung pointed at a random direction. There were no windows here anyway, so technically outside could be anywhere if they were to break some walls.
Jin gave his dongsaeng a sad expression. “There are no birds dying outside, Taehyungie”, he said carefully. “Please, tell me, are you hallucinating?”
“NO!” Taehyung shouted defensively and Jin put his finger in front of his own lips. Don’t scream. Taehyung understood and relaxed. “The bird flew into the window and I need to save it, that’s why he had the yellow feather in his mouth!” he explained but it didn’t get any clearer for Jin.
“Who had a yellow feather in his mouth?” Jin asked but Taehyung didn’t answer that, and the older sighed. “When was this?”
“This morning.”
“Really?” Jin hadn’t seen any birds flying into any window. “What window?”
“The window at home”, Taehyung was getting more stressed. He felt like he didn’t have time for this interrogation. “I have to go home.”
“Hey, hey, it’s fine”, Jin put a hand on his shoulder when he saw how Taehyung was ready to leave. That was not an option though, they couldn’t go home now. “The bird is probably okay, yeah?” he said as confident as he could. “When we’re done here, we go check on it, how does that sound?”
The younger shook his head. “It’s going to be too late!”
“Well…”, Jin sighed again, it was harder than he thought it would be to play friends with Taehyung. “… I’m sorry about that but if this happened before we even left home then it’s probably too late anyway.”
“No”, Taehyung disagreed stubbornly. “If we don’t help it then the other birds are going to die and then bad things will happen!”
“Oh my…”, Jin murmured to himself and turned his eyes to the ceiling for a second, just to collect some strength. He realized that he couldn’t play this game. It was obvious it wouldn’t lead anywhere Jin wanted it to lead at least. He therefore looked back down at his dongsaeng and said: “No, Taehyungie, no birds are dying, you mu…”
“You don’t know that”, Taehyung interrupted him sharply.
“Yah!” Jin warned before saying: “It doesn’t matter what I know and don’t know because we can’t do anything about it, can we? No, we can’t”, he answered his own question. “You need to accept that!”
Taehyung didn’t want to accept it and yet again tried to leave, but Jin wasn’t letting him.
“Listen”, he said, now holding both his hands on his dongsaeng’s shoulders. “If you tell me the truth now, about your halluci…”
“They are not hallucinations; the birds are dying!” Taehyung said, evidently annoyed, and pulled himself away from his Hyung. “The bird flew into the window!”
“Okay, count out the birds for a minute and focus on the other times, yes?” Jin said. He felt how he was starting to lose his patience, and he was also starting to feel the frustration build up but he forced himself to stay calm. “Other things you see, are they hallucinations?”
Taehyung refused to answer that.
Jin pressed his lips together, feeling how his frustration turned into sadness. “You see, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me, and I want to help you. I really do.”
Taehyung refused to even meet his eyes this time, but Jin didn’t give up and just continued talking:
“Taehyungie, please, if you tell me now…”, another deep sigh escaped him before he was able to continue. “… Do you have or have you had hallucinations for this past year or two?”
Taehyung started shaking his head but didn’t say anything.
“You know”, Jin said, sounding firmer this time. “If you tell me the truth, we’ll be able to fix this, but if you refuse to, I won’t have a reason to stop Namjoon from punishing you for being difficult, do you understand me?”
“I need to go home.”
“Taehyung-ah, please”, Jin was getting desperate. “Did you hear what I said?”
Taehyung kept refusing to look at Jin, and Jin was just about to talk again when they heard their director call out:
“OKAY, EVERYBODY, TIMES UP!”
Jin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. So many feelings were rushing in his body. He wanted to shake his dongsaeng, scream at him, hug him and tell him sorry. He felt so very guilty for not realizing sooner what had been going on with Taehyung. He should’ve seen it, and he wanted to kick himself for being so blind!
“We take care of the birds when we’re done, okay?” he asked, and made Taehyung meet his eyes this time. The younger looked a bit sceptical, but Jin gave him another smile; it was a forced one but non the less a smile. “I promise, so stay focused now, do well, be good and don’t make them angry.”
He didn’t wait for Taehyung to answer, he just hoped the boy was smart enough to not make this worse for himself.
Unfortunately, Jin’s hopes were dashed when Taehyung yet again refused to get inside the gigantic cage. Jimin tried to help him but with no luck.
Taehyung took off his glasses. They weren’t a safe pick right now. He needed safe picks and these glasses were definitely not one of those. A hat might be, for the cracks! He told Hobi about his safe picks but Hobi wasn’t following what his dongsaeng was saying.
“A hat.”
“A hat?” the rapper asked confused.
“Listen up”, their director interrupted them. He wasn’t sounding angry, nor harsh. He wasn’t sounding happy either, more concerned. “We can’t continue like this, we have a very busy schedule and if we can’t continue the shooting, we won’t make it.”
“Please, I’m sorry”, Namjoon started bowing again. “Please, let me talk to him this time, I promise, I’ll make him do his job.”
Their director thought about it for a few seconds but seemed to come to the conclusion that he didn’t have many other options than to give them another break.
“Sure, you’ll get thirty minutes”, he said. “But I’m going to have to contact your manager if this issue isn’t solved by then.”
Their hearts sank as horror grew inside of them – except Taehyung who was too busy with… Namjoon wasn’t sure, but he was going to find out if it was the last thing he did!
He approached Taehyung and then grabbed his neck firmly. He was just about to start dragging him away when he was yet again stopped by Jin.
“Namjoon-ah, I’ll talk to him again.”
“He needs more than a talking to and you know that!” Namjoon spat annoyingly. “Hyung, seriously, our director will call our manager if this doesn’t get solved! We can’t afford to coddle him!”
Jin was struggling internally but couldn’t deny that Namjoon wasn’t wrong. He didn’t want to admit his leader was right either, it didn’t feel right to admit that. But wrong, that Jin could admit he wasn’t.
Namjoon just shook his head and instead of waiting for his Hyung to say something, he continued where he was interrupted and started walking away with Taehyung.
Jin was watching them leave. He was conflicted with himself and wasn’t at all sure what to do. Did he really trust his leader? Yes, no, yes? No? Yes? Perhaps? Maybe? But what could he do? Taehyung refused to accept his help; he’d already tried to offer him help many times now without success. And talking to Namjoon was like talking to a brick wall. The more Jin raised the issue with Taehyung, the less Namjoon was willing to listen. Why was he so stubborn?
Jin didn’t have the energy to fight. His nerves couldn’t handle it, so he’d tried his best not to provoke Namjoon because he knew his dongsaeng didn’t mind the fighting. The leader was so very hot-headed.
But, fight or no fight, was it smart to let their leader take care of this by himself? A part of him said it was OK but another part said it wasn’t.
Jimin’s both parts said it wasn’t on the other hand, and he rushed up to his oldest Hyung.
“You have to follow them!”
Jin sighed without saying anything.
“You know why he acts like this”, Jimin was whispering now. “I know you know the truth, Jungkook told you, I know he did! I’ve heard you trying to talk to Namjoon-Hyung more than once. He doesn’t understand, and he’ll hurt Taehyung again.”
Jin thought about what Jimin said and didn’t move for something that felt like ages.
“Hyung?” he heard his dongsaeng say, sounding a bit impatient, like as if his body was itching. It looked like it was itching too.
Jin didn’t answer. He turned his head to the right and looked over to Yoongi who was standing further away together with Hoseok and Jungkook and some members from the staff. He made eye contact with the rapper.
Jimin saw it and it seemed to him as if they were talking through telepathy or something. It was so very quiet between the two of them. They were too far from each other to be able to talk with one another in a normal tone of voice.
Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows and his smoky eyes narrowed. Jin sighed for what felt like the 100th time this morning. He started massaging his face and the stethoscope around his neck accidently fell to the floor.
Jimin hurried to pick it up for him. Jin was just about to take it but froze.
“Hyung?”
Jin didn’t answer this time either. Instead, he turned his gaze back to Yoongi, but his eyes quickly wandered over to Hobi who was whispering something to his fellow rapper. It was impossible to tell what, because Yoongi’s expression didn’t change even the slightest. He was standing with his arms crossed just like before.
Jin moved his attention to his Maknae, who was fiddling with the leather straps on his police uniform. He seemed to have some problem, but one of the stylists was quickly there to help him.
“Hyung, what are you going to do? If you don’t go, then I’ll go” Jimin said and Jin turned back to his red haired dongsaeng. He gave him a concerned look, still annoyingly quiet according to Jimin.
Jin didn’t mean to be annoying. He was just trying to realize something, because he really did feel like he was on to something. Confusion was laying like a thin layer over him, but he could still see through it. Worry suddenly started boiling in his body and everything became extremely hot. Jin quickly realized that the answer he’d been looking for was a “no”. He did not trust his leader to handle this in a good way. His heart started to pound harder and alarm bells started to ring in his ears. Whatever Namjoon was planning to do with Taehyung, Jin knew he had to stop it. Who cares if they ended up in a fight, he wasn’t going to let his fear of conflicts stop him this time.
He put a hand on Jimin’s shoulder.
“Stay here”, he said and before Jimin had time to answer anything, he’d ran off.