Chapter Text
When did Xingqiu started feeling these strange emotions?
The guhua couldn't help but stare his beloved friend, the way his icy blue eyes fixated onto the popsicle, the way he looked like he had no care about anything in the world, Xingqiu just couldn't stop staring. His amber golden eyes peeked through the pages of his book, his hands were cold, contrast to warmth of his body. This feeling he felt was weird, it felt surreal. He gently rests his head onto the exorcist's shoulder, embracing the coolness Chongyun let out. This was normal, perhaps the feelings he felt was mere respect, nothing more. Each day was the same, this wasn't any different, but archons, why did his heart ache so bad?
His mind was fuzzy with thoughts, it was the first time he couldn't concentrate on the book he was reading. Xingqiu finally let's out an exasperated breath and stares into his friend's eyes. These thoughts, these thoughts were nothing. What he felt wasn't right. The emotions he tries so hard to bury isn't real. It had to be the trick of the light, how could Chongyun possibly look so good right now. He gently brushes the light blue hair on his friend's face, the intimate moments they shared were common — they were good friends after all.
Right. Just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Qiu? Have you finished your book?" The soft calm voice seemed to have broke Xingqiu out of his daze. He blinked his eyes in confusion before registering what Chongyun just said, noticing how he look equally as dumbfounded at the action Xingqiu had just committed.
"Ah, yes dear Yun, shall we get going now?" Xingqiu didn't want to leave despite his words, the comfort he felt was everything he needed right now. An escape from the reality and the troubles in life.
Atlas, Chongyun let's out a yawn before nodding his head, Xingqiu had no choice but to get up. It felt empty, something in him yearned more. The pent up feelings he felt inside were stirring up again, he felt almost sick. As much as the bookworm wanted to deny it, there was no doubt — Xingqiu was in love with Chongyun.
♧
Walking through the grassy fields beneath the mountains, he grabbed his friend's hand tightly. Chongyun, taken aback about the sudden action did not say a word, he had learnt to not question the antics Xingqiu came up with. Leaves swaying to the warm breeze, the sounds of the birds chirping, they never felt more at peace. They walked underneath the bright afternoon sun, Chongyun still eating his popsicle to keep his yang energy intact. As they walked, they came by a lake. The water glistening beneath the sun as they observed a pair of mandarin ducks dwelling. "Look YunYun, there are two mandarin ducks playing in water, don't you think they remind you of us?"
Now, Xingqiu was no fool when he spoke those words. He was a scholar, he knew what the phrase meant. He glances at Chongyun innocently as he blinks his eyes. Looking oblivious to the fact he knew what he was doing.
"Don't they normally say that for couples Qiu..."
"Don't you think we will make a good couple though?"
Ah, Chongyun's face was now blushing red, that was unexpected. Surely Xingqiu had to be joking. Two men? A couple? He never saw his beloved friend as anything more than a friend — brothers at most. Where was this coming from?
The prolonged silence only made the tension weird. Xingqiu sighs, "I'm just teasing you Yun, don't need to look so alarmed..."
Xingqiu can't help but feel a slight pang in his chest. He only said it to test the waters, he wasn't expecting much from it anyways. They continued their walk, what seemed to have happened had been long forgotten. Xingqiu started to have doubts, maybe these feelings he felt were just a misunderstanding. They knew each other since young, they were close, the bond they had was special. It was unique. Xingqiu can’t let it all crumble down just because of some weird feeling he felt.
But those eyes. Xingqiu can’t stop staring into those eyes. It was like an abyss, swallowing him whole. Like a moth drawn to a flame, he just cannot take his eyes off of him.
“Qiu, are you alright? You have been staring at me the whole day, is something wrong?”
“Everything is fine. Let's hurry back now, it's getting late.”
No. Nothing is fine. The more he embraced these feelings, the more he started to reject them. This wasn’t right, he can’t go pining after his best friend. Nothing made sense anymore. What will his family think? Disgusted? Horrified? What will his friends think? What will Chongyun think. For now it is best to bury these feelings once more, where no one else could find them.