Work Text:
It's so suffocating.
I can't breathe.
But I can smell the flowers.
I feel numb.
But I can feel the pain.
My mouth is filled to the brim.
But I can taste the sweet honey pollen.
I can't understand what I'm hearing.
But I can hear the growing buzz.
I can't think.
But my mind is filled with him.
Each memory surfacing,
Like a flower blooming.
Each bleed into my mind.
And blur the painful edges.
Colours of
white, red, blue, and gold are what I can see
Gold is the one that shines the brightest,
etched into my mind forever.
And teal too,
stuck onto flimsy strands that blow in the wind.
The wind...I want to feel it again.
And cradle the freedom of the spirit of the air in my arms.
And yet these limbs of mine are getting weaker.
The noise is getting louder.
The air is getting lesser.
It's so suffocating.
But yet,
I feel so happy.
Because-
***
I found you again. The sentence rang in Xiao's mind again and again as he paced outside the Baizhu's operating room.
Suddenly it was a replay of everything again, but even worse. He was waiting outside the cursed room where Venti was in, and it felt exactly like that day when he was waiting for Barbatos to come out alive and well.
Look how that turned out.
There was this terrifying sense of foreboding that Xiao couldn't shake off, this familiar and terrifying fear that Venti, his Venti, was going to slip from his hands again with no way of getting him back again.
And just when he got him back into his life.
That sliver of hope, joy and happiness that came with the realisation all went down the drain when Venti exploded with flowers and the impending doom of death.
He wanted to cry, so much, but he feels so empty. So spent that his couldn't even conjure up the tears of release from pain, and have the blurry vision and blocked nose distract him from the thoughts. But the pain stayed, and the tears never came. His head can't help but mess with him, replaying the days of darkness that suffocated him, the days that felt like an eternity.
He knows that this is a one-off chance that Celestia has granted him, but it was a one-in-a-million chance.
A chance that he got, but is going to lose.
In a desperate moment, he clasped his hands together, and prayed.
He doesn't pray much, not to Zhongli or the fallen archons because Zhongli refused for him to pray to a stepped down god and he never had the reason to pray to the fallen archons. But now he had the reason to.
Dear Morax and to the fallen archons above, I pray that you help Venti, Barbatos survive this ordeal. Please help me protect him, please make sure that he doesn't die because I swear to all of you that I can't-
He stopped whispering the words under his breath when his voice broke. He knew that no one would hear his prayers even if he did. All the gods were practically gone, and Zhongli doesn't listen anymore.
There was only one god to pray to, with his gnosis or not.
The archon that was teetering between the line of life and death.
He shakily drew the empty gnosis out and clasped it between his two palms, its sharp edges digging into his skin but he ignored it and placed his clasped hands to his forehead. And prayed.
***
"Hold on." An unfamiliar male voice said that seemed to come from above him. "This is going to hurt, but-"
Venti felt delirious, stuck in between the waking realm and the dark unconsciousness that seemed to steal him away into oblivion every once in awhile. There was a hand on his chest, he could feel, a swirling sensation come from it, somehow prolonging his time in the living world.
What was going on? Venti thought. He was so sure he was going to die. He felt himself take his last breath. But somehow, even with his airways blocked and his body not breathing, he could feel air, just a little bit, in his lungs. But even he knew that it wasn't enough.
His vision was blurry with tears - tears of pain and emotional turmoil.
Xiao. Alatus. Where was Xiao? Alatus?
Suddenly, he felt something tugging on the roots of his heart, where the flowers were supposed to cultivate. Someone was trying to pull the flowers of his airways.
"Mm...mmm!" He slightly protested at the hard, painful tug. His throat felt so worn out with the stems of the fully grown flowers stuck in them, the pain caused by the friction unbearable.
"Sorry," A voice said rather unapologetically. "But if you want to live, you'll have to bear with this."
That someone tugged even harder, and Venti couldn't do anything but choke, the pain running like fire from his heart up to his throat, making black dots appearing at the edge of his already messed up vision.
With one last pull, he finally felt the flower slide out of his throat, his heart letting it go, and he let his head fall back onto the hard material beneath him. He tried to breathe, but it was too painful to. All his organs felt raw, and he could taste the familiar metallic substance filling up his mouth.
"He's bleeding! Quick!" He heard someone scream at other people. "Go get..." The voices around him grew distant as his vision finally faded out into black.
***
"Rule 1: Never fall in love."
The voices of Celestia boomed and was casted down to the gods.
"Psh, I'll never, ehe!" Barbatos sang as he swung his legs up onto the desk. Morax, his best friend – or what he considers as a best friend – glared at him.
"Stop that, it's really unseeming for a god," he hissed, and Barbatos rolled his eyes, finally putting his legs down.
"Never fall in love because it is unfair to have mortal attachments to other gods and mortals. The consequence for doing so will result in your removal from both Celestia and the entire world."
"Rule 2: Remember to..."
***
He never forgot how it felt like to see Alatus for the first time.
***
Barbatos was a newly descended god, and of course he was eager to give out visions, things that he could make with a flurry of his hand. They were easy to make back then, when his power seemed limitless and never ending.
"Don't randomly give it out," Morax lamented, looking a little ticked off and irritated when he told him that he chose to give on random. "What if it falls into the wrong hands?"
"Oh, come on, Morax! Relax, nothing will happen," Barbatos said as he twirled another vision that he just made in his fingers. "They have the freedom to do what they want with it. It's wind, it's hard to harness, they should be fine."
"That's the point," The god sighed. "Freedom is exactly the reason why people would dare to-"
"Don't you dare," Barbatos whipped his head around so fast, his eyes, which were usually relaxed, were now flashing with anger. Then the anger seemingly dissipated, and Barbatos was back to beaming again. "By the way, I have to give this one out. Toodles!"
The god skipped away, looking happy to everyone else, but he would be lying if he wasn't deeply affected by Morax's words.
***
Barbatos couldn't find the right person to give out the vision to.
Which was weird since he usually gave it out on random and never gave much thought to it.
Curse you, Morax. Barbatos cursed under his breath. He was letting the older god's words get to him. And he shouldn't.
But he was tired, and he needed a break, even if he was a god. And so he grabbed a wine, and sat down on a random cliff, delicately drinking it and relishing in the beautiful taste that he had come to appreciate.
Suddenly, he felt a presence within the vicinity, right behind him, and it felt as if they were hesitant to step forward and disturb his peace.
"Hello there!" Barbatos piped up, not turning around to acknowledge said entity. "Would you like to come out and introduce yourself?"
He felt the mortal get closer to him, and soon he heard the soft rustling of grass and leaves as the mortal settled down beside him. Nervousness seemed to radiate from them, but there was this weird determination that he could feel, and the feeling that Barbatos always craved and loved - freedom.
He immediately turned to look at the human sitting beside him mutely, and all he saw was a young teenage boy, probably about 17 or so, looking a little unsure of what to do. But his face was soft, with a natural smile on it, and his teal hair was wild, flying all over his face with the winds from the cliffs.
Barbatos's heart stopped for that one second, during that one glance. He was immediately attracted to him. There was no doubt about that. This man...was gorgeous.
***
He never forgot how it felt like to hear him speak to him.
***
"Hi..." He said a little hesitantly. His voice was far from smooth, or delicate, but it was low, rough tone, and even so, it was rich with the potential of music that could come with his every word.
"Hello!" Barbatos chirped, grinning. "What's your name?"
"...Alatus?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Uh..." His eyes darted back and forth from the god to the cliff. "I always come around here. Who are you? I have never seen you around here before."
"Oh, so I'm the intruder?" Barbatos laughed. "I'm sorry, I was just feeling a little down, you know, stuff. But I'll leave if it-"
"It's fine, you can stay," Alatus shook his head.
"Oh?" Barbatos tilted his head ever so slightly. "So you already know that I'm a god?"
"Huh? You are?" Alatus's eyes widened in disbelief.
Barbatos giggled. "I thought you did! Usually people react like that to gods...but you're different."
"Oh...uh...thank you?" Alatus just raised an eyebrow, confused, and it threw the god into fits of giggles again.
"By the way, what's that?" Barbatos pointed to a stick that he saw that was attached to Alatus's side.
"It's a flute."
"A flute?" He reached out to take the 'flute'. "What is this?"
"A Liyuen instrument."
"Woah..." He examined the long bamboo instrument, twirling it in his fingers. "I always wanted to learn a Liyuen instrument." The only thing he knew how to play so far was the lyre, and nothing else.
"I can teach you if you want," Alatus smiled up at him.
"Really?" Barbatos said, a little too excitedly. "Thank you!" He hugged the boy in moment of ecstasy, and even though it may be a little over the top, Barbatos wasn't Barbatos without exaggerated expressions.
"I'll see back here tomorrow, at the same time, for lessons, yeah?" Barbatos said, still clinging onto the younger, confused boy.
"Sure?" But by the time the word left Alatus's mouth, the god had already disappeared, and in his place, was a swirling Anemo vision, right in his hands.
***
He never forgot how it felt like to fall in love with Alatus.
***
The first time he did, he was a young, unknowing god, it was a sudden groundbreaking realisation, tearing the world that he thought he knew apart and reassembling it to look like Alatus, the boy that he fell in love with. Every time he found himself with him, he felt his pulse speeding up, his mind running out of control. His heart would feel with joy, happiness and...love.
A foreign feeling.
He wasn't supposed to fall in love.
But once you fall...you can't stop.
***
The second time he did, he was a bard, a twenty-six thousand year old bard who had forgotten who Alatus was. That time it was slower, the realisation easing in slowly as he spent more and more time with him. It was new to the bard, but to the god that resided within him it felt like a memory, conjured up from his deepest, hidden folds of his mind, an old love that would never fade regardless of lost memories.
***
The third time he did, he was a modern singer, in Modern/Future Teyvat. Alatus was someone who didn't exist in his life, but in his mind. Old memories of his past life resurface as dreams, a new love that adhered to his old one dragged out of his heart, bringing him endless pain and love, all mixed into one.
***
Then he heard it. A small voice, calling him back to reality, right at the back of his mind.
***
Dear Barbatos, I pray that you come back to me alive and safe, that you remember me and don't leave my side again. I know it's a lot to ask, but I want you back.
I want you in my arms.
I want to hear you sing 24/7 at my ears again.
I want to hear you tease me about my life choices.
I want your lips back on mine, sealing what we promised each other.
I want to make you smile, and laugh with you everyday.
I want to sleep by your side, knowing that you're safe with me.
I...can't survive if you leave me again. Please, come back to me.
I love you, Venti, Lord Barbatos, Star, whatever you want me to call you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love-
*The voice faded away as unconsciousness pulled him back into the depths of darkness and eternal silence.
****
I'm sorry.
***
"We're losing him! Get extra help! Use your Anemo to call the others!"
***
When Xiao opened his eyes again, he felt the gnosis slightly pulsing in his palms, and he slowly unfurled his fingers to stare at a small green light that lit in the glass out of nowhere. It swirled in the middle for a moment, then it dimmed, disappearing forever.
Suddenly, he felt a soft breeze emitting from the operating room, the wind rushing right past him. Before he could react, a few physicians that Baizhu invited over that were on stand by ran past Xiao, barging into the room where Venti was supposedly in.
"Venti," he whispered under his breath and dashed to the the wooden door of the operating room, banging relentlessly on it. When there was no reaction, Xiao shouted, "Baizhu! Please, let me in!"
The door finally opened, and the tall man who towered over him gave him an irritated look. "Adeptus Xiao, I request that you stay outside and wait. You may be hindering the process-"
Xiao ignored him and shouldered past him and all the other physicians, kneeling by Venti's still, quiet body.
He kept his eyes fixed on Venti the whole time while everyone rushed around him, trying to stop the bleeding, but even Xiao knew it wasn't working. But he didn't want to think about it.
He can't bear the thought of losing him again.
He watched the slow rise and fall of Venti's chest, weak, but still there.
You'll be alright, you'll be alright, Xiao prayed again and again, but he didn't even know who he was praying to. You'll be alright-
Then he stopped. His mind stopped. Every single thought reduced into a soft buzz as Venti's breaths slowed, and his chest...stopped.
It stopped.
It stopped.
Every single physician in the room seemed to have stopped in their tracks, now that...
No, no, no.
He can't be, he can't be, he can't be-
"Venti. Venti, wake up," Xiao whispered, slightly shaking. "Please."
Venti didn't respond.
"Venti," Xiao repeated, his words getting more frantic. "Star. Barbatos. BB. Venti. Wake up! Please, I beg you, please-" He was cut off with a choke, from the lump in his throat that could no longer be suppressed.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why did it have to be them, always and forever pulled apart?
He could distantly hear screaming - it took him a few seconds that to realise that it was his own. His vision was blurry, and he could barely see the dark patches on Venti's shirt that were made wet from his tears.
"Venti!" He screamed, hitting the operating table with too much force. "Why did you have to leave...again? How many times are you going to leave? How many times are you going to come back only to leave again?!"
Of course, there was no answer.
No words of comfort.
No words of apology.
No nervous giggles of guilt.
Just silence.
Silence from a dead body.
All at once, something slammed into his chest - a familiar feeling, all too familiar - causing a stir, a growth that enveloped his heart and his throat, so fast, too fast.
The flowers finally came back, chokingly sweet and suffocating, yet this time he invited it back with open arms, lidding his eyes as he gave up trying and gave in to his fate.
At least he could join him now.
The pain and the shouting and the suffering and the choking finally gave way to a quiet darkness, a blissful oblivion.