Chapter Text
Douxie had thought he was going to leave with Nari but Steve has come up with an actually viable solution. She could go to Akiridion V for a bit. Douxie did think it was just so Steve could see his girlfriend and Eli. But Nari would be safe for a while at least. Claire was ecstatic that he was staying, offering the guest room in her house before anyone could stop her. Her parents agreed after Claire explained that Douxie was her magic teacher and his home above GDT Arcane Books had been blown to bits. So it looked like he’d be sticking around to teach Claire some magic. It wasn’t a terrible idea given that most world ending events seemed to start in Arcadia.
Claire was an excellent student, which she put down to him being a good teacher. Douxie wasn’t so sure, he knew nothing about shadowmancy after all. He was just reading the books and correcting her stances.
“This spell looks complicated.” Claire commented.
“It’s a nightmare spell.” Douxie explained. “When the shadow bolt comes into contact with a person they’ll be confronted by their worst nightmare.”
“Like pixies?” Claire asked.
“Exactly like pixies.” Douxie agreed. “But unlike pixies a hard knock to the head won’t get rid of it. You’d need the counter or strong will power to break free.” Claire shuddered.
“Maybe I shouldn’t learn it.” She said.
“It’s your choice Claire.” Douxie said gently. “It does sound nasty.” He didn’t fancy being on the receiving end of it. He had a few ideas of what he’d see and none of them were appealing.
“It might be useful against the Arcane Order though.” Claire trailed off. Douxie gave her a smile.
“I won’t make you.” He promised. “It might be useful but it’s up to you.” Claire smiled back, feeling reassured.
“I want to try. Even if it’s just a last resort.” She said. Douxie nodded.
“We’ll just aim at trees.” He said, not wanting to subject anyone to their worst fears. Claire agreed quickly and they started to try. She hit several trees in quick succession. Some withered, while others did nothing. Claire was getting frustrated when some did nothing. She growled at the trees, accidentally shooting bolts out of her hands. One hit Douxie right in the chest. He dropped like a stone to Claire screaming his name.
“Hisirdoux.” Merlin said, waking Douxie up.
“Master?” Douxie asked, stirring slightly. Merlin sighed, looking down at his apprentice in disappointment.
“My Hisirdoux, can’t you do anything I tell you to?” He asked. “I told you to protect Nari. I told you to keep the Arcane Order from the Genesis Seals.”
“Nari’s safe.” Douxie replied, sitting up. “She’s far away.”
“And how do you know that?” Merlin asked sternly. “You left her. You abandoned her. It was bad enough I had to die for you, and now you can’t even complete my dying request.”
“I-.”
“You never listen.” Merlin continued. “You were a terrible apprentice compared to Morgana. She may have had her issues but at least she could listen and use magic. Your parents were right to throw you away. I never should have taken you in.” Douxie felt tears forming.
“You... you don’t mean that.” He got out. It couldn’t be true, Merlin had been proud of him.
“Have you ever known me to say something I don’t mean?” Merlin countered. “You have always been a disappointment Hisirdoux.” Douxie sobbed at that.
“Master I...”
“Oh is little Douxie upset.” Morgana sneered. Douxie’s head snapped up. She was dressed in gold armour, helmet hiding all but her smirk. “How sad to realise no one ever truly loved you.”
“That’s not true.” Douxie whispered to himself through tears.
“No? Why don’t I show you?” Morgana asked in a mocking tone. She waved her hand and there was Claire talking to Jim, Steve and Toby.
“I don’t think I need him.” She was saying. “If I could read the books I’d tell him to go away. He’s a terrible teacher.” Douxie mumbled no. Claire liked him. He was sure she did. It didn’t stop the doubt though.
“You learnt Troll, I’m sure you could learn wizard speak.” Jim assured her. “Then we can tell him we don’t need him anymore. For Merlin’s apprentice he seems kinda useless.” Douxie winced. He was trying.
“Yeah he did nothing in Camelot.” Steve chimed in. “He doesn’t compare to the Palchuk.” The others laughed.
“He was so needy for Merlin’s approval too.” Toby added. “Did you guys notice? How sad is that?”
“It’s not true.” Douxie said, shaking his head and shutting his eyes as if that would block it all out.
“See little Douxie, they don’t care about you.” Morgana mocked. “They never will. Even Archie only stayed with you so he could meet better wizards.”
“Archie would never.” Douxie gasped. Tears were falling thick and fast. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. They cared about him. He knew they did. But what if they didn’t, a small voice in the back of his mind muttered. What if they hated him? Thought he was useless? He’d made so many mistakes. He was a terrible apprentice. A terrible teacher. Voices were overlapping. People he cared about screaming at him.
“Useless.”
“Pathetic.”
“Oath breaker!”
“Can’t do anything right.”
“Nightmare child!”
“Waste of space.” Douxie tried to cover his ears but the voices were inside his head. Every bad thing he’d ever done. Every mistake he’d ever made. Every lie, omission, scam and cheat he’d pulled. He didn’t want to hear this. He screamed to block the noise out. And he just kept screaming.
Douxie woke up screaming with hands holding him down. His vision swam as tears spilled out like a flood. He could make out Jim and Claire, with matching worried expressions. Claire’s parents were in the room, wide eyed.
“Douxie calm down!” Jim yelled. “It’s okay, you’re awake now!” Douxie sucked in a deep breath. He wasn’t. He wasn’t where he’d been before. Merlin wasn’t there. Nor was Morgana. He stopped straining against Jim’s hold, not bothering to stem his tears. Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking sobs filled the room. Claire knelt down next to him.
“I’m so sorry Douxie. I didn’t mean to hit you.” She apologised. “I’m so sorry.” Douxie didn’t stop crying. He didn’t think he could.
“Go away.” He choked. “Please go away.” Claire looked like she was going to argue but Jim put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her outside, following her parents. Douxie curled up on his side and sobbed.