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Chapter Text

There had been many times in Loki’s existence where he had experienced excruciating raw pain. Not that he’d ever admit this to anyone, including himself. Feeling pain made him weak, and as a god, that was not something he was supposed to be. But there are a few instances of this pain that Loki would hold on to. Would allow himself to feel and admit that it hurt - some of these had not happened to him yet, but he’d seen them when watching his life play out before him.

Point is, watching his first true friend, someone he cared for deeply, probably more than he should, die right in front of him, was one of those excruciating moments. Losing Mobius immediately felt like Loki had lost a part of himself. All purity and goodness, things which he did not deserve to receive, just torn away in seconds. It had left a cold hollowness behind, warping anything warm left inside. 

And until Loki found his friend again, he remained empty, bitter, cold, much like he had been before getting captured by the TVA- minus the rage. The only thing motivating him was the need to bring down the TVA after everything they had done. This fuel was only an ember, a dying one, because in all honesty Loki didn’t want to do it alone or end up alone afterwards. If you’d ask him, he’d say he didn’t need anyone, he was better off alone and liked it that way. It would be a lie, of course. Loki dreaded being alone, hated how it made him feel, and that way he would get no attention. Being alone would not be compatible with the way Loki was.

Hence why his motivation was nothing more than a dying fire of which was almost completely extinguished. Now if you’re thinking that he wouldn’t be alone, he had Sylvie and the current company of his variants - that was just the problem. They were all him . He may like Sylvie and think of her as a friend, but it still left him feeling lonely. It was still his own company. This wasn’t somebody on the outside who was an embodiment of warmth, who knew everything about him, every awful horrific thing he’d ever done, and chose to be in his company anyway. It wasn’t what Loki truly wanted. 

Dealing with so many versions of himself had been exhausting, trying to escape the Void was beginning to feel futile, a real reason to even do so was about to be snuffed out. 

In short, everything was dull and bleak and almost pointless, matching the skies of the Void, and all because Loki had lost his best friend. It was only almost pointless because Loki had to avenge him, get revenge on the TVA, but after that sure it would be pointless. There was going to be nothing and no-one for him to go to once everything was said and done. 

That train of thoughts and feelings lasted approximately three to four hours.

Fuel was added, and his fire regained its previous glory, when a battered old car came to a stop at the bottom of a hill Loki stood upon. Starting off as a spark, a flutter of hope, relief and warmth spread through Loki’s entire being and he rushed down the hill, turning into a sobbing mess at the bottom. Yet another thing that made him feel and appear weak; crying. Loki hated how much of that he had been doing recently. 

“Mobius!” Loki cried out, almost tripping when he reached the bottom of the hill. Mobius had no time to say anything in return, as Loki had practically jumped onto him and tackled him to the ground. 

They landed with a thud and Mobius let out an “oof” and started catching his breath.

“I can’t believe you’re alive!” Loki rested his forehead on Mobius’ shoulder, letting his tears fall. “I thought I’d lost you forever.” And Loki squeezed him as best as he could, given that his arms were being crushed between the man’s body and the damp ground. 

“Of course I am. Should I be offended that you’d believe otherwise?” Mobius awkwardly patted Loki’s back, before deciding to just return whatever sort of hug this was. This was the first time they had hugged. “You know what, I’m offended.”

Loki’s heart was thumping uncomfortably fast, he buried his face in Mobius’ shoulder, savouring the feel of him. The image of the man being vaporised before Loki’s eyes was hard to erase, and he just had to make sure that he was really there. 

“Loki-” Mobius began tapping Loki’s back rapidly, urgently. “Lok- air- please-”

Loki tore himself away, pulling his arms out from under Mobius and rested his hands against the top of the agent’s chest instead. “Sorry.” Tears dripped off the god’s chin, soaking into the dirtied fabric of Mobius’ jacket. Loki quickly wiped the rest of them away, poorly drying his eyes.

“Glad to know you care so much.” Mobius sat himself up as well, all the while holding eye contact with Loki. Except Loki broke it to examine their new awkward position. 

“Er-” He hastily corrected it, so he now knelt at Mobius’ side instead of sat on his lap. “Apologies. Again.” He was still shaking, heart still hammering away violently. When he exhaled heavily, it came out shaky. 

Mobius peeled one hand out of the grass, gently placing it on the side of Loki’s face. The surprising warmth made the god’s skin buzz, and he grasped Mobius’ wrist. 

Something rushed through his mind, burning away all thoughts, and Loki felt an all too familiar pull. Many times he had been through this, only twice had he received a result. Not wanting to waste another millisecond, before something interrupted them, Loki darted forward causing their lips to crash together. 

Too much desperation was accidentally poured into it- a different sort from the first time. That time it had been because Loki just desperately wanted a kiss from Mobius. This time it was because Loki desperately needed confirmation that this was real, that Mobius was real, and physical contact was the best way to achieve that was it not? (And he also just really wanted to kiss the man again.)

A giggled from behind them ruined the moment. Loki ripped himself away, heat rushing to his wind-nipped face. Only then did he remember they were in other company. By four different versions of himself. The giggle had been created by Sylvie, who was standing too close to them for Loki’s liking. 

“Uh-” Loki let go of Mobius, rushing to stand up. Mobius laughed at him, and just for that Loki decided not to give him a hand up. He turned around to face Sylvie, who was grinning madly, and the other three Lokis walking down the hill. More accurately, two walking and one being carried.

“ This is your would-be prince?” Slyvie asked and crossed her arms, holding her annoying grin. 

Loki fought the urge to hit her for that. “Shut up.” He looked back to Mobius, who was struggling to get up. Feeling bad, just a tiny barely noticeable amount, Loki extended a hand for the man to take and hoisted him up with one firm pull. 

“Thanks.” Mobius then started brushing all the dirt off his clothes. 

“Who’re they?”  Kid Loki questioned once they’d reached the bottom of the hill, placing down the alligator Loki. Sylvie whipped around at the sound of his voice, hand diving to grip the hilt of her weapon. 

“Sylvie, Sylvie wait--” Loki rushed to stand in between them. The grip she had loosened. “Look, these are us . Variants. Um, this is us as a kid, us in the future and… us as an alligator…”

Both Sylvie and Mobius pulled a questioning expression. 

“Yeah, best not to question that.”

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Sylvie’s voice came from behind Loki, as he sat alone in the grass staring out at the monstrous storm off in the distance. Loki watched from the corner of his eye as Sylvie came and sat next to him. “What’re you doing out here all on your own?”

Loki entwined his fingers across his lap and sighed. “Thinking, mostly.”

“About what?”

Still staring out, he pointed towards the storm filled with purple lightning and faint sounds of thunder. Sylvie hummed in acknowledgement. “I can’t help but worry that going against it may be a mistake. And what are we supposed to do after? What if there is nothing there at all and this really is it, or what if we find whatever it is you’re looking for?”

Sylvie copied Loki’s actions, playing with her own fingers resting over her knees. She shrugged vaguely. “I haven’t exactly thought beyond that. Everything I thought was reality was crushed in front of me little less than a day ago. Trying to think of what next is a little difficult with those circumstances.”

“I know what it’s like to be there,” Loki said, remembering when all he thought to be his reality was torn apart in an instant. Which, for the record, certainly had not helped his case of sinking into darkness. Close enough, it had been an extra weight tugging him down to the point beyond where light could reach. That is, until it finally had, all too late.

“At least you have people… At least, you have me, to prevent you from falling into the black that comes with it,” he added, which earned him a sympathetic smile. Loki cringed internally. Sympathy had not been what he was going for. 

“But you have somebody now, right?” Sylvie gave a quick glance to the ruin behind them; a not so subtle hint to the person in question. 

“Now, maybe.” And maybe Loki had changed now, too, because of him. That wasn’t going to erase all the horrific things he had done beforehand. It didn’t change the fact that inside, he was still broken with the pieces scattered.

Loki didn’t need to say as much out loud for Sylvie to understand that. She simply did. “And Mobius isn’t so bad, as far as TVA agents go.”

Finally breaking his attention away from Alioth, Loki looked at Sylvie properly. “He cares about you,” she continued. “Then again, I think that was abundantly clear.”

Heat rushed to Loki’s face. A small awkward chuckle, not a sound he would typically make, broke out of his throat, and he looked away from her again. “Yeah…” 

“After your little display earlier, it’s a wonder he ever came up with that little theory about us,” Sylvie went on, not having a care in the world that it would result in Loki dying from embarrassment. Then again, that was probably what she was going for.

“About our Nexus Event. Total rubbish. Absolutely ridiculous,” he said, and meant it with every fibre of his being. How Mobius could ever conjure up something like that was beyond anyone’s comprehension. 

“It was a nice moment, yeah. But that, and you?” Sylvie scoffed. “I have standards, for the record.”

Loki rolled his eyes. Then furrowed his brow. “You just indirectly said Mobius does not have standards.”

“He could do better,” she commented as she eyed him up and down. 

Loki pretended to be hurt by this. “Well I will be sure to tell him that,” he threatened, but it wasn’t really a threat. 

“You could tell him something else, while you’re at it.” Seriousness began to drip into Sylvie's tone, piquing Loki's curiosity.

A moment of silence spread over them as Loki waited for her to continue. With a simple look, he asked her to carry on. She bathed in the silence a little longer before doing so. 

“Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel. I could tell, just by being stuck in a car with him for some twenty minutes, that he doubts you really like him. It was in the way he spoke about you, as though you are something he longs for but could never really have.” Sylvie examined Loki again. “You have somebody to prevent you from falling, so grab onto him before you fall too far.”

Sylvie gave him a genuine smile, then got to her feet and headed back to the ruin where the rest of the team were located. With extreme interest, Loki wondered why Sylvie cared so much. 

☙○❧

Stupidly, Loki didn’t listen to her. He knew he should have. He knew he should have used his damn words, but he didn’t. He didn’t even try to. For the very simple reason; if Loki said something, that would make it all the more real. If it was real, it could be used as a weapon, it could be ripped away from him, it could leave him bleeding all alone in the cold. While the idea of having a somebody was nice, those fears, and more, far outweighed any good. 

Loki wasn’t ready for the possibility of a reality, and so he decided to remain within his fiction. Nothing could go wrong with a fiction, and it could not hurt him in any way.

The reality of their friendship (or whatever it actually was) was enough for him at that time.

“I’m staying,” he told both Mobius and Sylvie who looked at him with expressions that were almost exactly the same. Only difference was Mobius’ had disappointment woven into it, and Sylvie’s leaned more toward surprise.

“Loki I don’t even know if this is gonna work,” said Sylvie, an obvious attempt at trying to sway him into leaving. 

“All the more reason for me to stay and help you.” And Loki handed Mobius the TemPad, tucking in his fingers so they would not brush against those of the agent.

The other Lokis were staying as well, meaning Mobius would be going back to the TVA on his own. Not a problem, Loki figured, at least he would know where to find him after it all. 

“What will you do, at the TVA?”

“Burn it to the ground.”

Their gazes kept locking, with so many unspoken things dangling within, neither could maintain eye contact. 

“Thanks for the spark.” Too much fondness and affection filled those words, it caused Loki’s chest to tighten. Looking back into the man’s eyes only made it tighter. “See you later, Loki.”

Loki shot a glance over his shoulder to Sylvie, who was observing this all with an unnecessary quantity of interest. He would have to ask her why. She gave him an encouraging look, with a subtle gesture towards Mobius. Loki knew she was telling him to use his words once again. He didn’t.

Instead, he went to pull Mobius into a hug. He had hoped it would suffice. Except - and to no fault of Loki’s - it did not come out as a hug. For once it had been Mobius that misread the situation, and while he had wrapped his arms around the god to hold him closely, he gave a little extra. Or a lot extra.

There was so much feeling poured into this one. A goodbye, written with the fear that it may be forever. Loki savoured it, and mourned it when Mobius pulled away. The man sighed, and into Loki’s ear he whispered, “If you take too long, I’m coming to find you.”

Telling him that he will come back could be a lie, and Loki didn’t want to lie to Mobius. So he didn’t tell him that, didn’t make a promise, and didn’t say how he felt. All he did was give a nod of acknowledgement and Mobius released him. 

“Thank you, my friend.” Was the last thing Loki said before the time agent disappeared through the time portal, without looking back. Steeling himself, Loki looked at Sylvie, and then once more to the swirling purple storm.

☙○❧

Staying had perhaps been a colossal mistake.