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Deena knew from the start her and Sam wouldn't be eachothers forever, although she hoped they would be, but deep down she knew. Deena knew deep down she had tricked herself, because she knew no one in Shadyside made it out, especially not a lesbo whose girlfriend, well now ex, was too scared to be honest with herself. That never made Deena stop loving Sam though, hell it even made her love Sam more because she was her Sam. But she's not Deena’s anymore.
Sam knew from the start her and Deena wouldn't be eachothers forever, especially not with her parents divorce and the move to Sunnyvale, although she had hoped Deena wouldn't mind, deep down she knew. Sam knew Deena would care, Sam knew Deena wouldn't be jealous that Sam made it out but she would be jealous that Sam had left her behind to go to perfect Sunnyvale. Despite all of that, Sam never stopped loving Deena, hell it even made her love Deena more because she was her Deena. But she's not Sam’s anymore.
Deena knew Kate was worried about her but she couldn't find it in her to care anymore. She had just lost the love of her life to a Sunnyvaler. Seeing Sam with that football player had broken her heart more than when she originally said her and Sam were done. Seeing that boy grope and grab the girl she had loved, still does love, had made her never want to see Sam again. Sam moving on so fast had broken her. Meeting Sam before the start of the game had made her want to just run home and never look her in the eye again. After all, Sam was a Sunnyvale girl now and that was not the Sam she knew, not the Sam she loves, not the Sam she spent hours laughing with, not the Sam she kissed so many times and definitely not the Sam whose body she knew like the back of her hand.
‘Am I allowed to look at her like that…’
But Deena still caught herself staring at Sam from across the pitch, where she was cheering on her perfect football boyfriend.
‘Could it be wrong when she’s just so nice to look at’
Deena never thought her feelings for Sam were wrong, she knew society did but she never gave a fuck. She told Sam this over and over and she thought that maybe, just maybe, Sam believed her but Sam’s mother had poisoned her poor daughter's mind again.
‘And she smells like lemongrass and sleep’
Deena still could remember the first time Sam kissed her. Sam smelt like coffee and cherries and Deena loved it.
‘She tastes like apple juice and peach’
Sam still could remember the first time she kissed Deena. Deena tasted like fresh peaches and smoke, an odd combination to think about but amazing to kiss.
‘Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture’
Deena had many pictures with Sam. She had Polaroids of them kissing, fully developed pictures of them out driving and just together. Deena found Sam in all of her Polaroids, but now she has nothing. No memories, no nothing. But that doesn’t matter. She hates Sam. Or so she says she does.
‘And she means everything to me’
Despite what Deena thought, Sam loved her. She still does love her and she doesn't think she could ever stop loving Deena. Deena was the only thing keeping her sane and now she doesn't have that support system. She's lost her everything and Sam has no clue what to do now, except pretend.
‘I’d never tell, no I’d never say a word’
When Sam's mother found out, Deena was terrified but, as she always had, she hid that with anger. She blew up with everyone, but mainly Sam and she hated herself for it. She had blamed Sam, when in reality, it was no one's fault, just a mere mistake that was made. Only three people knew before then: Kate, Simon and Josh. Kate and Simon were both of the girls best friends, so of course they would know and Josh was Deena’s younger brother, there was no one he would, or hell even could, tell.
‘And oh it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt’
There were some things Sam never told Deena. Sam never told her how her mother had hit her after she found out about their relationship, how her father had found out and promised to keep his daughter’s secret. Although, what Sam’s mother had done had hurt Sam, she was more scared about what would happen if her mother ever saw Deena.
‘She smells like lemongrass and sleep’
The last time Sam kissed Deena still replays in her head, over and over again. The cherry and coffee taste mixing with the peach and smoke, two opposites fitting together perfectly. Deena never thought that kiss would be their last until Sam said she was moving to Sunnyvale. Deena was devastated. She was hurt.
‘She tastes like apple juice and peach’
Sam didn't know what she was thinking when she kissed Deena for the last time. It was after school and Deena was dropping Sam off at her house. Sam knew that it was then or never again, so she kissed Deena with everything she had, the mix of the peach and smoke with the taste of cherry and coffee, the mix both girls had fell in love with. Little did either of them know, neither would taste that combination again. Well not without a fight.
‘Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture’
Sam had taken just as many sneaky pictures as Deena did and no girl knew of either until their break up. Sam had kept some of them polaroids of her and Deena kissing and cuddling and laughing. She cries clutching them in her hand every night thinking what she had lost.
‘And she means everything to me’
Deena had to bury her feelings so deep inside herself so she didn’t show any weakness until she was alone. The things her and Sam had said to each other before the game had hurt more than before. What if now that Deena had lost Sam she’d be the next one to go crazy and kill a load of people. She didn't want that.
‘Oh oh, oh oh and I’ll be okay’
Deena knew she’d feel better eventually, she’d get over Sam and would move on. She didn’t want to but she will. Sam had already moved on and that had hurt but Deena had convinced herself that she’ll be okay after Sam, if she would or not, that is a whole different story.
‘Admiring from afar’
Sam had felt her eyes wander to the Shadyside side of the pitch. She locked eyes with Deena for a mere second before she looked away. She felt her heart break even more when she saw the look on Deena’s face; Sam always knew when Deena was going to cry. She had seen that face a hundred times. Deena never had anyone she could express her emotions with until Sam.
‘Cause even when she’s next to me, we could not be more far apart’
Deena had thought Sam would leave her from the beginning of their relationship, but she never expected it to be this way. Deena thought she’d mess up and Sam would realise she’s too good for Deena and then Sam would break up with her, not that Sam would move to Sunnyvale and get a boyfriend and pretend that she had never been with Deena.
‘Cause she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall’
Sam and Deena’s first date had been replaying in both girls' heads from the minute they walked away. It was Deena’s birthday party. She was turning 15, and she and Sam had run off to her room to eat the chocolate cake Kate’s mother had made. This kiss had been both of the girls first’s, so they had no clue what they were doing but figured it all out very quickly.
‘But to her, I taste of nothing at all’
But now Sam and Deena have forgotten that night, that was so many moons ago. Now Sam tastes beer, red meat and too much mint and she fucking hates it. She misses the taste of peach and smoke just as much as she misses Deena’s laugh. Deena hadn’t stopped thinking about the taste of Sam’s lips since they broke up. Even though she had broken up with Sam, she missed her more than she thought was even possible.
‘And she smells like lemongrass and sleep’
Every kiss the two girls shared were cherished. The first, the last and everyone in between. Sam’s favourite would always be the first time they saw the sunrise together. It was the first week of Summer break and Deena had been throwing rocks at her window, like they were in a breakthrough romance movie, and Sam had snuck out. The sunrise was almost as beautiful as Deena, in Sam’s opinion. That night, they had kissed like they never would again.
‘And she tastes like apple juice and peach’
Every time the two girls kissed, both Sam and Deena always had smiles on their faces for the rest of the day. Deena always smiled for hours, days, sometimes even full weeks after kissing Sam. There was one she smiled about to this day; Deena’s favourites will always be the hidden and stolen kisses before, between and after classes. Most of the time, these kisses were only short pecks but Deena still loved them almost as much as she loved how Sam’s eyes lit up when she smiled.
‘You would find her in a polaroid picture’
When Sam had opened the box, after the game, she was heartbroken. There were at least a hundred polaroid pictures that Deena had taken of her or of them together. She knew Deena had taken a few but fuck there was so many. Each with their own little message. Each one had a date, a place and a message. Some were addressed to Sam and, as she read them she had gasped, some were addressed to a, what Sam guessed, was a future child that Deena had wanted.
‘And she means everything to me’
Deena had loved Sam from the minute they met. She might not have known what she was feeling was love at the time but she knows it was now. Their first kiss had confirmed that what Deena was feeling was love. She had planned her life with Sam, move far away from Shadyside, live together as ‘friends’ to everyone else but as lovers between them, adopt a child and raise them as a couple and eventually, when it was legal, get married.
‘Yes she means everything to me’
Sam had loved Deena far before she knew what real love was. She had never known real love as a child, her parents arguing behind closed doors but acting perfect when together, so Sam thought that was love and that was exactly how she would be. Deena had taught her what real love was. Sam had thought about doing everything with Deena: Living together, having a child, fuck she even wanted Deena as her wife one day, she wanted to be Samantha Johnson or for there to be a Deena Fraser or even a Samantha and Deena Fraser-Johnson, but now she knew that day would never come and stay as a figment of her imagination and in her dreams. Now she knew she would end up like her parents; In an unhappy marriage with a man she despises and never seeing her true love again.
‘She means everything to me.’
Sam and Deena had had a wild week; Sam had gotten possessed, Sam had drowned, Kate and Simon had died, they had been chased and hunted by a bunch of crazy killers and had learnt the truth behind the differences of Shadyside and Sunnyvale. They had learnt that the Goodes, the founders of Sunnyvale, had been the true bad guys all along ,Not Sarah Fier. They had learnt Sarah had been just like them: A lesbian, and thats why she was killed. She wasn't a witch.
The two girls had fell in love all over again, as if they’d ever fallen out of love. They had the day Deena promised Sam. They had eaten cheeseburgers and listened to the pixies and made out for the whole day. And they had thanked Sarah Fier for reuniting them for the last time. Sam and Deena were in love, despite everything that had happened , they always had been and always would be. They always have and always will be each others everything and each others forever