Work Text:
Letters written from Detective Meng Shao Fei to Inmate Tang Yi
Taipei Municipal Prison
Taiwan
One week after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
I’m still waiting for your honest confession to me. Don’t hesitate when you feel ready. I can visit you at the prison at your convenience, or maybe that should be at the warden’s convenience. Given that I’m only allowed weekly visits.
How is the food there? Probably better than anything I could make for you. I look forward to more cooking lessons from you. This brings up an idea – what if you offer to teach cooking classes to the other jailbirds? Might get you time off for good behavior?
In case you didn’t know, jailbird is American slang for inmate. I learned this from an American detective who is visiting our precinct on an exchange program with Chicago, U.S.A.
Yours,
Shao Fei
Three weeks after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
Things are boring at the police precinct ever since you went into the clink. That American detective who is visiting us taught me that word, clink. It means prison.
Zuo Hong Ye made a play for head of Hsin-Tien. I think she was joking. Did Dao Yi tell you? Maybe I was supposed to keep that a secret.
Can you sleep in there? The sheets are probably made of polyester, right? Or maybe butcher paper? I’ve been living in my own apartment since you went into the clink. Total transparency: I did borrow a set of 800-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets from your house.
You remember that music box with the little house on top? Yeah, it broke. Sorry. Wasn’t me.
In spite of the amazing sheets, I don’t sleep so well without you beside me.
Your loving,
Shao Fei
Three months after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
The superintendent of police informed me that 4 months have been knocked off your sentence. You must have started up that Cordon Bleu class that I recommended!
Lately I’ve taken to visiting your house, which Hong Ye mostly hates, but she hasn’t changed the locks yet, so I figure it’s just a performance on her part. She still calls me “sister-in-law” which I don’t really mind, and that pisses her off even more than if I did mind.
I’ve been trying on the suits in your closet. Do you realize how expensive those suits are??? Wow. I know what you’re thinking – Shao Fei, you can’t wear my suits, you’ll be swimming in them! Here’s some news – you’re not that much bigger than me, you overbearing super-masculine dork. I picked out a couple that I’ll have altered to fit me.
Did I mention Hong Ye hates me?
Thank you, my manly big guy, for the beautiful suits.
Shao Fei
Four months after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
Still waiting for that confession.
Your loving (get it?),
Shao Fei
Seven months and two weeks after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
Amazing news. Jack and Zhao Zi actually got married. Isn’t that cute? Jack wanted to wait for you to get out, and Zhao Zi didn’t, and what Zhao Zi wants, apparently Zhao Zi gets. Who knew that an assassin would be so gone over such a sweet little cop?
Confess, you fool,
Shao Fei
Nine months after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
I’m so sorry that I missed our weekly visit last Wednesday. You know how much I love seeing you through Plexiglas that’s been smeared with unmentionable substances and hearing your voice crackling at me via a germ-encrusted phone from the 80’s. All sorts of crap was going down at the precinct. The captain’s trial finally started. It’s in all the news. We don’t even know what to say or think about it in our unit. What a sad story. I’m so glad that your story worked out better. The captain will not get a mere 1.5 year sentence. Although there’s nothing mere about not having you with me every day. Even worse for you. The food. No boyfriend to hold you. Am I right?
You know something strange? You’ve been in the hoosegow for three-quarters of a year and I haven’t been shot at even once! Zhao Zi thinks there’s a correlation. I’m not so sure… btw hoosegow is another word that American detective taught me. Americans have a whole lot of slang words for prison. Makes you wonder. The detective returned to the U.S.A. and said I’m welcome to visit any time.
Your lonely boyfriend,
Shao Fei
Nine months and one week after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Stubborn Idiot,
No I’m not in love with the American. How can you even think that? Did I mention she’s a woman?
Disgruntled,
Shao Fei
Eleven months after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
Your first order of business when you get out is planning a wedding. No, not ours. Hong Ye and Dao Yi categorically refuse to get married without you present. Loyalty? Hoping for a bigger wedding present from you? Who knows. But get ready because Hong Ye made me help her shop for a wedding gown. I will wear your Hugo Boss tuxedo, it’s already been altered to fit me.
What else is new around here? Nothing much. Conviction rate for my arrests is up again. Your bf’s skills in interrogating miscreants is improving, not that it wasn’t already good. People keep confessing to me.
Everybody but the one I want, that is.
Well, the criminals are confessing crimes. I’m expecting something more from you.
Darkly yours,
Shao Fei
A year and one month after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Hey, Tang Yi, don’t shoot me, but I’m really in love with you.
Your baby,
Shao Fei
P.S. If you call me baby in front of anyone, I’ll shoot you.
A year, one month, and twenty days after Tang Yi is incarcerated:
Dear Tang Yi,
I can’t believe I’m going to be able to touch you for real in like 10 days.
I also can’t believe you haven’t confessed to me yet.
:P
SF
Outside the prison, Shao Fei waits, vibrating with nervous energy, on the pavement next to the idling Hsin-Tien company car. He’s going to let Tang Yi come to him. He’s not going to run across the plaza and into Tang Yi’s arms like a princess in a fairy tale.
The double doors of the building open and here comes Tang Yi down the steps in the same outfit he was wearing a year and two months ago.
“Tang Yi!” Shao Fei hollers because he really can’t stop himself, but at least he stays put. “Welcome back! Wow, you look kind of skinny and your hair is stupid short! How’d you get so pale? Don’t they let the jailbirds out in the sunshine now and then? Are you okay, Tang Yi? What are you – oof!”
The oof is courtesy of Tang Yi striding right up to him without saying a word, smacking right against him and squeezing him hard with strong arms.
Did he work out in there? Shao Fei thinks foolishly, before he’s kissed to within an inch of his life.
“Phone,” says Tang Yi, releasing Shao Fei and holding out his hand.
“Um, in the car,” says Shao Fei.
Tang Yi flings the door open, flings the plastic bag marked INMATE BELONGINGS inside, flings Shao Fei inside, and joins him, slamming the door shut. He puts his arm around Shao Fei’s shoulders and drags him close.
The driver hands him a cell phone. Tang Yi dials one-handed as the car pulls away from the curb and into traffic.
“Dao Yi?” he says. “Get everyone out of the house now. Everyone. Now. Yes, I mean you and Hong Ye, too. I’ll see you both tomorrow. Okay, all right, the guards can patrol the grounds. That’s it, though.”
He hangs up and glares at Shao Fei. “You’re the one who looks skinny.”
“I missed your cooking?”
Tang Yi smiles a tiny bit. It’s unnerving.
At the house, the driver, knowing better than to linger, drops them off at the front door and leaves skid marks on the way out of the driveway. Tang Yi takes Shao Fei’s hand and drags him into the house and engages the alarm mechanism once inside.
“Hey, aren’t you hungry?” says Shao Fei, as he’s hauled further inside. “The kitchen is back there—“
“Bedroom first.”
Well, Shao Fei should have expected that. He should have expected being frog-marched up the stairs and shucked like an oyster and tossed onto the bed. Tang Yi has his gentle side – that almost no one ever gets to see – but it’s been over a year, after all.
So Shao Fei should have expected to find the both of them practically naked under the covers within minutes of breaching the house.
Well, he did expect that, kind of.
But he doesn’t expect the next thing. Tang Yi takes Shao Fei’s face in his big hands.
“Are you ready?” asks Tang Yi.
Shao Fei doesn’t dare ask what for. He’ll know soon enough. Tsunami Tang Yi can’t be stopped by a mere mortal. So he just nods and snuggles a bit closer.
“I’m doing it your way,” says Tang Yi, “kiss first, talk later.” And kisses him for a long while, which is very nice, even though Shao Fei’s stomach grumbles at one point.
“Unbelievable,” says Tang Yi.
“What? I’m hungry!”
“So am I.”
“Then let’s – oh.”
Shao Fei opens his eyes and there’s Tang Yi, awfully close, smirking. To be honest, it’s not easy for Shao Fei to focus his eyes. His field of vision is filled with mostly just beautiful Tang Yi too close to see properly.
“Here it comes,” says Tang Yi.
“I’m ready,” Shao Fei lies.
Tang Yi grins. “I love you, Shao Fei. I’ll love you for the rest of my life and the rest of your life. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Every day I love you more.”
Oh. That’s nice. Nonetheless Shao Fei can’t stop himself from trying to be funny about it. “Prison turned you sappy?”
“Excuse me? You’re the one who insisted on the confession. Now you disapprove?”
“How was I to know? You didn’t say a word to me in the car.”
“Was I supposed to pour out my feelings to you in front of the driver?”
Shao Fei cuddles against Tang Yi’s chest. “Okay, I admit it was a perfect confession, a bit late, granted. How long have you been holding all that in?”
“Since about five minutes after we met.”
“Huh?” Shao Fei pounds Tang Yi’s shoulder, hard. “When we finally went on a date, like four years after we met, you said you were just trying me out as boyfriend material and it might not work.”
“I didn’t want you to get a swelled head.”
That makes Shao Fei a bit grumpy. “Fell in love five minutes after we met, aren’t you hilarious. I was trying to arrest you.” He rolls away onto his back and folds his arms.
Tang Yi props his own head on his hand and leans in distressingly close. “It was adorable. You also tripped over your own feet that day, and spilled tea on my favorite Persian rug.” Tang Yi kisses the top of his boyfriend’s head. “I adore everything about you,” he whispers.
Shao Fei whispers back, more of a stage whisper since it’s him, after all: “Is that why you cleared the house?”
“Damn, I forgot to check this room for bugs.” Tang Yi takes a moment to glance around the room.
“The staff wouldn’t dare,” says Shao Fei. They actually might, but he doesn’t want Tang Yi getting out of bed.
“Hong Ye would have the nerve.”
“And then she’d know how sappy you are.”
They’re not whispering any more.
“I would never live it down.” Tang Yi pauses, thinking. “No,” he decides, “she would never do that. She prefers to think you’re still here as my personal police-provided bodyguard. Suggestions of anything more would give her hives.”
“Actually she’s kind of gotten used to me over the past year.” Shao Fei reaches a hand up and runs it across Tang Yi’s shorn head. “Your poor hair.”
“It’ll grow.”
“You look sort of thuggish this way.”
“Is that a fantasy of yours, Detective Meng? Having an affair with a thug?”
“Isn’t that what I’ve been doing for two years now?”
Tang Yi tugs on a lock of Shao Fei’s hair. “You know my plans going forward. I just spent fourteen months away from you to prove my pure intentions.”
Shao Fei sighs and lets himself get ensnarled in Tang Yi’s embrace again. He finds one of Tang Yi’s hands with his own and curls their fingers together. “Boss Tang, I’m afraid I must inform you that you have fallen for a very boring man. My one and only fantasy is to live with you forever.”
The room is quiet for several minutes, with only their gentle breathing to be heard.
“Shao Fei,” whispers Tang Yi, kissing Shao Fei’s forehead softly. “Baby.”
Shao Fei smiles against Tang Yi’s shoulder.
Because all’s well that ends well.
Fin.