Chapter Text
“Don’t you think you’re pushing yourself too hard, Karl?”
Karl is rushing in and out of his library, books scattered all across the floor and on tables. He occasionally stops to pick one up, shove it in a bookshelf, take one out, move it somewhere else- earning several concerned stares from his worried fiancé.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine, Sap.” Karl hums the words his fiancé wants to hear, though he doesn’t take the time to stop and assure him with even a look or two.
“You’ve been in here trying to reorganize for an hour,” Sapnap huffs, leaning against the doorframe. Though Karl can’t see him, he can sense the weariness in Sapnap’s voice.
“Yeah, because..” he trails off, finding a book in the corner on the floor he’s certain he already replaced four times already. “What? Hold on, this goes over here..”
He tediously tucks the purple covered hardback into an empty space on the spruce bookshelf, forgetting what he was originally talking about altogether.
“Now, wait, where’d I put that one..?” He mutters to himself quietly.
Sapnap huffs briskly, marching into the room. Karl is startled enough to look up, noticing the state Sapnap is in at last.
His dark raven hair is fluffing out, eyebrows knitting forward above his glowing golden eyes. As a half-demon, he’s prone to intense nature under considerable amounts of stress.
Karl’s guilty, studying his tense form.
Though he’s forgotten what the reasoning for it is.
“You’re always spending time here, not with me,” Sapnap grumbles. Though Karl knows he would never hurt him, he’s still intimidating to look at.
“I’m sorry,” Karl shakes his head, starting again on his tedious task of shelving. “I have to get all of this in! I can’t forget this, any of it.”
“I don’t get it,” Sapnap hisses. “You haven’t told me what any of it is! Don’t you think I’m worried?”
It’s enough to get Karl to pause, just for a moment.
It’s true. He hasn’t told his most trusted companion anything of his abilities. It’s not like he enjoys lying to his fiancé- The Inbetween told him not to share his secrets with anyone.
He doesn’t want to end up like those other versions of him, the ones that endlessly roam the halls of the glistening white halls of the castle with a mind of its own.
The clones of himself walk forever, memories erased and all his personality drained into a void. They travel the paths he wasn’t meant to take, showing him what would happen if he made one wrong step.
To be stuck in a place like that fuels both his nightmares and his motivation to keep going until the time is right to make a change.
He hates the worry he’s thrust upon Sapnap. It’s not fair for someone so generous and kind to not understand what’s going on with the one he loves.
But he’s not stupid, either. He knows Karl is hiding something from him and the rest of the SMP. When he asks, all Karl can say is he’ll explain everything soon.
“Soon” has lasted for months.
“I’m doing the best I can,” Karl blinks up at Sapnap tiredly.
“I wish you’d let me help you,” Sapnap sighs, glancing over the piles of books Karl would’ve already had put away if his memory wasn’t as bad as the local enderman’s.
A surge of defensiveness rises in Karl. Sapnap couldn’t touch these books, not ever. He’d accidentally skim over a loose page or two and accuse Karl of all the fallacies that were true. That was the worst way for him to find out.
“You can’t,” he snaps, reaching towards a spiral green and pink book on the table. He has to climb to his feet to reach it, and he curses himself for leaving his main diary so clearly in the open. Of all the books, Sapnap could absolutely not have that one.
Sapnap, just desperate to help, reaches for it unknowingly. “Please, just let me-”
“Don’t touch that,” Karl yanks it away with more force he intends. He hugs it close, instantly shriveling into himself when he notices Sapnap’s hand fall away limp and his eyes darken.
The shame is instant. This game of back and forth has sucked him dry, neither side a winning one. He hates what it’s done to their relationship. He just wants to go back to normal.
Sapnap puffs out his chest, pupils narrowing to slits. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.”
“I’m sorry,” Karl whines. “I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”
“I know, and that’s the problem!” Sapnap thrusts his arms to his sides, palms open to the sky. “It’s always an accident, and you clearly need support right now, but you’re too stubborn.”
“Stubborn?” This sparks a rise in Karl. He hugs his diary close, the small book bringing him immense comfort in the tense stand-off. “You’re stubborn, too! You keep asking me about this, but you don’t take no for an answer.”
“Because you keep saying soon,” Sapnap bunches his hands into fists. His demon half is making itself imminent, though Karl is no longer paying him any mind.
He turns on Sapnap, instead pushing his diary into the top left corner where it belongs.
And then Sapnap drops the bomb.
“Maybe this is why Quackity left.”
Karl swallows harshly, freezing.
“What?” He trembled, voice hoarse and squeaky.
It stings, it stings bad. It’s the one thing that’s sent Karl into this downward spiral in the first place.
It’s what started this whole thing. Since Quackity left, Karl’s been torn up. He doesn’t even remember what happened, and Sapnap claims he’s not too sure either, but that makes no sense. They know Quackity, and they know he’s not the type to just up and disappear like that out of nowhere.
Karl wants to know what he- what he and Sapnap both- did wrong.
So he throws himself into his work completely. Time traveling wasn’t simple or easy, no, but it was worth it if he could harness its power and learn how to right the wrongs of the past.
Maybe if he did that, he could get their fiancé back.
Sapnap wavers, knowing exactly what his scathing retort has done to Karl. His regret is clear.
“I’m sorry,” he sputters, “I- I didn’t mean that- It was an accident.”
An accident? Karl thinks sourly. How ironic.
“It’s fine,” Karl forces out in a small voice. He turns on his heels, beginning to hurriedly usher Sapnap out of the library. “I think you should go.”
He doesn’t want to say or hear anything else that would only hurt them. It’s late, they’re both hungry and tired, and nothing they’re saying has any meaning when it's coming out of their mouths but that doesn’t make it hurt nonetheless.
“Karl, please,” Sapnap pleads. Karl swallows back a mouthful of vomit. This isn’t just about the argument now. He fears the worst- that he might be about to shift now.
He prays Sapnap doesn’t see the wobble in his knees, the distance gathering in his eyes.
“I’ll be out in a minute. Okay?” He wraps his arms around Sapnap’s neck, taking the time to enjoy the sweet embrace. Sapnap’s hugs are always the best, all the love reserved in just a single gesture. They’re always warm, both from his demon blood and from him just being him.
It reassures them both that things are still okay. In a silent, wordless way, it’s another “soon”.
Sapnap doesn’t seem one hundred percent convinced, but he’s not as miserable looking as seconds before, which is enough for Karl. He kisses his cheek swiftly, murmuring an, “I love you,” and closes the door behind Sapnap.
He takes a deep breath.
And he crumbles.
He’s never felt his time traveling symptoms so suddenly and so strongly before, but they’re definitely real and the worst is definitely coming to life. He can already hear the chatter of people he hasn’t yet met, a cool breeze on his face though his room was hot, the jittery twist of his insides from a place of anticipation.
He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the shift to happen quickly. If he can hurry through this trip, he’ll be able to learn what he needs in order to make everything perfect again.
He’s done this countless times- willing himself backwards several times a week to adjust to the jump. It’s wearing him thin and it’s why Sapnap’s worried in the first place, but it’s important. He knows it is.
Nothing else matters.