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It’s late. Jyushi sits on the upper steps of a staircase at the back of the Kugen temple, knees to his chest and face turned towards the sky. He can see the stars so clearly from here, and he’s so immersed in the countless twinkling lights that he doesn’t notice Kuko standing next to him. It startles him when Kuko shifts a couple of steps down and sits in front of him.
“You did good today,” Kuko says, unprompted.
Jyushi blinks. He doesn’t feel like he did anything differently today than any other day he spends here, but he nods anyway. There’s something in Kuko’s eyes that leaves no room for doubt or questions.
Jyushi has seen that look before. Whenever his own concentration lapsed or he was just feeling too uneasy to meditate properly, he would always crack an eye open and look over at Kuko. Most of the time, it earned him a rap on the shoulder or a smack upside the head.
But sometimes Kuko meditates alongside him and Jyushi’s stolen glances fall on a version of Kuko’s face he’ll never get used to. He doesn’t know how to describe it. Quiet, maybe. Tranquil. A kind of peace he never thought Kuko was capable of, despite the fact that he’s a monk. (Kuko is Kuko , after all.) It always makes Jyushi’s breath catch in his chest, like he’s afraid the sound of his own heartbeat will disturb Kuko somehow. Seeing Kuko in that state feels like watching still water, and Jyushi doesn’t want to make ripples, but Kuko always knows when he’s staring. Even if he’s not looking, Kuko somehow always knows.
“Jyushi.”
He’s got that same prodigious calm in his eyes now. His fingers brush Jyushi’s ankle, and he rests his palm on the top of Jyushi’s foot. Kuko’s hand is warm against his skin, warmer than the midsummer air, and Jyushi forgets about the stars.
This side of Kuko isn’t new. It’s rare, but not new, and Jyushi is still having some trouble wrapping his head around it. Kuko is badmouthed and prickly and rude, as far removed from gentle as you can get. He growls every word he says and even if it’s not the first time, Jyushi never, ever thought Kuko would touch him like this. But here he is, lifting Jyushi’s foot by the heel as if it’s made of glass.
A part of him almost wants to beg Kuko to snap back to being brash and nasty, because Jyushi never knows what to do with himself when he gets like this. It’s not that he dislikes it, not at all, but being on the receiving end of Kuko’s attention is just… a little overwhelming. Especially when Kuko reverently runs his fingers over his skin like it’s something sacred, something worth handling with care and respect.
He’s heard Kuko swear up and down that his temple duties are tedious and half the rules he has to follow are stupid and pointless (Kuko’s words, not Jyushi’s.) but Jyushi has seen the way he places incense at the altair. It’s always quiet and ceremonious and maybe it could be chalked down to years of stern practice that has now become a habit, but Kuko doesn’t strike him as a guy who would do something thoroughly if he didn’t believe in it.
Jyushi wonders if it means something that Kuko seems to treat him the same way sometimes.
Kuko lifts his leg and solemnly presses a kiss to his ankle. Jyushi’s still wearing borrowed samue and Kuko easily pushes the loose fitting pants further up the shin to kiss the side of Jyushi’s calf. He continues up, up Jyushi’s leg in a way that should be suggestive but isn’t, somehow.
Kuko ends his chaste trail of kisses on the knee, like he always does.
Well. He says ‘always’ but Jyushi can only count on one hand how many times he’s seen Kuko like this. It’s just one of those weird things that already feel like they’re ingrained in him like muscle memory, even if he’s only experienced it a handful of times.
Kuko reaches for his hand next, like Jyushi knew he would. Kuko’s lips are so, so soft against his fingers, and when Kuko turns his hand to press a kiss to his palm, Jyushi can’t help stroking his cheek with his thumb. If it shakes Kuko out of his concentration, he doesn’t let it show, just gently tugs at Jyushi’s hand and kisses his wrist.
Kuko scoots up a step on the stairs, daintily wedging himself between Jyushi’s legs. He wants to weave his fingers into Kuko’s hair so bad. But he did that last time, and Kuko had grabbed his hand and looked at him as if he’d just interrupted a prayer.
This is about you, he’d said.
So Jyushi keeps his hands to himself and just watches as Kuko diligently makes his way up his arm, as he stands and lingers his attention on Jyushi’s shoulder. Jyushi preemptively closes his eyes when Kuko tilts his chin up. This is the part that baffled him the first time. He was crying then. It baffles him now, and will probably still baffle him next time.
A kiss on the bridge of his nose and one feather light kiss on each of his eyelids. Kuko pulls away, but his hands stay on his face. Jyushi holds his breath and waits.
Finally, he feels something soft and warm at the corner of his mouth. He sighs and leans into it, feeling Kuko’s laugh more than he hears it. It’s short and impish and Jyushi flinches as the gentle press of lips against lips suddenly becomes all teeth and sharp edges.
“ Oww, ” Jyushi whines, while Kuko just cackles.
“I’m done.” Kuko sticks his tongue out at him, completely devoid of the tranquil calm he had half a second ago. Ugh.
“You’re mean is what you are,” Jyushi pouts, grasping at Kuko’s collar in a way he hopes is assertive. “Do it properly, Kuko-san.”
Kuko makes a mildly interested noise. “Do what.”
Jyushi scoffs. Judging by the way he’s grinning, Kuko knows exactly what he means. He’s just being a prick about it. One of these days this boy is going to give him whiplash.
“Kiss me.”
They haven’t talked about it. This– whatever it is. It’s just something that happens sometimes and none of them bring it up afterwards. For a long time Jyushi was convinced that it was related to his training somehow, that this was just a common practice. (To be fair, the first time it kind of was. There were probably less intimate ways to stave off an anxiety attack, but this approach worked, didn’t it?)
In retrospect it seems kind of silly– he’s pretty sure masters aren’t supposed to kiss their students, no matter what the grounds are.
Not like it matters. Jyushi doesn’t care and Kuko clearly doesn’t either, if the way he strokes Jyushi’s chin and presses a solid kiss to his lips is any indication.
Jyushi doesn’t know what to make of it. What he should make of it. It’s probably something he’s gonna have to bring up, there’s questions he’s gonna have to ask but right now he can’t. Not when Kuko swipes his tongue across his lips and Jyushi opens his mouth for him, threading his fingers into Kuko’s hair.
He knows what he wants to make of it, though. He wants Kuko to kiss him more often. He wants Kuko to hold his hand and whisper in his ear with that gravelly voice of his, he wants to snuggle up under the covers and drift off with Kuko in his arms. (He wants Kuko to kiss him above the knee, but that feels so inappropriate and he tries not to think about it, even if it almost never works.)
He just wants Kuko. And for Kuko to want him.
He’s thinking about it too hard. It’s probably less complicated than it feels. Maybe when they pull their futons out later, he can shove them together and Kuko won’t mind. Maybe it will be easier to ask then– in the dark, wrapped in blankets and maybe Kuko will already be asleep when the words come out of his mouth.
Or he won’t be, and Jyushi will get the answer he wants.