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hopeless

Summary:

when it comes to loving childe, you are utterly and completely hopeless. especially when he plans sunset dock dates.

Notes:

second part of my timeless series! it can be read alone, but i recommend reading the first part.

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four months. you’ve spent the better part of four months allowing the harbinger to drag you around every inch of liyue, as if you weren’t there for the creation of the nation itself. it’s not as if you mind though. you’ve been in good company the entire time.

which is why when you mention your time with childe to zhongli, he simply gives you a knowing smile. he’s known, from the moment you first returned from mt. tianheng.

today is the docks that the harbor has essentially abandoned. you’re surprised at the setup childe has, including a comfortable blanket, including cushy pillows and scattered candles. you smile upon seeing a collection of your favorite liyue specialities, turning to the grinning redhead right next to you.

“how much did it cost?” he only laughs at your straightforwardness.

“none of your concern pretty thing. just sit and enjoy my company!” you sigh in defeat, allowing childe to lead you to the blanket and help you sit next to him. he offers you a glass of what he claims is “snezhnaya’s finest fire water” and tips his cup towards yours. you allow the glasses to clink together before taking a sip. despite the harsh taste of alcohol, you have to admit that the taste is above that of any other alcoholic drink you’ve had.

“you spoil me childe,” you chastise, laughing a bit at the theatrics of his date. by the time you’ve taken another sip, you realize that he’s silent in response to your light teasing. when you turn to look at him, he’s staring at your face.

“are you okay? did i say something wrong?” panic flares up inside of you, and you reach out on instinct to touch his cheek. his hand catches yours before you reach his face, and your body burns brightly with embarrassment at the action.

“chil-“

“ajax.” his face is serious, but you can tell he isn’t upset.

“ajax?” you tilt your head in confusion, surveying his face.

“that’s my real name. not a code name, not an alias, but my real, birth given name. i figured you deserved to know after all of this time,” he explains. the smile on his face that follows will be burned into your brain for the rest of your time on this realm. it’s genuine, soft, and everything you lov-

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. you love him. and when you come to this realization, ajax apparently sees it on your face.

“i haven’t scared you off yet have i?” his nervous chuckle is what reels you back into the present.

“i don’t think you could do that, even if you tried, ajax,” you admit, smiling in return. he grins in approval, finally letting go of your hand and turning back to the food that has now magically appeared in both his lap and yours.

“i like the way my name sounds coming out of your mouth.” you choke on your food, glaring when he snickers quietly at your reaction.

“such a dirty mind you have,” you mutter. he only grins, offering you almond tofu as a peace offering. you gladly take it, allowing yourself to indulge in the beautiful taste of one of your favorite dishes. you’ll have to thank xiao later for introducing it to you.

the majority of the night is spent dealing with playful banter, teasing remarks, and occasional touches that are just barely innocent. the brush of ajax’s hand against your own, the sweep of your hair behind your ear as he pushes it back to see your face better. each time this happened you had to turn away and hide the smile that had been tugging at your face.

in the four months you’ve known him, you’ve come to realize that striking up any semblance of a relationship, platonic or romantic, with ajax is like playing a game where only he knows the rules. every word, every touch, every look he sends your way is calculated with the utmost precision. you have a faint suspicion that he has mapped out hundreds of different paths this night could have gone down.

what’s frustrating is the lack of knowledge you seem to have on this little game he plays. you’re well aware part of it comes from being a harbinger, and that he’s only like this because he doesn’t know anything else. but another part of you considers the fact that maybe this really is just one big game to ajax. it’s not like you can confirm the validity of your insecurities, given it would only serve to offend ajax, should he really truly care for you. so, you’re left to wallow in your own fears.

by the end of the night, you’ve gone mostly silent, letting ajax reminisce about his time with his family in snezhnaya. his eyes light up in a way you’ve never seen, his smile soft and pure. it’s beautiful. when he reaches the end of his story, he notices how quiet you’ve become.

“mora for your thoughts?” you realize you two have stopped outside of your apartment. when the hell did you get here?

“it’s nothing, i just like your stories,” you say, partially lying. while you do enjoy his stories, you simply can’t climb out of the forest of your self-doubt. his frown reveals that he doesn’t buy into your words one bit.

“you know i know you better than that,” he croons. one hand comes up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing featherlight circles across your cheekbone. the simple action has your heart clenching harshly.

“what do i mean to you?” you will your voice not to crack as you speak, hoping he can’t hear the way your words waver. his eyes widen at the implication of your words, before a real, genuine smile spreads across his face.

“you are a very pretty person, who has such a beautiful smile, and a kind soul. you are one of the only people in the world who knows my real name, and i know i’ll never regret telling you,” he breathes out, pausing to gather his thoughts. “you are everything to me my love, and i’ll try my hardest to show you that until my last day on this earth,” he whispers. when did his face get so close? when did your heart start beating so rapidly? and god when did you fall in love with this man in love with you? because ever since you met ajax, you can’t remember a time where you weren’t in love with him.

“may i kiss you?”

your heart stops when he murmurs the words against your lips, just barely brushing against them. your nod is barely seen, but he feels it all the same. and when he kisses you, everything else falls away. it’s just you and him, his free arm encircling your waist and hugging you tightly against him. your hands find his face, holding it close to yours as you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. ajax responds by moving his hand on your face to the back of your neck, fingers twisting in your hair.

“childe, lovely to see you again.” you jump back at the new voice, heat flaring across your face as you swivel to see zhongli standing a few feet away from you two, a hint of a knowing smirk decorating his face. you glance in ajax’s direction to see his cheeks red, lips swollen, and a shit eating grin on his face.

“mr. zhongli! my, what a lovely night to see you!” you squeak when ajax grabs you by the waist and pulls your side into his, in such an obviously possessive way that you roll your eyes.

“i see you two have had a nice night,” zhongli mocks, now directing his words towards you. your eyes narrow at him, knowing he’s purposely teasing you at this point.

“yes, we were,” you grit out, putting emphasis on the ‘were’ which zhongli simply ignores. he merely turns his attention back to ajax.

“i suppose we can spend time together tomorrow, say after breakfast? you are more than welcome to bring your friend.” ajax is practically bouncing with his suppressed laughter, nodding eagerly.

“we would love to!” zhongli nods, bidding you two goodnight, before stalking off into the night. once he’s out of sight, you groan loudly, dropping your head onto ajax’s chest in frustration. he finally lets out his laughter, head thrown back as his arms loosely wrap around your waist.

“i’m going to kill him,” you grumble, pressing your forehead further into his chest. his entire body vibrates with laughter as he presses apologetic kisses to the top of your head.

“i’m so sorry my love, but that was quite amusing!” once his laughter finally dies down, he lifts your head from his chest, looking down at you.

“you’re lucky you’re cute, otherwise i’d be mad at you too,” you whine, frowning at him. he smiles widely, and you hate how it makes your stomach twist into knots.

“you think i’m cute? how romantic you are,” he teases. you scoff, going to turn away from him. you’re stopped with a tug on your arm, falling back into a solid chest as ajax’s arms circle around your waist.

“i think you’re cute too,” he says into your hair, kissing the top of your head once again. you smile brightly, turning around to face him.

“i’m glad. but i do have to go to sleep now,” you say reluctantly. he sighs in understanding before leaning down to press a final kiss to your lips.

“goodnight my love. i’ll pick you up tomorrow morning for breakfast okay?” you nod eagerly, watching as he waves before walking off towards his apartment.

that night, you fall asleep with a smile so wide that your cheeks hurt. when it comes to ajax, you really are hopeless.