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Fig stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was one of the fancy ones- with all the little circular bulbs around the edge of it. She was sitting on the vanity table, her knees pressed up against the bottom of the mirror, almost nose to nose with the glass. Fig tugged the hair tie off of the bottom of her braid, running her fingers through the rough knots to detangle them until her hair hung down around her face. It was getting really long. Fig stared at her face, trying to remember how she got here, how she became the person in her reflection. Some days it felt like she was still thirteen years old and terrified, waking up one morning with a splitting headache and two nubs sticking out of her skull under her hair. Like she blinked and woke up in an entirely different life- two years into an education at Aguefort with a new family and new friends and a world-renowned rock star career.
Would thirteen year old Fig even recognize sixteen year old Fig? Would she even want to?
She leaned over and pulled a makeup wipe out of her bag sitting at her hip, using it to mercilessly scrub off the crusty post-concert makeup. She got like this, sometimes, after a show. When the adrenaline and excitement burned out, leaving her exhausted and shaky. Fig loved performing, loved everything about the Sig Figs, but the imposter syndrome ran deep and sometimes after the crowds were gone and she was alone in her dressing room, Fig felt unmoored from her own body. Like she was floating up on the ceiling, watching herself from above.
Practically, she knew she could call Adaine or Ayda or Jawbone and talk about it. Could go one door down to Gorgug’s dressing room and sit on his vanity table and listen to him talk about Zelda until she felt better. And on other nights, she had. But the weight of her exhaustion- physical from running around the stage all night and emotional from leaving her heart out there- bore down on Fig like she was Atlas, holding up the sky. The idea of finding someone, asking them for help, felt insurmountable.
Her nail polish was flaking off on her thumb, and Fig worried at it with her other thumb nail, systematically peeling off little pieces until it was bare. She was just tired, and she wanted- in that bone deep, childhood kind of way- to be home. To fall asleep on the couch at Mordred Manor, to hear her mom and Jawbone laughing in the kitchen and Kristen’s music playing from her room and rest her head on Ayda’s lap as she and Adaine watch a movie in the living room; safe and warm and loved.
Like he could tell she was moping and tired and on the edge of spiraling- Fig heard Gorgug knock on the door to her dressing room. “Fig? Can I come in?” She hummed something she hoped sounded like an agreement, and Gorgug quietly opened the door. “Hey,” Gorgug whispered with a smile. Fig watched him shuffle into her dressing room and quietly shut the door back behind him, turning around and leaning her back against the mirror so she could face him.
“Hey. Good show tonight!” Fig smiled back, but it felt strained on her face. “You call Zelda yet tonight?”
“I was going to call her once we get back on the bus- you seemed kind of out of it when we were leaving the stage.” Gorgug pulled out a chair and sat down, leaning his elbows on his knees. His face was gentle, carefully watching Fig. Gorgug always seemed to have a sixth sense for when one of them wasn’t feeling or doing well; especially when it was just the two of them on tour. “Wanna badger Lola into letting us get ice cream?”
Fig breathed a laugh, a genuine smile cracking over her face. She still felt exhausted and drained, but there was something about Gorgug’s easy smile, his earnest way of wanting to help, in whatever way he could, that always made her feel better. “Yeah, I’d really like that. Maybe a movie, too?”
“Yeah, sure. I was thinking, what if you asked Ayda, if she and Zelda are free tomorrow, to teleport to us and hang out on the bus? I don’t know if she has all the spell slots, but she could take a rest in one of the bunks if she needed, and it could be like a double date.”
“That’s a really good idea, Gorgug,” Fig interrupted. “I’ll text and ask her.”
“Awesome,” Gorgug said, smiling proudly. “Is there anything else I can do?”
“I think after some ice cream and some sleep I’ll feel better.” Fig was getting better at telling the truth about how she felt- her friends were good at asking her, which made it easier. “There’s nothing a little ice cream can’t solve, right?” Gorgug chuckled a little, but nodded. If there was one thing all the Bad Kids understood- it was the importance of good ice cream. “But thanks, Gorgug, it means a lot you came to check on me.”
“Sure, Fig. You’re my best friend. I’m always happy to help you with your ice cream problems. I want to make sure you’re doing okay, I know the shows can be a lot for you.” He stood up, brushing dust off his jeans. “Ready to head out? Or do you want me to meet you out by the bus?”
“I’ll meet you at the bus,” Fig said, “I feel bad, but I’m gonna ask one of the security guys to sneak me out instead of going through the stage door. I just really don’t have the energy to meet with fans tonight. Are you going?”
Gorgug shrugged. “Yeah, for a little bit, but I’ll tell them you won’t be out and give them your love, okay?”
“That’d be perfect, Gorgug, thanks.”
Gorgug shrugged again. “No big deal, Fig.” He leaned down and pressed a brief kiss to her forehead- right between her horns. “I’ll see you out there?” She nodded, and he ducked back out the door with a farewell grin.
Fig smiled to herself, already feeling a little better. One of these days, she was finally going to convince Gorgug to take a couple levels in bard- if only so he could finally give people Inspiration. He’d be good at that, she was sure, and he already carried around his drumsticks in his pocket.
Fig shook her head, brushing away her plans for junior year until later. She had more important things to think about: asking Ayda to meet them on the road, what movie she was going to convince Gorgug to watch with her, and what ice cream she was in the mood for. The world still kind of felt like it was bearing down on her shoulders, but she knew she had her friends to help carry the weight.